Memorial Outfit Planning - YouLookFab Forum

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Memorial Outfit Planning

Lana

(website)

Veteran

Sunday we are attending the memorial of the adult daughter of a close friend whom we never met. She was estranged from the family which makes it even more sad. The event will be outside in a pavilion at a local venue called The Plant, which has several shops, artist studios, and restaurants. 40% chance of rain, high of 83 F.

I always have trouble figuring out what to wear to these events, but tentatively am thinking about a dark green dress with light shoes and bag. I have no dressy shoes except a pair of black Mary Jane wedges, so it’s boots, flats or sandals. I guess I have a shoe wardrobe gap! How I’ve previously worn the dress and the planned outfit is in photos. Will not wear it off shoulder.

Mainly I need shoe advice but any opinions or tweaks welcome.

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Dressing

37 replies

Latest reply was from Jules

Star

Veteran

I think the dress is an appropriate choice. In this instance I personally would wear dark shoes and a dark bag, rather than light or bright. Not sure the type of shoe is an issue. Boots/sandals/flats all seem fine to me.

Runcarla

Veteran

I’m with Star. Could you wear the black Mary Janes?

Lana

(website)

Veteran

Star and Carla, I can wear the Mary Janes. Mine are not as high as these in the photo. My hair is so bright I thought I could get away with light shoes but maybe not. It’s hard to know what people will wear.

I’m am very into the meanings of things we wear — so green in a symbol of harmony and renewal, the dragonfly is a symbol of transformation.

Aquamarine

Veteran

Shoes always throw me off, because so many things come into play..weather, temps, location. No advice other than it’s useful to shop for shoes in advance of needing them.

I’d probably wear the black wedges, unless you know the ground will be difficult to walk on. The boots you show seem acceptable to me, however, if that’s all you have. I’d carry a darker bag, though. Dress is fine!

Lana

(website)

Veteran

Aquamarine I may need to go shoe shopping today. Other shoes I have below . . .

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Star

Veteran

I would go with the snake-print booties if they are not going to be too warm.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I concur that the dark green dress is plenty appropriate, and also favor the idea of dark shoes and bag, rather than light or bright. I tend to keep my outfit rather low-contrast and with somber or muted colors (not necessarily black) for such occasions, unless dictated by the event (one of my BFFs passed away two years ago and her instructions were to hold a “big-ass party” in her memory and wear bright happy colors. Everyone brought a single rose in varying colors to form bouquets around the room displayed with collages of her with her friends and family).

I’m very sorry for your and your friend’s loss — I think it can be harder than people expect to lose a family member when the relationship has been strained. I hope they are able to grieve and heal.

Jules

Veteran

In my casual world people tend to be cobbling (ha) together outfits for occasions like this - even more so if it’s somewhat formal/somber and also outside, people don’t have the perfect items for that at the ready so it’s best effort. It’s also not a wedding where yes people may be checking out your outfit head to toe, because it’s part of the fun of a wedding, they are more focused on face level connecting/talking with people. All this to say I think I don’t think you need to go shopping for footwear. I think dark footwear is always going to appropriate for such a situation so I’d probably choose the Mary Janes.

Lana

(website)

Veteran

Star, thanks, they would be much more comfortable for me.

Lana

(website)

Veteran

Thanks Janet, the circumstances are very sad and a sweet family. I wore a red floral dress to my grandfathers funeral, his favorite color.

Leaning towards the gray booties and gray bag after hearing your replies.

Thank you Jules. I don’t really want to buy dressy shoes.

Aquamarine

Veteran

Seeing the shoes you have, I think the grey booties sound good. Also agree that most people will not be critiquing your outfit as long as it is respectful and appropriate, which it is.

kkards

Veteran

40% chance of rain, outside…honestly I’d wear the boots that you’ve shown, or even better, if any of your other shoe choices are water proof or water resistant I’d wear them…yes i know that its a memorial, but i think nothing is worse than wet feet…and at least in my world, anything held outside the expectation is that people will dress for the weather/environment as well as the occasion

JAileen

Veteran

Your dress is perfect. I don’t think it matter which shoes you wear.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

That sounds like sandal weather to me. I’d go with the second pair. Yes, they are light, but they match your skin (roughly) so won’t stand out. Or get black sandals.
Sorry about your and your friend’s loss. So good of you to support her, given the disconnection between you & the deceased!

rachylou

Veteran

I’d also go grey shoes, grey bag. And a jacket or topper, also dark.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

My condolences, Lana.

I like the dress too. No belt is my preference. Dark shoes will work with your dark eyewear and a dark bag. Grey is good too.

Personally, and FWIW, I've had the following experiences, so I think light and bright shoes can work too. It depends on the deceased, the culture, and the environmental norm. And of course, what you think feels right.

22 years ago I wore red shoes and bag with a black pinstripe pants suit to my Mum's funeral in Cape Town, SA. She loved red shoes and bags, so that's why. Apart from our family who was dressed formally - but not black necessarily - people at the funeral were dressed in regular clothes. My Mum LOVED flowers, so many wore floral dresses and tops, across all colours.

In 2019, I wore a dressy navy shirt dress and red shoes to my Mum in Law's funeral in Durban, SA. My MIL loved red, although yellow was her favourite colour. Some people wore yellow to the funeral because of that. If I had yellow shoes, I'd have worn them. Apart from a few dressy people across all palettes - everyone was extremely casual. All colours of the rainbow.

To my Dad's funeral last year in the Netherlands, I wore the same navy shirt dress, with light blue shoes and bag. Only 15 people at the funeral - COVID - and all dressed up. But not necessarily dark. My one aunt wore florals. My other black and white. Hubs Greg and I were in navy. Cousins and friends in shades of blue. My brother in grey and black.

Here is the dress, the bag and shoes. For my Father in Law's funeral in a few weeks in South Africa too, I will wear the same. My navy shirt dress has become my funeral dress.

1901 1901 Midi Shirtdress (Regular & Petite) | Nordstrom

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Cole Haan Women's Portia Loafer Flat

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Lana

(website)

Veteran

Oh Angie, I’m sorry for all the losses over the last couple of years, especially on top of current events. I think I will see how the weather is on the day of, and will try some options today. I don’t like waiting till the last minute. Btw, I wore a red floral dress to my grandfathers funeral because he loved red so much.

slim cat

Veteran

You have a perfect dress and great accessories for an event - many of your shoes collection would be just fine. I do like your open toe sandals with a wedge and grey boots - but Mary Jane is a solid choice as well.

Lana

(website)

Veteran

Thanks everyone. Here’s the outfit with gray boots and bag. In second pic I turned the bag around for less silver zipper showing.

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Star

Veteran

I think that works perfectly. No worries about the silver zipper showing.

CarolS

Veteran

I'm sorry for the sad situation, Lana. The dress is lovely and appropriate. Being from a cold climate, I can't imagine wearing boots in 80+ degree humidity, but I think they look good with the dress.

I also have no issue with lighter shoes or sandals if they're going to be more comfortable or weather-appropriate.

If you came to the service dressed for clubbing I think people might question the appropriateness, but I don't think anyone who matters will worry too much about whether you chose dark or light shoes. They'll be too busy appreciating your support in a difficult time.

kellygirl

Veteran

This looks totally appropriate. I really like the choice of footwear and bag too. Great all occasion dress!

Barbara Diane

Veteran

You sound sorted, as Angie says.
By me, unless it is known that something else is expected, dark neutrals are what everyone wears. Black primarily, lately some navy or gray.

Peri

Veteran

I'd go with the grey bag outfit too. The other thing about it that I like better is that you've toned down the accessories. The main thing I think about with these events is to not stand out or draw any attention. I don't want people to notice or remember what I wear at all because the event is so not about me. So just going kind of muted is respectful to the people you are going to support.

Years ago someone on the board posted something like this and mentioned not wanting to claim a level of grieving that didn't belong to her. I thought that was a lovely way to say it. So I don't aim for all black and super somber, but I also don't aim for anything that will be memorable. The middle picture in the first set would be my favorite for anything else, but for this occasion I'd go with the grey.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

The last rendition with grey bag and snake boots is perfect. Sorted.

Lana

(website)

Veteran

Thanks everyone! I feel good about this outfit.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

You should feel good about it
I don’t think zipper on or out matters—it’s not that much flash.

Anonymous

More thumbs up for the dress with gray purse and boots.

Bonnie

Veteran

I agree that the last outfit is perfect.

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