My kids are too young for me to have the wisdom to helpfully comment, but I hope you feel better soon and get some sleep, Alaskagirl. I do remember some of this stage with my 5 brothers. I was in charge of tutoring them in some subjects and that got hard. They definitely benefitted from spending more time with our dad, plenty of good food and hard exercise, and from having male tutors as they tried to grow up into men. They were more dramatic and moody than my sisters and I, heh. They are much more likable as young adults than moody 12-14 yr. olds they used to be.

As a family of 3 with a twenty something year old now I remember grade 5 being a particularly difficult one academically. Combined with a teacher whose teaching style was the worst match in the world didn't help.
I remember the gym portion of school was basically invisible and with boys who were at the age where they needed more of it after a particularly hard class it wasn't ideal. I'm not sure if this is the case at your school but at most the active portion of school drops off a great deal just when they need it the most.
On the food front we've always been very healthy eaters. His friends not so much and it was a personal fight for him at this age really wanting the fruit and cheese while his friends ate chips and cookies.
It won't take you long to figure out his needs Una I'm sure.

AG, I recommend this book :

"Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?": A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager"

http://www.amazon.com/Life-Fir.....38;qid=141

This book gets recommended to most parents at our elementary school usually in 5th grade. It is awesome and really helped me deal with my daughter, in particular. It is written for both gender pre-teenagers, so don't let the title dissuade you. Good luck !

Isabel, thank you for the book rec! All reading recs are welcome!

I got to spend the day with DS yesterday and we had the chance to talk a bit. He confessed that he is dreading "Human growth and development" this year. So I told him yes, it could feel embarrassing but it is all stuff he probably wants to know. Then because he started asking about sex and babies, I had to give him The Talk! He did the whole thing with a pillow over his face but he asked me lots of questions, some very adorable ("is there a more appropriate way to have kids?!?").

Then I told him I would get him a book about teens and bodies that he could hide under his bed if he wanted and read when he felt like it. We went to the bookstore but I couldn't find anything that seemed right for his age - they were all too old for him. I did find one book for boys and we bought that. Then last night as we were cuddling he told me he read some of it and thought it was helpful.

Does anyone have a book recommendation for something I could give to him that explains sex and pregnancy etc but not too much? Some of the books had chapters on rape and sexual abuse that I don't think are necessary - right now we are just after some basic comprehension. He also told me he heard people get in trouble for laughing in the class, even though sometimes it's out of embarrassment. So the more familiar he is with what they will learn, hopefully the more confident he will be.

AG, the author of the following book did one for girls for the American Girl company. I gave it to my daughter last year. It is wonderful.

Oh wow. Just catching up on this thread... As another tight knit family of three - with our only being an 11 yr old 5th grade (also night owl) boy, I see I'm in very good company! I can identify with all of this, and am loving the wisdom from all of you! I don't have much to add other than that mine has been moody since age two and Heaven help us if that gets worse! I am definitely seeing a number of changes this year... He has also very recently and suddenly developed an interest in cars as well. I thought it was pretty random, but didn't think of it as developmental. So interesting! Something that I read talked about the importance of having a strong community of men/boys surrounding them to show them the ropes and teach them, and it also talked about the importance of struggle and pain. As his mom, I want to protect him from hardship, but it was a good reminder to me let him battle some things out and feel proud of struggling accomplish things the hard way.

Been there. Done that x 2! Agree with those who recommend food and sleep.

#2 was particularly down in the dumps around 11, in some part around the car thing. Due to a vision impairment, a drivers license is out of the question and he figured it out around 11.

Once a week I brought him to a big empty parking lot and spent an hour letting him drive circles and figure 8's, and backing up, and anything else I could teach him. After about 6 weekends of this, he got it out of his system (after all, how many 11 year olds got to actually drive a car?) and moved on to other interests.

FWIW, in their 20's they can both still be growly when they don't get enough food or sleep.

STW, the car thing is so funny. He and I have always shared a love of animals, and he never got the whole playing with toy cars thing. Now he's into the grown up cars and trucks, though!

Thankfully we do have a strong group of friends with great husbands who are role models for their kids - fishing, camping, burning things, all the things that boys love to do.

Una sounds like you had a really precious time with your young man:) I can't recommend any reading materials at this point and most of what I would read would be faith based and I appreciate that might not suit you. I have found talking has been the best avenue. We have also had the talk this year and covered quite a few topics. We tend to address them as they come up.

We do have a book that I have used with M11 since he was about 4 or 5 which is a children's book called 'Everyone Has A Bottom" which is designed to help children protect themselves from sexual abuse. It teaches them that "from my head to my toes, I say what goes". It is an excellent method for teaching children that no one else has a right to their bodies. Very clever book. It uses all the correct words for body parts and one night when my best friend (who at the time was not a mum) was babysitting, M11 asked he she would read it to him... she nearly died lol. I laughed so much when she told me.

Anyway, earlier this year, M11 wanted to know what "gay" meant. So we simply explained it to him then and there, no fuss, no drama, just very matter of fact and gave him the opportunity to ask any questions he wanted. I am also very big on teaching children the correct terminology as opposed to common slang. Just the other night on tv he saw an advertisement for tampons and a little voice popped up with "mum what do you use those for"....gulp. So I just explained in simple terms and withthe amount of detail I felt was suitable.

I had a hysterectomy in 2010 and when Master 11 asked what I was in hospital for, I explained, showed him a picture of woman's inner workings and the uterus. We talked about what the uterus is used for and why I had to have mine removed.

A book is a great idea and I might have to look into it because certainly there is detail and info that I might not think to discuss.

Thanks, Deb! My thoughts on a book were that he could read it in private, when he felt up to it, instead of always having to talk to me with a pillow over his face.

We have already covered the gay issue as we have many gay friends, some with kids, and he is also a big Macklemore fan ("Same Love"). It's good to know other people are at the same point with their kids this age - I don't want to bring up more than he needs to know, but i also don't want to leave him floundering in the dark and learning misinformation!

Your poor babysitter!

With my daughter, she likes her book for "reference". Whatever that means, lol. We talked about everything too and my DH with my son - who is just very matter of fact. I have overheard her talking to a friend and saying, " My book says....". So she feels a little independent too which is a big part of this age. I know that she was very embarrassed with me but then looked up some things in the book to dovetail with what I had said. ( I read the book first and pointed out chapters or pages for questions that she might have..it worked well for us. I also went over the table of contents with her. )

AG and Deb, you guys are so right in that we don't want to give them more than they can emotionally handle yet we want to guide them as best as we can. This is such a tough time. There is just so much going on biochemically and so much pressure to be older and act older....and KNOW everything.

Una, you have gotten some great advice on this thread.
I'll just mention one thing that I don't think anyone has brought up.

At a certain age, my son didn't want to hug me much anymore, and certainly not in front of anyone, yet he was still very physical. He loved sports and to roughhouse with his Dad and friends. There is a book called The Five Languages of Love or something, and I think his Love Language is definitely physical touch (non-sexual).

I found that when he was grumpy and moody, a shoulder rub by me was VERY well received (assuming his stomach was already satisfied). It would turn him from a monster to a complete puppy dog. It's like he needed that reassuring, loving touch from me but hugging made him feel weird and wrestling wasn't appropriate. You might try this if your DS grows out of the snuggling stage, but enjoy it while it lasts! You are raising a great kid!

Una, you have gotten some great responses. I wanted to say to be sure that he is getting sleep. A friend with an 11 year old who has been moody found him up in the middle of the night playing video games. I guess it had become a habit. Hang in there. It will get better eventually.
Have you taken a trip together to someplace special...like Mexico or Spain to practice his Spanish, England to see Stonehenge, among other things, Germany to explore castles?

Claire, so true! This is the first year DS did not want us to hug him goodbye on the first day of school. But he is still super cuddly like a puppy at home and even crawls in bed with me to read and talk, especially when he's tired. I will take what I can get...

And yes to sleep although he fights it and always has. He wakes his dad up at 5 am to go to the gym! I am trying to convince him that he can practice hoops all he wants but sleep is what will make him grow stronger.

Best thread ever! Thank you and any more advice welcomed....

For your info

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/.....-children/

This may be the one Claire mentioned. I have read the version for adults and it's brilliant.

As far as the birds and the bees, I thought her school had covered it (as had the books I had provided) and kinda walked into a bunch of stuff by mistake. Let's watch Glee! Wow, let's learn about teen pregnancy! Let's watch Dirty Dancing (what was I thinking?! I think I just forgot) and learn about botched abortions!

However, having these storylines did give us an opportunity to talk about things like not having to do things unless you want to, and protection, and social ideas versus your own ideas of what's right or what to do, and why it's not fair that girls get flack for sex and men don't (at least one decent lesson from Dirty Dancing thank you very much). And why people even WANT to have sex, and why men want it more than girls do... It was pretty excruciating for me, but I took deep calming breaths and now I do feel she trusts me to be able to talk about ANYTHING. Let's hope.

Also, I did find a good way around her asking about me and her daddy and what we might get up to. I basically told her that a lot of this stuff was personal, and people liked to keep it private because - just look at HER reactions - sex was a tricky subject for a lot of folks. And the more she thought about what I and her father were doing, or her grandparents, or other people she knows, the ickier it would probably make her feel. So it was better to keep it general and less about specific people. She agreed and thank goodness has not again asked me, "So have YOU..."

As far as moodiness, I more get the Disney tween "I know more than you eye roll eye roll" attitude, which I counter by simply refusing to deal with it. Wanna be snarky? Guess you're not getting what you want! Stomping around about chores? Too bad! We're also only three, and we have to function as a family, which means her pitching in too.

Not looking forward to actual puberty AT ALL. But then she isn't, either.

I have to run out to pick up my 2 DS's, but wanted you to know that you're in good company. I have a 13 y.o. DS and a turning 12 in 2 weeks DS. Grade 4/5 was when the "eye roll" officially hit around here. My guys (like me & DH) are late bloomers so nowhere near puberty, but I suppose hormones are slowly kicking in. I'm following this thread with interest & will also pick up books. Funny, I ordered a pile of "boys" books about growing up a couple of years ago and plonked them on DS1's bed. Well I've never seen them since. He hid them away so well (and I'm pretty sure never read them) he was so embarrassed. I think my guys get a little uncomfortable since so many of their friends are sprouting, or are already full man-size, but they are still little shrimpy guys. It's a lot to deal with, and isn't it always easier to take it out on mom? Anyhow I'm sorry to be so brief. If I I'm late for them at pickup we'll see a lot more than eye-rolling....

Oh I get the eye roll and the "mom, pleeeze!" if I ask him something he doesn't appreciate. Also I am forcing him to use deodorant (without antiperspirant) because, well, yuck. He's also mortified about having hair on his legs. But he still sleeps with a stuffed animal. Such a transition! Good thing he's cute.

Una, I don't find what your son does conflicting in anyway. The other night I had food poisoning and was up all night...well...you know. So I asked my husband to bring in my son's big, stuffed black labrador retriever. It was so comforting. I hugged it all night when I wasn't ....well....you know. And oh, I hadn't shaved my legs either. : ) High fiving your son !

Half-way through this thread and my eyes are watering. To know yet again you are all here with all the wisdom and knowledge and - the right questions too! - makes me feel so relieved about what lies ahead. My son is 7, so still little in comparison to yours Una, he's very affectionate, observant and at times very sensitive but hopefully on the right track to be emotionally literate as I like to refer to it, but I had to laugh at all the comments about feeding and mood. This summer we've been going through a massive growth spurt and all I can think of is that I can't feed that kid enough, he's also showing different attitude which has to to with school as well, the bigger or aggressive boys there as he's been processing things during the summer break, but I realise now that sometimes his mood may be or have been affected simply by this massive hunger and obvious need for proteins more than I realised.

I don't know how relevant that is for pre- or teens, but if mums of younger kids read this I hope it will help - one thing I keep an eye on is hydration. If he's thirsty, he's grumpy and the difference if I make sure he drinks enough is significant.

And yet again I must mention "Raising Boys", great book that opened my eyes towards many stages my boy has been going through before and which I keep revisiting as he's growing up. It actually talks a lot about this closeness to mum and/or dad, and later different male role models - other males they download the software from as the author says, as well as various other challenges that growing boys face, sexuality being an important one, socialising with other boys and the competitiveness the other.

I have read "Raising Girls" by the same author too as soon as he had finally written it and can highly recommend that book too. Although I am not mum of a girl, I want to know what the author I respect had to say about the women my son will be meeting some day.

Thanks for the heads up, yet again you lead me on the path of making the most of motherhood and our life as tight family of 3. Off to read the rest.