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Keeping it real. The lowered standards bar. ETA WIW pics

Mainelady

Veteran

I have to be me and my authentic self at the moment has lowered my fashion standards. I have set aside some of my signature style elements. I have identified some reasons for this change and have questioned others. I feel oddly at ease with the changes.

Set aside: bold lipstick. I wear none now. Stack of bangle bracelets. I might wear one. Statement jewelry. I usually wear dainties earrings, a Fitbit and my wedding band.

Identified reasons: months of working from home and reaching for a much smaller capsule of clothing. Summer vacation and weather have finally arrived and I am spending a lot of time at the lake and in my gardens. I am tired.

Questions that I am mulling: Are these changes temporary? Due to going very few places and wanting to wash all clothing as soon as I get home? Have I really been dressing for an audience, instead of myself? Why are the things that were once soooo important to me, now very low on my priority list? How much of this is due to the fatigue I am still feeling from the stress of remote teaching? What is wrong with me, or is nothing wrong with me?
My grooming and self care routines are the same, except for the lip color and my hair. Once in a while I do smooth and straighten my hair, but more often I allow the waves to do their thing, or I am sporting a ponytail and wearing a hat. I have an appointment for a Brazillian Blowout and a cut in two weeks. I may cancel it. It doesn’t make sense to spend the time or money on a blowout, if my style of choice is hair up under a hat.

Things that hold constant are my smile and gratitude for the blessings in our lives. If I lose those, then I know I will really need to do some deep thinking.
I have one style goal this week. To post a WIW featuring the authentic me.

Updated with photos:
1. WIW for the last google meet for this school year. As soon as the meeting ended I put my hair in a ponytail and went to the lake house to put together patio furniture.

2. WIW for a play day with DGS.

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41 replies

Latest reply was from Mainelady

Lucy

Veteran

It sounds like you are doing the best you can at a really difficult time, as we all are! I think we are all going through style changes, alongside the other changes...

And I will chime in to answer your question about remote teaching. I teach at an Australian uni and it's all online. It is EXHAUSTING. We are all feeling it, and I have seen some research that confirms this. It is definitely NOT you, but rather the format/genre. And we are dealing with adults, not small children! I take my hat off to you, it's a miracle you are still standing at all!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I can relate to the relaxing of standards! All too well. And it’s weird, on some days I feel ok about it, even the grey hair. On others I feel like I’m awfully lazy and all my good clothes are going to waste. But am I going to put on a dress to put together a patio chair, maintain the swimming pool, and string up tomato plants, as I did yesterday? With a big shedding needy dog? Oh, and absolutely no one seeing me (even hubs is out of town now). So I’m adjusting and trying not to think too much about the future, just appreciating right now. Not to be too philosophical about it, but as you can see, I share your priority shift. I can only imagine how exhausting the new teaching regimen has been!

Hil

(website)

Veteran

I completely identify with what you are saying here, and I also wonder, after these months of working from home, whether I tend to dress for an audience. I have worn far less makeup and jewelry, even when I do leave the house.

lyn67

Veteran

I really see you are tired, and... too hard on yourself, Lady!:-( These are though times and changes you did mean adaptating to new circumstances. We all hope these will not be final, BUT even if so, then we have to see and take advantage of their best side-like you did so well up to date-so there is nothing to blame or really question yourself for, this is life, and we have to hope for the best we want, isn't it!:-)

Chris987

Veteran

Well, you've said it all, and so eloquently. Nothing is wrong with you AT ALL!. Maybe not so much "lowering" the standards as "adjusting the standards to fit the real world". None of us know just how the future will play out...will we stay with the more casual approach to fashion, grooming etc? Will we flip back to what used to be normal? It's all TBD, so all we can do is the day-to-day in the way that feels best for us. We are ALL exhausted from all the change and stress and unknowns, and those of you who teach (or work in medical jobs) are dealing with extra exhaustion. I can't even imagine how tough it must be to teach small children over videoconferencing. We all need a group hug so badly!! (but of course cannot...) .

RobinF

Veteran

I wouldn't be surprised if a more casual look becomes the standard. I am back in the office and so back to normal as far as dressing but do find myself wanting to be more casual and avoiding outfits that feel a bit dressier. Luckily at my job I have a lot of flexibility.

Runcarla

Veteran

@mainlady - the fatigue from learning new work methods, the roller coaster emotions around adapting to Covid related precautions, plus the abrasiveness of protests and distressing politics is surely taking their toll. I think a natural reaction is to want to conserve energy and resources.

Less make-up and simple make-up only makes sense in summertime, where the activities and environment aren’t conducive to a lot of product. Giving your hair a break from styling is good for it’s health, and you’ve already had feedback (In a previous post) that your natural wavy texture is attractive and modern looking. I had hoped you would eschew the Brazilian blowout completely, after the positive feedback!

Loads of folks are doing re-evaluation. We are collectively going through the process of loss. As a retired person, an introvert, and an optimist with modest expectations - my life has changed very little and I am coping quite well. But it’s summertime and I’m less inclined to wear make-up, hair is wash and go or tied back, and clothes have to be changed and washed more frequently!

I’m actually not dressing that much differently now than I did pre-Covid, but then I’ve been retired for 2 years. As I’ve said previously, retirement is not pj’s and loungewear! FWIW, I told DH that I DID NOT want to see him in baggy jeans and old t-shirts - unless he was working on a dirty project, and even then I wanted him cleaned up when he came to the dinner table. He figured out what retirement dressing would look like (including changing hair and growing a beard!) and put a plan into effect. I enjoy seeing him in his beautiful and comfortable retirement outfits. I think he deserves the same, and I try to bring my ‘A’ game to every day dressing.

I believe that you are planning your exit from the workforce in the near future. Have you thought about what your authentic retired self might look like? The reality is different than the fantasy, but it is still worthwhile to have a plan.

But to answer your question: nothing is wrong with you. You are tired and you need a period of time to recover your mental and physical strength and creative energies - like everyone does at some time or other.

Bijou

Veteran

Mainlady, it is so lovely to hear from you. I can relate to so much of what you have written here. When our lifestyles change our wardrobe needs change with them. There is nothing to be gained by clinging onto old habits that don’t make sense or work for us any more. I am feeling this keenly too. I love my dressy work suits, but sitting at home in a full suit makes absolutely zero sense. I can mix and match components of my dressy wardrobe, but need to wear what works for my current situation, which as it so happens means I am well catered for and don’t need to buy anything at all. I am sure your hair looks beautiful wavy, so no need for the Brazilian blow out unless you want it.

Personally I am keeping up my hair and make up routines for me, because they make me feel like me and that is reason enough.

Anonymous

I've been wondering all that too + how long will this new reality be? But I've reprioritized. Many things I thought were important, are just not. I don't want to return to the constant hamsterwheel activity and being away from DH and the animals 12 hours a day. Gear is just right for connecting with the forests and rivers surrounding me- and those are the places I feel authentic.

That said, teaching via Zoom must not be nearly as fulfilling. It's very draining, even for an hour at a time, can't imagine a day of it

Windchime

Veteran

It’s good to read a post from you, Mainelady. Besides fatigue, I wonder if you are dealing with some depression. We’ve all had a huge upheaval in our lives and have lost many of the routines and activities which gave us pleasure. Plus you are considering retirement in the near future, which is another seismic shift. And teaching/rehearsing via screen is not at all what we signed up for!

I applaud your commitment to being authentic. The changes you’ve made to your style make perfect sense for these times. I haven’t worn a dress or skirt for 14 weeks; normally I would wear them at least twice weekly and often more often in hot weather. I miss dressing up, along with a plethora of other activities.

I, too, have wondered if I’ve been dressing for an audience, without fully realizing it. You and I both have work where we (used to) routinely stand in front of large groups. Boy, has that changed!

I look forward to seeing your authentic you WIW.

always trying

Veteran

Everyone is having some sort of life changes. Having a mask means only a little eye makeup. For me Even going into my closet is sad. I purchased some items early as spring was to be quite active-graduations, birthdays, anniversaries, a banquet, short trip, and the usual weekly events-all of them of course did not happen. I have 5 garments and 2 pairs of sandals unworn. Who knows when they ever will be.

Anonymous

The only constant is change? Being able to find it comfortable means less time unhappy,

It seems healthy and positive to "dress for an audience" but not to the point that the costuming doesn't express who you are now. Sometimes we get positive feedback for something and then we start doing it all the time until it defines us, even to ourselves.

While reflective, your tone is one of positive adaptation and I'm looking forward to the WIWs

Helena

Veteran

I love all your questions and am looking forward to hearing more musings! I have definitely relaxed my whole style situation ... this is typical of warmer weather, but is also an adaptation to the times. I am 100% confident to say that there is nothing 'wrong' with you though - this is a crazy, uncertain time and even if this is a stress response, allow yourself that. Lots of love and can't wait to see the WIW! xx

unfrumped

Veteran

I totally agree with everything you are saying.
There is a combination of some loss of enthusiasm (depression may be real or may be too strong a word for some situations), but also loss of social enounters, so yes, I was dressing for myself PLUS the environmental and social norm--not a wrong thing at all.
Then when the activities have truly changed--including dressing to actually have certain opportunities--for example I am more likely to have energy to do certain things if wearing certain clothing, or it sets the mood--for energetic activities, for reading, for winding down.

I think Anchie's post is relevant because I am seeing my need to have more focus on specific items and capsules that are appropriate., This doesn't mean more or less shopping per se but does mean that I will get more of what I really want if I focus, and as per that post and responders, it can be hard to do!
For example, I bought some shoes and boots specifically for working out in the yard, as I did not have any "castoffs" that fit that bill. I am realizing I need a different type of tank top. I have limited number of casual shorts and like very specific lengths, fits, pockets and have not found ones yet that improve on what I have. I like some types of "fashion" sneakers but find that more of a true running or walking sneaker is better for my complicated feet so I am re-thinking all of that. I need some long pants that are cooler than most jeans but not sloppy.

So the point is, I do want to dress for my current lifestyle and am seeing that curating the best and maybe smallish capsules of clothing for those needs can improve my mood , make it easier to organize my closet and dressers, while still being very practical. Getting the right colors (some dirt-practical or versatile, some "happy" and right fabrics--easy care, feel good, durable) and best fit (cause of many returns, hoping stores will not discontinue me as a customer!)
Plus my "retain research" now is less fashion-oriented, more on reviews of how shoes, clothes perform under various circumstances!

Joy

Veteran

MaineLady, these are difficult times that include lots of change and stress. I don’t know what school will be like for the youngest children this fall. My oldest grandchild should start kindergarten and nothing has been said by school districts yet as to when or how. Since some restrictions have been lifted or reduced, the virus is higher than before with new cases and more young people.
I don’t think anything is wrong with you but hope your garden and simple summer pleasures are healing the stress. You were probably dressing for the children and, to some extent, for parents and administration too. I know I did when teaching. I could wear the same sizes as my 5th and 6th graders so had to avoid anything that looked young. It was hard to dress to show authority yet look approachable. I was not even 20 and small when I started. I hope that this experience will make you stronger for the times ahead and look forward to your authentic WIW. Read over again Runcarla’s thoughts about retirement. It is especially hard for teachers in the fall, when you feel lost not doing the usual preparations. Volunteer work helped me, even helping teachers in classrooms. A kindergarten teacher had me work with flash cards with children who did not know letters and numbers. A first grade teacher ( first time at that level) gave me a reading group. I had intended to bake cookies to put in the teachers’ work room and go to garage sales to pick up board games for indoor recess, but moved out of state and had my own babies and toddlers by then.

Zaeobi

(website)

Veteran

It's not just you. Teaching online is indeed more stressful & draining than teaching face-to-face. And this is coming from someone who is doing a masters degree in digital teaching (online, ironically enough!)

Kathie

Veteran

I hope you, and every other teacher, can take at least a few weeks to completely relax! My DH is a HS teacher. He and our two DSs both finished last week, and we're all readjusting to the summer pace. I honestly had not realized how much work it was for us to manage on-line school, while also both working. Which is all to say, that I hope you do spend time in your garden, and at your new vacation home- after turning on a dime, learning new platforms, and teaching for 2-3 months on-line, every teacher deserves a break! It seems completely normal that at least for a few months, clothes and hair would take a back seat.

As I start to think about the future, my clothing choices are taking an even faster turn towards fewer items, more cross-functional pieces, and deeper thought about fiber choices and manufacturing. Hair is the one area that I'm hoping to maintain, since Zoom is part of my life for the foreseeable future!

kkards

Veteran

Have I really been dressing for an audience, instead of myself?
Ive thought a lot about this, and the short answer for me, that dressing for an audience IS dressing for myself...what i project, and therefore by extension how i dress, is a big part of who i am.
Right now, I’m dressing much simpler and more relaxed, with more emphasis on easy and desk to outdoors, because that’s the reality of my life.
We are all relooking and reevaluating some much of our daily life’s, and how and what we wear is just a small part of it. What the world will look like in a year or so, its hard to imagine. The non teacher in me keeps asking...Will schools ever be the same again? What will online learning look like, how will it be integrated into everyday schools? Will we finally get rid of the old outdated school calendars?
I know that retail, my field, will never be the same again. And how and were i do my job will change as well, with the future still to be determined
sorry, I’ve kind of rambled on here....feel free to ignore my rambling

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Great thread.

Your style is ALWAYS authentic, Mainelady. It has simply evolved into your next authentic look. More simple, less adorned, practical, and a survival-mode of sorts. Your lifestyle and needs changed, and therefore so did your style. Makes perfect sense, and you are doing really well

Nothing is wrong with you at all! EVERYONE is reevaluating. It took a worldwide pandemic to do that....

My style is just the same - but with some very important adaptive changes. I dress for me and not others, and this has proved it. I wear all my pretty clothes all the time, and we are essentially still at home - almost 4 months in.

The changes:

tousled free-spirit hair - SIMPLE
absolutely no lipstick since it's disaterous with a mask!
no wedding ring or bracelets
sneakers 99% of the time

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Great post Mainelady.
I have resigned from one of my 2 jobs with a similar lack of enthusiasm to what you are feeling. I have kept my family practice which I own, but finished with the health organisation because I don’t have the bandwidth to do both any more. After 5.5 years trying to wrangle health boards I have had enough of that.
I think it is probably mostly a style shift- previous you was authentic and new you is also authentic but in a different way xx

Sal

Veteran

I am late to this but I agree with everyone else. The teachers here via zoom or teams have found it exhausting and not as rewarding as in class teaching. There have also been positives of course.

The news this year has been exhausting - and divisive - and somewhat depressing. And even more so in the US with the partisan approach I believe.

I am sure you still look wonderful and I look forward to a WIW!!

Mainelady

Veteran

Thank you all so much. You are wise, caring and compassionate. I needed a huge dose of YLF community and feed back even more than I realized.
Lucy, I am sending you waves of wishes for remote teaching and hoping you find a balance to do the job well and to address the fatigue. It is exhausting.
Janet, I am reading your post and nodding my head. Priorities have shifted and so has what makes sense. I am giving myself permission to say that it is ok if everything is not important right now. I simply do not have the energy to spread around.
Hil, I know I am not alone in making changes or in realizing that changes are in response to many external factors.
Lynn67, you are right. As a reflective person, I may be expecting a lot from myself. I like to identify challenges, brainstorm and problem solve. Not every challenge is going to have an answer right now, so I am going to need to be ok with that.
Chris987, you say it well. I sure could use a group hug and I know that is part of why this is so challenging for me. I thrive on interacting with people and especially children. Everyone makes the best efforts to stay connected, but the options we have now really limit our relationships with others.
RobinF, I do think a more casual look will emerge. My style has been headed in that direction, especially in the past year. I am a bit surprised at how fast that transition progressed once I began working from home.
Hahaha, Carla, yes my days of the Brazillian Blow out may be over. You make such excellent points for me to consider....yes WFH gave me a glimpse of what retirement could be like. I was far too busy to actually relax, but I did have pockets of time during the day when I had choice of how to spend some time or I had more flexibility than a standard school day would allow. My casual WFH or retirement style may continue to relax, but it won’t be pajamas and loungewear, until I;am ready for bed or lounging. I do like to get dressed to begin each day. As Angie mentioned, I think one of the biggest changes is that I am less adorned. I AM tired. More tired than I have ever been. Good news, I just finished my last school meeting to close out this year, this morning. I will have a break before things start up again.
Bijou, I am a creature of habit. I love structure, routine and planning and organizing. You are absolutely right that there is nothing to be gained by old habits that are no longer relevant.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

It's not you. It's the situation. You are strong, resilient, and forward-looking, but you have just spent the past few months lavishing huge amounts of energy on your needy pupils via an extremely unsatisfactory format and it is enormously fatiguing. Truly. I have only been doing this part time and my students are older and I have found it utterly exhausting.

Anyway. Here you are, dressing a bit more simply. I, too, am dressing more casually for the most part, and more simply. I have decided that I do -- in part -- dress for the world. Or rather, I dress for me-in-the-world. What works at home is a little different than what works when I am going out. It is what it is, and I am still thinking through what it will mean for the long term.

Mainelady

Veteran

Suntiger, like you, dressing for what the new days are like has changed how I get ready for the day. We also live in a beautiful area and being able to snag more than a 20 minute break for lunch has meant that I can get out for a brisk walk, notice nature and soak up a big dose of beauty. Casual clothing and slipping into a pair of Merrill’s have allowed me to make the most of the breaks I can take.
Windchime, a silver lining is that I recognize and choose the changes to my style. Fatigue and feeling like I haven’t really had time to process all the changes are in the front of my brain. Depression could be a part of it, however, I am still able to feel joy and positivity in so many areas of our lives. I am not sure those feelings would be as frequent, if depression were the cause. Being aware of my feelings and emotions is something I do pay attention to. There have been some mental health challenges in my family tree and I hope to be proactive if any reveal themselves.
Always trying, I hope you do get to wear your new pieces soon!
Phoebe, you are so right. Accepting change and moving with it does mean less time feeling unhappy.
Helena, thank you. What ever is causing my more casual, less adorned me ( weather, WFH, accelerated natural progression or reaction to stressful events), I should allow myself this. Maybe it is temporary. Maybe it is the beginning of the best version of me. The important thing is I like who I see in the mirror. I am comfortable in my skin, even if it isn’t quite as glam as it once was.
Unfrumped, I understand what you are saying. My lifestyle and the demands have changed and I am adapting to those. I am very practical about my choices and I choose no fuss and easy wash, but I also make those decisions with care and still want to “look nice” and put together, even if more casual than I used to be. I still dress with intention.
Joy, I think schools, as we have known them will change. How we teach, learn, challenge and support will need to be reviewed, revised and quite possibly reimagined. Many decisions will need to be made and it is difficult to have any kind of a timeline right now. As of today I am officially on vacation and while there is summer work to be done, I have a few free weeks and will make the most of them. Our family, including a two week old granddaughter, our garden, home and lake house all bring me such joy. I never lose sight of our blessings and I intend to enjoy every one of them.
Zaeobi, if I could give you a high five, I would! You get praise from me! A masters in digital teaching and online?! Impressive.
Kathie, congratulations to you, your husband and your children on navigating the teaching, learning and working from home. It has not been an easy road for anyone. I also hope everyone can take some time to step away from the stress of the fast paced changes we needed to adapt to. Time to refresh will be important. I am sure there are more changes ahead.

Mainelady

Veteran

Kkards, you didn’t ramble. I know exactly what you are saying and I like your perspective about dressing for an audience. Yes, it is more about audience awareness and projecting ourselves. That is not a negative.
Angie, thank you for your words of wisdom. As always they convey insight, perspective, kindness and support. I want to see myself the way you do.
Jenni, congratulations on letting go of your second job! Aha. Authentic, but different. Maybe I am evolving.
Sal, thank you. Yes, the world events, pandemic and atrocious actions of some can create strong emotions and those can be draining.
Suz, thank you. It seems we have been walking in similar shoes. I hope yours lead to a place where you can pick them up and relax. And smile, because you have awesome shoes!

JAileen

Veteran

I have had to do zoom meetings and found them very tiring. Imagine 140 retired women trying to use zoom for the first time. It’s worse than you’re imagining. I can’t imagine trying to keep a bunch of little kids engaged.

I think it’s natural to change. Everything has changed. Before the quarantine seems like a lifetime ago. But who knows, when things go back to our old normal in a year or two, maybe you’ll go back to your jewelry.

With my short hair, earrings were a natural. But they seem to get in the way of masks, so I’ve pretty much stopped wearing them. I hope to wear them again someday.

Zaeobi

(website)

Veteran

Just wanted to add one (slightly off topic) caveat - what we are engaging in right now as teachers is not really true 'Online Teaching', but rather ERT (Emergency Remote Teaching).

The distinction is important, because it acknowledges that we didn't learn how to teach F2F (face-to-face) in a day either - we had time to learn & then apply all of the F2F theory to our classrooms. True online teaching is no different in its need for this, yet none of us *chose* this current 'virtual classroom' situation. Both students & teachers were underprepared for this (it's not like you had an entire term/ semester to come up with a wholly online syllabus!) so *of course* you're going to feel fatigued.

Just wanted to add this addendum to my previous comment in case anyone else's ERT experience is making them want to write off online teaching altogether. I've taught online before (before the HK protests & now virus forced me to WFH) & I have to say it was much more pleasant (because I had time to plan) - classroom management is just as important as your activities!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I am going to read this wonderful thread more carefully later, but did want to also give you a bit of support and encouragement. I find Zoom absolutely exhausting on every level - and all I have ever done are family events and happy hours! I have read articles about how it takes out the eye contact and body language of face to face interaction and I am sure that is a big part of it. All is to say that it is no wonder you are burnt out to some degree. Your wonderful life attitude will bounce back - and I am sure you look lovely with wavy hair, which I hope we see again soon!

Barbara Diane

Veteran

We’re all tired and affected, even those of us who weren’t forced to abruptly learn so many new skills (how to be a Zoom participant was enough for me).
Definitely be kind and gentle with yourself.

I am a lipstick and fill in my eyebrows kind of person. Masks mean no color from lipstick although sometimes I remember to add it before a Zoom,
I am also letting my hair be, and putting it half back or in a ponytail on a lesser hair day.

I bought a spring sweater and pair of pants in January. It’s nice to not need any new wardrobe items and not be so preoccupied with shopping. Actually meal and grocery shopping planning has taken up the bandwidth. Especially as we are only occasionally having groceries delivered.

Sounds like you are in step with yourself and the times.

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