JFF: Giving Yourself Permission - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

JFF: Giving Yourself Permission

K. Period.

Veteran

Recently, I picked up a new pair of Fluevogs. I've loved Fluevogs since I was 19 and saw my first pair. Then, they were unrequited love. I could never afford them. Years passed, I moved into a professional workplace, then an advanced degree, partnership in my firm and motherhood. During that time, I joyously greeted the return of skinny jeans and pointy toed flats, but even though I ogled Fluevogs from time to time, somehow I never bought a pair. I could afford them, but something was keeping me back. Just recently, I bought my first pair. I'm in love. Truly in love. Walking into the store and being able to choose the pair I wanted (no price limit on this splurge, this time), was amazing. I realized as I was buying them that I'd kind of needed to give myself permission to have them.

So, just for fun, I'd love to hear what your experiences have been with "giving yourself permission"! What purchase did you deny yourself? What finally made you hold your breath and leap? I can't wait to hear!

General

15 replies

Latest reply was from Sarah A

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Oh....what a lovely story! Which shoes did you buy? Show us pics! Many of us here are Fluevog lovers. I bought my very first pair this past autumn; they are Bellevue Pearl Harts.

My biggest moment was buying myself a gorgeous bronze, asymmetrically pleated leaf print skirt from the Canadian designers Comrags in 2008. I had never before (and haven't since) paid as much for a single article of clothing. But I wanted to wear it to celebrate the launch of my first book. And that is why I leapt.

And part of the reason I joined YLF was so that I would learn to shop and to ALLOW myself to buy nice things. I used to deny myself just about everything. We really couldn't afford much, and I, especially, wasn't earning much, so I felt very constrained in my purchases. For the first time in my life I am learning the pleasures of buying retail, in season, in the regular stores, most of the time.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

My most recent purchase was the most momentous "permission granted" purchase. My Frye Julia lace-up boots. It was hard because I knew we were moving and leaving our income behind in just a mere month. But also, my BF had been acquiring nice Canali suits and shirts for future workwear. I felt like I also deserved 'nice' and not just what I had budgeted for that month. So I have bought absolutley nothing else all year except for those boots. And I will not until I start working again (hopefully next month). All in all, I spent less than I normally would have nickeled and dimed away, but am so thrilled with them compared to what my xxx per month budget might have brought home.
I think it really turned the corner for me. As Angie would say, the penny dropped, as far as quality over quantity. One thing I *love* is so much better than six I like. At this point my closet is plenty full of nice things I like. I'm hoping to add more love in the future

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Meredith1953

Veteran

I would love to see pics. I agree with Suz that one of the reasons I am on YLF is to learn to shop wisely. I have tried to economize most of my life and frankly I still go into sticker shock at some prices. I want to learn to give myself permission to buy nicer things (within reason as long as they serve a true purpose in my wardrobe). I think a gorgeous coat is probably for me the thing that would be ultimate purchase! Haven't found one yet that truly makes my heart sing though.

K. Period.

Veteran

@Suz: I love it! The designer leap is a little intimidating to me. I've bought a piece here and there, but only rarely. I love that you would do that to celebrate a book launch. Perfect!

I bought the Everest, the very same one that Angie posted recently. It was such a surprise and treat to see it in her example! I love it when I buy something and somehow it crosses my path again within a short time. I bought it in the black and white (which is actually a soft ivory IRL). No pics yet, though, because my beauties are still at the shoe repair having the protective soles added.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

I wanted a Brahmin bag for many, many years and finally got not one, but two, about 2.5 years ago and am SO happy I did! I got one darker leather (reminds me of cherrywood) for Fall/Winter and one lighter for Spring/Summer(almost a soft yellow/tan w/medium brown bits) and they are truly year-round workhorses...probably my best purchases ever!

catgirl

Veteran

Mmm, yeah. I could use a little LESS permission right now!

My Karla's Closet RATE Coach bag was my first real splurge and I will never ever be sorry. Another splurge was my Fiorentini & Baker boots, which I wore a lot a couple of years ago. Sadly they have languished a bit, mostly because they have three buckles and take FOREVER to take off or put on!

My ultimate permission item would be a Burberry coat. Sigh. Not there yet.

K. Period.

Veteran

Ladies, I'm feeling so inspired! It really does bring home the point that you can buy fewer things, but if you buy things you absolutely love, you'll be happier.

@Mo, I love your Frye boots story. That picture is fabulous!

@Una, so funny! I just bought a pair of Fiorentini and Baker boots. I bought them at a steeeeeep discount on StyleBop. They must have been a return because all they had was that one pair, in my size. I took that as a sign.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Mine is the same as Mo's! I am wearing my Frye Julias today, and I feel like I must think about how much I love them every 15 minutes...

I had been buying and returning boots all fall and winter long, and nothing had turned out quite right with my wardrobe. When I saw the color and fit of these on Mo, I knew they were the ones. I was able to grant permission to myself because I'd put in the "due dilligence" and could confidently say that I'd tried and failed with the other options. It was time for some boot peace of mind!

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

K Can....these particular designers are actually very reasonably priced (as designers go!). But it was still a splurge for me.

Here's their site; http://comrags.myshopify.com/

And a pic of my skirt.

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Three corners turned...

(1) My 70-euro rain jacket some six or seven years ago. It's stupid-silly that I can't get rainwear that is comfy enough to let you breathe and which actually fits a petite woman NOT happy to wear kiddie prints in a monsoonal country --- but I always avoided biting that bullet while abroad because it seemed so much more expensive. That jacket's been a lifesaver! I'll never get round to loving the 'storm crow' look or feeling; but at least I don't feel reduced to tears at having to step out into a cyclonic storm.

(2) Avoca wellies, two years later and 30 euros on clearance, that cost precisely 10 times the only rainboots available back home (and of course NOT in my size and in drab black rubber). Sanity-saving, as above, through the months when I had to walk an hour to and from work through melting dirt tracks and wade through knee-high water. Not my favourite colour, being pale pink, but it was all they had in my size --- and I had to buy a new suitcase to bring them home in, being bulky. But SO worth it.

(3) Hush Puppies sandals and boots 5 years ago, after a lifetime of being parsimonious about shoes, felt utterly indulgent compared to most mainstream brands here (including the sports stores). SUCH a difference to my feet and consequently my lifestyle. The boots have just been voted off the YLF island in a recent thread; but haven't quite walked out of my closet --- need to be able to afford replacements before they go! I can't imagine not having a pair any more.

There is a theme here, but the penny is only now dropping. (For which epiphany, THANK YOU for this thread, K...!) It seems that I give myself permission more readily when I think the functional qualities of the garment or accessory are much higher than anything I have, and where they help my lifestyle turn a corner. No more moping in a corner of my bedroom when it's cold or wet out!

K. Period.

Veteran

@ManidipaM: Thank you for the fabulous stories! Indulging with something so worthwhile--something you can wear and love and be comfortable in--is such a perfect non-indulgence indulgence! I know exactly what you mean. They are the perfect giving yourself permission items, aren't they?

@Suz: Thanks for the link. *Lovely!* Their dresses are stunning!

Isabel

Veteran

Yes, I do love that story too.

For me, it happened this past January. I had to pack almost my entire winter wardrobe, inlcuding all my blazers and winter outercoats, and I gave them away. I have gained allot of weight for medical reasons. And I was having such a hard time with the fact that I had to spend money to get things. I was really torn over getting some things that I LOVED and just getting "meh" because it was cheaper. My husband finally said to me, " we can afford it, get what you love, don't worry about the price. " Then the ladies here also encouraged me . I LOVE my new stuff and it makes me feel soooo good when I wear it. It brings me joy.

K. Period.

Veteran

Isabel, you brought tears to my eyes! Good for you, and your wonderful husband too, for reminding you that you deserve fabulous and not just "meh"!

anne

Veteran

Good on Isobels DH

My splurge items include a charcoal wool suit that I bought 8 years ago as a sort of mark of the occasion of returning to work after having DD#1 and finally getting my dream job. I only stayed in the job about 7 months though, as we moved from the3 city to our current regional location. I got another job which didn't really require suit wear but I kept wearing it anyway. The suit fits really well; I was able to buy different sizes for top and bottom, and the quality exceeds anything else I own. Hopefully I will be able to wear it if I return to work in the future ( I do wear the skirt on it's own sometimes)

My second year in YLF I bought some nude heels that were more expensive then I any non boots/orthotic shoes I have ever had. Thy have 3 inch heels so don't get worn much but certainly add something to an outfit when they do have an outing.

Sarah A

Veteran

I don't know if I have yet to take the plunge! I did buy a few nice suits and shirts(brooks bros but even that was outlet shopping) when I got out of the military to wear to interviews but it wasn't really a love purchase. This is an inspiring thread though and I have enjoyed reading your stories and Suz that skirt is beyond amazing!