Musings from the SAHM Front - YouLookFab Forum

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Musings from the SAHM Front

Helena

Veteran

Hi all, apologies if this is repetitive as I think it is picking up on a few conversations ... but just musing about some of what I digested about my style journey during my hiatus.

First off - what I LOVE about YLF (besides the people, of course!) is that it enables me to stay up on what's current and fashionable based on REAL PEOPLE who are beautiful in all their varied, non-airbrushed, real-life glory. So I am grateful to the fashionistas and stylistas who share their outfits and are creative and inspiring and have such fun with fashion! That goes esp. for the moms who prove that mom-hood does not mean a life spent in frumpville and for that I am grateful.

That said, what I've discovered in that the current conventional wisdom around mom style is just not generally true for me. In theory, getting a little dressed up should give a bolster to my self-esteem and remind me that I am more than "just a mom". However, in reality, this just doesn't work for me. I feel better, more motivated to do my job for the day, and honestly more attractive when I dress for the task at hand, which, more often than not, is jeans or yoga pants and a simple hoodie. Trying to work jackets or "interest pieces" into the mix is just a source of stress and another thing to feel inadequate about, and makes my job seem "lesser" by comparison to the life I seem to want to dress for.

Now, you will scarcely catch me without makeup on or in an oversized sweatshirt; I am particular even about my grubs. But in many ways the fashion dictates of the day are designed for a climate, lifestyle, and budget that are simply not mine. I am now very happy to let most of that go - but also glad for the Fabbers who have a different view, if only so that I can still spruce up a little for date night

Anyways, just random thoughts ... for what they are worth!

General

22 replies

Latest reply was from Tania

Alassë

Veteran

I'm always glad to read your thoughts.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I think this goes right back to Angie's reminder to dress for the life you really lead -- and to figure out your own needs and comfort level.

On LisaP's thread I made a comment to the fact that some W-A-H women feel great if they wear a structured sheath dress or a jacket. I actually really like that polished look myself....but after about a year here, realized it wasn't serving me well and I wasn't comfortable in it for my at-home days. I needed something a whole lot more casual.

Nothing wrong with doing it their way; nothing wrong with doing it my way.

I think you can still be polished and well dressed even if you are not doing what the magazines may advise for "perking up" your look. From what I have seen of your style, you allow scarves to do a lot of that work for you anyway, and in our climate they are very useful for warmth.

jackiec

Veteran

Hi TG, I enjoy your thoughts and analysis (and am so happy to see you back - as I mentioned before ). I agree with much of what you're saying. Really, you have to dress for what you do and using what works for you. I've bought casual skirts & dresses with the intention of mixing them into my everyday SAHM life, and although it works in the summer, forget about it in the winter. I always default to my comfiest jeans and tops. I have a crisp white shirt that I've worn exactly twice in two years (but hey it did work for me a couple weeks ago :)). And agreeing that this is a fab, real-life, safe place to come for inspiration & chats.

Elly

Veteran

I don't think that trying to dress for a job you don't have as a SAHM is what the forum encourages at all. I think that jeans in a current cut and a sweatshirt you like is a perfect SAHM outfit. If you wear a belt, pick one that has a cool element. Wear cool sneakers or boots and if your climate requires it wear a coated jean jacket or leather jacket or puffer with a buckle detail over your hoodie and jeans. That is the message I get: do what works for you, but if you wish you could incorporate more overt-style into your outfits, here is an easy way to do it!

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

I agree with Elly...you can still look put together and not among the moms that sacrifice themselves for motherhood. I see so many in Mom Jeans and white running shoes with hooded sweatshirts... Just a few tweaks to current silhouette jeans and so many great flat options and the current trends of sweatshirts or sweaters makes all the difference.

Helena

Veteran

Thanks all for the encourgement and kind words (jackiec, I missed you too!! )
Elly, I'm glad you commented as your comment highlighted that I may have communicated something I didn't intend, for I definitely don't feel that pressure from the forum at all; it's more the world-at-large I am having a go at ... and it would be very true to say I worry far too much about what the world at large has to say (or I think it has to say!). I suppose I get frustrated with various magazines, etc. that hold chic moms doing drop-offs in heels and blazers ("perfect for running errands then dropping into the PTA meeting!") as a balm to the supposed rest of us apparently shlepping around in torn sweatpants and our gigantic husband's university t-shirts. I'd like that middle ground to be better represented at large - those of us who find a way to look quite neat and pretty in our sweatpants! This group IS represented here, which is just part of why I heart this forum so

Helena

Veteran

And, to be clear - rock the hubbie's tee is that works, and rock the heels and blazer if it works!!! Not meaning to criticize anyone else's way, just hunting for some reflection of what works for me in the fashion world ...

Aziraphale

Veteran

Torontogirl, I am so with you that I could have written that post myself.

I spent a decade as a stay at home mother, and for most of that time, I don't remember feeling dissatisfied with my casual clothing choices. I too wore mostly jeans, tee shirts and hooded sweatshirts, albeit nice ones that fit and were not frumpy. I wore Converse or wellies pretty much all the time. I also wore cropped yoga pants in the summers (still do sometimes) and flip flops. What can I say? I was dressed for the job at hand. I would have felt ridiculously inauthentic in a blazer when I wasn't going to an office and was spending a portion of each day at the playground.

Actually, I think that 'authenticity' is the key word. My sartorial choices have always skewed casual, even when I worked as a teacher, so for me, quitting my job and dressing less casually than I did before would have been deeply strange. But for other women -- especially ones who had an office job before motherhood -- I bet it would feel much more authentic to continue to dress up a little.

I will add that I always (OK mostly, lol) kept my hair looking good, and I usually wore makeup, so I never felt like I was 'letting myself go' to motherhood. I also took care of my body as best I could.

Also, I should add that the first few years of stay-at-home motherhood were fun, but by the end I was desperately counting the days until I could do something more. Motherhood has been a wonderful experience for me, but it's not enough. And I definitely noticed in the final two years of staying at home that I was starting to get twitchy about clothes, where I hadn't previously. I wanted to dress for something; I wanted to have somewhere to go. These feelings resolved once I went back to school.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

The Sporty Luxe Trend is extremely well timed, isn't it.

No judgments either way. If you're happy in jeans, tee, hoodie and sneaks when you fetch the kids from school - that's your stylistic right. If you're happy dressing up in heels and dresses when you fetch the kids - that's just as much your stylistic right. Some people enjoy wearing fashionable trends. Others don't. Personal style is just that - personal.

As long as you're happy TG - I'm happy too. xo

Gaylene

Veteran

One of the things I've always liked about the YLF forum was the lack of pressure to follow fashion dictates as expressed by self-styled experts. Just because one person thinks fleece has no place in a stylish wardrobe doesn't mean I have to change what works for ME. Someone who doesn't live my life can offer suggestions based on her knowledge and experience, but, ultimately, I'm the only person who will know what actually will work and what will not.

N-Marie

Veteran

I understand where you are coming from - I WFM with small children and I consider my most important style goal to be making sure that the items that I reach for most often (which often includes a fleece or casual knit sweater and jeans that fit with flat shoes) are well-fitting, in good shape, in a flattering color and relatively current silhouette. I would say that nearly 75% of the days I work from home, I wear this very, very casual uniform: converse, jeans and sweaters/t-shirts.

My next priority is adding in items that can take my style up a notch for days when I am feeling like I have the mental space and time to spend on doing so - these are items that require more thought, and I might reserve for weekend outings, meeting a friend for lunch, a playdate, school drop off when I am going to get out of the car, etc. But honestly, even these newer items have to pass a pretty strict test since I am rarely off "mom duty" - shoes have to be stable and possible to run in, nothing can be so precious that I would be upset if a child drooled, pulled on or spilled food on it, has to have pockets for the random things my kids hand me, have to be able to sit on the ground in it without risking exposure, have to be able to nurse in it, etc. That's a lot of requirements, and it's not surprising that I end up with a consistent uniform that is very low maintenance.
I think it's an interesting exercise to think about who you are dressing for - you? other moms? those you see while running errands? your husband? your kids?

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

This is an interesting read for me. I don't have kids and am still narrowing down my WFH style. But I have realized recently that although most days I truly WFH, and so some nice jeans, a top and a knit blazer with ballet flats are a good choice, some days are less of a 'work from home' and more of a 'work on the home' day. So I need to wear not necessarily grungier clothes, but more casual choices, very practical as far as being able to move, bend, etc. - jeans with a belt, t-shirts, sneakers, so I don't talk myself out of the chores I need to get done. It's not a part of my wardrobe I've given much thought or attention to recently, but I should. (It's probably similar to a lot of people's weekend outfits, but I end up either dressed up a bit to go out on the weekends, or just in my PJs half the day if we're staying home.)

Meredith

Veteran

Even though I'm not a mom, I always follow the mom posts with interest because a lot of my life requires the same movability, washability with clothes. Glad you're figuring out what really works for you and embracing it!

Ariadne

Veteran

High five from a part-time SAHM who's currently wearing skinny jeans, a striped tee, and a (cashmere) hoodie. I'm heading out in a bit and I'll be wearing my Hunters and my MEC rain jacket.

I'm extremely picky about my casual, practical clothes because that's what my life demands 75% of the time. My clothes have to adhere to the same set of requirements N-Marie listed.

My tee is polished, my rain jacket is feminine and flattering, my Hunters are sufficiently current. I'm wearing small earrings (tiny studs that look like bolt heads), my hair is simply styled (and lavender!), and I have my very basic makeup on. Anything fancier would be impractical and restrictive. Yesterday I wore black skinny jeans, a muted black Everlane tee, my beloved leather jacket, and moto boots. Add a scarf and a simple bag and sunglasses when I'm outside and that's basically my fall/winter formula.

I always try to bring in an element of my punk/rock/artist side while staying super practical and machine-washable That keeps me satisfied.

I don't post WIWs much because I'm busy and I'm really content with my basic outfits, but everything I learned I learned here and I'll always love YLF because of it. I will NEVER be a mom who can do pick up in heels and a blazer. I have friends who dress that way and I think they look wonderful. It suits them and their lifestyle. It doesn't suit me (I walk for an hour to do school pick up, for one thing...)

I love dressing up a bit more on the days I work outside the home (two per week). That's when the harem pants and silk blouses come out.

rachylou

Veteran

I like yoga pants and do think there's room for fashion fun with them. There's definitely clever ways to do yoga pants and unclever ways to do them.

shiny

Veteran

My kids are 20 and 22 now. When I was a SAHM (their first 4 years of life) there wasn't any fashionable yoga pants and sportswear. And definitely not for petites. I was quite thin back then too, a children's size 12 fit me pretty much perfectly and loosely.

I recall back then that pastel sweat suits with shoulder pads were all the rage... but it was still difficult to find a sweat suit set that actually fit me, as short as I am. Oh and acid wash jeans with zippers.

I have (very deliberately) lost the photos but Oh. MY. If I could show you.

You could say I developed a fashion allergy back then. I could never pull off these fashions like the taller (i.e., average height) moms on the playground. It was all about fit, I eventually discovered. And that is when petites first started being offered -- but in business wear, not casual wear. So yes, I naturally gravitated in that direction. Lifestyle regardless. I'd rather wear a silk blouse that fits, than a casual cotton top that reaches down to my knees and is 5 inches too long in the sleeves, and just makes me look like I'm a kid playing dress up in mommy's clothes.

I am getting over it, all these years later. I wish I had kept those photos, so you could see a "before" and an "after" to understand exactly what I mean. And why I said screw it, and gravitated towards blazers and silk blouses -- which DID come in petites -- instead. So as not to be mistaken for a kid in Garanimals, instead of a mom.

It is much, much easier now. Although I still whine about lack of petites, it really is MUCH easier. We have numerous options catering towards casual / athletic gear now, and offering petite sizings. We have influx of speciality sizing, even if a season or two late, even if more conservative and not offered in wide array of colors, and if I'm patient, the trends do eventually come around (2015 will be the year I find my drapey pants!!!). And trickle down, even into things like college sweat shirts (I'm wearing one now - not a petite - but it actually fits and better than anything I ever wore in college).

And yeah printed sweat pant jeans. If I'd had those way back then, I'd have LIVED in them!

Ariadne

Veteran

On my way home I was thinking about how little kids create a lot of messy, dirty, physically exhausting work. They just do. It makes perfect sense to dress in clothes that can handle that. When I think of the various substances that end up on my clothes over the course of a day with the kids... yikes.

Neel

Veteran

High five from another SAHM .... I wear track pants and tees for at home work. I feel uncomfortable even in BF jeans when I have to get down and dirty with two little kids who keep spilling and messing the house. It would have been different if kids were older.

But I do have a social life to dress for. That's were I have fun with my clothes :). I love to have some variety in my wardrobe and I like to look polished when I step out of the house even if it is for 15 minutes. With kids, I am restricted to flat shoes and comfortable non restrictive clothing ... But it still needs to be varied :). And I am glad to have found like minded people with a like minded leader on YLF

Dimity

It's really fascinating how important our clothes are in defining or highlighting the roles we play and how we feel we should be/are perceived in these roles. I'm nodding along with you, torontogirl. I feel happiest when I don't have to fuss with clothes and can just get on with the job.

And I agree with you too, Aziraphale. Being an at home mum was a lovely idea, but I am so grateful for the career I've had. I really needed to 'have somewhere to go'.

Quietgirl

Veteran

When you have a busy life with children (I'm thinking little ones with sticky fingers), making sure your clothing is CLEAN is a challenge!

Anonymous

I'm glad you're finding out what works for you and your outfits for your at home life sound great. I love that you pride your personal grooming too. Kudos to you for working out what makes you feel good in your own skin. That's what life is all about.

I work at home and stay at home a lot. I have a fairly minimal social life, yet I love to dress up, so for me I had to ramp up my at home style to keep it comfy as well as dressier for me in order to feel happy with myself. Plus I do see clients in my home too and need to wear some of the garments that I make as an advert for my work. But heck I love to feel dressy and even love fancy dress parties... any excuse :). But what I'm saying is that we all need to be happy with our own 'self'. Nice to have you back on the forum.

Tania

Veteran

I'm a SAHM. I'm currently focused on casual clothes that are more stylish - better jeans, better shoes, nicer sweaters- than what I've worn for several years past. However, these are still in the casual realm. Beyond that, I want to experiment with a few less casual/smart casual items to see if anything speaks to me and whether it makes a difference for me.