My mum is 83 and was just recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Unfortunately, after numerous normal mammograms in her 70s, she put them off and didn't go in regularly, so the tumor was sizeable.

She had a mastectomy, taking some of the underlying muscle and two lymph nodes. The lymph nodes contained cancerous cells, but very few. The good news is that her tumor is very slow-growing and highly estrogen receptive - HER2 negative. She is only about three weeks out from surgery, so they will wait until she is further healed before beginning radiation treatment, which will be daily for about 6 weeks. Then she will begin anti-estrogen medication.

The doctor is positive, and says this is something she will die with, not die from. I am so angry she needs to go through this, especially at her age, but I am also trying to look on the bright side. The cancer could be far more invasive and fast-growing, so she's lucky in that regard.

And at age 83, something is bound to take you out eventually. I know that. She knows that. Realistically, she has been preparing to die for years - cleaning her house (especially attics and the basement), getting updates done to make the house more sellable, consulting with an attorney and having a trust made, making an advanced medical directive. She even has her own obit written and her own funeral arrangements made and paid for. But it is SO HARD to watch your parents age. My dad passed when I was 16, so I was too young to really have had the chance to know him the way I would have wanted. I have been trying to have the conversations with my mum about her life and the stories I want to hear, but it is almost paralyzing knowing time is limited (it always is, but it is easier to deny when one's parents are in good health).

I don't really have a point in posting. I'm just constantly preoccupied with how she is doing and, selfishly, if I will be able to handle everything when she passes (I am executor of the will, the person on the trust, and will be handling everything). My older sister is extremely overbearing and will want to take over, doing things the way she wants instead of how mum wants, so I will need to be mindful to preserve mum's wishes. She will also be unhappy that my mum has granted me an additional (small) percentage of the estate as compensation for not only being executor, but also for being there for her surgery and recovery and taking her to all her appointments. Not only is my sister out of state, but she also rarely stopped to visit my mum even when she was in the area over the last ten years. And then she refused vaccination for Covid, and my mum - understandably - now doesn't feel safe around her.

Adulting is just no fun. I want to turn the clock back.