Helena, this is a great topic, and I'm glad you feel supported! Excellent guidance and info from the Fabbers - as always

I love what sensible and level-headed Sal said.

I am also nodding along with Jaime!

Personally, I am on very low doses of HRT - going on a year now - because the hot flashes were dire. 24 a day - every hour. Could not sleep or work. They have helped tremendously. Now I can function!

So far, my weight and body shape is stable during menopause. That might change. I am moderate and consistent with diet and exercise. I do yoga and pilates daily, and lots of walking. I have never drunk alcohol or coffee. I haven't eaten mammals for 28 years. I don't know if that's a thing? Probably not!!!

You are beautiful and healthy, Helena. Remember that. I know you will find your way and be extra fabulous! You have never looked better, IMO.

Janet I hear you! The pants shape is the opposite of what I am lol
Angie thank you! Xx I have to say, Pilates is the thing I've had the most success with in terms of building strength without managing to injure myself. I am grateful for it!

Coming back quickly to respond to Murph11:

With alcohol I gave myself a “rule of twos”: consume alcohol no more than two days a week, no more than two units a day, and never two days in a row.

The truth is, the less I drink the less I *can* drink. These days it’s basically one cocktail on Friday or Saturday night and that’s it. But the less I drink the easier it is to abstain, so it works out ok.

A couple of years ago - at 58 - I had the realization that menopause was going to be like puberty. It's inevitable change and there is no going back. So I decided that if my body is going to change, I'm at least going to try for positive change.

I lift weights - as heavy as I can manage - 3-5 times a week. I throw in cardio 3x a week. I'm trying very hard to build muscle mass both to regain the 3-5% I lost each decade before I started lifting and trying to "bank" muscle for the coming years. I read about sarcopenia and it scared me - women can lose 30% of their muscle mass in their lifetime - and that has consequences for my bones as well.

I try to eat a lot of protein in whole foods - dairy, meat, eggs etc. but I do use a couple of food supplements. I take all the HRT hormones.

I decentered the bathroom scale. It's a number and it tells you a little of whats going on, but truly not the big picture.

Feeling very good in my body - strong and lean - although it is taking some adjusting to appreciate my new silhouette - I did gain a few inches in my glutes. More than anything my mental health really benefits from the weightlifting. I don't understand the mechanism there but it's real.

Helena, agreed! Pilates is AWESOME! I find it a good complement to an active vinyasa practice, which is weight bearing and strength building too.

Helena, I'm late here and have little to add that hasn't already been said, but I just want to say hang in there!

As you see from the above, every woman's experience is different but all experience the change.

For me, the weight gain occurred during peri-menopause. I lost the weight through a fitness program right around menopause and have kept most of it off through continued activity, but my shape has definitely changed -- my waist is larger than it was when I was younger no matter what the scale might say.

I think our genes play a role. I watched my mother gain weight during her own peri-menopausal years and early menopause and then lose it, never to regain it entirely (she did gain back a few pounds from her lowest point). Her diet was not as good as mine, and she was also a smoker, which I'm not. And she wasn't an exerciser at all -- she was visually impaired and unable to do much. In other words, maybe I'd have lost that weight anyway and kept it off even without the exercise?

But I choose to do the exercise because it keeps me sane and helps me sleep and it's now such a fundamental part of my life. And I'm okay with the new waist measurement -- along with the grey hair, the wrinkles, and the rest of the changes.

Thank you all for sharing, it was very informative and helpful reading. I am 55 but not yet there, still regular without any symptoms, but I do struggle with huge weight fluctuations. I learned that it is not result of any diet or exercise changes but because of my thyroid oscillating between hyper and hypo. So I am well aware of how hormones can affect the metabolism and how little control we have over it. I am at my higher weight range now and worry what would happen when other hormones start to fluctuate too.

I'm late to see this, but this is a fantastic thread! Thanks for posting this!

At 65 I am about 15 years post menopause and I can relate to all of this. I didn't have a big weight gain until two big C's hitting at once, the pandemic and my husband's cancer all during 2020-2021. I was super stressed, lacking the normal supports, and I ate. The 14-16 pounds I gained definitely went right my middle, but also my breasts. I lost most of it with the help of a great RD and I'm now running only about 5 pounds more than pre-menopause, but those areas somehow haven't gotten the message and that is super frustrating. Clothes and sizes fit much differently than those 5 pounds would seem to warrant. As far as getting my figure back, I don't have a lot of advice. I get a solid amount of exercise through ballroom dance competition training and I've started weight training for the past year. I feel great, but my clothes size is not what it was.

Two things help me. This one I "discovered" on my own, my repeated mantra every time I feel down about it: "It is very mean to be mean to myself for having survived to be 65." It's about trying to see the good in my current life and not be mad that I'm not even my 40-50 year old self anymore. Yes, I've changed, duh, I'm 65 and I'm living.

The other is something Jenny NZ brought up, that echoes what a RN friend told me ages ago. Elderly (80's and up) ladies who have some weight on them (not meaning obesity) do much better in every situation than those who stay so thin they get frail. Not giving health advice, she was just talking about the ones she saw in the hospital where she worked. For whatever landed them in the hospital...a fall, a surgery, etc...frail women did much more poorly with recovery than those who had some pounds to spare. So I'm taking that to mean this: exercise, stay strong, do weights, whatever, but don't chase thinness because it may not be such a great thing in the long run.

I see a fair number of very frail, thin older women at work everyday, and it's not a good look , never mind the bone health worries. That's an extreme though, and I doubt anyone has that as a goal . Having a DEXA scan, or some more affordable alternative is a good way to figure out a healthy body weight that supports muscle and bone health. I'm personally in the obese category right now (which always makes me cringe - I wish that word wasn't used in this situation ) so that's where I get my motivation...

Wow, somehow I missed this post until now, such a wide variety of experiences and whole lot of wonderful advice from everyone.

I'm going to be 65 in a few months and I was officially menopausal at 46. In all honesty my menopause wasn't all that bad, occasional hot flashes and some bladder discomfort issues that were treated with HRT. I didn't even really gain much weight until just last year at 64 years and then POOF! It was kind of shocking and uncomfortable having so much weight gain happening that suddenly. Somehow I thought it wasn't going to happen to me, but I think stress and some careless eating habits eventually caught up with my aging body.

My plan is to focus on what I can control moving forward. I'm now eating mostly for nutrition and health, trying to get a good night's sleep, reducing my news consumption and staying active daily. I'm also trying my best to honor and respect and dress the body that I currently have. That's really all the advice that I have to offer.

FWIW, remember that women whose livelihood is based on their appearance such as actresses gain inches around their middles and really all over once they reach a certain age.

I didn’t gain that much in my waist, but my caboose definitely went to my tummy—just like my mom’s did. I’ve also noticed that although my weight is much much lower (as in what it was when I was very young) my size is about what it was when I was young and about 10 or 15 pounds heavier than I am now. I can’t believe that it’s ALL fluff. Regardless, I’ve noticed that I need to keep my weight very low to avoid knee pain when I do my hill exercise. Want to avoid knee replacement surgery!

I'm glad LJP brought up the DEXA scan. I highly recommend you get one around menopause - especially if you fit the profile: small framed women of Nordic heritage. Very much worth the peace of mind. If they DO find that your bone density is low - you can do something about it.

I've had three DEXA's in my life, and the results keep improving! I had osteopenia in my late 20s. I've managed to reverse it over 25 years. With consistent weight baring exercise and the right calcium rich diet - I rebuilt bone density and bone health. It's relieving!

I’m revisiting this conversation this morning and appreciating how open and sharing you all have been!

Angie, that’s fantastic about your improved bone density! I had my first DEXA scan last fall and have a bit of osteopenia (hip and spine, unsurprisingly for someone born with scoliosis and hip dysplasia), so I’ll be discussing that with my new PCP next week. I never did any HRT, and now I’m hearing things about it that make me think I may have benefitted from it, but 12 years after a hysterectomy, I suspect it may be too late to start, especially with such a strong family history of heart disease. A cardiology checkup is long overdue too.

Suffice to say that this year, facing a milestone birthday, I’m focusing more on whether my body is aging in a healthy way rather than how it looks! Maybe I’m finally reaching a stage where my vanity is giving way to more serious concerns, LOL.

I didn't reach full menopause until somewhere between 57-58 years old. Now that I'm there (61 next month), I too have the belly issue. My hips have stayed pretty small, so pants fitting is now even trickier. And my weight is fairly low at the moment so I can't blame weight gain.

In case it's reassuring to know, I will repeat a story I had told here a couple years back, when I was exchanging a pair of leather pants. I found a review from a woman in her 20s who was my height and 15 pounds heavier than I, saying that a certain size fit her perfectly. I ordered that size and it was hilariously too tight.

"The change" is real when it comes to body shape.

Just catching up on the thank you all sooo much for sharing your wisdom and experience. I started making notes to respond and realized I'd have to write a novel to hit every good point that was made! So suffice it to say that this is now a rich resource for all of us which is amazing ... Love to you all and feeling great gratitude for the gift of aging and the support of other women! I may never love having a thicker waist but I'd it the price of health, longevity and being able to enjoy chocolate, then I'll pay it happily! Xoxo

Helena, I hesitated posting this, but you might like Mindy Pelz's videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?......MindyPelz
She is a chiropractor by training, and not a nutritionist, so some people find her giving nutrition advice controversial. So take it with a grain of salt.

That said, at the beginning of this year, I enrolled in a perimenopause women's health program. My coach, who is a local - so unfortunately I can't recommend her, follows and recommends a nutrition strategy (in addition to other aspects of health, such as training, stress management, etc.) that is similar to Pelz's so I've been looking at some of her videos as well. I find the videos beneficial because they are geared specifically towards women's needs and bodies. Since starting this comprehensive program thanks (but not only exclusively) to these methods I've been seeing numbers on the balance that I haven't seen since before my 40s.

So once again, keeping in mind that keeping hormones in check in perimenopause is a comprehensive effort, I would recommend you take a look at her videos.
Cheers!

Oprah had a special last night about menopause called "The Menopause Revolution." I haven't watched it yet, but it's streaming on Hulu and Disney+.

I can relate, though had some unexpected weight can long after menopause. Not a lot , but for my frame it’s a complete change in fit.

I do think that what’s most important is to work on habits that are good for you no matter what the scale shows.
I’m a fan of resistance training for muscle , whether body weight or weights or combination. I’m surrounded by friends who are falling and breaking bones. Many are regular walkers but don’t do any specific resistance training (for glutes especially ). Sure, if you walk lots of hills or variable terrain you will get more workout for supporting muscles. Or if they are doing free weights, they’re doing lots of reps with very light weights and not taking weights to next levels. I do a lot of gardening but of course it’s seasonal, and yet I found though it was tiring( in a good way) and gave me a lot of moderate activity, but still left out many important muscle groups or movements, so I was kinda fooled as to thinking that was enough . So weights 2-3 x / week is for me.

But after months of pretty consistent workouts I gained weight, and some clothes didn’t fit, some of which was clearly NOT muscle! But I was also clearly stronger. I was frustrated and perplexed and not 100% sure why, but I think it’s because: I intentionally was not being very food- careful because I was very focused on first establishing my exercise routine , being consistent over a long time compared to prior attempts to do so, and not combining it with “ dieting “ that would take too much bandwidth or interfere with muscle gain or risk making me grumpy. Part of this was over winter, so also wasn’t outside as much for regular activity ( waving to lisap ). And think I snacked more than before.

So I’ve had to look at it as overall better, and maybe some opportunity in glorious springtime to choose healthier snacks, add back my gardening.

Also, as in a previous post, I offloaded or put in Hold totes ALL clothes( mostly pants) that I didn’t currently feel fab in, and bought several new pairs that were instantly wearable in my general styles/ colors/outfits so I could grab & go as the weather warms up. No regrets there— it really helped to avoid those bad getting- dressed emotions that can derail you.