I have been walking the frumpy tightrope too, and sometimes I fall off into the *dowdy zone*. lol! Many of us have to compromise in certain areas (like comfortable footwear) but I'm hoping it's possible to compensate for it somewhere else.

You do NOT look frumpy Victoria, but maybe hubs has a poison eye for silk scarves or something (not too convenient since you just bought that Hermes scarf ring)! Kim (QueenMum) has recently made me aware of how certain items can be almost "too classic". Get too many of these togther and you are just *classic* and not Modern Classic, which can look dated and that can up the frump factor.

This is not a code that I claim to have cracked, but I'm trying to be aware of this and make sure at least part of my outfit is definitely current or even trendy (without offending my classic sensibilities). Good luck to us all!

Veering off slightly... I have been coming to the conclusion that "matronly" is a style. It can be aging and frump-ifying, but it's not that some how a blouse will make you prune up with wrinkles. I think it has more to do with the energy you convey. And I don't think there's anything bad about matronly style. I mean, there are reasons why I person wouldn't want to be all giddy and why a man, for example, like my bf, actually prefers it on a woman.

My bf, btw, always looks askew at my tall party shoes. He thinks they're silly and accepts them in the way he accepts my love of Diet Coke as a Pepsi guy (with amused but still sputtering gagging, LOL).

As I recall, when Angie entered her 40's she also had a brief struggle with this issue and here is her blog about her resulting April Fool's Day "style epiphany" for those who might have missed reading it!: http://youlookfab.com/2011/04/.....-epiphany/

ETA: Edited to make it clear this was an April Fool's blog post, and that this post by me was meant to put things into perspective, especially the "do's" and "don't's" that were mentioned earlier in the thread here.

@Claudia: ROTFL! I had not seen that one! Too funny!

Victoria, I'm 47, so I'm well past the 40 hump, and I think about this issue a lot. I really love Angie's posts about how to wear classics without looking frumpy and for me, that means always trying to add a little twist - I wear silk scarves inside of button downs, but I might add skinny jeans and slightly rugged boots with it, or modern, wide-leg trousers.

On the other hand, I definitely don't dress like a 20 year old anymore - it just doesn't feel right to me, and I wonder if your husband is reacting a bit to your moving into a new stage of your life where work and age do demand more of a professional image. I have no idea if that's what going on in your life or not, but just thought I'd throw that out there in case.

Sarah: I think its true because before(maybe up to a year ago), I dressed in more trendy ..er...teenage way if you will which makes sense because I would only shop in junior departments(I still find it hard to find good fitting cloth anywhere else). And recently I started incorporated more "sophisticated" items in my wardrobe like buttondown shirt, more tailored jacket, scarves and I guess in comparison to what I used to wear it does look "older", lol. I also realized that even though my work is very casual, some things are just not right to wear there and so I started moving towards a more sophisticated wardrobe, hair included(although DH likes the hair so go figure. I thought he would hate it since lot of men like long hair but it hasn't been the case at all)

what an interesting thread!!
I am well beyond middle age and I never feel frumpy...fun hair and some trendy fun pieces mixed with some classics:)
I also think ones carriage/stance, the way a woman walks, stands and holds her carriage has a lot to do with looking frumpy.

Claudia: thanks for the link, its awesome. I think Angie looks great no matter what, but this is definately trendy youthful look. I wear jeggings as jeans all the time so I guess I am on the right track!

@Claudia - that was brilliant! However, Angie couldn't look tawdry or cheap if she tried - even here she looks like an ultra stylish supermodel having fun!

Victoria, I think *age* has nothing to do with looking frumpy. I see frumpily-dressed twenty-somethings all. the. time. If you've got style, you've got it until you stop caring - and from the sounds of it, looking great is important to you. There are SO many amazingly-dressed, stylin' 40+ ladies on this forum to be inspired by!

I used to worry too that classic clothing could look frumpy, but after reading some of Angie's recent blog posts - I realized that classic pieces in unusual colours was a fun way to make sure it was "modern classic" and not "frumpy classic."

I've also noticed too, that sometimes it's all in the accessories - fab shoes, an amazing handbag, or a stylish and well-selected pair of eyeglasses. Even watches...I haven't updated mine, but I can see how all of these would keep the classics modern-looking.

In the meantime, I don't think you look frumpy at all! It sounds more like it's a shift from junior styles to misses, and I don't think this equals "frumpy" in any way.

ETA: some examples of Angie's Modern Classic or Classic Modern outfits:

http://youlookfab.com/2012/02/.....eek-day-4/

http://youlookfab.com/2012/01/.....-new-year/

http://youlookfab.com/2011/11/.....lue-dress/

http://youlookfab.com/2011/09/.....nd-simple/

There are lots more, but as you can see - these outfits are put together with classic pieces. Amazing, isn't it?

You're sorting this out and it's been an interesting read. (I commented a few times at the beginning of this thread).

I MUST make it clear though, that the pictures Claudia posted are from my annual April Fools post!

Victoria, I love the outfit you posted! Your hair is KILLER. May I suggest removing the earrings. Wearing specs, earrings and a necklace together is heading into frumpy territory - and allowing the other items to make a statement is more youthful. Also, have you thought about wearing rimmed specs?

I see so many great comments on this very interesting thread.
You have exquiste taste (from the postings I have seen) and you are lovely and chic. That is BETTER than looking super young.
We all have to deal with not being perceived as "young" anymore at some stage of our lives. I'm 58 and like Shannon (who is much younger than I ) I LOVE my silver hair. I made a deliberate choice to go short and gray. Choosing colors that flatter my new hair color has helped me redefine my style (I used to wear mostly earth tones and had auburn hair). Knowing what fits and flatters you will keep you from ever looking frumpy. I can't even imagine you being frumpy! My hubs calls me his Jaime Lee Curtis (wish I had the face and the body!) but I consider it a great compliment. So, for me, I refuse to compete with Youth. The young can wear god awful stuff and still look beautiful because they are young. I just want people to think I look terrifc in clothing and look Marvelous for my age!

Lots of excellent commentary here. I just want to add that I am 45 and am now thinking that the reason I strive to stay current is not to be seen as frumpy or old (not that the 2 are mutually exclusive) I think you can look older if you dress too young (and it looks forced) just as easily, but that's not frumpy (just not age appropriate). I find inspiration here from all the age groups and try to translate it to my particular situation. I consider my age as one of my fashion criteria like my hair color (which for me hasn't greyed, but gotten redder which a colorist once told me is my gray), my height, my body type, etc...

Wow, there are some fab and wise responses here. Victoria, I'm struggling with this too. I'm about to turn 46, yet nothing about me, including my taste, is maturing any more, unless you consider "spending more money" to be mature. I do not want to dress like many of the women I see who are my age around here (ETA:. meaning where I live, not YLF, of course!). But I also don't want to be too MDAL.

It's also getting hard for me to tell how much I look my age in general, not counting how I dress. I do color my hair, more for the fun factor than the age issue. And I still get carded on occasion (which I don't consider flattering - I think it's more because I'm small and Asian).

From everything you post, you look gorgeous and stylish, and there is nothing wrong with looking our age AND showing everyone how fab any age can be.

Angie, Meridith, AlaskaGirl and all the other lovely ladies: thank you for suggestions and comments! AlaskaGirl: you def do not look 46! So if you get carded you should take it as a compliment:)

Great thread. I hit 50 in October, and thank goodness I had found YLF about 6 months earlier - a happy coincidence. And you are a whole decade of stylishness ahead of me! I feel so much more put together than I ever was as a young woman - and I have been experiencing tremendous regrets for not having had the self-confidence to be stylish when I had the youth to enhance the style.

Like so many women I have always worried about weight - I was almost 40 lbs heavier in my 20's and it wrecked my self-esteem. 2 babies, a serious illness, a couple of marathons and double century bike rides later, I feel so much more confident about my body. Of course, now the hormones are torturing me and lumps and padding are appearing where there never were any and it's just, sigh, an endless battle.

But now I have knowledge, maturity and a community to help, and so do you. The 40s are the best years, live them up and own your style and continue to find support right here! As for your husband, maybe he should be careful what he asks for!!

Have a great weekend!

So... about 1 month before my wedding to DH (I was 28) he mentioned the frump factor and asked me to get some new clothes. I was a bit mortified! But the main thing was my (horrible!) pants... They were hand downs from my MIL to be, and although many had been tailored a second time for me, it was not enough. I think the WWMW is a great rule and I love your polished look and scarves. I have never seen a WIW you posted that had ill fitting or dated looking items. So although I haven't gone through the stressful 40 milestone myself, I just wanted to say you look great!

I can totally relate. I just can't find middle ground between boring, conservative, age appropriate clothing and a trendy, young, MDAL look. I am 42 and currently playing on the safe side but I am so bored and don't know how to change it. But you do look great. Maybe your DH just have stereotype image of women wearing silk scarfs? I know my DH have issue with animal print - he thinks it's provocative and too sexy. And I just ignore him

There is something about entering your 40's that seems to mess with our heads imho. For me, it comes down to remembering quite clearly when my mom turned 40 and I thought that was such a milestone. She is not a fashionista (never really has been) and although I love her dearly and want to emulate other things about her, I would never want to dress like her. So DonnaF's WWMW comment is clearly how I think.

One (of many) thing I have noticed in my 40's is that my skin keeps changing (breakouts and wrinkles - hurray!) so I have adapted skincare as I notice things. Keep up the sunscreen and use a retinol around eyes, etc. I think it helps keep the frumpy away when the face/eyes look less tired. I love smile lines and character on a face but shown to their best advantage.

I would bet your hubby has no idea how his off the cuff comment has made you feel. I have not checked out a lot of your WIW pics but the one of red top you just posted is youthful and current (and you don't look frumpy at all!). If it is a certain way that a scarf is tied (too classic?) how about scarves in different variations - as a belt or tied on handbag?