My daughter has always said she will never feel really grown up until she loses myself and her Dad. Sadly the latter died in July and we all miss him very much.
No one can really say or do anything that will take away the feeling of utter loss. It is a cliche ,but Time is the only solace.
I also found the idea of wearing bright colours abhorrent. I resented the sun shining! I wore black and white for weeks. Then one day daughter and I decided to sort out my husband's pullovers. He had some lovely ones and daughter decided she wanted one and would get a Teddy Bear made from it. I helped her sort out the garments.
After she had gone I decided to clear the muddle on the floor. My "favourite" was there and I cuddled it. As I did so a very large butterfly landed on my chest. It remained there while I struggled to draw the blinds and open the locked window. The butterfly flew off into my husband's favourite Acer section in the garden.
Oddly from that moment I started to want to wear something brighter.
Three weeks is too soon to expect to feel anything but shock and grief. Give yourself some time. Later, much later perhaps, you will find sort of resignation.I speak from experience.
I am so sorry.
