I had a different pathway to here.
When we were little, our mom took pride in making us a few special outfits; most of our clothes came from a store in town where I hid in the middle of circular racks, because I hated trying on clothes. I hated other appearance-related drudgery too, like my mom sitting me down and telling me I would shave my legs when I wanted to keep wearing patent leather Mary Janes for dress-up, or getting in trouble when I took my undershirt off (it was hot) & wound up using it to play catch with a friend. I remember a few favorites—a “cowgirl” outfit we got visiting relatives in Az, my ivory gauchos with leather details late in grade school, a pair of flared jeans in middle school.
Later, we took a back-to-school shopping trip to The Big City every fall. Mom and the SAs collaborated to get my sister and me a few outfits each, which we “modeled” for my dad at home. By high school I had a routine of wearing a dress to social dancing on Saturday, to church on Sunday, and to school on Monday. Not many girls wore dresses. My last year of high school, I remember Candies and 3 pairs of cotton pants: red, white, and hot pink.
Through college, there wasn’t such a routine of clothes-buying. Mom occasionally sent me outfits with accessories. I felt trapped & uncreative in them. I also got disgusted with the clothing and appearance industries in general, for all the ways women’s fashions make it hard to get on with life—poisons in your hair, heels that make it hard to walk, skirts that shorten your stride, etc. I didn’t wear any of that, or make-up, and I stopped with the shaving. Winter dressing was mostly jeans or pants and welted sweaters, ugh. Summers were sundresses or loose skirts.
When I came to research my dissertation in Berlin, I made a few purchases—these blue linen pants, black combat boots (still have them too), and sweater tights. I remember a work colleague explaining that she was ok paying what tights costs, because otherwise she’d be wearing pants, which cost even more. I loved suddenly being able to wear skirts & dresses in the winter.
When I went back to the states, there was a new outlet mall a couple hours from where I lived, in my way to my parents’. I got quite a few things at Esprit and other shops there. Most of my attention to my appearance though was in the weight room, where I loved lifting to failure, and then in the pool, where I swam short (2-2.5km) workouts.
Next stop: parenthood. We wore Hannah Andersson matching outfits, I focused on clothes that would get me through my whole day, at work and with my son.
Then the disaster, after which my weight soared. We lived in Florida, and I started occasionally shaving my legs.
While I was taking the weight off, my nephew got married. I asked ylf to help me put together what my son and I would wear. That’s when I realized for the first time that you can think about an outfit, you don’t just have an impulse to put x on with y. CTPS, diagonal lines, proportions, high or low contrast—all stuff I’d never thought of before. So I took a name that was a play on words of fashion intern. The way I think tends to be analytical, so it was a fun surprise to realize that outfits can be analyzed too.
The rest of the weight is gone, my body drifts into better shape, and then not quite so good, but I’m realizing for the first time that I can enjoy how I look. So that’s what I do. I’m serious about how fashion connects to our place in society, but not the least bit about fashion per se. I still refuse to wear anything tight or constricting, or shoes I couldn’t dance in all night, but there’s nothing that says those can’t be fun too.
A couple years ago there was a thread on people’s first fashion purchases. Some were quite young, like some in this thread. But I was not the only person who had not always been interested in fashion.
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