Musing on focus - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Shopping

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Musing on focus

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I was looking at my tracking of what I'd been wearing this summer. After a bit it became very obvious my shorts and tanks and tees were what I did wear (no surprise there). And my flat shoes.
I started to think on what I wasn't wearing instead. And why. Specifically. Just started listing items and writing down why. Sequin tanks - itchy, muffin top. Etc.
It reminded me that I'm better served focusing on what isn't getting worn and why so that I don't continue to buy in an area that's not getting use.
Also started rethinking the plugging of wardrobe holes, item by item. I get bogged down in item hunts sometimes. But thinking of a shirt or a skirt in isolation isn't always serving me well, either. I need to shift that focus away from acquisition of items to construction of outfits. After all, you can have the best of the best of each category, but if they don't work together, what have you got, really?
This is probably more than obvious to most of you, but sometimes I need to hit myself over the head with things Also, staying home so much, I frankly am out of practice with putting together outfits daily.
So, yes, my new focus is complete looks, not the perfect "x" to replace one that has worn out. Maybe I don't need another "x" at all and just need to move on

Shopping

36 replies

Latest reply was from Lisa

anne

Veteran

Sounds a very constructive line of thought Mo!

Anonymous

It's an interesting concept, for sure. I was just thinking about this yesterday but from a different perspective: my closet is full of outfits, but many, many of them don't work broken up and worn with anything else. Specific colours that don't work with anything else, patterns and fabrics that are too outfit specific - etc - my determination never to leave a store unless I had a whole outfit in hand led to a closet full of one-use looks.

Does that make any sense? I think maybe what we both are seeing here (although correct me if i'm misunderstanding you) is the value of wardrobe capsules - which is my new thing.

unfrumped

Veteran

Good thinking!
I can relate. Especially with sales, I used to go, oh, this is a great blazer, classic, I'm sure ( I need it; it will go with other stuff). I was amazed eventually to learn that was not working. It helps me to do lots of try- ons to see if something really works. And as you say, to choose an item because of how it makes a great outfit, not how it is in isolation.
It my be more key for me due to proportion issues. Proportions are always part of good style, but frankly, some body types and features( and youth) are more forgiving and some of those folks may be able to follow the mantra, if you love it, you will find a way to make it work. Also that may work better for casual styles snd outfits.

Peri

Veteran

I think this is very smart. I run into trouble when I think of lists of things I should have, based on what others are wearing, what I've admired on other fabbers, what seems like a good idea, what I've read on some must have list, etc.

For instance, I was really hunting hard in the spring for a not too dressy, all purpose dress. Seems like something everyone should have, right? A definite wardrobe hole. What is wrong with me, I don't have a summer dress?! So I found one in late May that I thought was what I needed. And you guessed it...I haven't worn it. And as much as I love the striped VC skirt, I've had it for a month and haven't worn it either.

I'm not feeling too bad about this...neither one was expensive and I like them both and feel happy that I'm prepared. But realizing what I really don't have much need for keeps me from overbuying in this area. Something can show up on every "must have" list and still not be a must have for me.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Peri, yes, that's the kind of thinking I'm talking about.
For instance, I have very few patterns in my tops right now. I might think, "you need a short sleeved pattern blouse and a patterned tank." That's all find and good unless they just don't make any real outfits for me. After all, purged several patterned tanks over the last year or two. Gets me to start thinking maybe I need to fill that hole. OR, maybe I just don't need them and there is no real hole. Ya know?

Anonymous

This is a clever and thoughtful way of shifting your focus Mo. I like the idea very much. I might follow suit and write down thoughts and reasons behind the 'not wearing' of specific items. I also like what Peri said about "must have" items not necessarily being a must have for me

Anonymous

Good thinking Mo. I have been trying not to replace worn out items with close facsimiles. Even if I do find something similar, it's not at good as the old favorite, and often ends up unworn. I'm starting to think I'm better off just looking for something new.

After purging my one and only pair of long shorts/capris, I decided to see if I could do without something in this category. I hadn't been wearing them this Summer, so their absence didn't create any real wardrobe hole. I'm either in a skirt or dress or I need full length jeans to keep warm in the arctic A/C. I can always go out and buy a pair if I really miss them later.

I, too, have gotten all excited about filling holes and checking "must have" items off my list in the past. Maybe it's fun to be on a mission or something. Peri is right. Just because something is a "must have" for someone else, doesn't mean it's a must have for me. Only I can determine what I really wear and what I truly need.

I love your idea about questioning why you aren't wearing some of your clothes. When I did the last of the big closet clean-outs, I wrote down the reasons why I was getting rid of each item so I wouldn't repeat the mistakes. I need to remember to read through that list each time I go shopping because otherwise I've been known to be seduced by a cute on-trend item that is itchy/scratchy/synthetic/DCO and make the same mistakes. Again.

Peri

Veteran

The other reason I fall prey to those lists, and even to wanting the thing I admire on another fabber, I now realize, is some worry that my life isn't good enough! That the way I dress is boring, or not stylish enough. Or, what is wrong with my life that I don't have occasions to wear that dress???! I'm not social enough or I don't have the right hobbies, or I am boring.

I read something the other day about how much money is made off of women's insecurities. That "you must have a crisp white shirt" becoming, "oh wow, something is wrong with me, I need to change my life so that I have use for a crisp white shirt"!

I did come looking for YLF because I wanted to look better...to upgrade my wardrobe. But I need to always remind myself that I want to upgrade my wardrobe for the life I love, not for someone else's.

Like you, Mo, my daily life is a bit outside the norm. The best way to dress to teach piano is smart casual. Current and nice, but not dressed up. That same smart casual does great for the meeting close friends for dinner kind of socializing I do. When I do something requiring dressing up, it is dressing up for ballroom dance...a very different and unique dressy capsule that doesn't translate to regular dress up at all. Those clothes in between, that most people have need for, just don't meet any real needs for me. And there is nothing wrong with that!

Rambling Ann

(website)

Veteran

I think you are completely on to something. Searching for outfit gap glue as opposed to wardrobe hole patches has me on very different shopping missions. It's more of a top-down approach, a harder question to ask ahead of time: what outfit do I want to make? Like a recipe, I want to make a pie, then go get the flour and lard for the crust, the peaches for the filling. No peaches in the store, do I want apple pie instead? Instead of, ooh I found peaches, what can I make? Both ways work, but when I know I'm making a pie, I know how many peaches to buy. And if I make a lot of pies, I know to keep the staples on hand to make that recipe.

Rambling again...but I am trying to ask myself what outfits I need and shop for the ingredients rather than falling for the next pretty I have no idea what to do with. I just ordered this staple blouse for the date night capsule after thinking out about three outfits I want to try with it. We'll see if it works when it comes.

Women Silk Half Sleeve T Blouse

View Info

Top Pick

3

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Peri, so true that we don't all have the same cookie cutter needs those 'must have lists' would have you believe. I came to a realization that my closet needs aren't the norm a while back. I basically don't have weekend clothes and work clothes (beyond jeans and some golf skirts, and some sneakers for my uniform). Instead I have:

stay in
out in the world
going out on the town

This is a simplified version, but at the core, that's really my daily needs boiled down. A helpful realization was to not expect items to cross all boundaries of these categories. Most items will straddle 2 of these 3 categories at most some only fit 1. And that's okay.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Yes, Ann!! I want to start with the outfit needed and then work back to the item to create it. NOT the other way around. For soooo long I got in the mindset of items instead of outfits. Sure, I think of what they might go with, but as a qualifier to get them in the closet, not as the driving reason behind buying that item. I want to flip that.

Jen W

Thank you for articulating this so well. I've been in wardrobe building mode this year and am now starting to reflect on what pieces worked and became workhorses and which sat idle. I think this kind of thoughtful analysis is what takes personal style to the next level. I'm hoping to make the switch from searching for items to creating capsules with pieces that create the outfits I want to wear. Seeing how others bring an item home and try to style it with their existing closet inspires me. Exciting that this is always something new to learn!

AJ

Veteran

I like your shopping epiphany! Makes perfect sense.

The past couple of years, especially when shopping for my dominant season, I've been paying attention to what I don't wear. For S/S, I don't reach for pants nor sleeveless all that much. So even though there are all these FAB boyfriend jeans outfits here on the forum, I know it will not be a staple for me.

However, I did buy white straight leg jeans which does fill a gap in my date night and dressy casual capsule. It's so hard to feel chic in the summer but somehow my white jeans add that polish without seeming stifling hot.

Definitely the way an item makes me feel both in the tactile and visual sense, has been new shopping parameters for my dominant season.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Wow, can I relate to all of this!

I've been taking some mental note of the pieces that are going unworn this summer: any fluid tops that don't work semi-tucked, my old khaki shorts, even some of my dresses. Platform wedges are on the decline too. But I don't need to replace them -- I already have! I have other things that work better for me now. I've had some times when I've been so single-minded about replacing an X that I've failed to realize that I've simply moved on from the X, to the Y.

I know some people who shop for outfits, not items. I've never been one of those people. But I have become much better about choosing items that work well with what I already have. Getting more familiar with the silhouettes that work best for me has really helped.

I need to print out this quote and stick it on my credit cards: "I need to shift that focus away from acquisition of items to construction of outfits."

Anonymous

I should have quietly read more, and thought more, before jumping in with an early reply here. I think I misunderstood what you were getting at - and now I see:) Still a very interesting thread - and totally enjoyed reading all of the comments. I'm still a ways away from figuring out how to do this myself - as I feel my wardrobe is a big disconnected mess and needs a lot of sorting out. I do like the idea of taping the note to the credit card though

shedev

Veteran

I never need anything on must have lists. Most people would scratch their heads at the things on my must have list. I was good at purging all the ill fitting thrift store finds, but now I'm looking at stuff that is current, fits well and I do like but have a lot of trouble styling to my persona. Since the items are current, I've been consigning some things lately. But first, I try to figure out why the item isn't working for me.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I love the idea of thinking in terms of outfits. Or silhouettes, which can be similar.

I'm also really trying hard to track my practical, real life needs. The sandals I wear are the low wedge metallic sandals. The shoes I wear less often are the pretty but less stable Okalas. I actually do need both in my wardrobe -- and the Okalas proved good value.

But I do not need another pair like the Okalas. Whereas I actually could use and would use another pair similar to the low wedge gladiators. Important information for next year's shopping. Meanwhile, like Janet, I am ready to banish the platforms. But I don't need new platforms. I need whatever practical sandal will keep my look current NEXT YEAR.

I used to be a real "item" shopper and I tended to think far too much about colour. If the colours harmonized I believed it all should "go" together. And then I would be mystified when the proportions made it all wrong. Thinking in terms of silhouette has really helped me make some progress there.

Most of my unworn or less worn pieces this summer are items that did not work in the weather we had (it's been an unusually cool summer), or items that no longer feel current due to cut.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Back from my swim. Yes, I didn't elaborate, but a lot of my reasons in the 'not worn' column were weather related, some were needing alterations (I don't trust anyone here so that means a wait until Tahoe, ugh), and too dressy for my daily lifestyle. Suz, like you, I do still want and need a few of these dressier than my daily doings, but I don't need MORE. I need more of what I put on every day going about my life.
And I so relate on the color search. I'm going through it right now with white shorts actually. I know my old Bermudas need to go. The rise is too low. I just don't want to rush to 'plug that hole' as I always have, only to find I didn't think it through. (I ordered Madewell BF's but they made me look like I had man parts so they went right back lol). Now I am torn between just waiting until next year and trying some more offerings. But am I just focusing again on 'the hole' instead of what outfit I"m missing in particular with no white shorts? I dunno . . .

Urbanfae

(website)

This discussion has been incredibly helpful to me. I'm just beginning to take a real interest in fashion and after reading this discussion, I can see how I've been making the same mistakes over and over again. I also completely understand about feeling my life is boring. I expect most people would see it that way, lol. However, it's a perfect match for me.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Deciding on (& limiting) colours & silhouettes before I buy has been revolutionary for me. So far I've bought two pairs of pants & two tops & they work with most of my current spring/summer wardrobe. In the past I've been all over the place - just buying what I love or what I thought I needed. In my case, shopping like that didn't make for a functional wardrobe

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Outfits not items is a great catch phrase to keep in mind while shopping or planning Mo. I have learned to save myself from many temptations by asking myself how would I wear this and with what. Especially important while thrifting, I keep in mind what I don't need: more straight jeans, more blouses and what I would like: shorter tops to wear with high waisted culottes for one!

Gigi

Veteran

This is very good thinking, Mo! I like how Rambling Ann put it: outfit gap glue. In general, I try to wait until I feel a desire for some kind of item in my heart rather than just put something on a checklist to cross off. The one thing that I did keep on the checklist without really "wanting" it was a pair of nude heels, but that was because I knew that I had no lighter-colored shoes in my closet, and eventually I would have an outfit that needed a lighter-colored shoe. Sure enough, that happened, and I was prepared because I had already purchased the shoes.

I just finished putting my wardrobe into an Excel spreadsheet, and I did exactly what you are talking about: looked at the items that aren't getting worn and asked why. I found out that for me, the three biggies were bad fit, a too-young look (meaning reading a little teeny-bopperish), and wrong style.

Whenever I buy an item, I try it on with whatever else is in my wardrobe, to see how it will work with other items. If it doesn't work with other things, I decide whether I like the item enough to hunt for pairings or whether I want to take the item back. Sometimes the item is a new style direction for me, in which case I very well might need to hunt for additional pairings.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

When shopping with Sveta she challenged me to the "3 outfit" test. Can I come up with 3 outfits that I would like to wear with this item I'm considering? That I WOULD wear? Where and when would I wear them? How often?

I do think it's okay to have some items in the closet that work only in one or two outfits. Special occasion wear -- that's obvious. Although some of it might get pulled into everyday outfits with some ingenuity, I don't think we should HAVE to figure out how to do that.

But we might have a special top that we really only wear in combination with one jacket or pair of pants....and that is okay, as long as we love it and do wear it in that combination. As long as we don't have orphans....

Outfits not orphans....

In other words, I don't think every item has to pass the 3 outfit test. There can be room in a moderate closet for a few single-use items. But every item should fit into at least ONE outfit.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

. . . and make it onto our bodies and OUT THE DOOR into the world Not just hang prettily in the closet suggesting what 'could be'.

Sal

Veteran

Interesting thread!! I can relate to this - I think I want tan replacement casual sandals but maybe I need white birkenstocks. After all what I want is comfortable summer airy shoes that I can wear with a variety of casual outifts and walk for good periods of time in...
I

Jeanie

Veteran

Yes, Yes! I totally agree. I have lots of pieces but when I go to wear them, I am realizing that I don't have outfits. If you buy a cool new skirt but don't have a shirt or shoes to make it work then you won't be wearing that new skirt. Now I keep a list of what I still need to make outfits work. It has been rewarding to find a piece and put the outfit into action.

fuzzylogic

Veteran

Great idea, Mo! Shopping in terms of outfits works for me. No orphaned items. Sometimes I see a linear progression through an outfit that leads to a (small) capsule!

Lyn D.

Veteran

Caro makes a good point about limiting the colour palette in order to ensure that a new item will play well with what we currently own.
I really think that 1-in-1-out also goes a long way to help avoid items that may not be as useful as we imagine.
And, as you say Mo- pieces must actually leave the house- and make us happy to be truly successful

Melaine

(website)

Such a helpful thread!

12