I've never done this before - YouLookFab Forum

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I've never done this before

Mochi

Veteran

Yesterday I was really, really angry at someone, and I used that anger to justify buying some boots that were (for me) kind of pricey. It is irrational, and also the shopping equivalent of eating a bag of chocolate or something. I feel upset that I was intentionally, knowingly doing this even as I pulled the trigger. Of course I can send them back, though they are awesome booties....I'm trying to justify them, and ready to not like them either...I guess I feel like a crazy woman.

In case you're wondering, these are the boots:

http://www.ashburyskies.com/mi.....dern-boot/

General

21 replies

Latest reply was from RoseandJoan

Isabel

Veteran

First, I am so sorry that you were so upset by someone. : (

Second, the boots are beautiful. People do all kinds of things to let off steam or feel worthy. It is easy to let go of the willpower when our emotions are overwrought.

So I have two questions. Can you comfortably afford them ? If you keep them, will you have negative emotions attached to them ? I know that if it were me, I wouldn't be able to keep them because of the negativity that led me to them.

Mochi

Veteran

Your second question hits the nail on the head, Isabel. I am already thinking that might happen. They will probably go back for that reason.

I can find ways to justify affording a lot of the things I buy. Because I actually end up buying relatively few things right now, I can literally afford them. It's not that clearcut the way I approach girl math. It's more a "do I buy this? Or prioritize that?" issue at this point. I fly by my gut feeling with things.

RunswithDolphins

These boots are triggering a lot of emotions for you but from what I'm reading here is that happiness is not the primary one.

catgirl

Veteran

I have an idea - I'LL buy those boots! I think this kind of emotional buying happens a lot, and the fact that you recognize the trigger is brilliant. Will they bring you joy or always be tainted? Would you have bought them anyway?

Janet

(website)

Veteran

OK, the boots are AWESOME.

The others raised a good point. I totally understand emotional shopping. I think you were treating yourself with the boots, maybe because you felt you were treated badly by the other person?

If you can keep the boots with the "treating yourself" feeling intact, rather than the more negative feelings, AND they fit you and serve a need in your wardrobe, then I'd say no harm done. You didn't really find a magical item at Shoptoberfest. But I think being totally honest with yourself about your motives is important.

Bottom line: Will you love the boots and wear them happily?

Mochi

Veteran

I'll report back to you when they come in, Janet!

I think I'm capable of disassociating the bad feelings from the purchase...but still I'm appalled that I almost defiantly went for them under those negative conditions, and--let's face it--childish rationalizations.

I'm not sure they should be a first priority, either...I can use some booties (especially grey ones), though, so I could do various mental gymnastics to justify them. They may also be too big; I had to size up (which they recommend, but by a whole size since they didn't have any 8.5s OR 9s, so we'll see).

Thanks!

Mochi

Veteran

Janet Stamp of Approval, just sayin'

catgirl

Veteran

If they're not here, you need to wait till they arrive. They may not work, you may not love the, you may still feel conflicted - or you may be like "thank goodness that person pissed me off, or I would have missed out on these FAB boots." Kidding, but that's how I would twist the whole situation. XO

Mochi

Veteran

Ha, you're so right, Una! Sometimes (especially with me, I'm thinking), we need a shove of some sort to do something that's meant to be!

I'll be updating y'all, anyway. They're around on various sites. Ashburyskies.com also currently has a promo for 10% so if you're seriously interested, search for it or message me.

Hil

(website)

Veteran

I sort of echo Una's response... I hear you on the frustration with yourself but you may look at the boots when they arrive and they are so awesome that you are thankful you pulled the trigger, whatever the motivation.

And hugs! I hope you are feeling better! x

Mochi

Veteran

(And I really should be signing off and running out, but I'll just add that every recent compliment that I can think of has involved something like shoes or a bag that cost me a lot more than I would ever have spent let's say five years ago...so they are worthwhile investments. I really need to write up a separate post, because I have so many complicated feelings around shopping. But anyway, thanks for the support and enabling to do whatever I end up doing!)

Anonymous

The booties are nice, the feeling behind the purchase, not so much. You still have a chance to return once they get to you, so all in all, l see little risk. I'm sorry about the way you feel.

cciele

Veteran

I think many of us can be emotional shoppers, so I really sympathize with you.

On their own merits, those booties are pretty damn awesome! I think you posted them on my Bowie shoes thread, and I heartily approved of them there. Let's see how you feel when you get the booties.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I have been guilty of emotional shopping more than I'd like to admit. Not always for clothes, either, and not always because I'm upset - sometimes I have a great day or get good news and I want to celebrate!

Once a little time has passed, I try to separate the actual item from the way I felt when I bought it. Something has to make sense, as far as whether I like it, it fits in my budget, and fits/works with the rest of my wardrobe, etc. So if I were you, I'd wait until it arrives and see whether you still like it and you can afford it.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Wow, those are some gorgeous boots. You have received good advice -- try them out in the moment and see how you feel then. If they aren't comfortable, you have your answer anyway. And in the meantime, big hugs. It's never good to feel that way -- but you've identified the cause, and that's brilliant!

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I could be way off base here (tell me if I am) but I see an important connection between your "anger" allowing you to buy something expensive without having to over think it & how indecisive you usually feel when shopping. Could be worth exploring.

Love the boots

DonnaF

Veteran

Cute booties, buy yeah, they may not fit. I hope you wouldn't have to pay for return shipping if that is necessarily and that you WILL promise to return them if they don't fit. I look at it this way: You DIDN'T "eat a bag of chocolate or something" and get in a carb spiral from which I know is hard to escape, and that to me is quite a victory. You honored your body. I suppose you could have headed to the mall like a lot of women in the same circumstances, but then you might have had to return items at a dozen places and spent in four figure$!

Ginkgo

Veteran

Yesterday I was listening to an NPR interview with Erica Jong, author of Fear of Flying. People were calling in with questions/comments about feminism and sexuality but all I could think of was the scene in the novel where she realizes buying a pair of shoes make her feel way better and empowered than her visits to her psychiatrist.

Those shoes are beautiful --- let's see them on you!

Adelfa

Veteran

I think your level of self awareness is so high that there's no harm done and you will be able to make a decision on the booties that's right for you. They are super fab though.

Marley

Veteran

I've done this exact same thing before, Mochi - and have gone through the shame and the guilt - scolding myself for acting out in such a childish way. But I didn't return the items - yes, plural - items! And, I have enjoyed them. So . . I don't really have any words of wisdom for you - but, Caro might be on to something regarding anger and empowerment - I know that that was part of it for me! Something to think about!

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Do you think after weeks of internal debate you would have purchased the boots anyway Mochi? Was the anger a mere accelerant?

Sorry if this is a little off topic.
From your posts you appear to be a sensitive person, which I know can be a curse as well as a blessing, do you feel you need to find a suitable method to help bolster your defenses? (I do this by giving myself time; to meet friends for coffee, to have a bath, to go to my favourite museum.)