We are parting ways. - YouLookFab Forum

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We are parting ways.

Suzanne (ambergreen)

Veteran

New update: husband and I are definitely parting ways. After we discussed a few more things, it became clear that the lack of future he sees for us as a couple is non-negotiable.

And at this point, I feel pretty OK about it, believe it or not. There are things the universe is sending my way that point to some *other* things in my life that are going to pull ahead on the positive side. And there are more fish, as they say, in the sea. I'm not worried about that. So...there it is!

Thank you all for your thoughts and good wishes! I always welcome the wise words of YLF.

* * *

(FYI: I posted the below, believing some not-wonderful words from my usually quite wonderful partner. But it looks like at this time, he's taken them back. For now, I'm in wait-and-see mode and hope he's going to clean up his act. Oh, boy. And HUGE THANKS to everyone who gave me these very kind replies! <3)

* * *

Hi everyone. So...looks like I am heading for divorce (again). This is hard...I absolutely adore my husband, but he's at That Age--you know what I mean--and has chosen to find himself by leaving me. I suppose it's for the best...we are both going through times of growth, but he has decided not to share his future with me, while I was hoping we could go through some great new things together. How disappointing.

I haven't been posting much for quite a while, and part of it is that I've been going through a lot of changes myself and not feeling that vocal about anything, so apologies for getting heavy out of the blue. I've been through divorce before but it was my choice the last time (and it was the right one then). Anyway...I could use some friends right now! I have not been good at building friendships but recognize that I need to learn. Please be patient with me.

Sigh.

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34 replies

Latest reply was from bj1111

Style Fan

Veteran

Suzanne, I am so sorry. I am glad that you have reached out. This is a rough time.

Anonymous

Hi. I too am glad you reached out to a support network. Expressing your emotions is healing. I encourage you to do so as much as you feel comfortable. I kept a handwritten journal during my divorce. I poured my thoughts/emotions onto the written page and it saved my sanity.

The second helpful thing is recognizing the importance of a strong support network. Although the YLF Forum is virtual. There is a tremendous amount of strength on this Forum. Its virtual state does not detract from that strength. Let the Forum be your strength in the upcoming days/weeks. Sometimes letting someone else be your strength is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Best wishes.

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

Suzanne, I've been also going through divorce (my choice, but still hard), and am likewise not the greatest at reaching out for help or wanting to show vulnerability, but I have found good support from some YLF folks and through a network of far flung friends.

viva

Veteran

You're so articulate about your emotions, Suzanne. Keep reaching out. I'm sorry this has happened, but I hope you'll find solace here, and also the energy to move yourself forward into a beautiful future.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh, Suzanne. My heart goes out to you. How very hard and disappointing. I'm sorry this has happened. Reach out to those who are closest to you and allow them to support and nurture you. Surround yourself with the unconditional love of animals too. It's very therapeutic.

We are always stronger than we think. Please know that you can reach out to the YLF community whenever you want. We are hear to listen and help where we can. Lots of wise words already. Wishing you strength and much love. xo

Amy Isabella

Veteran

Suzanne, I am so sorry you are going through such a very hard time. As Angie said, we ARE always stronger than we think - although we may not believe it at the time. I know you'll find support here as and when you feel you need it.

Suzanne (ambergreen)

Veteran

Thanks so much everyone! I really appreciate it!

And Angie, thank you for the reminder about animals! We didn't have any pets, but I have been thinking about visiting an animal shelter to offer them a little help. I think I will do that soon.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Suzanne, that's a very good idea. The animals and you will benefit greatly from each other.

rachylou

Veteran

Well, that’s a buggrit (yes, Maggie Smith is my totem animal) (Maggie or Millenials...) We’re here! Helping out at an animal shelter would be awesome, I agree.

JAileen

Veteran

I’m so sorry. I hope you can find peace and happiness. Yes to the animal shelter.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

So very sorry to hear this, Suzanne. And how brave of you to reach out, and strong. It's the first step in moving forward. Wishing you calm, and connection, and some solace from your closet, if you can find it. An animal buddy is a wonderful idea.

Glory

Veteran

I am so sorry to hear this. What a good idea to reach out here - you will find much support! I like the animal idea as well.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Suzanne I'm so very sorry to read this. I went through a divorce and a breakup of a long term relationship. I can empathize with the building up of friendships. I have a very large online network but in real life not one friend that I can call up and say let's go hang out and discuss life. Wow. Just reading that makes me kinda sad. That person that we expect to journey with us in life had chosen another path and that is hurtful. I would just say there are no guarantees in life. On the guarantee that we can learn to flow through life. I have no words of wisdom but a bit of advice. Don't cling so tightly to the past be open to the journey forward.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

So sad, but such good self-care to reach out and let others offer support! You have just identified where to place your focus on building friendships. I always say I am at my happiest when I have one friend older, one friend same age and one friend younger. Holding you in prayers as you move through this shock that you did not choose.

Sal

Veteran

Tough times Suzanne and very sorry to read this. I don't know what advice to give but am pleased that you wrote the post. There are some wonderful women (and men ) here who can provide some laughter and joy in tough times.

Suzanne (ambergreen)

Veteran

Wow, everyone, THANK YOU.

And now...the twist. He says he didn't mean it!

So maybe, MAYBE, things will work out. Don't worry, I am savvy and making sure that I am prepared for anything. Men say dumb things all the time...but he did take the initiative to say that it was a mistake. (Ya think...?)

I'd delete the thread...but you all have been so wonderful that I think I will leave the evidence here. And I will still take Angie's wise counsel to go pet some kittens!

Sorry for the (hopefully?) false alarm.

Now the real work begins?

rachylou

Veteran

Well, I’m pleased to hear that. What do they say, every day you have to decide again, Yes. Everyone has their moments. Thick and thin, sick and sin...

Style Fan

Veteran

We never know what will happen. Rachy has some wise words. Everyone has their moments.
My dogs have gotten me through some very difficult times.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Good to hear and best of luck. Much love.

RobinF

Veteran

I hope it all works out for you! Good idea to reach out here, it's a very kind and intelligent group.

viva

Veteran

Life is rarely a straight path. Thinking of you. And kittens: yes!

deb

Veteran

Suzanne, I am sending you a great big hug. It is such a tough time right now, so please hang in there.

Inge

(website)

I'm coming to this a little late and I too wanted to say that it's good (and brave) that you reached out during times like these. Please take very good care of yourself, dear Suzanne, extra kindness for yourself is not a luxury while you are on such a rollercoaster of emotions. And we are always here for you, I hope that goes without saying.

Sending much love from Antwerp,

Inge
xxx

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh my, this sounds like such an emotional rollercoaster! I am wishing you all the best. Any chance the two of you might go to some counseling sessions together? It can be very helpful. Big hugs and much support coming your way.

Amy Isabella

Veteran

I truly hope things work out for you. You must be emotionally exhausted, so try to take extra care of yourself.

Anonymous

I second the suggestion to have some sessions with a counselor. It can be a big help in communicating more constructively...or less destructively. Good luck!

Suzanne (ambergreen)

Veteran

Again, thanks, everyone!

We are not going to get any counseling as a couple...we've uncovered some dealbreakers that, while I know for sure they *could* be overcome, there isn't the "political will" to do so at this time. It's a matter of attitudes that are what they are.

And, like I said in my update, I'm really fine with it ultimately (though I will for sure have ups and downs about it for a while). I have also needed some massive change in my life--this just wasn't the way I had planned to make it. But I will be OK!

Style Fan

Veteran

Suzanne, I am thinking about you. It sounds like an emotional rollercoaster.

Amy Isabella

Veteran

Try to stay positive and do take care of yourself after all these ups and downs. When things get tough I always try to hold onto the thought that "this too will pass".

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