Moving the style goalposts (with new pics) - YouLookFab Forum

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Moving the style goalposts (with new pics)

aloha emily

Thanks to Angie’s work with me, I now have a closet full of gorgeous pieces that reflect my style goals and are practical for my lifestyle. And yet each morning I’m tempted to reach past all those lovely items and choose the least dressy, oldest pieces of clothing to wear. The clothes I love most can feel too special, too fancy, or too exhausting to put on (none of my clothes are exhausting to put on- it’s a mental thing). I know from experience that if I force myself to dress a little better, I will quickly get used to feeling great and refuse to settle for less- my goalposts will move. I made the shift with my casual errand-running clothes. Now I want to do it with the rest of my wardrobe. Any suggestions for pushing myself to dress up?

Some successful strategies I’ve used include putting the clothes I want to avoid in harder to reach drawers/hangers and keeping the nicer stuff front and center. I’ve also kept a calendar and marked each day I’m successful, with the goal of a several day streak of consistency. I think might try setting out my whole outfit the night before and not allowing myself any other option in the morning. I know once I do a week or two of dressing up, my standards will shift!

Would love to hear other ideas!

Dressing

24 replies

Latest reply was from rachylou

salt-sea

I don’t have personal experience with this particular goal, but I wonder if an approach I do find successful with meal planning might work. Meal planning has many similar characteristics to dressing, after all: somewhat subject to changing bodily needs & activities on a given day, can be mood-driven, can be aspirational vs habit driven. So borrowing from what has worked there I’d plan out just a few days and strictly adhere to it, even if you mix and match among those few days based on whim.

LJP

Veteran

My take on this is that you know "how" to do it, but need to figure out why you are somewhat resistant. (do I not "deserve "this? do I not feel right in these clothes? will someone comment? will I get them dirty and ruin them? etc) Forcing the issue until it becomes habit is all fine , but I'd be tempted to get to the bottom of the issue. That's my psych 101 take for the day

phoebe

Maybe the phrase "dressing up" is too fraught, and try thinking more just "wearing the clothes I bought"?

And maybe try wearing them around the house to break them in, discover any fit issues and reduce the preciousness factor

Vildy

Veteran

I'm a regular closet editor but one thing I notice, a la your "too exhausting" decision, is that when I have worn something seldom, it automatically lodges itself in my mind and there is a reason, such as it is uncomfortable or fussy. This is totally made up, as I find out when I try it on.

unfrumped

Veteran

I agree with Lisa, but you may not get more insights until you wear some things.

Are all the "new" things made to go only together, or do they mix with older more "comforting" items? You could try mixing things up, and so set up a wear-me plan for one item at a time. So that means pre-selecting a couple of outfits, perhaps temperature-based options,put them in a separate section or on a hanger right in front. When doing that I might not worry to much about the final outfit (well, just a bit, such as super-clashing), but focus on how the one item feels, how it wears (wrinkles or whatever) and whether it needs "maintenance" of any kind after one wear. A shirt, a knit top, pants, shoes. Also wear in low-stakes situations--around the house, sure, but grocery store, post office and the like. Or wear some of it just browsing in a clothing store, not to buy something but again to see how you feel. See if you want or need to change out of it once at home and if so, why. Of course I do that for going out in the yard to dig in dirt, but like to see whether, if doing simple indoor things, I feel compelled to change into loungewear, or would stay in same pieces and go ahead and cook dinner or work on computer or whatnot.

rachylou

Veteran

I do find reachability determines a lot. I have deep, old-fashioned, turn-of-the-century closets. If it’s not in the front, I can’t be bothered most days. I’m a dress in five sort of person. I hung waterfall hangers on the closet doors and additional storage at the foot of the bed. I will rotate what’s there in two-week increments… I also find the seasons seem to progress in two-week increments, calling for slightly different things.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Emily, you have come a long way, and I am very proud of you

This is not an uncommon challenge, actually!

My 2 cents:

Give yourself permission first of all! You are worth it. And you shan't ruin your clothes! If they need a wash after one wear - that's sooooo okay! The clothes are there FOR YOU. Not the other way round.

Your dressier clothes are fussier to launder. Wovens that need pressing for example. That can be a deterrent. Make sure the ironing pile does not get too high - or take things to be professionally cleaned once in a while. You've earned it

Remember how much better you feel about life and yourself when you wear your gorgeous clothes! Continue tapping into those feelings. Listen to them.

Practice makes perfect! Set yourself a smaller goal. Wear your newer dressier clothes twice a week. Then work to three times a week. Then to four. Form a habit. YOU ARE WELL ON YOUR WELL!! Your strategies are clever and commendable!

Let me reiterate that you have the very best attitude and outstanding positive body image. You are a role model to many, and especially your teens at home.

I'm cheering you on from the side lines!

Sal

Veteran

I think setting aside an outfit the night before is a good idea. I don’t always do this but I do either for important work days or when I want to wear a particular piece.

I think habits are powerful - they take a few weeks to build.

Well done on spending the time with Angie and on a new wardrobe - that is worth celebrating!!

cjh

(website)

Veteran

This is kind of a good problem to have, in my mind. I can say I will avoid wearing something new and “special” simply because then I might not have anything else new and special. So I preserve that one, or more than one. I’m not sure how to solve it.

Anonymous

Lots of good advice here and lucky to spend time with Angie! Would it help to make reasons to wear the new things- going to a nice restaurant, an event, or meeting with friends?

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

My idea is along the lines of suntiger's. I find that on the days I schedule a get-together with a friend, I dress a little better than on days that I don't have that encouragement. The friends I'm thinking of do enjoy style, or at least they appreciate my style, so I know whatever effort I put in will not go unnoticed.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I can identify with this to a degree...especially if I am not going much of anywhere, I can fall back to wearing what comes most quickly to hand or to choosing outfits that don't take any effort.

To add to the great advice you've already received:

Make sure you've done some outfit creation sessions with the new things so you know how to wear them in different weather conditions/ situations. That will mean you are prepared.

To add to Angie's idea of wearing them a few times a week, and along the lines of what Suntiger and Sharon say -- pick (or make up) specific occasions for the wearing, i.e. a weekly "date night" (even if it is at home) or a "outing with teens." If you are doing some sort of business presentation or will be front facing in any way, that is another big reason to pull out the new things and enjoy them!

Dee

Veteran

Oh I can identify with this myself as I tend to rely on my old favourites for everyday wear, but I also do as Sharan suggested and dress up more when meeting friends or going to appointments and I like the other suggestion of mixing some of your newer pieces with some of your old standards just so you get used to wearing them.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Lots of excellent advice on this thread. Sometimes you just have to push yourself the first few times to create a new habit. Psych yourself up the night before, but don't punish yourself if you don't manage - it is supposed to be fun!

aloha emily

Thank you so much for great advice and strategies!

Salt-sea, meal planning is actually a great comparison! I’ve never thought about it.

Phoebe, I like the rephrasing. I’ve heard that east coast Americans are afraid of underdressing and west coast Americans are afraid of overdressing. I’m a west coaster, and it’s very true for me. “Wearing the clothes i bought” is helpful!

Vildy, suz, dee and unfrumped- you’re right, time spent creating outfits, incorporating one piece at a time, and road testing them around the house could be very helpful. I have trouble making time for trying on clothes once I buy them, and need to remember that is time well spent. OftenI’ll reach for something, find that I don’t have the right undies/top/accessories to make it work or that I need to iron/mend/spot clean and then it’s marked in my mind as “difficult”. Outfit sessions when I’m not on my way out the door and have some time to solve the problems would help a lot.

aloha emily

LJP & CJH- definitely some thinking about the why behind my hesitance is a good idea, and one of the whys is because before Angie, I definitely was afraid I would never find anything special again! Now I have much more confidence in my ability to be happy with what I have and to find good things over time.

Racheylou, Jamie & sal- agreed! Habits take time to build- I need to enjoy the ride and use all the tools I can, including convenience!

Suntiger & firecracker- thinking about special events is also helpful- thank you! I own a small business and never know when I might meet a new client, so I can frame almost any outing as an event worthy of dressing for.

Angie- THANK YOU for all the time and guidance you have invested in me! To quote you, enclothed cognition is real!!

Yes, I need to figure out ironing. I’m terrible at it . Aiming for upgraded out fits twice a week is a nice, achievable goal to start with. And feeling good is so addictive- I’m sure I’ll be bumping up to most days quickly!

Thank you all again!

LaPed

Veteran

What a great question, and lots of great responses! I've really enjoyed reading this thread.

The big game-changer for me has been giving myself permission to change during the day, whether I'm at home or out in the world. If I can only pick one outfit for the day, it ends up being the one that can tolerate the most roughing-up. My days often involve activities like: a six-mile trail run, leading a preschool nature class, or pulling raspberry canes for my elderly neighbours. If I only dress for those activities; I'll never wear my nice clothes. But if I choose dressier outfits, it won't be long before I have no nice clothes left (knitwear and raspberry canes -- big no-no)! So I try to put together a smart-casual outfit for school drop-off/any indoor classes I'm teaching/other indoor work gigs, and bring a lightweight, easy-to-pack running/hiking/gardening outfit so that I won't have to "miss out" on any opportunities during the day. I don't do it 100% of the time, but when I manage it, I'm generally happier with the results than I am when I try to split the difference.

Echo

Veteran

I very much agree with your idea of setting out an outfit the night before. I find that I have been dressing much nicer and feeling less stressed in the morning when I do this. Sometimes I plan everything down to the jewelry and shoes, sometimes I have two options for each in my head, and other days, I wait to see how warm it is and whether I'll be wearing hosiery or not or not plan accessories at all. That way you can still "wiggle" the outfit, but the actual clothing is set.

unfrumped

Veteran

What LaPed said, only I can almost always changed at home.

It’s probably different if you go to work for a full day, which I used to do. Then it was clear I wore “ work clothes “ and changed into “ something else” at home.

Now I might do several different things at home and some are quite outdoorsy/ dirty, so I would never wear even sorta nice things for that.

So, I have and must have closet organized with several hooks for ongoing wear items and also my hanging space has to be “ calm” enough to easily re- hang some trousers or nice top that I only wore to church or out to lunch or something ( and depending on if is hot summer/ sweaty ). So I anticipate and plan for being able to change easily into a “ better” outfit and then to change into grubbies for gardening or to relax into loungewear for cooking dinner ( which may be regular type clothes but comfy fabrics, joggers, knits, loose linen shirts, softer shoes) .
They HAVE to be easy to get to and to put away or to toss in laundry. There is some crossover, but some things are identified as specific use, are in specific zones of closet or cubbies or hooks.

rachylou

Veteran

… And case in point today: I went to the SF Decorator Showcase. I wanted to wear my clean white puma sandals and a tunic-length sweater for that athleisure luxe look. I looked at my closet… and shut the door. Lol! Wore a marc jacobs short jumper because it was already out and a pair of yet to be worn sketchers because they were there in their bag still

Bijou

Veteran

For me it is a deliberate act of wearing the new item. At the beginning of the year, I bought this belt and was a bit concerned that it may be too much to wear regularly despite loving it (the buckle is about 3 inches high). I made a decision that I would wear it for 3 days in a row. The first day it felt conspicuous, but after day 2, it morphed into being "a belt that I wear". I now wear it about 3 days a week and it is a favourite wardrobe item - no special occasion required. I'm really glad that I am enjoying it because there was no point in buying it if I would not wear it.

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Star

Veteran

Love your advice Bijou.

aloha emily

Bijou, that’s so true! I definitely feel more comfortable with items after the first wear. I’ll set some goals on wearing something three days in a week to overcome the feelings of conspicuousness.

LaPed and unfrumped- yes! Permission to change clothes is freeing. I often need to change five or six times in a single day.

I’m updating with some photos of successfully upgraded casual looks (thanks to Angie!)

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rachylou

Veteran

Oh gosh! So cute! Ok. Now I’m soooo curious as to where you and Angie went shopping…?!