Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us? - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Dressing

Is a Restrained Style Too Hard for Most of Us?

Gaylene

Veteran

Am I right in thinking that restraint is one of the most difficult style goals? I'm thinking particularly of how well Tara and Jenava pulled off their restrained looks recently. Both outfits, to my eye, looked ever so elegant in their simplicity. That's a look I've always admired, but I'm coming around to thinking, while it looks so simple, it's actually quite difficult to do well since every item has to stand on its own because there is nothing to distract the viewer's eye. The fit, the fabric--everything has to be spot on for the outfit to work.

I've also found it interesting that some of the comments have suggested "punching up" the look by adding scarves, coloured footwear, statement jewelry, or something similar to the outfits. Have we become so accustomed to creating eye-catching outfits that it's a challenge to adjust our eye to the elegance of simple and restrained? Is a restrained style actually advanced dressing?

I'm curious to hear what others think about restraint as a style goal.

Dressing

73 replies

Latest reply was from Ingunn

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I have been pulling back on accessorizing in the last year. If I wear a belt, I probably leave off a necklace; I haven't been wearing earrings other than studs much, etc. Even my scarves are not seeing as much action. I'm actually getting happier with my looks when they're simpler, perhaps because I'm happier with the individual items of clothing I'm wearing and the combinations I'm coming up with. When I wear a pair of statement boots, for example, I feel less likely to wear an extra item of jewelry and/or a scarf. I feel like I'm always striving for a balance.

Along the same lines, I'm getting choosier about prints and patterns. I notice my simpler or solid color items are getting worn a bit more these days.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I think it's easy to confuse retrained, minimal and simple - with "boring".

It's totally harder to be a restrained dresser in the fashion world. The sartorialist SELDOM captures a restrained dresser. It's not thought of as aspirational or creative or cool - so it's not as stylish. As a fashion stylist who helps everyday people with their styles, I *often* create restrained outfits for clients. I am always sticking up for restrained outfits - and often on my own! And you know I prefer my own outfits simple and crisp.

This thread is not dissimilar to the one where I had the opinion that most fashion bloggers are maximalists - at least not to me Gaylene.

Is it harder to do? I'm not sure. I think you need another layer of confidence to go with the vibe. We live in a fashion world where MORE is more. Not the other way round. So it's kind of swimming against the tide.

Furthermore, your items stand out much MORE when you are a restrained dresser. You can cover up bad workmanship with a scarf, or wear lots of accessories so that your outfit has lots of focal points - which draws the eye all over the show. You can't cover anything up when your style is minimal or restrained. You are on show more than your clothes.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I think it might be harder to do for many of us. Just in the way that executing any kind of minimalist work (music, art, design) can be very challenging. When there is less to look at, all the details (and possible missteps) become more visible. There are fewer visual "tricks" to distract the eye. All kinds of things from garment quality to fit can become more apparent in a more restrained look because we're not saying, "Ooh, look at that fab scarf" or "Great arm candy!"

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I do think it is difficult to do it well & I also think it's difficult to do on a tight budget; so much of this look depends on quality fabric & fit & these are not cheap.

As far as it being "advanced dressing" I'm not sure what you mean but I think it's important to recognise that one style isn't better than another - it's horses for courses imo.

Another thought, what is the difference between restraint as a style descriptor & unfinished? Or is it to do with style persona? Will people who have classic style tendencies always think people who are more flamboyant overdone & will people who are more flamboyant always think classic is boring?

Great question Gaylene - somehow clothing/style is becoming more important to many of the people I know & on some deeply personal level.

Anonymous

Is it harder to create impact with less and/or simpler pieces? Absolutely. Personally, I strive for a balance between the two opposites, minimal and maximal, but I am quite minimal in comparison to most of the forum, I think.
As a side note, my goal is never to create impact. I want my outfits to be interesting enough, but I don't want what I'm wearing to outstage me.

ironkurtin

Veteran

I consider myself a restrained dresser. Very.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I understand the concept of the restrained dresser but boy do I hate the word, rather than a celebration of simplicity there is an implication of being held back, of being moderate or dispassionate.

The crazier life gets the more I appreciate simplicity, no clutter, no fuss just a straight forward message.

BUT back to your question Gaylene, is restrained dressing advanced dressing? Yes and no, I believe once acquired (spending time on colour, fabric and fit is the difficult part) this type of dressing lends very well to capsules which mix and match splendidly; unlike, for example, boho which can be sourced quite easily and looks thrown together but actually requires a lot more effort playing with pattern, texture, proportion and embellishment at the same time.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Interesting, Julie. I quite like the connotations of the word restraint myself -- I guess I think more of holding back with a purpose. Tasteful, subtle, and discriminating vs. restricted or limited.

I don't know if a restrained style is more difficult to achieve. It might be. It does take excellent judgement. Do you need better judgement than you need for a (successful) ALGO style? Probably not. I guess each style can fail in its own way. A restrained style will fail by seeming boring or even frumpy while a maximal style will fail by seeming a hot mess.

I think restraint can be difficult because not only does each item have to be right, but it has to be right for THIS wearer. The element of line is all important.

One of the most stylish people I've ever known was a man I worked with when I was teaching secondary school. He wore a uniform of a black suit with a white shirt. No tie. His hair was white. I never saw him in anything else except perhaps a black sweater and jeans, black coat, black tuque. He ALWAYS looked amazing. His look was certainly restrained. Not fashionable, per se. But always right for him.

Day Vies

Veteran

This is fascinating -- excellent thread. I do believe restrained can be harder to pull off but not because it's intellectually challenging but for reasons Angie mentioned that when an outfit is great and restrained it is because the fit is spot on.

I don't believe that great fit requires large investments of money. However, great fit does require large investments of time (if you're not going to the tailor and you don't sew). You have to do the work up front and you have to be willing to walk away from items that simply aren't made well.

Also, I think restrained as you have defined it here puts the person on display NOT the outfit or the accessories. Many times body and self-esteem issues get in the way and people (including myself) use accessories or other focal points to distract the attention of on lookers because of a need to hide some part of themselves or their bodies.

Kari

Veteran

So many wise responses in this thread.

I think that for me personally, it's a challenge to find the right pieces that can create the kind of impact I desire while wearing very few, or very simple, items. I crave textural variety and pattern - that's just the stage I'm at right now. Additionally, as Angie mentioned, your outfit is much more on display. That makes me feel like the fit has to be impeccable - and since my weight fluctuates so greatly, even at different times of the month, that feels like a challenge. I also get cold easily at this time of year, so carrying scarves or layering with jackets is a necessity.

These are probably the closest I've come to restrained style in recent months - my somewhat monochromatic outfits. Nowhere near what Tara and Jenava and Ironkurtin are doing, but I felt elegant in them.

http://cdn3.youlookfab.com/upl....._image.jpg
http://cdn0.youlookfab.com/upl....._image.jpg
http://cdn2.youlookfab.com/upl....._image.jpg
http://cdn2.youlookfab.com/upl....._image.jpg

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

Restraint is in the eye of the beholder. I may think of myself as exercising restraint, for example I will remove accessories or change to a simpler piece if I am wearing something really statement-y elsewhere. But to others it may not look like any kind of restraint.

Laura

I've always been a minimalist/restrained dresser and I've worried that people think I'm boring...but instinctually I've known that an understated look can be much more flattering and let the individual shine.

I feel so odd and out of place ("not myself") the few times I've tried to wear several pieces of jewelry, or maximize...so in a lot of ways it's much easier for me to err on the side of "boring" - I just can't bring myself to take on too much! It feels so wrong.

I was happy to read Angie's minimalist ephiphany and I've enjoyed watching her style evolve. It's been very affirming. And it's made me realize that I've been going in the right direction (not boring at all!) but that I've needed to step up quality to make it work.

Hooray for minimalist, restrained style! And thanks to Angie for being a great example.

Raisin

Veteran

I think I am a it of a restrained dresser, but maybe more out of laziness then anything. I don't really have the time or want to decide on scarves, belts, accessories, etc. Now is it harder to do? Well not if you just do it out of laziness. But it may be harder to do if you want to look great also. I think like others have mentioned, the fit and fabric need to be great. Because I'm already naturally on the restrained or minimalist side, I'm trying to get my clothes to that point that they are all well constructed and fitting so that I can look great as a restrained dresser.

Anonymous

I'm a restrained dresser. There's no way I've mastered it, but it comes more naturally to me than any other style. I find accessories to be too fussy, except for the occasional scarf.

Amy

(website)

Veteran

Whether or not it's too difficult, its not something I aspire to at all. I appreciate it on others, but I like a bit of froufrou because it's fun for me. Trying to be restrained would make dressing more of a chore than a playful experience for me, because I'd start to dwell on imperfections.

Gaylene

Veteran

Angie, it's interesting to hear that you find restrained dressing to be more challenging in the fashion world because it takes confidence to go against the grain--much like wearing flats when everyone is in 4" heels, I imagine. And I agree that each item needs to be exactly right for the restrained look to look elegant instead of dowdy.

But is restrained even more tricky than minimalism? For example, I can see a minimalist using strong, bold, and colourful items to create an unforgettable image, much as you do with your tartan trousers and bold coat, but trying to create an interesting, fashion-forward outfit with the same pieces only in muted, or tone-on-tone, colours would seem to be even more challenging in today's fashion world. That's why I was so taken by both Tara and Jenava's outfits.

Janet, good thoughts. Minimalism in modern art has always fascinated me because so much depends on absolute, exquisite perfection. The simplicity is so deceptive and can be mocked so easily because it leads one to think "I could do that". Hah!

Caro, when I used the term "advanced dressing", I wasn't try to imply that restrained dressing was better, just that it might be harder to execute because it is so pared down and because, for most of us, our eye almost has to be educated to see beyond the apparent simplicity. Is the outfit incomplete? Or elegant? I suspect that restrained dressing could get both labels, depending on the viewer.

Zap, I can see minimalism as being a component of restraint, but, to me, restraint is usually much more understated. Minimalism can have quite an impact if executed in bold or dramatic shapes, while restraint usually does not call so much attention to itself, at least the way I think of it. Restrained dressing is often very subtle dressing.

Julie, interesting thought that maybe it's the sourcing of the items that is the challenge for restrained dressing, not so much the actual putting together of the outfit. But I agree with your first statement that the word "restrained" does not really seem to resonate with most fashion people (except Angie, of course!). That, to me, is one of the challenges of opting for this style.

Suz, *laughing*-- the dilemma between being having a restrained style and being thought frumpy, or having a maximal style and ending up as a hot mess. How to choose...

DV and Kari, you've hit on exactly why Tara's and Jenava's outfits struck such a chord with me; it was how I saw THEM first and then noticed the outfits. It's as Angie said "you are on show more than the clothes". And that can be a bit daunting if you don't feel up to it. And, Kari, I think I'm adding you to my list of Restrained Dressers To Watch--love those outfits!

Denise, that is how I'm inching towards restraint, by taking off something before leaving the house (hmm, isn't that close to something Coco Chanel said?)

Tortoise, Raisin, and Anne, do you see minimalism and restraint as more or less the same thing? While I think a restrained style is usually minimalist, I don't think the reverse is automatically true.

Lots to think about here; thanks everyone.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

The distinction between minimalism, which depends on some very strong pieces, and restraint is very interesting. I sorted of nodded with Raisin - I don't wear a lot (or any) jewelry and other extra touches but would not say I am intentionally restrained. If I added a necklace or earrings or scarf or belt and thought it improved things I would wear them. And perhaps someone else would be able to add "just the thing" and elevate what I am wearing. But, I will say, I prefer to err on the side of restraint.

nancylee

Veteran

This is an interesting discussion. I think being a restrained dresser is a natural tendency for some of us, just as being a maximalist is a natural tendency for others. I'm a big believer in following your natural tendencies for self-expression. One of my writing teachers said we are either "taker-outers" or "putter-inners," that is, some of us write and then edit assiduously and others write and then layer on more. Both methods are good, but it depends on your nature and what feels right.

I'm a restrained dresser because that comes naturally to me. I'd feel odd dressing maximally, so dressing with restraint isn't difficult for me whereas it might be for someone who's maximalist by nature.

Anonymous

Umm, interesting. I do see restraint as a measure of minimalism as well, but I am not sure if I see a difference between minimal and restrained. Can a maximal dresser be called restrained then, if both terms are divisible?

Isabel

Veteran

I completely agree with CoCoLion ( Denise ). Personally, restrained to me is also devoid of color. I don't know why, but that is what I have in my head.

For me, "restrained" is difficult because I like so many things. I am starting to really like color. I have always loved accessories. So someone wearing a big cuff and post earrings is "restrained".

I suppose that "minimalist" and "restrained " are two very different things for me. I find Vera Wang very restrained because she sticks to black and floaty fabrics with tights. Steven Jobs was restrained. They have "uniforms" and they stick with them. That would be immeasurably hard for me.

Gaylene

Veteran

Shevia, I think that is the tendency for many of us--if an outfit seems a bit off, add an accessory to finish things off. On the other hand, maybe a restrained dresser would re-think elements like fit, or tones, or proportion to "correct" the outfit?

Nancylee, it makes sense that different people are drawn to different points on the spectrum between minimal and maximal. But, as Angie has pointed out, today's fashion world seems to favour a more maximal look.

Zap, I do see a distinction between someone who prefers a minimalist look and someone who prefers a restrained style. And, while I don't think it is as common a style preference, if a maximalist look involves layers and accessories, then a restrained maximalist might be a person who wears layers of shaded greys, with accessories in the same tones. The look wouldn't be minimalist, but would certainly be restrained when compared to the maximalist who uses multiple colours and patterns in an outfit.

Isabel, I don't know if I'd call restrained "devoid" of colour, but I do agree that colour is not the dominant feature of a restrained style; to my eye, a restrained palette probably features more muted tones which tend to blend together. As far as it being a "uniform", I guess that word could be applied to any style that was worn consistently by a person. But, you're right, the restrained would look very dull to someone who loved colour, pattern, and accessories, but that's partially why I think restrained style would be so challenging because it is contrary to today's love of colour, pattern, and accessories. Most people would want to "punch up" the restrained outfit with an accessory or a colourful scarf.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Hmmm. All of this is interesting. I was just thinking how, to me, the opposite of restrained might be exuberant, and how that might apply to style.

Also thinking restraint might be somewhat in the eye of the beholder. One person's restraint is another's bold!

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

To me, the word "restrained" implies a more classic leaning whereas "minimalist" could be either classic or modern/avant garde. Although honestly, if I hear the word "minimalist" in the context of fashion I think first of the latter.

ManidipaM

Veteran

I agree that *chic* restraint is harder overall because of the level of confidence it needs to pull off because YOU stand out more than your outfit at that advanced level of restrained dressing --- but to an extent, this is a very subjective assessment from the perspective of someone who finds confidence harder to come by!

As a habitual wallflower, I've dressed with restraint in the past in a way that helps me disappear too, and been continually annoyed by people telling me how to 'improve' the outfit to stand out more --- which is precisely not what I was aiming for. I wouldn't call that 'good' restrained dressing or something to aim for, though it was meeting my goals at the time! But even non-chic restraint required a certain degree of sheer stubbornness if not confidence. Swims against the tide, as Angie said.

I would also make a distinction between dressing with restraint and shopping for said dressing. I think the first is only as hard as dressing successfully in ALGO/maximal mode, like Julie said.

But shopping for restrained dressing is harder, I think, because of the way shopping is now organized. Displays are designed to draw attention on the hanger; most restrained pieces don't do this very readily. Restrained garments depend so much on fit and fabrication, which you often cannot 'see' at all on the racks but only on the body.

It takes a honed hand and a practised eye (with apologies for the mixed metaphor) to pick out those perfect pieces which speak in a whisper that can be heard across the room. That, to me, is the hardest part.

Gaylene

Veteran

ManidipaM, you have just nailed restrained dressing for me--"a whisper that can be heard across the room". PERFECT! That's exactly why I'm so intrigued by those who can pull it off: a whisper that has the same impact as a shout.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

So, here's my thought. I'm no expert on style!

For me, I'm not good at conceptualizing a complicated outfit. More than three pieces and I start to lose my bearings on whether I like something or not. I don't think that my outfits always qualify as simple (eeeerrrr, violet draped dress, blush moto, black lace leggings...studded flats. yeah), but maybe this fear of complexity comes through in my dressing. I like strong, simple statements - that's just my personality.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

And, I totally agree that this is SO, so subjective also.

Gaylene

Veteran

Jenava, thanks for commenting. It was your interview outfit coming a day or so after Tara's that really got me thinking about how interesting restraint could be. The outfit just showcased YOU so wonderfully. I also realize that you don't always choose to dress this way, still, this outfit really made me sit up and take notice because you looked so confident and self-assured. It seems to me that in today's fashion environment to opt for restraint can make quite a statement.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

The simplicity of that outfit and its colours combined to showcase Jeneva beautifully, I believe. The shape, drape, and line were all right for her. And the colours very very flattering to her.

Here's what I think, though -- the simplicity and restraint that showcases Jeneva so well would NOT showcase Natalie (or someone else with a preferred ALGO style) as well. It has to fit with the wearer's personality and looks or it is simply boring. Just as ALGO easily becomes "costume" on those whose personality it does not fit.

12 3