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Marie Kondo, revisited

gradfashionista

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There's nothing like a move--especially one that leaves you little time to prepare--to inspire you to revisit the classics on minimalist living. I wasn't able to implement any lessons because there was too little time to pack up everything, and because my SO has difficulty getting rid of things.

I did a google search on Mari Kondo and came across this piece in the NYT, which discusses her empire.

But more interestingly, I found this piece in the Atlantic, which focuses on why the children of immigrants or refugees may have trouble applying her approach. It really spoke to me and the circumstances of my parents' upbringing.

Can any of you relate to the second piece, and if so, have you reconciled these opposite approaches?

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Astrid

Veteran

Yes, I can relate. But I like having less all the same. I think as in so many situations, the middle road is the most sensible. I'm not going to get rid of things just because I haven't used them for a while. For example I only ever got rid of clothes that were truly worn out or didn't fit at all. So what if I ever only wore 40% of my clothes regularly? It meant a bit of weight gain or loss didn't result in a meltdown and I had that black blazer to wear to a funeral...

On the other hand I don't want to drown in stuff I have to take care of. I found a good way to solve that is actually not getting rid of perfectly fine things that have a relatively high chance to be used again, but to think twice before buying something new instead. And that is less wasteful too.

I comfortably live in 31 square metres (1 room, kitchen, bath) right now. I'm probably going to move in the near future. I plan to do some sorting beforehand, mostly to get rid of the things cluttering up the basement storage area. I basically store everything there I couldn't take to waste disposal because I don't have a car (broken lightning fixtures, old tv, broken slatted frame, stuff like that). I've already decided that I don't want to go that much bigger than what I have right now. It would be nice to have two rooms so that the sleeping and living areas are seperated, but I don't need a lot more space in square metres.

rachylou

Veteran

I feel the author is right: You have to feel pretty confident you can get new socks to get rid of old ones.

Story: my mum started to irritate me by taking my milk jugs out of the recycling. I'd go to the sink and say, 'wait a second - is that my milk jug I just put in the bin?' I trip over them in her kitchen. Anyways, she uses them to collect rainwater and grey water, and waters the garden that way. Y'all have seen The Deer Fence. At first I saw this milk thing in the same light. But then I saw that our neighbor, who is much more civilised, does the same thing. She's got all these storage bins, like you'd store junk in the garage in, filled up with water outside.

The deal? I realised: This is California. This is drought country and it's serious. Towns have gone dry in recent years, making the value of people's homes zero. I remember water blackouts when I was little. I've been an apartment dweller all these years so I've never had any place to put a rain barrel - but I've done some, um, squawking at friends from out of state who don't believe. So my own version of this crazy. And I should add, getting rained on doesn't translate into tap water. California has the most elaborate water system built since the Romans.

It does put crazy junk saving in a different light.

JAileen

Veteran

Re: collecting rainfall - it's actually illegal in my state. It's not enforced though.

The socks comment struck me too. My parents were not immigrants, but were children of the Depression. Handing down clothes was just done. You just didn't waste. And it was hard to open the back door, there were so many rubber bands around the doorknob. When my father died, the number of jars and coffee cans in the garage with screws, nails, washers, etc., was mind blowing.

I worked with a woman who wouldn't clothe her baby in used clothes. Most baby clothes get little use, the babies grow out of them so quickly. Anyway I thought she was foolish.

Anonymous

My parents weren't immigrants, but they had grown up in the U.S. during the great Depression. I don't recall much getting tossed away when I was growing up. Everything got repurposed or recycled in some fashion, including, yes, rubber bands. If we used a paper towel to dry our hands of water, it was saved to dry out for later use in the garage by my dad. Clothes were swapped with neighbors. Our house was never cluttered with stuff, either. Maybe it was just well-organized until it eventually got used. I have inherited some of these tendencies myself, including the doorknob with rubber bands. They don't bring me joy, as Ms. Kondo advises, but I see it as a vestige and reminder of the values I was raised with. We really had it drilled into us that nothing was to be wasted.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Interesting points in both articles. I have done some decluttering and have read many books, including both by Marie Kondo.

What struck me most about reading the post was the realization of privilege involved, the knowledge I have that except for sentimental items, things can be replaced. But that is offset by a perhaps unreasonable fear that in the future I won't be able to replace them.

My husband's parents fled Europe with very little, although they had had a lot. My husband is sentimental about items, his sister is not. His parents had the "right" amount of stuff, but maybe that was because they did not have things from their childhood, or their parents. In my family things were a little tight growing up but I had everything I needed.

I was surprised by Marie Kondo saying she respects other organizers. Perhaps it is the translation of her Japanese that gives the wrong impression. In especially her first book it seems she thinks that only her way is the correct way. It was interesting to see that her second book seemed to acknowledge that it wouldn't all happen overnight, that sometimes you need things that are useful and you can learn to appreciate them, it's okay to keep items in the gray area, etc.

I definitely have more to get rid of, but I will keep more than is often suggested. I love how I am now wearing jewelry I haven't worn for years, etc. and reading old letters makes me happy.

I think I need to let go of more, and also enjoy what I have more. And not let needing to clean up/organize keep me from doing other things I love.

I got off topic, but I have been pondering all of this in the last 24 hours, even before I saw this post.

BrieN

Veteran

Timely discussion for me. We have a pending contract on our house and are going to be renting a much smaller home for at least 6 months. I am in the middle of organizing and tossing -- the step before packing -- and I am overwhelmed. By stuff, by paper, by emotion. The second article got me thinking. It is hard to get rid of the things that make you feel like you're "doing it right" -- whether it is cans of tuna fish or your child's handwriting from age 4.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I forgot to add that I am not someone who will remember someone or something without a tangible reminder. I think not everyone who encourages extreme purging realizes this.

And on the other hand, my sister-in-law who doesn't keep almost anything, is always busy doing wonderful things. She is much more focused on the present.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

BrieN, please remember to treat yourself kindly while you go through this process.

BrieN

Veteran

thanks Barbara Diane, it's a long road. Your point about a tangible reminder is a very good one. I definitely need visual reminders of people and times past.

Anonymous

Interesting reading. Funny, my mother became obsessed with not leaving a bunch of stuff for other people (me) to have to deal with after she died. She had had to empty the houses of her own father, an aunt and her sister after their deaths, and she vowed that she would never subject anyone else to having to sort through a life time of her accumulated things. It got a little ridiculous in her last year, but I suspect she knew she was dying, so I said nothing. But I have taken her advice and thoughts to heart, and am not a sentimental hanger-on-of-things. I can be borderline ruthless at times, because I hate clutter and "stuff" , so my challenge is always not to toss out clothes (or anything else ) for no reason. Too many things, especially clothing, make me feel guilty.

rachylou

Veteran

I had to google that about the illegality of collecting rainwater, JAileen! This is totally why people go off the grid. And I saw that it's only been legal in California a few years. Ridiculous. (Although I get why grey water systems are often not permitted.)

I totally agree about baby clothes. What a waste.

rabbit

Veteran

Interesting reading and it makes sense.

I think what was drilled into me as a kid and I held onto was the idea of 'waste' as in it's our job if we bring anything into the house to dispose of in a non-landfill way if possible (or a landfill only after several other steps). So I feel no sentimentality about holding onto usable stuff, if I can donate it I do and we know where to take old paint and awkward things like art supplies, styrafoam and electronics. We burn wood and most things get recycled or composted. (When can we recycle clamshell containers is what I wanna know).

So I wash out and reuse plastic bags, glass jars and plastic tubs, save rubberbands, twist-ties and string, always eat leftovers, cut up totally worn out cloth into rags, use old pantihose strips to tie up tomato plants, have a rain-barrel and a compost bin, and use the last drop of toothpaste. But this isn't so much about being afraid of lack, it's more about putting something into a garbage can being culturally anathema. Our city picks up recycling and compost every week, but garbage (from a small can) only once a month. Hmm... need to think about it more, because it's not like we or our neighbors necessarily have lots of saved clutter, the entire community including the businesses have reclamation systems in place and have trained us well.

But for non-recyclable sentimental things -- how do you dispose of slides? We have four boxes from a relative who passed many years ago. Or photos? We've saved the ones with family in them but it feels so strange to toss printed photographs....

Summer

Veteran

I found this article quite moving. Only recently have I understood the psychology behind the need to hoard and collect, something which affected an elderly relative of mine. She would bring home bags of clothes from jumble sales - never to be worn, never even unwrapped, but, probably just to use as an antidote to her early years of having very little. The hoarding became an obsession as her home filled up with more an more junk.: sad, but completely understandable.

My own mother lived through the second world war, when clothes and household goods were in short supply. Nothing was wasted. Clothes were mended, refashioned, handed down, and, eventually cut down for rags. It was a time "make do and mend". Although not a hoarder, my mother continued to be waste-averse to her dying day, and some of that mind-set has passed down to me: I try not to over-buy, and hate waste. I expect my purchases to last at least a few years, and then dispose of them thoughtfully.

So, yes, it is a privilege to be in the position to be able to declutter, just as it is to be picky over our diets when others, less fortunate, have little to eat.
We need to be mindful of the circumstances of others, I think.

Gail

Veteran

I grew up in a family that did not have much money so any item I got was really treasured and hung on to. My parents interestingly enough were not really big savers of things. As my life became a little more affluent I bought more "stuff" but still hung on to things. I find the following:
1. I am really struggling to update my house because some of the items are still "ok". Even though a refresh is sorely needed in that the couch is 15 years old and the carpet and paint the same.
2.My closet is bulging with clothing some of which I have barely worn and I can't get rid of because I paid "good money" for it !
3. I have many sentimental items that I have gathered since I came to the USA 32 years ago that I'm not sure I even like . When I moved here I came with two suitcases that's it .

I have read the Marie Kondo book twice and am slowly trying to implement some of the strategies . I am finding that it's easier if I give the clothes to a relative than if I take to goodwill or consignment. Whether they toss the entire bag into a dumpster or thrift it on the way home I don't know but it seems to help me !
Knick knacks are becoming easier to part with but the sentimental things are hard. Especially if they are associated with my Mother who recently passed away. Having said that my Mother would be the first one to say "if you don't love it get RID of it " lol. I need to have that typed up and put in my closet and various other places in my house !

We sold our beach home last week so I now have all the items from the house sitting in my basement therefore I have taken a step backwards in my decluttering big time. I have been working on it this week and done pretty well.
It's a work in progress and I'm trying to get more aggressive. I hate clutter, it makes me feel stressed thats why I rarely go in my sons room at college, that and the dirt of course

Anonymous

I'm exactly like LisaP and her Mother. I have had the honor of dealing with other people's estates. It is overwhelming. I don't want to do that to my Family. I am a ruthless clutter cleaner. I now have to make myself "keep" things because I have reached a state of order that seems to fit my needs.