Is it a faux pas to wear same MOG dress to two--

MsMaven

Asking on behalf of someone else: Would it be a terrible faux pas (or even a minor one) if a mother of the groom wore a dress to her son's wedding this year and the again to second son's wedding next year? I have no idea what the etiquette is.

I told her she should ask the second son's bride to be how she would feel about it. (It's a gorgeous dress, by the way.)

11 years ago

Dressing

16 replies

Latest reply was from Parsley

Aquamarine

Veteran

Not sure of the etiquette here, but I would definitely ask the second son's fiancé. However, your friend should consider how she will feel looking at the photos from two different weddings if she is wearing the same dress.

11 years ago

jackiec

Veteran

Not a faux pas, but I agree the main thing is photos

11 years ago

unfrumped

Veteran

I sympathize, since it can be so hard to find "the dress" for one wedding --and then to have to find another one! Plus sometimes we splurge and it can be hard to feel the investment can be recoup'd.

Also, I feel as though we should sometimes take a step back and remember that many folks may have one special dress or suit they wore for everything--weddings, funerals, Sunday church, you name it ! So I don't like to make having "new" dresses seem like a requirement for life.

Still, I think I would prefer to appear "different" in the family photos--sometimes that really makes mental connections for place and time--so would at least plan to start looking for a different dress if your budget allows, unless there's a fun family thing going on--you know, it could be possible for someone to be wearing her "signature" dress everywhere as a style statement.

11 years ago

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Personally, I do not think it is a faux pas. If she feels comfortable I would say go for it. At the end of the day it won't even be about her it will be about the young couple being married.

11 years ago

Liz

Veteran

I know nothing about the fashion faux pas angle, but on the relationship angle, it seems that asking the bride puts her in a potential bind. If she really does care, how can she say No to her future MIL without coming across as selfish and demanding? If she and the new MIL have a good relationship already, it would be fine. But often things can be tenuous between a new daughter-in-law and mother-in-law.

11 years ago

Claudia

Veteran

To me, there is something admirable, refreshing, and completely lacking in affectation about her thinking of wearing the same great dress to both son's weddings. What difference does it make if it appears in two different photo albums, really? She has a gorgeous MOG dress that she may never have another opportunity to wear any place else, which is sort of sad and wasteful when you come right down to it. So why not? If anyone from son #1's wedding attending son #2's wedding speaks negatively about it, well that speaks poorly on them I would think.

I agree with ladywone, in that it's all about the bride and groom anyway.

11 years ago

Zibbets

Veteran

I agree with Claudia. The pictures will rarely, if ever, be side by side. Nobody is going to open up the two albums and compare.

11 years ago

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I don't think it's a big faux pas. I would probably try to style them differently and I guess I wonder about the color (sometimes MOG tries to match a color in the wedding), but otherwise, I'm not sure it would matter all that much to anyone else, or if anyone would even really notice with so much time between them.

11 years ago

Parsley

Veteran

Not only do I not think it's a faux pas, I think it's a sensible and very reasonable thing to do. Personally I would be thrilled to have a chance to wear my beautiful dress a second time! What a waste it is to only wear a nice dress once!
(Now if you were the bride and we were talking about re-wearing your wedding dress for a subsequent marriage that would be another story!)

11 years ago

JAileen

Veteran

My brother got married about three months after I did (in the early 80s). My mother wore the same dress to both of our weddings. It was a really beautiful and expensive dress and looked lovely on her. No one thought she should have done otherwise. In pictures it's easy to tell the weddings apart because the brides and grooms are different people!

11 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'm not sure. It depends on what her kids say.

I would have wanted my Mum to wear something different to my wedding - and she did.

11 years ago

Echo

Veteran

Except the photos are often side by side, either in the mum's album or on the mum's wall. Additionally, while this might not seem entirely rational, I wonder if one son might feel slighted that the mum wore something new to the previous wedding but not to his.

I'm not sure it is an etiquette issue, but still, two weddings for one's own children might be occasion enough to buy two dresses. It IS all about the bride and groom, and they may or may not feel it would be important for her to wear something different, but they would surely never TELL her that if she asked. Overall, I think it just avoids more issues to wear something different.

11 years ago

rabbit

Veteran

Here's a completely crazy thought. Have the dress professionally dyed to another color (assuming it's not dark). There are various places you can send a dress to in order to have that done, and there are usually quite a few formal examples on their websites.

Personally I'm in Claudia's camp, and find the cost of weddings really hard to comprehend in general -- I went the thrifted vintage route with my own wedding dress and my husband's duds, don't remember what my mom wore.

11 years ago

anne

Veteran

I don't know if it is a faux pas, but if she can afford it - I'd go for different dresses. This is a response based on my feelings not any logic though!

11 years ago

jennifer

Veteran

Often weddings have different colors and locations . It really may not be appropriate.
Example Bride #1 chooses jewel tones ,tuxes and a evening church wedding. Bride #2 chooses a destination beach wedding ( daytime) or a afternoon garden wedding. What might be appropriate one time of year ( satin,heavy silk evening length) might be inappropriate or a misery to re-wear in another situation,no matter how lovely the dress . I think the portrait situation is pertinent too ,I don't think I'd want my mom in the same dress she wore at my brother's wedding ( especially since it didn't last). That's something else to consider - if you wear the same dress to both weddings and one stays together and the other splits or is bereaved ,then the pictures of the groom's mom with other guests will be similar and could be painful to the one who divorced/ bereaved.

11 years ago

Parsley

Veteran

I think that the idea of a wedding as a production and spectacle rather than the celebration of a marriage has gotten way out of control, and the emphasis on the colors, and everybody matching approaches ridiculous at times.

Maybe I'm just a practical type. When I got married, my best friend had recently been in her sister's wedding, so she already had a bridesmaid's dress. It wasn't what I would have chosen, but to save her from buying another dress I just had my other attendant, my sister, get the same dress. It just didn't matter that much!

But obviously for a lot of people everything surrounding weddings is a hot button issue, and it's nice to be sensitive to others' feelings.

11 years ago

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