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Losing my edge

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I've just been mulling over something about my style recently, and LisaP's recent thread also sparked some thoughts. Warning: navel gazing ahead.

I turn 56 in three months, and I'm trying to be more mindful than ever about editing, choosing and styling my wardrobe in a way that is occasion- and lifestyle-appropriate. In the pandemic year I stopped dyeing my hair, and the asymmetrical cut and the blue streaks are all grown out. I have a middle-aged body, but I still feel like I'm 30 in a lot of ways. I'm still an indie-rock girl at heart, and I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to give up a bit of rock/alt-rock/indie-rock in my style. Nothing as overt as outright punk or Stevie Nicks boho or flannel grunge, but I seem to need SOME edge in my style to feel like myself. Lately though I wonder if I'm losing that. I think I'm grappling a bit with the effects of aging body and face and grey hair on my overall style. I find this particularly challenging in summer, when I can't rely on boots and jackets to amp up the tough/edge. And I look at what I've bought lately and most of it is pretty soft and drapey. I *think* my recent sandal purchases have helped up the style factor a bit, but when I get in this mode I tend to second-guess everything. LOL

I have a hair appointment in 10 days (and yes, I am counting down), and I am pretty sure my stylist will have some ideas how to update my hair with my goals in mind. I've been going to him for almost 18 years so he knows me well!

But I'm going to be looking at my wardrobe items and how I combine them with an eye to keeping true to this aspect of my style. Can any of you relate? Any suggestions or insights?

With a nod to LCD Soundsystem (it probably already says a lot that I'm referencing a nearly 20 year old song, LOL, but yeah, even James Murphy is 51)...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUjDMdSwefk

Dressing

53 replies

Latest reply was from rachylou

Synne

Veteran

I have only "known" you on this side of 50-something, so I can't compare to your 30-something self. But wow do you have edge and glam and rock'n'roll galore! And with a beautiful modest, composed, almost somber artistic depth (sorry for cheezy wording). You have amazing style. (And please don't dye over the grey. It is sooo pretty).

notsaf

Veteran

Well, thank goodness at least LCD Soundsystem are back together!

Janet, I get this an I'm only late thirties. That said, I find that summer is alway harder for precisely the reasons you state: less hard-edged tailoring, outerwear, boots, denim. I rely on tough sandals, cut offs, and a denim jacket. But when it's *really* hot -- when only a sundress will do -- that's harder. I choose things only in my core palette (black, white, near-neutrals) and lean into sandals and sunglasses, too.

I know your sage and pink dresses got a lot of love on the other thread, and they did look great, but my thought was that they didn't feel as much like you, fwiw (and take that with a grain of salt!), than the original black one. Since you look so good in clothes in general, you might need to be more picky in different ways at this leg in your journey to really feel the way you want to feel! I know I do and I embrace that as much as possible!

Teresa

Wow, I’m right here with you. I’m 54, and my body is changing due to menopause and just aging in general. I feel a bit less comfortable in my style—not ready to go into the oversized, artsy looks of Artful Home or Eileen Fisher, but need an updated direction. Plus all of a sudden my feet are super fussy, so most of my shoe collection isn’t working. I think I’ve always added interest/edge to outfits with shoes and toppers and accessories, and kept a rather plain base wardrobe. Not sure what my formula will be going forward.

I’ve always liked the color accent in your hair, and even with your new grays I think the blue accents will look divine. Your jewelry always adds an edge too.

LaPed

Veteran

I know exactly what you're talking about! This is definitely a zeitgeist thing, at least in part. There's a big shift toward relaxed everything, earthy minimalism, and a big dose of IDGAF. A lot of hard-edged looks, in the current context, feel sort of overdone and trying-too-hard I think. I've barely worn my black Frye moto boots this past year, and am not so interested in exuding any sort of toughness, or even crispness, at the moment. After years of high-contrast looks, I hardly ever reach for black/white combos.

I say this, but I also just bought a moto jacket for the first time... partly because the colour was perfect (not black! notice a pattern?). But also because I think this is going to shift again, for me, as we move away from pandemic life into something else. We'll need our armour again eventually, right?! So I'm trying to lean into the softer side for now (longer hair, softer colours, a little drape), but I'll have no problem leaning right back into the harder stuff when it feels right. Maybe an opportunity for more juxtaposition...

Indie kid here too, btw. This Sleater-Kinney post on FB cracked me up the other day.

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Anonymous

Maybe take a few minutes to be sad about how the things you used to rely on to create your style persona no longer really work for you, and yes, in many ways it's easier to dress a young body, and then, starting with now, focus your creativity on styling the very beautiful mature rocker woman you have managed to become.

You're a successful, professional artist, you can definitely do this, you have the skill, talent and discipline. Also I am guessing, the tenacity.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

You can be 80 and have edge in your style, assuming that you still want it. Were the drapy purchases intentional?Sandals, bag, hair, glasses/sunglasses, etc. can balance your recent purchases. Perhaps you will feel sorted after your haircut?

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Phoebe, thank you. Lovely words and encouragement!

LaPed, LOL -- love them! I nearly ran headfirst into Corin at a small music festival in Mexico a few years ago when I got out of my seat to go find the restroom, and she was funny and nice. I'm sad that festival is no longer being held, it was intimate and fun. A little glimpse of the year we were there: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmtv2qmXMiM But anyway, yes, I love your new jacket -- perfect for you! I feel like my jackets got very little love last year with staying home so much. I think the DGAF approach can work in a rock'n'roll vibe if I can get the mix right.

Teresa, yes! I feel ya. I don't feel right in the Eileen Fisher/Artful Home vibe. Small touches are OK. I think you are right about the jewelry and I want to keep an eye on my accesorization. Statement rings are a definite thing for me!

Notsaf, yes! You get me. I know what you mean about the dress in a color other than black, but I also know that I won't be happy with a fully black/overly somber wardrobe. That said, I think keeping my color palette fairly tight as I have done helps with my goals. Good observation.

Synne, thank you. You're so kind!

slim cat

Veteran

I'm with you on figuring the new direction of the styling/dressing. I often feel a bit lost seeing all my younger co-workers with fun/edgier styles of hair, clothes, accessories. I turned 55 this week and want a bit more structure in my clothes and more fun accessories to feel better about the way I look ( some mirror' hating moments in the morning ).

You have great style and little tweaks will come slowly and naturally - a bit of softer side in hot summer, more rock-and-roll in the fall. Your artistic eye will help you figure it out!
Agree with idea of blue colors in your hair - your stylist will sure come up with fun styles.

Anonymous

Well, I'm right here with you, and have had a few years head-start on this dilemma. Even 5 years ago you would not have caught me dead in red sneakers and a red striped sweater, for example, yet here I am. I can't pinpoint exactly what prompted the change in attitude or style, and sometimes I worry I've tipped over the edge into suburban frumpdom.

I used to wear leather moto jackets, leather pants, chunky boots with lots of metal trim (or conversely pointy toe boots with metal trim) for example (not all at once though, lol ) , but haven't worn my leather jackets in over a year now. I tried one on the other day and it just felt wrong somehow. I've abandoned my statement-making footwear too. While I'm believer in wear-whatever-you-want ....there is also a fine line between authentic style and mutton-dressed-as-lamb ,and maybe age plays a part in that. I get frustrated trying to keep my hair current, as I also feel that while a classic cut is great, it's also important to keep it updated and in-tune with your age/lifestyle/body type . I don't have the answer to that one as I struggle with it a lot. I love edgy haircuts, but see that softer/less dramatic ones now suit my aging face and overall look better. Scrolling through old photos is interesting in that regard.....

An anecdote to share: the other day , while popping into BR to return something, I spotted a woman I've seen around the city (mostly in stores and restaurants) over the past few years, who has always been put together in a hyper-styled (leather pants, stiletto boots, tons of jewelry , immaculately coiffed hair (now bordering on trump territory) and all the spendy belts and bags you'd expect) way. She was wearing one of those ridiculous clear plastic face shields , but still wearing the very same hyper-styled clothing I used to see her in 3-4 years ago. I'm in my Converse and jeans, and she's in leather pants and high heeled boots - and I honestly thought she looked ridiculous and out of place . Same styling, same pieces, but she's now older and looks stuck in the past. Yes, this sounds harsh, but ........

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Barbara Diane, yes, I think the haircut will help. And I completely agree that we can achieve edge or any other style goals at any age. I think sometimes *how* we achieve it may shift over time.

For example, I'm still wearing my graphic tees -- I just did laundry and realized I wore three in the past week alone. All concert tees. And yeah, sometimes I just wear them to work at home, with cutoffs or jeans. But I like styling them *up* a bit with a jacket and more thoughtful styling too. And I think those convey some edge.

Glasses I think are good for now. I'm hard to fit and very picky about frames! I don't really pay a lot of attention to trends on eyewear as not a lot of styles suit me -- most frames are large and overwhelm my small face. I rely on my vintage sunglass frames and my thin wire eyeglass style for now.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Slim cat, I wouldn't have thought you were grappling with this too, from your WIWs it looks like your style is cohesive and has just the right amount of edge! But it's good to know I have company. We will all figure it out, again and again, right?

Lisa, yep, I can relate to a lot of those observations. I am still feeling my leather jackets but styling a bit differently, and I'm not as drawn to embellishment as much as I used to be. I know exactly what you mean about the woman you described. I am not seeing much of that in my area (what little I am out), but I totally agree that somehow some things just don't seem *right* anymore. Stilettos, overly styled hair, tight skinnies, big expensive logo items...not my jam. Never was, but now it somehow seems even more cringe-inducing.

Anonymous

Yep. Also - adapt your style with age and changing environments ! Sheesh.

Anonymous

What are you considering for your hair? Have salons been closed for this long in your area, or have you stayed away by choice?

Anonymous

It doesn't sound harsh Lisap, it sounds sad.

I am aware that I"m not as fresh and lovely as I was but attracting more attention made me so self conscious, now I can actually expand my participation. There's so much of life to experience and the falling back of that time can create space for other things.

April

Veteran

Ok, another reference to an aging musician from another middle-aged indie devotee: Eminem is close to 50 -- he used to be indie, youngsters -- but I think it's ok to lose your edge as long as you don't lose yourself.

My opinion: you'll always have your edge, but you might redefine it to go with your changing ladyscape.

slim cat

Veteran

There is a scene in the movie "The Fifth Element" that comes to my mind each morning dressing for work: the priest ( Ian Holm ) rushes into his closet saying "Need to look dignified!" ( to meet the supreme being ) and looks at his almost identical robes - lol. I guess that the way I feel dressing for work. For off work/casual dressing - I fall into trap of super comfortable-casual rut ( especially during hot summer time ).

MidwestrnChic

I'm also 56 and find myself nodding my head in agreement to every single comment on this thread. It's an interesting, sometimes frustrating transition and one I don't really have a solution for. Shoes and accessories come to mind, but my fussy feet disagree with the shoes avenue and I find myself relying on some type of sneaker for nearly everything. At least I know I'm not alone....

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I have stayed away from the salon by choice. I did have a cut (no color obvs) in September but that's been it since last February. The salon has stayed open but I've wanted to limit my exposure since it tends to be a lengthy time in the chair. I'm thinking of leaning into the natural texture a bit more with a bit more defined shag style -- I know you follow Jayne Matthews and I like her approach, but I don't think I can get away with the more extreme middle-parted stylings (her models are so gorgeously edgy and most are young!). I look better in a side part and without too much bulk in the bangs. But maybe something along the lines of these.

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unfrumped

Veteran

No specific advice but I hear you.

What I’m experiencing is, I have these clothing items and outfits/ ideas, but then when I wear some ( a lot) of them I just don’t look as I imagined I would- imagine that! So then I’m trying to analyze, is it just the styling, so, try more combinations, or, is it , Reality Check time.
But then I do come up with a few “ looks” that I really like, but maybe— so few? And then, ok, here’s a formula opportunity to work with , I’m down for that, but how to translate that to multiple seasons and levels of casualness or occasions. It’s like I can’t quite replicate it easily across seasons and activities, or mix and match as easily as I’d like.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Do you think that the years around menopause are rather like the years around puberty?Our bodies,hormones and quite often our roles with in our own lives are all changing and like teenagers we are grasping our way towards the new person that will emerge at the end of this time?
And yes the pandemic has also had a huge influence as well but as a previous commentator has said you are an artist and l have no doubt that you will apply your considerable visual skills to this challenge and come up with something fabulous.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Cardiff girl, yes! I think you're right about that. I actually remember my mom and I talking about that, as we were going through those opposite changes during the same years (my parents were a bit older when I was born). Although I don't know if it's so much a "new person" so much as a more focused, defined version of who I am, less distracted by trends and things that don't suit me.

Liesbeth

Veteran

As a thirty-something I want to add that I adore observing older women with a defined style - well, younger women too, but they often seem more trendy-like-you'd-expect, and their style less lived in.
Also, I can somewhat relate. I think a big part of my general vibe used to be 'youthful' (someone once said I'd probably have something girly about me no matter my age), but I hardly feel girly anymore since becoming a mom, and a frazzled and stressed out one at that. Also, what used to look youthful is now apparently a clear sign of being a millennial vs gen z (as I think LaPed's post refers to? I can hardly keep up with the memes.) So anyhow, you seem to do fine following your gut, and this is something I try to do myself as well in all the noise.

kkards

Veteran

Nodding along with Lisap - I do feel that there is a big shift happening now with that’s going on in the world and how that translates into what looks right/feels right right now.

Anonymous

I'm thinking it's a Covid thing more than an age thing, as we're all rethinking our priorities. Anything overdone just feels out of touch-the stiletto/leather vibe definitely, but anything especially showy. Anything OTT mskes me think Capital in Hunger Games- read it, didn't watch, but that's what I imagine.

A haircut will definitely help you get back to feeling like "you", and I don't picture you going full on AH or EF anytime soon

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Like La Ped mentioned I do wonder if our style personas are hibernating given all the uncertainty and vulnerability laid bare by the pandemic.

It's hard to have an indie edge when there's no live music, you've been stripped of your natural habitat and have lost your style tribe too.

Hopefully, as the vaccine is rolled out globally and our lives begin to resemble normality we can bring our style out of the holding zone and gradually back onto the streets.

Irina

Veteran

I agree with suntiger, I think COVID changed a lot for all of us. Overly polished or too styled feels wrong. I’ve been watching some fashion shows for the first time in many, many years and it seems that less structure, less color styles are becoming more common. Maybe we should stop care much about figure flattering clothes and give ourselves more freedom to experiment. I intend to do exactly that once retail is open here. I want to go to stores that I like and try a bunch of new to me styles.

Jonesy

Veteran

Lots of thoughtful replies here! Seems like Covid plus being in your mid-50s have combined to make you pause and reflect. I've been doing something similar! We are living through a massive historical event, and it's prompting all sorts of shifts.

My two cents: I don't think that being in one's 50s automatically means losing edge.

I also thing what's edgy evolves with time, since it's in part contextual--what seemed edgy to me when I was in college is not what I would think of as edgy now, if that makes sense. But if you *want* to shift or evolve your style to be less edgy or differently edgy, then yay!

I love the haircuts you are considering and think they would look fab on you.

And for the record, LCD Soundsystem and side parts are timeless :)!!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Janet, having your hair done in 10 days is going to make a huge difference. Promise. You will re-address these questions from a better head space post haircut.

I don't think you've lost your edge at all! Your glam, creative, maximal rocker, indie, hard edged, and bad-arse-pretty style is alive and kicking! It's innate

But you ARE 14 months into a pandemic and haven't dressed the way you did daily pre-pandemic. That's affecting you more now. You have worn a lot more Athleisure, gone air-streaming, worn fewer accessories, and all arty social gatherings have fallen by the wayside. Summer is upon you, and you don't enjoy dressing for it! Plus you are hitting semi-retirement. The lifestyle change means a style change and that deserves some attention and soul searching. How you transition and evolve SIMPAT style to suit your new life will be a fab leg of your style journey! We are here to support and cheer you on as you find your new BALANCE.

(Now re-read what I wrote in paragraph #2!)

cat2

Veteran

It feels like there have been several threads about how not to abandon your edge in summer. Maybe folks can generate some concrete suggestions? Picking tropical floral skirts and a flowy pink dress does seem a bit off brand. Maybe try a different retail mix? Anne Fontaine does sophisticated lace really well, shirts that could substitute for a jacket, and Angie posted an asymmetric black skirt and a grey ruched skirt last summer that would be great alternatives to the tropicals. No need to go all Marin Therapist with the EF.

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