Deborah I want to give you a hug too!!

Just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about this thread and thinking of you, especially every morning as I trudge up a big hill to work! But I have no real advice, as I think I am a little too young.

Hi Deborah, I read this a couple of days ago and it has really been on my mind. Selfishly, because I could really identify with it. Sometimes, it isn't that I can't think of small talk, it is that I don't want to. You would never know it by how I go on here ! ; )

I think that as we get older and we realize how important energy and time are, we are less prone to "waste" it or we start thinking of certain things as "wasteful". We also have a much better handle of what we like and what feeds us.

When we are younger, so much of our lives are about meeting people and socializing and having people around us that want to just have a good time. A small example is how much more we go out when we are single. That whole thing changes once we have a significant other. As we get older, we want and appreciate people not for having a good time with , but for sticking with us. That is a great difference. And as we get older, there is more to "stick with" because...well...life happens. It is only natural that you move toward and appreciate those that feed your soul. There is nothing wrong recognizing people's places in your life. For example , I have a "friend" who loves to go out to dinner, have parties at her house and so on. She is a great deal of fun. But I know that she is not someone to call with a problem, because problems aren't fun. That's ok. That's her niche and I recognize it. Different people fit different needs. It doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. It just means you have gained wisdom.

Regarding the volunteering, I have found over the years that two kinds of people volunteer : those that really want to DO something and those that want to IMPRESS/HAVE A NEED OF THEIR OWN. People also have funny ideas about volunteering. Some people feel that since they aren't getting paid, they deserve something in return: whether it is power, respect, awe, control, and so on. If things are moving along , then we just need to tolerate them...if nothing is getting done, then it is time to use your talents somewhere else.

Hang in there !!!!

Fantastic, timely thread for me. I can so relate to everything everyone has said. I've even withdrawn from YLF lately! I still lurk and read, but I'm not shopping much due to budget, and I'm dealing with other stressful situations, so I often just don't have the energy or brain space to comment.

I'm 56 and I definitely have been in a phase of reevaluating, while at the same time trying to find new work, so it brings up lots of issues of "how do I present myself to the world?" On the one hand, I'm more comfortable with just being me - but when I'm job hunting I have been advised to appear "young and energetic." Ugh. I would like a job where I can just be myself, at this age, with all my experience and wisdom! It does complicate things.

I would be happy to retire tomorrow if I could afford it, but that's not in the cards. I really do believe that ultimately we have to be our authentic selves. Not grumpy, of course, but just be "who we are." My few remaining true friends really get that, and I don't have the time or energy for all the other "stuff."

I'm glad to know I'm in good company!

Tarzy, nice to see you. I have missed you ! Here, here !

Good luck with your job search. A tip on how to act young, say to the interviewer, " Hey G, this is one sick, mad job ! I totally want it and will twerk for it. " LOL !

Isabel - LOL!

Which everyone my age knows means "lots of love."

Deborah you are such a sweetheart.
Quite apart from anything else, it sounds like your big move is catching up with you.
You have a lot of resources and you will be OK. Penny.

Deborah, I can totally relate to what you're saying here and may I say that it's perfectly acceptable to want to keep company with ourselves. I agree with you 100% that I "feel" closer to some of the women on this forum than I do with those in my life who are "local" and that's perfectly fine with me.

I "run" closer to being an introvert and always have and was especially so in my youth. I still have a problem with small talk in some circles, unless I know the people or feel an immediate sense of connection or if a stronger extrovert type approaches me with warmth.

Generally, when I'm in a room with a lot of people I don't know, I usually sit back and observe and find one person with whom to chat. Then, it goes from there and if not, then I stick with that one person.

You have some amazing insights here from the others and I will add that we don't want to cloister too much and hibernate, so what I did in my retirement, was to find ways to reach out in a way that resonated with me. For instance, I started a monthly women's gathering, at my home, with like-minded spirits, and we gather for about an hour and half, no more than two hours, and talk about what's been going on in our lives, books we've read, health challenges, personal growth, etc. and it's all very supportive. It's a small group and no more than six or seven women.

I also feel close connections with some on Facebook and with some I've never ever met. But, there's a kinship that develops and I think we all need this communication, connection and "being heard" in our lives, if you know what I mean. Sometimes, we're not really "heard" and it's so important to be able to express ourselves in a safe, caring and loving environment.

Hope this helps you and also to know that your feeling is quite universal and common for some of us.

Hugs,

Vicki ^_^