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Mum with Arthritis

Neel

Veteran

My mum met the orthopaed today. He has diagnosed her with Stage 2 osteoarthritis in her left knee. She was also being treated for Vit D deficiency in the past year. Arthritis runs in my family.

I am heartbroken and I am only now composing myself. She is my pillar of strength. A part of me is unable to accept that she is getting older. She is 57. I am not even close to her to help her through this. The fact that this will only get worse and the only real cure is 'managing' the pain makes it all the more scary for me.

She has been given a set of exercises and diet to follow. She works full time and her travel route is pretty hectic (1.5 hour one way in buses and trains). She would be quitting her job soon but it might take a few more months.

I know many of you here are my mum's age if not more. And I know I can rely on this community for helpful advice through their experience or someone else's. Is there anything that will help delay the progress of this disease? Footwear/exercise/diet/medication that you found helpful? How do I advice my mum? Right now I just messed it up more by bawling into the phone. And my mum ended up comforting me. Shouldn't it be the other way round? I feel like a baby right now.

I will stop .... I am rambling.

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14 replies

Latest reply was from Neel

Anonymous

First off, there are treatments for osteoarthritis -- they have partial knee replacements now, that aren't as major as a full knee replacement and don't preclude getting knee replacements later. They often recommend the partial replacement first, and then a full replacement 10-15 years later.
Exercise like aquafit and swimming can be helpful to keep her moving but reduce weight-bearing.

So sorry you are feeling so stressed and panicked about this. I hope you are feeling better soon.

Neel

Veteran

Thank you Ceit. I am researching on aquafit now. She has been told about a possible knee replacement surgery if things deteriorate. I would also mention to her about partial knee replacement (Indian medical systems do not reveal everything to patients unless they ask).

I have never dealt with issues of life so to speak. Always have turned to my mum for everything. Now when the roles are slowly reversing, I am unable to come to terms with it and get a grip. I know I should be glad that she has been blessed with good health so far. And this is not something life threatening. But seeing my mum lose mobility of any kind will be hard.

Echo

Veteran

Osteoarthritis is VERY common, and about 2/3 of people 65 or over have signs when x-rays are taken. My mum had osteoarthritis in her fingers for decades before experiencing hip pain, and she lived with worsening hip pain for over 5 years before it became unbearable. My point here is to assure you that this type of arthritis is found in most people at some point.

My mum had a total hip replacement a little over a year ago now. It was hard to see a parent go through this, and I was the one with her in the hospital and helping her at home afterward. But within about a month post-op, she was self-sufficient and improving tremendously, and now she is more active than before. So it was hard to go through for her and for me, but it was a great thing in the long run. They recommend that a person manage the pain (while staying as active as possible) for as long as possible, and then partial or full joint replacement becomes an option. And there are people in their 40's who have had total knee replacements and are more active than ever.

So I understand your fear and where you are coming from. I've been there. But of all the diagnoses a person can have, osteoarthritis is actually not so bad. It can be managed through PT and surgery, and it does NOT have to permanently impact a person's mobility or quality of life. Hang in there because it WILL be okay, even if she and her medical team decide on surgery at some point in the future.

Neel

Veteran

Thank you so much Echo. Your post really helped me relax and I just heaved a huge sigh of relief. I can at least dwell in the fact that this is not the worst and that she would be up and running again. Hopefully I would grow up (!) and help her through it instead of being a baby and causing more stress.

carter

Veteran

I totally agree that it sucks watching parents age! However, all things considered, arthritis is much more manageable than so many other things. My dad had a shoulder and both hips replaced. He was fine for years and years until another much more hideous disease caught up with him. My stepmom has had her hip replaced and has had no complications from it. She's having cortizone shots in ther knees now so she can postpone surgery until after she gets back from a nature cruise through the Galapagos! She'll likely have surgery early Fall so she'll be good to go on an African cruise in December. Needless to say, arthritis hasn't slowed her down much!

Perhaps your mom could ask her doctor about cortisone shots and anti-inflammatories to keep the joint swelling down. Needling/acupuncture and ultrasound treatments also helped my arthritic toe. PT can help her strengthen her core and check her balance. We tend to favor the side that hurts, so she's likely "out of alignment". Working on this now will help keep back pain away.

LACeleste

Veteran

Hi Neel,
I wanted to give you support and echo the sound advice of the others. My Dad has some years on your Mom and had a knee replacement 4 years ago and came though it beautifully. His docs really believe that as far as mobility is concerned, "Use it or lose it" is a sound philosophy to follow. I believe my Dad's daily walking program (moderate) has done a lot to manage pain and stiffness. He feels really good most of the time and yes he can keep up with young grandchildren. He was holding batting practice with my 7 year old nephew yesterday and enjoying every minute of it.

ETA: My Dad also enjoys swimming. Helps him feel great.

Oh--I have to add that he lives in Princeton NJ and is subject to some really harsh winters. Climate matters a lot so this is in your Mom's favor.

You are a wonderful daughter with a huge heart. It's natural to be concerned but this is manageable Neel.

viva

Veteran

It's so hard as out parents age, particularly our mothers if we are close to them. Although the details are different and my mother is now much older, I'm really right there with you, Neel.
Thinking of you xxxxx.

deb

Veteran

My husband had his right knew replaced two years ago and will have the left replace this winter. Having the replacement was the best thing he did. He cannot kneel on the knee but is able to do everything else. He is playing 36 holes of golf today and played 18 yesterday. The most important thing after the surgery was to do the required exercises.

MsMaven

Veteran

My right knee started bothering me on a trip ten years ago. It still hurts to go down stairs. I had it both knees X-rayed and it did show osteoarthritis in both, but the left never bothers me. I have gone years with no symptoms as long as I don't squat too far, or kneel. Or dig with a shovel. I'm a gardener and this part is hard. I suspect I am at stage 2.

Recently I tried doing some yoga again because of very tight muscles, especially in the thigh. Back with the knee problems.

I think nearly all of us get some kind of osteoarthritis as we get older. We have to follow directions, do strengthening exercises, and try to find alternate activities.

My younger sister has always been a dancer and very athletic. She loved ballet and when she was 18 or so was accepted into Ballet West Dance Company. She worked hard and injured a groin muscle and that was the end of that. Nevertheless she's danced, ran, skied, hiked and went swimming. And got into yoga. Two years ago she had knee replacement on the old knee injury. At first it was horrifically painful, but she got through it and is doing very well. She can bend her knees more than I can. She's happy and thrilled with her two adorable grandkids--two boys. I love crawling around on the floor playing cars and dinosaur wars with my grandkids. Okay, sometimes I have to call for help to get back up on my feet--but that means I need to pay more attention to those core exercises.

We all are prone to problems as we get older. I want to encourage you to not get upset or discouraged. Listen to your Mom and take her concerns seriously, but encourage her.

When my Mom was 57 she was diagnosed with colon cancer. She had surgery, but no radiation or chemo. (This was decades ago.) She lived a full life to age 93--plenty long enough to enjoy her great-grand-kids.

I want to encourage you to be a positive support for your Mom. As they say, aging isn't for sissies. At times it is a delicate balance for a child to face their parents' aging, but that is all a part of life. We learn to appreciate different things.

Enough rambling,
MsMaven aka Susan age 72

Peri

Veteran

I'm just going to add some support and to echo the others. Osteoarthritis is waiting for most of us. I have some. It is just wear and tear and is extremely common. The fear you may be feeling may be related to some thoughts of rheumatoid arthritis, which is not age related and is much more severe and degenerative. It is easy to hear arthritis and think the worst but there are many different kinds and osteo is not an autoimmune disorder. It's just time.

The best thing she can do is keep her strength up...muscle tone and balance exercises. Strong muscles will help support the joints and if she does have knee replacement she will recover faster and better if she is fit. She should see a PT as soon as possible, they can really help a lot.

I suspect your main fear and sadness is to see your mom age. I know we can all relate to that. It is really good that you two are so close. You will both be okay.

Anonymous

Neel, you sound very close to your mum just as I am. Treasure that feeling

Lots of good advice has already been said and I can't add much as I'm not overly familiar with the condition. But I do agree with the benefits of staying active where possible. It must have been a shock to start with, but now you can be armed with more knowledge and help your mum. ((Hugs)) to you.

elpgal

Veteran

I am 35 and already have some osteoarthritis and knee pain along with Vit D deficiency. The advice given to me was PT and strength training. My mom in India is around the same age as yours and has the same problem. She was advised to lose some weight, exercise and take supplements. Her knee does not bother her when she follow her doctor's advice. My challenge is in making sure she does :).

kkards

Veteran

No advice. But just wanted to say, I undertand how hard it is to see a parent age. And how much harder it is to do it from afar. Just remember even as she's aging, she's still your mom, and she will continue to comfort you even if you think it should be the other way around. That's what moms do.

Neel

Veteran

First of - Thank you for taking the time to reply. Reading the information and experiences has helped me get a grip of the situation. I no longer feel panicked and helpless. I really really appreciate your help in this regard.

Carter - Your stepmom sounds like my mum. Always living life king size :). I am so glad to hear her life wouldn't be slowed down.

LaCeleste - Walking is something that my mum is doing too. She can't swim, so that might not be possible. I love the 'Use it or Lose it' philosophy. Easier to make my mom understand. Your dad sounds like one passionate grandpa

Viva - Thank you for understanding. I did read your message, and felt sorry for you. But I had nothing to add. But I fo relate and I wish you all the luck and patience.

Deb - Messages like yours really help me to understand that , this is not the end. There is still life left for my mum. I just want her to be what she was before this struck her. Thank you assuring me it can happen. Your husband truly sounds like a fantastic man.

Ms Maven - Very heart warming stories. Thank you for sharing them with me. I promise I will be stronger and help my mum get through this. It's a blessing to be able to play with great grand kids isn't it? :). Your mum was a true fighter and you are too.

Peri, Diane and Kkards - Thank you for chiming in. You are right in that the thought of losing mum is more scary. I have laid rest to those thoughts now and have decided to be stronger. Mums are such strong personalities aren't they? She stood by me in my toughest times just comforting and being positive. I now understand how hard that is.

Elpgal - I understand that challenge so well! Thankfully she has a DIL who is equally concerned about her and reminds her to take care of herself everyday :). In that way I am blessed that my brother and SIL are there to look over things. I have already started taking bit D supplements and being active in general. I know I would be affected at some point too take care!