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Kindergarten

shannon

This has nothing to do with fashion or style, but I was wondering what some of you did about kindergarten. School started today for my 9 year old daughter, she's in 4th grade. My son, who will be 5 Aug 29, did not start kindergarten today, even though he is completely ready. We are, however, sending him to a private half day kindergarten which is recognized by the state, so once he is finished he will officially be a first grader. We will be sending him to kindergarten again next fall at the public school his sister attends.

We are doing this because of his age and size. He is only in the 3rd percentile for height and weight (40" and 30 lbs). We thought that this would give him an advantage in the future. Even though our minds are made up and he starts school Wednesday, I still feel like he should be going to the public school. Why can't I get over this?

So, what are some of your experiences? I would love to hear what you guys did, or will do about kindergarten.

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20 replies

Latest reply was from RoseandJoan

bj1111

Veteran

my sister held back her youngest for a 3rd year of preschool then will start kinder at her older sister's school next fall.

the 2nd school has been calling this a gift year and has been recommending them for kids who are smaller in size or who need to be brought up to standard. holding kids back who are at the early edge of the age range seems to be the norm, especially for boys. these kids become more poised and mature compared to the rest of the class and it really gives them an edge. so much so that in some competitive environments (coughnewyorkcough), many parents are doing this even if their kids are well within the age range for starting.

Queen Mum

Veteran

I home schooled all of my kids for several years, but as a former 1st grade teacher I say you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by having him wait. Typically the younger boys were sooo not ready, either academically or maturity wise. They just couldn't sit still in their little seats
Regarding size.. my son is actually in the older half of his class but VERY small for his age. He's 13 and barely 70 pounds. He gets picked on mercilessly at school and I often wish I had put him back a grade when I started him in school. He started school last year as a 7th grader. We didn't put him back because at his age he would have had a hard time with it, and he was already established as a 7th grader at church and didn't want to split his grade between church and school.

Dusty

(website)

My oldest is starting Kindergarten this year. He'll be 6 in Feb., he's on the tall side, and he's had 3 years of preschool already (started when he was 2 1/2) and I know he's ready. He'll likely have an adjustment period, but I know he'll be fine. If he were younger, less social, smaller, less mature, any of that, I'd have no qualms whatsoever at holding him back, though.

shana

Veteran

Shannon, we had a similar situation. My son is also quite small - 5th percentile for height. In addition, his birthday, in late October, is near the cutoff for our state (and past the cutoff for others). It was a really tough decision for us. My husband absolutely felt that we were doing him a disservice by holding him back. Though he was definitely ready academically (he had already attended 1 year of pre-school and was/is very bright), I also felt that he was not ready socially. So instead of starting kindergarten, he attended another year of pre-school.

He's now ready to go to 1st grade and I absolutely feel that I made the right decision. Size wise, he is just average or slightly below other kids in his current grade. I think it's really difficult for boys to be the smallest (and youngest) in the class. Even if this isn't an issue now, I believe it will be when they get older. If it makes you feel any better, try reading "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell. He talks alot about size/age etc and accumulated advantage (mostly in relation to sports but I think it applies to academics too).

Cookie

Shannon - I did this with my son and the results have been spectacular. My daughter was a "social butterfly", had attended two years of preschool, and was more than ready to start public school at 5. My son was a "momma's boy" and did not want to leave home for anything. We put him in a half day program at 5 and in public school the following year. The "extra" time he had to grow physically and emotionally paid off in so many ways. My son begins his Senior year this month and he is a "Presidental Scholar" - in the top 1% of high school students in the United States. He is in the top ten in his class and has the best Universities recruiting him. He is the most well adjusted boy I know - liked by his peers, respected by teachers and coaches. He is a leader in community organizations. That extra year has helped him excel in academics, in sports, and socially. A lot of my neighbors told me I was "crazy" to hold him back but it was honestly the smartest thing I ever did. It has paid off in ways I could not imagine.

Kate

Veteran

I started school when I was 5 (turned 6 in April), however my parents had both of my younger siblings take an extra year of preschool, and they started kindergarten when they were 6 (my brother turned 7 in April, my sister turned 7 in July). I don't think we would change anything if we could do it over. Being a bit older than their peers has not been detrimental to either of my siblings.

Beth

Veteran

I wish I could recall the research on this, but I can't. April, do you know?

April

Veteran

The only research I'm aware of is on the topic of retaining students (having them repeat a grade at their current school) rather than having them start later, but my two cents as a former preschool teacher, current school psychologist, and plain old mom says that you're doing the right thing, Shannon.

For boys in particular, it's hard to be the youngest and smallest, and it doesn't get any easier when they hit middle school, as Kim can attest.

My other concern is that all young children need a whole lot more free play than they get in today's typical public kindergarten. In the low-income school district where I work, in order to have a prayer of keeping up with the test scores required by No Child Left Behind, the academic drilling begins on day one of kindergarten. (Keep in mind that a lot of our students come to school not knowing their colors or the first letters of their first names. They're already years behind their peers with professional parents.) We have no choice but to drill, yet they miss out on so many valuable learning experiences of a deeper type.

Shannon, if it's any comfort, I would do the same if he were my son (while also worrying about it, just as you are). I don't think you'll ever regret it.

shannon

I knew I would feel better after hearing from you wise women. Thanks so much for all of your feedback!

Shana, you mentioned reading "The Outliers". My husband's aunt suggested the same book a while back. I told him about it and now we are both excited about getting the book. It's on my list of to-do's today. My son is an excellent baseball player already, so even if the book does not pertain to academics, it will still be a fitting book for us.

queenie, sorry to hear that your son gets picked on at school for being small. I'm afraid of the someday too. Being one of the oldest in his class already, holding him back would have made him even older and the kids probably would have picked on him for that instead. They will always find something.

Well, first day of school is tomorrow! I can't wait! I think I'm the only mom I know who is happy for her baby to start kindergarten instead of sad and emotional. Maybe because it's only half day?? Who knows? I just can't wait to have 3 whole hours to myself to do everything that needs to be done. That means I don't have to drag him to the store ever again! Oh joy!

Anonymous

I've seen this issue as one who was started less than a week after I turned 5, as a parent of boys with fall and spring birthdays, and as a teacher. You have everything to gain by holding him back a year. Sometimes it catches up with them later. I've held back fourth graders who should have waited a year before kindergarten when it would have been easier on everyone.
As an early starter myself I dearly wish my parents had waited a year. Your age becomes even more of an issue in highschool and college when your friends can drive, go out on the town, etc. and you can't. Academically I was the head of my class but in other ways I'd have been more confident given another year.
My oldest son was among the older, but certainly not the oldest of his peers. The younger, with a March birthday, was the youngest in his class because all the rest after him had been held back a year. He hated for his birthday to come because it just reminded everyone that he was "the baby". Again academics had nothing to do with it.

Christie

All of my children have late summer birthdays, and the two who are of school-age are "old" for their grade, so they were brand-new 6 year olds when they began kindergarten. Its been great. I have no regrets waiting to start school with them.

My oldest attended K at a private school, but we have homeschooled since he was a first grader, so my experience is different. But I do watch their peer interactions at activities and social gatherings.

While both are advanced academically and would have been ready for school at 5, both are small for their age and even giving them that extra year, they are still on the smaller side. But we did it for their confidence and overall maturity. Like I said, no regrets.

(Besides, I get to have them live at home a year longer when they are seniors in high school, rather than sending them away as brand-new 18 year olds!)

Patience

Veteran

All of my children have fall birthdays. My oldest is now entering 1st grade and did Kinder twice, once at day care and once in public school. She could have handled 1st grade last year but I absolutely feel we did the right thing and will do the same with my sons (although their birthdays are a little later). She has a definite academic edge and I was also motivated by the idea that come teenage years she will have an edge at being in the leadership position among friends as the older child. Maybe this is not guaranteed but it's possible.

Now that I'm at home my boys probably won't go to a private kinder before public school but I'm hoping to home school kinder. (I'd appreciate tips on how to go about this.)

Christie

Homeschooling DD (she was pre-K) was how we got started homechooling. We used a very fun program called "Five in a Row" (easy to find their website if you google it) which uses a different picture book each week, and spins off daily lessons for social studies, language arts, art, science and applied math concepts. Then, we added math and handwriting and reading lessons. It was such a fun year.

bella

(website)

Veteran

Not a mother here but I read an article about this sometime ago in NY Times. Apparently it is becoming more and more common.

Debbie

Veteran

I wish I had held my grandson back. He starts first grade this year and while academically he is more than ready. Emotionally it would have been better to hold him back. Kinder was rough but instead of being the youngest and smallest. He is one of the youngest and taller than everyone else.

shana

Veteran

Shannon, you will like Outliers! I have really enjoyed all of Malcolm Gladwell's books. I even had a chance to see him give a lecture (along with Thomas Friedman) and he is so thoughtful, funny & intelligent! My husband is not a reader at all so after I read each book, I always bought the book on CD for him to listen in the car. The great thing about this is that Gladwell actually reads the books so you really can hear his voice, literally & figuratively.

marianne

I agree, holding kids back has become very common. At my son's preschool there are quite a few kids who are a full year older (spring birthday). We briefly considered holding him back for social reasons, but he is considerably ahead academically and he would be just too bored. Most people I know are happy with their decision to hold their kids back, but there are a few who regret it (yes, I spent a ton of time talking about it).
IMO it depends on several factors - the kid's personality, size, state of schools in your area, but I don't think either decision is that fateful But we'll see what happens - our son is already anxious about starting school and we still have 3 more weeks to go.

mumtojessandluke

Very interesting reading. My daughter is just about to go into kindergarten next year. She will be turning at the end of March, so she will be a 3 year old starting 4 year old preschool. In Australia, kids can do 3 year old kinder for 2 hours a week, then 4 year old kinda (pre-school which is around 12 hours a week) then they go into school. You can hold them back from school until they are 6, and preschool and kinda are not compulsory.
I am intrigued by the way the American system works.
I'm trying to get my daughter ready for preschool now, and still have a little way to go. She will be one of the youngest. I'm not worried about her being picked on or keeping up. But I am worried a little bit, as there is a big difference between a 3 year old turning 4, and a 5 year old turning 6 to be starting preschool. I guess it depends on the average age of her group.

londonkiwi (now back in NZ)

Veteran

My two cents....

In a lot of European countries children don't start formal education until they are 6 or 7 and I don't think that they end up behind their peers from other countries that start school at 4 or 5.

In NZ you can start school on your 5th birthday and you have to start school when you are 6. It would be a very rare child who didn't start when they were 5, but then there isn't the rigourous testing structure in NZ that other countries are burdened with so their is more time for learning through play and activities like PE, art and music.

Having said that my Mum is a teacher at this level and has often commented that boys would perhaps benefit from an extra half or whole year at pre-school as they are not yet ready to learn in a formal situation, whereas a lot of girls are well and truely ready by that stage.

When I worked as a swimming teacher it was very noticeable amongst the 4 year olds which ones where going to learn to swim the quickest. It wasn't the ones who were the most co-ordinated, but the ones that could concentrate the longest and who listened the best (rather than splashing their parents on the side-lines or spending most of their time underwater...).

RoseandJoan

Veteran

This is an interesting thread, my three year old starts formal private nursery next week which has a learning through play curriculum. She will attend for 9 hours per week, she is expected to do 12 months there before starting nursery at the school which she would be attending for 15 hours. I'm anxious but she is ready for this step (she counts to twenty, knows her colours, loves to play opposites). Formal schooling would begin at 5.

My youngest (18 months old) would be the youngest in her year and she will be given the opportunity to defer formal schooling by one year. I know it will pose a real dilemma for Ben and I when the time arises. I would hate for her to be disadvantaged. I guess you just have to do what feels right for your child at the time whilst listening to the advice of the play team leaders at the nursery.