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Major changes here

April

Veteran

As I have mentioned elsewhere, we live in a house that is quite difficult for me to navigate, especially on my crutches. The outdoors is rugged terrain and even trickier.

After a few years of hesitating and procrastinating, Mr. A and I have finally faced this reality and purchased an apartment in town. It's less than 2 miles from here but far more accessible.

Our plan is for Mr. A and Bodie to stay put while we de-clutter this house and get it ready to stage and show (timeline of 1-2 years) before moving to a place that's less challenging.

We love this house and will miss many aspects of it terribly. But what can you do; we are where we are.

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25 replies

Latest reply was from rachylou

Peri

Veteran

Change is so hard always, but worse when it's not your first choice. You are to be admired for facing this head on. It sounds like you are doing the best thing to care for yourself in the face of challenges.

I read this quote somewhere and it helped me through a change recently, although mine was minor and voluntary. The source wasn't named but the attitude helped me:

Change is hard in the beginning, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.

It was the "messy in the middle" part that helped me the most. I always thought the worst part was deciding and getting started so I would get disappointed when it wasn't smooth sailing after that. This time I would just say, yep, I'm in the messy middle, gorgeous is still ahead of me. I found that sustaining.

Good luck with it all. I'm sorry you have to go through it and I hope you can see gorgeous coming ahead.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Such happy memories, and onto the next chapter. Nerve wracking, and exciting. I'm sure you will all adjust well, sweet April!

It's a good decision, and wishing you every happiness! Safe moving too

If you have a balcony, I HIGHLY recommend getting a porch potty for Bodie since you will be in an apartment without the convenience of a garden. It's LIFE changing.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

April you are so brave .Accepting what you cannot change and moving forward from there,it’s a big deal so well done you.l wish you and your family much happiness in your new home.

Laurie

Veteran

Congratulations, April. As we have discussed, you are setting a great example for the elders in your life, for one thing. And being proactive for the best situation - now, and going forward - in your own life is just admirable.
It's nice to have a period of time to make the transition from the house, instead of the shock of doing it all at once, and I bet you'll be ready to be 100% in the apartment sooner than later.
Good luck, keep us posted on progress.

Helena

Veteran

April, it sounds like a wise and timely decision, but I'm sure it's hard and emotional too. Best of luck for the decluttering and move; I'm sure you're going to enjoy the reduced stress of a more appropriate space for your current needs!

Runcarla

Veteran

Congratulations! I hope you grow to love your new place just as much as the one you’re moving from. Great idea to transition gradually.

Having worked 30+ years in disability management, accessibility issues have always been top of mind! I made sure the house we bought when we relocated in 2014 was all on one level with ‘aging in place’ top of mind!

When my 86 yo mother visited, she was able to get around - but complained that my beds were too high(!) and she needed help every morning to get out/down from it! I’m keeping that in mind for myself (and DH) for when we get a new mattress and box spring.

Also, bathroom reno on the horizon and I want to combine stylishness with safety. I love the look of stand alone tubs, but our ensuite currently has an enclosed soaker tub with a wide tiled edge that makes it easy to get in and out by sitting on the ledge and swinging my legs around. Stepping in and out of tubs scares the x%#! out of me!

April

Veteran

Carla, I don't know the state of products when you left your work, but I have found gorgeous things to accommodate many needs.

For example, I have three types of safety bars in two showers in my current house, from a collection called Invisia. They are lovely and do not scream "hospital."

Thank you all for the encouragement! We have always enjoyed looking at real estate so that part is fun for us. (For those who don't know our gypsy history, Mr. A and I have bought and sold 8 properties - no, we don't flip houses - in our years together.)

Peri, that is a profound quotation and I will memorize it.

Minaminu

Veteran

Congratulations April! It's an important decision and hopefully it will allow many years of happiness and good health in the new place.

I am still in the process of researching the new region and city where we will eventually move but it is clear in my mind that the next place that we will buy will need to be user friendly at any age.

kkards

Veteran

Yay for making the hard decisions. And for recognizing and respecting your physical needs now and thinking about the future.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Good on you. I’m sure it’s difficult to leave your beautiful home. That’s amazing how many times you have already moved. The opposite to us since buying this property in 1991 then subdividing/building in the back yard. Have you done lots of renovations in the houses?
That would be more difficult on crutches though I’m sure…

Bijou

Veteran

April, I admire you immensely for your graceful acceptance of your current and future needs. I hope you find a perfect apartment with a beautiful view.

April

Veteran

JNZ - we have only done boring expensive necessary invisible stuff in the main house (new roof, drainage, basement sumps) but we have added a full kitchen to the barn and totally reimagined the poolhouse and the entire landscape, where Mr. A tends 3 meadows and a water garden.

It's a lot, even for the extremely able-bodied Mr. A., especially since we committed to the Pollinator Pathway (no herbicides, no pesticides, no fertilizers besides compost). And no gasoline leaf blowers, ever.

To clarify, we are not moving to an apartment. We bought one for me to use while we search for an easier house, but it's meant to be temporary.

The building is filled with happy, friendly dogs, which is why we will likely never take Bodie there.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

It’s a big step! Congrats and best wishes on the transition. I know it must be hard to let go of your old home, but it will also be a relief, I bet.

Style Fan

Veteran

This is a big step, and it sounds like a good one. Being prepared for what will eventually be necessary is essential. Where you are living now sounds lovely. Mr. SF and I live in very natural surroundings, and our house has lots of stairs. It's impractical for two retired people. We have talked about what our next move will be.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Good luck April. You made the right decision I'm sure, but it is still a process. We change and grow, right?

Laurie

Veteran

I kind of love the concept of an apt 2 miles from the house, Mr., and pup to be....alone in?!
I understand now - a 2 step transition looking for the perfect go-forward house, and solving the today problems, with a runway to declutter and showing the house. A lot of logistics, for sure, but a great solution path.

Joy

Veteran

Wishing you the best. A good sympathetic remodeler mY help you. We had a major kitchen remodel that had to make room for my mother's wheel chair to make it to the bathroom and a back bedroom. The owner of the company was very active in making things work and we were happy with the result. We ended up with a wheel chair ready home. That helped sell it later on.

Debbie

Veteran

I wish you luck on this. Decisions on aging can be mind boggling. I hope the location will be good for you too close to the necessary things. I admire you for getting ahead of the situation.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Ah, April -- so tough to make a decision like this but it sounds wisest for you and your family and you will likely be so much happier when you feel you can get around more safely. You're modeling something important for the young ones and also for the old one, if he could but pay attention, LOL.

rachylou

Veteran

Makes sense. Also: Decorating time

Anonymous

Sounds like a good plan! Hope you can find another house that you love that is more accessible!

April

Veteran

The thing about our current house is that it has far too many minor changes in level to ever be made accessible. There are 8-inch stepdowns in two places, and not enough space for ramping. It has two outbuildings that both are problematic in terms of access. five staircases, and so on. Theoretically you *could* spend a fortune to make it fully accessible, but at that point you would have lost the entire character of the house and property.

Today was the apartment closing. I'm excited about it!

Jenni NZ

Veteran

That’s a great plan and how good that you’re excited. Hope the apartment will be very comfortable for the duration of the plan.

April

Veteran

Wow, slow process! First I was in Arizona, now the purchases that will make the apartment livable are trickling in.

Yesterday the mattress arrived; today we will unbox and set it up. Monday all my secondhand goodies arrive (LR sofa, a lamp, some barstools). I ordered a kettle and a coffee grinder, a porcelain cone for cafe filtre -- essentials! Slowly but surely I'm taking decor items from house to apartment.

LMA will come out from Brooklyn next week to help me move some furniture pieces we already own.

Sleeper sofa is ordered but will take 12 weeks. Mr. A is on "smart TV" duty.

rachylou

Veteran

I feel excitement!