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Life and style epiphanies - how have they changed your perspective?

trekkiegirl

Veteran

Recently, this realization occurred to me: When my clothes fit, I feel better about my body. Seems almost painfully simple, doesn't it? And yet, because of health issues that caused significant and frequent weight fluctuation (30-35 pounds in a year, sometimes as much as 10 pounds in a month) I continued to struggle fitting into pants that were too tight and uncomfortable, or wallowed in tops that hung too loosely where they should have been more fitted. In either case, I blamed my body. "Why don't my boobs fill this out better, maybe I should gain weight, then I'll feel more feminine." Or, when I was at a higher weight, "my god why are my thighs so big, and I'm so bloated - I need to lose weight to feel better."

Today, I'm wearing pieces that fit me perfectly. And even though I'm at the higher end of my weight range, I'm completely comfortable. I like the curve of my thighs and butt, I like the length of my legs, I feel that my top half is balanced and proportionate. Even though my tummy isn't flat right now, it can even feel it rolling over my waistband a bit while I'm sitting here, it isn't obvious because the shirt I'm wearing is just loose enough to conceal it yet still tailored enough to highlight my waist. And when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror I don't cringe.

All because I am wearing clothes that fit me right, right now.

I want to feel like this every day!

Have you ever noticed a shift in perspective when you wear certain things? I'd love to hear about it.

Dressing

21 replies

Latest reply was from Laura (rhubarbgirl)

Gaylene

Veteran

Totally!

When my clothes fit, I feel happy and confident, and then I can forget about myself and focus on other things and people in my life. The way I look is important to me, but I never want it to be more than a bit player in my life.

Anonymous

Absolutely, I'm a few pounds over my comfortable weight at the moment and hate it when my jeans dig in my waist. I get irritable and end up wishing I had a load of knit, or at least easy fabric, dresses in my wardrobe. Note to self, get a couple of dresses for such days.

I love Gaylene's point about being able to turn the focus on other things and people when we are comfortable.

unfrumped

Veteran

Huge epiphany and the reason for talking about, it's the clothes, not the body!
I loved What Not to Wear because they dressed women of all shapes and sizes and just persisted until they found the right styles, and they insisted on good fit.

The challenge for everyday though is that some of this good fit requires tailoring of something that would not fit otherwise, but can be brilliant with some alterations (also a mainstay of WNTW). Then that gets back to having fewer, better items99better can mean more expensive to start with or it can be modestly priced and then altered--tailoring costs can be factored in; as opposed to buying lots of items that "almost" fit. Then of course there is the issue of mass-market sizing,a dn also disproportionate sizing (fit may be off as size changes and not always fixable ) and that it is just difficult to find enough choices at all, sometimes.

Alassë

Veteran

That's a great realization, tr3kkie9rl. We want you to feel that great every day, at every weight! How do you plan to put it into practice?

rachylou

Veteran

Get a boob job or get a better bra? Its like *duh*. But I'll bet more people think of the surgery first and the bra maybe never. So weird.

MsMaven

Veteran

Absolutely true. I now deal with weight fluctuations, and I do feel much better when my favorite jeans fit me without my feeling like I may be cut in half if I sit down.

I wish this weren't the case, but I haven't been able to rationalize looking like I'm pregnant at this point in my life. I've always thought if I gained weight evenly throughout my body I would mind gaining, but as it is, it all goes to the middle.

It helps me to realize that most women past menopause have a similar problem, and considering all the other problems older women deal with, this middle problem isn't so serious.

trekkiegirl

Veteran

Alasse - that's such a good question! I know I need to identify which things make me feel good *right now*, and I'm thinking of using some sort of colored tape system, for items on hangers at least. The jeans I'm not sure how to mark, as they live folded in a drawer.

The biggest problem I have is that during the week in the morning before work, I don't enough time to try on multiple items and then change until I find a good fit. I have to just get dressed and go. I suppose I should get better at picking outfits out the night before, that would probably solve it!

Anonymous

You know, even picking out what I'm going to wear the night before doesn't always work for me. I can start a day feeling fine and by the end, I've swollen extra pounds with bloating and everything is tight! Bloomin' menopause.

unfrumped

Veteran

I had do learn to do more wardrobe review and try-on or else I'd be sabotaged by the pants that really needed a top I didn't have, or the top that rides up and can only be tucked in, that sort of thing. So you may want to create 6-12 "really good" outfits you can count on and either photo or label them somehow.

I am still bad at picking outfit out the night before, but I labelled several items according to 3-4 outfit partners that really worked (including shoes and even jewelry) to remind myself, if I just start randomly pairing these up I'll be tossing things right and left. Sometimes a wardrobe item can be great even if it's "picky," if when it's with the right things it's fab, and if it goes with several such things. If it never works no matter what, or probably if every combination is just so-so, then I need to toss it out.

Alassë

Veteran

Sounds like you need a try-on session (weekend free time?) to determine which section of your closet holds items that flatter right now. Then - how do you create outfits? If you like to mood dress/try on organically, I'm not sure what to suggest (though you've managed so far in WIWs).

If you plan outfits ahead of time, it's easy: just try on a shirt with all the trousers/skirts that flatter and record excellent ensembles. (Or vice versa, build from the bottom up.) Unfrumped also has some really good strategies.

Astrid

Veteran

I lost quite a bit of weight the last year and as a consequence, almost everything in my is (slightly) too big. I had a few things altered to have something to wear and bought a few essentials in fall that I pretty much wore exclusively over the last few months. I found that wearing too big clothes made me feel bad about myself, even though it maybe didn't look as bad as I felt. But I was really uncomfortable and felt sloppy. I hope to stay where I am right now weightwise, but I think if you know you'll be experiencing fluctuations it's a great idea to plan ahead and be as prepared as you can be. Everyone deserves to be comfortable in their clothes, at any weight.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Yes, clothing fit is extremely important to how I feel. I make a point to clear my closet of any tight or uncomfortable clothing as soon as I realize they don't feel good - or at least at the start of a new season. I can't stand thinking I might wear X tomorrow -- only to put it on in the morning and realize it doesn't feel good due to a fit issue! I mean it's one thing not to be feeling like I want to wear "green" today, but it's another thing altogether to put on a favorite color only to see it doesn't fit.

I much prefer to do try ons in groups during times when I am doing closet organization and clear those things to my holding space right away. If I feel like my weight has changed, sometimes I will do a mass try on just to see what's fitting.

The newer looser fit trend in fashion has made all of this easier. I never liked tight jeans anyway so now I'm just careful to buy my "larger" size of jeans instead of the ones my girlfriend or the sales associate might try to get me to buy because "they'll loosen up". No, not in my experience anyway, and that's what belts are for - and I love belts.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I realized I didn't really answer the general question of life/style epiphanies and how they changed my style.

Learning here on YLF to "dress and shop for the life you have" is one of those AHA! moments. I was still buying stuff for my imaginary life to some degree, and it was just sitting in the closet looking pretty.

Another was that shoes and accessories can make/break nearly any simple outfit. I'm a jeans and tee kind of woman, so buying nice tees and jeans is of course one part, but adding more stylish shoes, handbag and accessories was something I hadn't taken into account nearly enough. That has been another game changer for me.

rizamei

I had an epiphany in the last couple years about my workout gear. I used to hide behind cheap, oversized and floppy gear because I was uncomfortable with my body. Then I finally acknowledged that if I was going to run in the dead of winter, I should really get some compression running tights and get over it. I ended up loving running so much that I now always feel completely fab in my running outfits now, even though they are more formfitting than the other clothes I wear on a regular basis. And that was true even before I lost some weight.

Astrid

Veteran

Reading Texstyles's comment I realised I didn't talk about life and style epiphanies either - I think the most recent one is that I can happily dress out of a quite small wardrobe when the pieces fit me well and mesh together seamlessly. I don't crave variety, but I crave comfort and have come to appreciate quality over quanitity. Dressing with very few pieces all in all in the last few months made this rather clear. I also realised that it's important to me to be a mindful consumer.

trekkiegirl

Veteran

I really did mean to do a try on session after I purchased the bulk of my business wear a few months back, because I know for a fact there are skirts that only work with certain shirts, and tops that only work with certain pants etc. Just haven't gotten around to it yet.

I imagine that having it all organized this way would make it even easier to know what I'm comfortable (and therefore most confident) in especially since now that I think about it, it's not just about fit but also about compatibility. At my heavier end, some shirts don't quite tuck in like they would if I were smaller breasted LOL

Dimity

I had an epiphany recently. It was partly because of Suz's thread on the skirted leggings and a comment of Gaylene's about how we don't have to pick between frumpy and young as the only choices combined with some of Accidental Icon's thoughts. I realised that I wanted to look like the best version of me. Not young, not hip or trendy necessarily, not like a 20-something, certainly not like my mother, but like a mature woman with something to contribute to the world, a sense of style and a dash of individuality. I want to enjoy being who I am and not fight that.

shipskitty

Veteran

It was a huge epiphany for me when I realised that most people need to tailor or alter their off-the-rack clothes to make them work. When I realised I could make a skirt look better for ME by getting someone to taper the skirt slightly. Or a jacket look perfect from pretty good by getting the sleeves shortened. Or a blouse slightly shortened so untucked it hits at the leg-break which is the best spot for me.

I spent so many years thinking my body was the problem when it was the clothes... I'm a long way from my 'preferred' weight but I still feel the most professional I have ever felt at work and my casual look is now starting to come together nicely as well.

I can also identify with the realisation that a variety of shoes, and bags, makes your wardrobe more flexible. I was all over necklaces (they've always been my 'thing') but even though I don't have a serious bag collection, just having two different "seasonal" work bags and 2 casual bags (spring/summer & autumn/winter), and a choice of 3 clutches for going out has made an enormous difference to my ability to adapt my outfits. Before I had about six or seven pairs of shoes altogether and one bag for every day and one for going out. Chalk and cheese.

Dee

Veteran

When I finally started buying clothes that fit (petite hemlines, etc), I realized how much more put together I felt and vowed to stop buying pieces that were "almost" right. It made me more selective and I sometimes have a hard time finding pieces, but when I do, I love them.

trekkiegirl

Veteran

Dimity - I really appreciate what you've said. I think we all can be guilty of dressing outside ourselves sometimes, I know I definitely still struggle with not dressing"too young" at times. Or there are days I fear my vintage affinity might be aging me. It's all about finding that balance!

Shipskitty - I do understand the benefits of tailoring. I am fairly competent with a sewing machine, but have a hard time finding the time to just do it and I can't justify the expense of paying someone else.
The concept of bags as an accessory is somewhat new to me, I've only ever thought of them as a functional item! Not sure if that will ever change.

Dee - that's the kicker for me too, the "almost" right things. I have a much more expansive wardrobe now I shouldn't have to settle for that!

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Ugh, wearing too tight clothes, especially pants, is so miserable. I read a story once that it actually causes illness, too: gynecological issues, as well as digestive/IBS stuff. Yikes! I definitely feel better, mentally and physically, when my clothes fit me well, whether or not they're the size I wish I was wearing or not.

I like to sew but I hate to do alterations and repairs. So I don't. My dry cleaners will put in a new zipper or repair a hem for a reasonable price and I get to spend my time doing things that don't make me want to throw my sewing machine out the window.