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Late to the Party, Apparently Not Invited

Andrea B.

Well, I got the Cha Cha Vente dress in the mail, put it on, and well, it's not perfect. No, there will be no pics. I'm just so disappointed. I have been steadily losing weight over the last year, but I think I have at least 5-10 more to go before this becomes a keeper. No, it's not super tight, but it could be looser and I've got a bit of a pooch that I'd like to get rid of more of before this dress is on my back in public.

Not sure whether to keep this as a fitness goal to work toward, or to just take it back to Macy's. Somewhat heartbroken. Also not helpful: my husband's remark upon seeing it: "What are you going to do with THAT?" He obviously doesn't like it. Then again, this is a style of clothing he has NEVER seen me wear. I have been inspired by all of you and following Angie's rules, and feeling fabulous and foxy; I've changed how I look and how I feel, and tonight, now I kinda just feel like throwing in the towel.

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. In the meantime, should I just forget it, return it, and get something nice that works for me now?

Body Type

31 replies

Latest reply was from

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

Andrea, I'm sure it looks better on you than you think! Can you keep it for a few weeks and see what you think before you return it?

I have a pooch too and yes the dress doesn't hide it especially from the side view, but I decided that was OK. You're supposed to have curves, you're a woman! You are fabulous and foxy, don't let anything or anyone make you feel otherwise!

cciele

Veteran

Awww, I'm sorry it didn't work out for you! Do you think a larger size would work? Or maybe check in tomorrow

I'm on Team Buy for Now -- I always find if I buy something to wear when X happens, I always find something else I like better later!

shipskitty

Veteran

Andrea, we all have days like that once in a while. It can be soooo disappointing to find a piece of clothing you used to wear, or you've visualised wearing, doesn't look as nice as you'd hoped. And which of us doesn't have some kind of pooch at the front?

I say dress for what makes you feel foxy now. It's just a dress. There are better, nicer ones for who you are right now that will make you feel fab and there will be more fantastic dresses in the future that will make you look amazing. Keeping it around will just make you frustrated and sad when you should be celebrating your successes.

Kari

Veteran

Andrea, I think you are INCREDIBLY gorgeous - fabulous and foxy is a great mantra for you! - and if an item, whether the Cha Cha Vente dress or something else, doesn't make you feel as foxy as other items in your wardrobe do, return it! I believe that the clothes you buy now should fit and flatter your body as it is now, and I'm trying to hold to that myself - I've steadily GAINED over the past year, which was not my intention, and while I'm still holding on to old pants that I'd like to wear again (and that will help indicate when I'm at/near my ultimate goal weight again), I'm buying clothes that fit me now and make me feel fab and stylish today, rather than berate myself for my shape or size. I'd encourage you to do the same, because it makes me feel incredibly sad to see you talk about throwing in the towel when you've been feeling so jazzed and looking so fab!

Ginkgo

Veteran

I know this has been a very popular dress with YLFers but it doesn't seem to me like an easy dress to wear, so why not return it and something better will come your way! Try one of the Cha Cha Vente tops or tunics.

Refugee

Veteran

Oh dear Andrea B, don't lose heart! I have been where you are. With all of this. During the last 2 years of my style journey I have lost weight and undergone body changes. One of the important things I learned was my perspective in regards to my relationship with individual garments. I used to feel if a particular garment didn't fit or flatter that I was not good enough for it. As if it was somehow passing judgement on me. I have changed this and when I am in the dressing room the question I ask now is 'Is this garment good enough to deserve a place in my wardrobe?' If not, it does not mean there is anything at all wrong with me, the garment simply isn't for me. There will be other garments that are.
Next, the comment from DH. First boys are cute, but most of them just don't get it. When I started upping my style quotient, my husband was convinced that I was dressing better in order to upgrade to a better husband model. Huh? Yeah. Um, no honey I'm not. This is not about you, it's about me. The change your husband is seeing may be triggering insecurities of his. Be patient with him. Again, boys are cute but most of them just don't get it.
We all experience garment let down. Something we have seen look fab on someone else that just doesn't work on us. This does not mean you should throw in the towel. This means you are learning things and are developing higher standards for what deserves a place in your wardrobe.
Keep working, trying different things, learning and always remember we are here to help you out when you have frustrating days like this.

Kari

Veteran

Also, I too have been "not invited" to some clothing parties that other YLF members revel in. Other curvy lasses with similar body types love David Khanh jeans; I haven't found them to work on me at all. Many knee high boots and fitted jackets that other members have loved have been no-gos for me because of my large calf size and large bust. I try to brush off my disappointment and realize that I have plenty of OTHER fab items - and it's not body's fault for not fitting into a mass-produced item!

Girl X

(website)

Veteran

Keep the towel - get rid of the dress! It's great to have things around that remind us of what we're working toward, but those things shouldn't make us feel bad in the process - I'd return the dress.

jayne

Veteran

I think you have gotten some great advice here..so I will only make it short...I would return it..and not have it be your goal...after all...it is not a uniform we have to achieve to be part of this group

rae

(website)

Veteran

I have a pooch, too, and I still love how the dress looks on me. Actually, I don't think it'll look as good once I loose more weight, because curves are what make the dress.

Still, if it made you feel this down, just get it out of the house ASAP and get back into your foxy clothes! You are rockin and rollin LOSING weight while some of us (*cough* ME! *cough*) have only gained. Wear whatever celebrates your wonderful achievement!

And also, don't let a DH fashion comment get to you too much - several of us here have learned that they can come across WAY more horrified by our looks than is really warranted, just because they aren't used to fashion yet. :T

Mochi

Veteran

Awww, Andrea, sorry you are feeling down about that dress. We've all been there--way too recently in my case, and I'm sure I'll be dropping in on that frame of mind another few times at least before those thoughts get completely eradicated. It's hard. For me, it was a party I never wanted an invite to; but of course it's so frustrating and so hard to not put the blame on yourself when others are making it work.

But. You have already been losing weight--kudos! And where you are at this very minute, you're amazingly adorable!

Regarding the husband: LOL (or Screaming Out Loud), apparently you and I didn't receive the version that had tact included! Ah well. What everyone previous to me here said. Don't let his words bring you down.

Let the dress go. I'm sure you have some duds that already look fantastic on you...and you will continue to find more.

xoxoxo

Lantana

Veteran

Andrea, I dont know what you should do about the dress but I do know you should file hub's comment away in the "sometimes blokes just dont get it" section and get on with building YOUR style. I empathise because I get that same reaction from my DH from time to time and I know how deflating it is.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Andrea - you are indeed FOXY AND FABULOUS!!! And don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Not every item works for every body and you need to wear what makes you feel GREAT, not what makes you feel bad. I've learned over the last year (thanks to Angie and YLFers) to dress the body I have now. You have done so well with your goals and working at feeling better about yourself, don't let this one dress derail you. I say return the dress because there are always other fantastic dresses out there that are gonna make you feel FAB - and YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

kimlee

Veteran

Andrea - You are FAB and FOXY! I say that you return the dress but keep working on your fitness. While this dress may not work for you, I have no doubts that you will find something that makes you feel great!

Jem

Veteran

So sorry it didn't work for you. It's definitely not you!! Get rid of that dress and just wear what makes you feel amazing!!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Repeat after me: The problem isn't you. The problem is the dress!!!

Seriously...I'm betting it looks better on you than you imagine, but if it doesn't make you feel fab, then back it must go to make room for something that makes you shine as bright as you really are!

I've lost a lot of weight over the past year. At one point I wondered about buying things for my weight loss goal, but in the end I'm glad I waited. Here's why: I didn't just change size, I changed shape, and the kinds of styles that suited me before I lost weight (or that I imagined might suit me after I lost it) are different than what actually suits my new body shape!

Please don't take the way that dress looks as evidence that your hard work hasn't been paying off. It has, and it will show best when you find the RIGHT clothes.

As for your husband, it seems a lot of our men are a bit threatened when we begin to step up our style quotient! I have heard a few less-than-tactful remarks from my husband, too. Sometimes their eyes just have to adjust to a new look. Sometimes they're right, and the outfit isn't as flattering as we'd hoped. I always try to take my husband's comments with a grain of salt (whether they are wildly flattering or strongly critical) and come here for feedback as well. Oftentimes, his choices are confirmed (which makes him feel great about YLF, LOL!) Other times, people urge me to try something he's afraid of.

missvee

Veteran

I think you should return it. Why would you want to hang something in your closet that you associate with failure???? When you decide you are at your goal weight there will be many wonderful clothes in the stores for you to enjoy trying on and it will be a pleasure for you to go out and pick a new dress or outfit. Keep in mind that not everything will suit you regardless of how much or little you weigh. That's not a failure on your part, it's just the way the clothes are cut. Oh, and don't fret about your husband's remark - they don't 'get' fashion the same way we do.

Gaye

I chime what everyone else has posted. It's not you it's the dress! Return it! That fabulous dress is waiting for you to find it and you will find it!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

The dress is not worthy of you, Andrea. Onto something better for fabulous you!

Di

(website)

Veteran

Andrea, I'm not invited to that party, either! It's a great dress, but we'll just have to keep looking. It's NOT you.

(Also: sometimes our spouses get all out of sorts when something's different. They're funny that way, aren't they?)

Amy

(website)

Veteran

Wow, Andrea, I often feel the same way you do, but we just have to shake it off and adjust our thinking in the way people have described above.

You are Fabulous and Foxy!!

*hugs*

Carole

Veteran

So sorry the dress didn't work out for you, but trust me there will other dresses. Angie's blog today reminds us to be Patient. I struggle with that all the time. I have a very hard time finding dresses to fit me; often too short, too tight in the bust and shoulders, sleeves are all wrong, the list goes on and on. I vote return and continue to quest for a dress that's a 10 and makes you feel fab!

Jonesy

Veteran

Just chiming in to agree with what everyone else has said: A) Spouses can be cranky and tactless! B) It's not you or your fab foxy self, it's the dress! and C) You should feel good about yourself and your accomplishments, not bad! If the dress contributes to bad feelings, it must be banished!

Andrea B.

Thank you, all. No, the dress does not look heinous. I tried it on one more time, looked at all that was good about i:t 1) I could get into it easily, with no pulling or straining; 2) it did not look like a tourniquet; 3) could be more flattering if sized up (it was an XL, so no hope for that); my rear end did not look like a giant bolster, 4) SPANX tamed some (not all) of the pooch concerns. 5) It was not hopeless.

Then I looked at all that was not good about it: 1) not thrilled about the unfinished edges; 2) a bit more booty curve that I'm comfortable with; it was a Beyonce type of curve, and I am NO Beyonce (I don't think *anyone's* ready for this 51-year-old's jelly) and 3) I did not feel fab.

The weird thing is that if I had tried this on in the store, I would have been disappointed, but I wouldn't have bought it. I think what made it so bad now was that I had waited for it for such a long time, and what my husband said (men!)

I took off the dress, and said goodbye, and it will be going back to Macy's this evening.

There will be other parties to attend and other fab clothes to wear.

Thank you, Angie and all you fabulous ladies, for being so helpful, wise, and supportive.

A

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

Yay Andrea! The perfect dress for your fab bod is out there waiting for you--I'm sure you'll find it soon!

catgirl

Veteran

Andrea, I've been thinking about you all morning. I think we all have certain parties to which we've never been invited (mine is the Wrap Dress Prom - never found the right date!). It's part of learning our style and what suits us. It can be very frustrating, but trust me, you are better off without a dress that doesn't love you back.

Anonymous

Wow, you can see how much you are loved here, can't you?

I wanted to mention that "saving" the dress till later could backfire the same way that buying too far ahead for the next season can. Even if it fits you later, something new/better/more fab might have swept the forum and you might rather have that.

On husbands, mine needs his *filter* changed (the thing between his brain and his mouth); he just says the first things that pops into his head:

* about my long neck, "You have a very goose-like neck, my dear!"

*upon seeing me in my fur collared sweater, "Well, hey there, furball!"

*on me in an empire waist dress, "Wow, your boobs look really low in that!"

Men. Keep on with your foxy fabulosity. I think you rock!

rachylou

Veteran

Aw, don't worry. It's all about being true to you and learning about that true you. I, for one, don't do well either in dresses with a relaxed structure. I need darts and seams all over the place.

HelenInCanada

Veteran

On to more fabulous things, Andrea. Don't waste time comparing, lamenting, or dwelling on perceived faults. Much better to be proud, positive, and constructive. Yes, yes, yes!!!

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