Losing patience - YouLookFab Forum

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Losing patience

Janet

(website)

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As many of you know, I've been spending some quality time with my wardrobe as I plan for a closet makeover. I've been taking one section at a time -- shoes, jeans, jackets, etc. -- and looking over each piece with a sharp eye to figure out whether it is earning its keep in my closet.

Yesterday as I took out some things for mending and button-changing, I realized I am losing patience with those items that I struggle with. You know the ones -- the ones you put on, can't find just the right combination that you feel fab in, and then return them to the closet because you think you'll find the magical formula later.

Certain necklines, hems and lengths, and some "trickier" more complex garments are more likely to give me problems. Anything that requires precise adjustment and doesn't stay in place for hours at a time just gets on my nerves. I'm also losing patience with stiff fabrics that feel bulky or overly confining.

I still like unique pieces, but I suppose all this is to say I am getting pickier. I have to direct my patience to my shopping habits rather than my closet orphans! Sometimes I really do fall into thinking "but I spent money on this, I need to keep it until I get use out of it" even though the sight of it in my closet makes me feel guilty. There are a couple of things in particular that haven't even been worn -- I've had them for a year and the tags are still on. Talk about guilt inducing.

Just some Monday morning musings. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this editing process as well!

General

26 replies

Latest reply was from unfrumped

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Bon courage, Janet! Editing is hard work. Even for those of us who love to edit!

I did a closet edit yesterday and had some difficult moments. There are a few items from my spring/summer wardrobe that I rarely wore. And I felt very guilty about it.

But here is what I told myself. In both cases, these were "experiments" for me in the sense that I was trying out a new silhouette and style. It wasn't crazy to imagine it would work. The items (Leith pants and Zara kimono) actually looked pretty good on me. But they did not feel right. This was something I really couldn't have said before putting them through their paces at least once or twice. So...there it is. Even with the best planning and forethought in the world, we will sometimes make mistakes. Even Angie has admitted that she still makes a few.

It's hard to stare that in the face, but then releasing these items to new homes opens up the closet to better things, and every time I make a purchasing mistake I learn more about my needs and tolerance levels.

Eliza

Veteran

Janet, I feel your pain.

I have some similar items in my closet and am in the midst of a piecemeal purge. I hope the stuff with the tags on is from Nordstrom.

I agree that the answer to my dilemma going forward lies in careful shopping. I am spending more time in dressing rooms, walking in shoes and thinking while at the store than I used to do. Of course, there is always the step of time at home and trying with your wardrobe, but some stuff just shouldn't come in.

For the stuff that is already there, I would say purge the uncomfortable, fussy to wear stuff, remembering that you are blessed with plenty of clothing options and there will be more to come. If you have some items that you are drawn to but haven't worked yet and/or represent a big investment, separate them out as you go. When you have identified your clothes that are beloved, definite keepers (your core wardrobe), take the ones from the edited question mark pile, and see if there are possibilities. I think too much stuff to consider pairing these things with can paradoxically make it harder to find viable options. I am going to let the clear winners ground my wardrobe and drive the "what to keep" bus. Some of the extraneous stuff is that for very good reasons, including it that it has no relationship to my current style preferences and directions.

Good luck and can't wait to hear about your results.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

It is frustrating sometimes isn't it? And you're right, also guilt inducing.

I've been pretty ruthless over the past year in regard to clearing out items. I *almost* have only clothes that I have worn more than once and felt good wearing in my closet. I do however *still* have a couple of items never worn out of the house. One is a faded denim jacket, one is a cotton moto/bomber style jacket that I can't wear until it gets cool (but I really like it).

I can't say the same about belts, jewelry, handbags and shoes as I'm still hanging on to too many of these that I will likely never wear due to size/comfort or similar issues.

I won't keep items if I feel they are "fussy" when I wear them. I do use fashion tape to fix minor things like straps showing or too deep of a v, but other than that, if it doesn't feel good, or it fits wrong, it goes into the "drawer" for resell or donation.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Excellent thoughts, Suz and Eliza!

Suz, I've been doing a lot of experimenting over the last two years too, and my mistakes have either been of the experimental variety or of the buying something familiar variety -- a piece that appeals to the "old me" that in reality I have little interest in wearing anymore, or occasion to wear.

Eliza, I have a little section that, in the manner of Stephen Colbert, I have designated "On Notice." Oyster colored cropped jacket, I'm looking at you. I have a feeling that most of these are just parked in a way station but on their way out. I have a lot of clothes and I just don't need more things that require that much work and thought.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Ooh, Tex, I culled a bunch of belts too! Jewelry is a tough one. I get sentimental about jewelry -- isn't it ridiculous? And I wonder if somehow I'll decide all of a sudden I'll start to want wearing delicate necklaces again, so maybe I shouldn't get rid of them?

Yesterday I found a box of old earrings (many of which I made back in the early 90s in the beading craze) and decided I can finally let them go. I get a twinge of sadness about it, but I will feel better without the clutter.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

I just remind myself that we all make those fashion mistakes and refuse to feel bad. My personal solution is to find someone else who it works better for in my circle and more often than not that pans out. sometimes it's even a matter of a friend passing it on to someone in their circle. in the end a mistake mostly turns out to be a chance to brighten someone else's world. If I don't think it's right for anyone, then off to the donation pile. Leaving it in my closet to mock me is not an option.
I am so lucky to readily cop to my mistakes and thank my father for his lessons on self care that he seemed to have crammed me for in our short 13 years together.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

I just remind myself that we all make those fashion mistakes and refuse to feel bad. My personal solution is to find someone else who it works better for in my circle and more often than not that pans out. sometimes it's even a matter of a friend passing it on to someone in their circle. in the end a mistake mostly turns out to be a chance to brighten someone else's world. If I don't think it's right for anyone, then off to the donation pile. Leaving it in my closet to mock me is not an option.
I am so lucky to readily cop to my mistakes and thank my father for his lessons on self care that he seemed to have crammed me for in our short 13 years together.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Pop these items into a holding zone, Janet.

Thistle

Veteran

I feel your pain, and I know it well.

You do have a beautiful wardrobe, but it should serve you. Perhaps you can set aside your current difficult pieces and put them in a holding tank. Yes, you made some mistakes, but it might help you with future shopping if you really analyze the peices that don't work, why the don;t work, but why you bought them. Everntually, you can decide if you miss them and want to make them work, or if you want to purge them.

More importantly, use them to help with your future shopping to not make the same mistake too many more times (Yes, it will probably happen again, but don;t be too hard on yourself.). It makes me wonder if your study of them will help lead you to a sartorial epiphany (okay, maybe not so grand, but at least direction )

The difficult items are sunk costs, nothing you can do to change that. But you can learn from it. And perhaps you could consign or e-Bay the pieces.

Anonymous

Oh Janet! That is tough. You deserve to have your closet by your Happy Place though, filled with wonderful options that suit you perfectly now. You shouldn't have to feel sad or bad when you see things that you spend money on but can't bring yourself to wear. Maybe if you think of it that way, it will be easier to pass some things on. I love your "on notice" area! Can you throw a sheet of garment storage bag over that section to that your eye doesn't have to see it every time you walk in there?

Anonymous

I sympathise Janet. As you know I was doing a similar thing with my Summer things this morning. I have already cleared a lot of stuff out over the last few months and I'm just in the process of adding so I haven't got to the stage where I'm survey my buying mistakes etc. I suspect that may come. I like Claires' idea to throw a sheet over your holding are so you aren't staring guilt in the face on opening your closet! From what you've written you have identified what gripes you regarding fit, fabrics etc so you are now in a stronger position to move forward. Good luck!

rae

(website)

Veteran

Big sympathy here. Especially as I try to elevate my wardrobe by not buying randomly at the flea market, there are things I bought mere months ago that don't feel right! It was easier to purge the Dollar stuff... Lol. I try to look at it like this: that item just gets more expensive as it continues to "make you pay" in discomfort or guilt.

unfrumped

Veteran

I sympathize and am going through some similar sorting issues.
I don't think all are "mistakes" . Some are just finding your perfect fits and styles and then the other items just don't make the cut. But, in seeing that, it can help to say, no, this item isn't right; I now realize that somewhere out there are items that are better because they are (longer, more fitted, less fitted, better fabric--insert term!)

I like your description of not tolerating fiddling or whatever. I've now got no tolerance whatever for tops that aren't long enough for pants--well, of course not, but I mean, I have tops that seem long enough when I put them on and look in the front view, but after an hour or so you realize you're tugging or it rides up or whatever.

With impatience, I have to keep in mind some proportion issues and that certain tops are just great with skirts but not pants. So I have to be careful not to throw things out based on one outfit failure. So if it's good enough to keep otherwise--is a great color or makes several outfits easily-- I want to set those in their own area, or label the hangers, and remember, just don't keep trying to wear them with pants. It also reminds me to watch these categories and not overstock. But your point is good--if it keeps not working with everything you try, then it's probably not gonna find its purpose in your close.

catgirl

Veteran

Count me in. Plus I had an unexpected work change that threw me off. I still have a leather jacket with tags that is way too late to return to Zara - why did I think I couldn't live without it? And about to consign a bunch of shoes and purses. I'm trying to do it fast, like pulling off a bandaid! I am, however, realizing that just about everything I covet lately has a close cousin or sibling in my closet already. So maybe it's time for one in, one out.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

No solution just sympathy.

I've been through this & still go through it when I edit my clothes albeit on a much smaller scale. I found all the cheap stuff that I hadn't worn much easier to purge. Same with the "good" stuff that I'd worn & loved but was now over & knew I wouldn't wear again.

Where it got hard for me was with the expensive but little worn clothes - the guilt factor was very high with me too. I kept holding on to those pieces thinking I could make them work & therefore assuage the guilt. It really was taking so much of my energy that I made a conscious decision to give these pieces away rather than sell them - it just made me feel better for some reason. It also made me really think about why I didn't wear them

Lisa

Veteran

I so understand this. One reason why it took me 3 years t purge my closet down to 150 items (from over 300) is because of guilt. It is tough to get rid of items I spend good money on and are in good shape. But as I've gotten rid of those things, the freedom because I now own items I enjoy to wear is worth it. At least now when I look in my closet I don't feel guilty anymore.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Well things that are NWT do typically sell for more on Ebay and on consignment. I actually have a harder time getting rid of the things I spend the least on - where will I again have the chance to buy xxx for $2? Not terribly constructive I'm afraid. Sympathies!

Kiwichik

Veteran

Nothing to add other than I am bookmarking this as I will be going through this process myself in the near future

Lantana

Veteran

Janet I know this feeling. Ugh. Guilt, frustration, impatience - hey, isn't fashion meant to be fun?
Just kidding but I do sympathise.
I am going through my wardrobe laboriously, beginning with my skirts. If I cannot put together at least three outfits based on a particular skirt it is OUT. So far I have ditched one skirt, (thrifted and never, I mean never worn. )
A small step but in the right direction.
So good luck and bon courage with your editing/ purging.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Thanks for all the words of encouragement and solidarity. I am not alone!

Caro, I feel the same thing about giving things away -- it's as though I've bought someone a gift rather than myself an unworkable purchase. I can often pass things along to my nieces, but we're slightly different sizes, and there are age and lifestyle differences, so not everything works. Unfortunately, my friends are all different sizes from me.

In my downtime I have been photographing some things to put on eBay. This actually feels pretty liberating -- even non-clothing items like my old iPhone! I'm also putting some fall and winter things in a holding zone, as Angie suggests, because I might end up reaching for them in the upcoming season. But I'm pretty inclined to let go of summer things that went unworn this summer, since the season is winding down.

I think this is helping me start to see my wardrobe in a new light. I have some long-held habits around shopping and clothing-collecting, and not all of them are helpful. It seems to take me fits and starts to make change.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

A "gift" is exactly right Janet. It changes the whole debacle from a guilt inducing negative into a positive solution.

The other thing I forgot to add is although this process is painful, particularly the first time round, it does produce great changes in spending habits

unfrumped

Veteran

Also I'm not an -ebayer or even a good consignment-er. I was derailed on my consignment drop-off last week because they were full, and I don't have the patience or time to keep trying. I got interested in getting some return $$ but overall it's so small that it's really not a match for the time and trouble (sessions only once a week, during work hours). So that created another kind of pressure.

So, I'm ready to pack it all up for Goodwill, as I've done for years before this past year or two, and say, goodbye and good vibes for letting it all go to a worthy cause.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I need to purge, big time. But I really don't know what I'll need or will want to wear because my free time is still so limited. I have stuff with tags too. I still love a lot of my closet but I need to be realistic about what will truly be worn.
It's hard though and I empathize.

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

I empathize and relate. A lot of times, I end up with orphans that I put time into making. Sometimes I can just let them go, recognizing them as an experiment. Other times, I hang on to them, hoping to make them work some way. I am thinking I need to have a storage area for clothes I've made but will not wear and yet I want to keep as samples for my sewing classes. They should not be taking up my perfectly good closet space that should be for things I want to wear.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I'm starting to think I need to see my closet as one would a sports team, with first string players, second string, and then the bench. I'm finding a lot of things I don't love, but definitely wear (a step above loungewear but not what I'd put on to 'go out'). I guess I'm doing a mental demotion of sorts with things that are not perfect and part of the 'A' team but are still useful for my lifestyle. I don't want to toss every so-so item and end up with beautiful things that don't get worn and conversely, only loungewear and gear for the around the house errands and biking to the store type occasions.

unfrumped

Veteran

Mo, I love that. I think I do that subconsciously but your words are great. The 2nd stringers do exist. I think " managing the team" ( aka curating) is the key. For wardrobe, the second string shouldn't be too deep, even if we do need some backups. the Bench is on notice--if theres no way get back in the game, then you're out.