Interest has waned; need motivation - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Interest has waned; need motivation

Aziraphale

Veteran

I'm starting to participate a little in the forum again, but I think I need inspiration. In light of all the very serious life stuff that has been happening lately, I'm having trouble (for the first time in my life!) taking an interest in clothes. It just seems so...I don't know...lighthearted, which is what you'd think I need more of these days. But I feel like it's all passing me by and I can't get a foothold. I look at the pictures of recent trends, and all I can think is "yeah, yeah, whatever". I have very little desire to purchase anything new.

The one interesting and positive thing is that I've been wearing the heck out of all my recent (as in, from the past year) purchases, with no concern at all about wrecking them. This is significant because I used to struggle with saving my favourites for "best", and yet best never seemed to happen. Now I kind of feel like life is short, might as well wear them while I can, who cares if they wear out, I'll buy more if that happens. (My mom has officially been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, which is of course one of the most horrifying death sentences a person can receive. It kind of puts everything else in perspective).

Does this resonate with any of you? I'm assuming my interest in fashion will return in due course, but in the meantime, any advice or suggestions?

I have to say, I did think Angie's white tuxedo shirt and blazer outfit the other day looked fantastic. So obviously I haven't lost ALL interest.

General

28 replies

Latest reply was from Isabel

Raisin

Veteran

I think that's a pretty common reaction to have when your faced with such stressful news. Less important things just naturally get pushed aside at these times. I think you should give yourself time, your little peak in interest may mean that you're adjusting to the news and coming back to previous interests. I'm sorry to hear about your mom, I've had family members go through this also, and it's very tough. Hang in there, and big hugs.

DonnaF

Veteran

No purchases is better than bad purchases and much easier on the pocketbook. Glad you are wearing your recent purchases; better than telling us you are wearing secondhand gray sweats 24/7. A lot is on your plate; it's okay to take a break. Just don't go nekkid.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Donna -- LOL -- I'm not quite that mentally unhinged!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I think your feeling is totally normal and human. I am so sorry about your mother.

You are still processing all sorts of emotions. I think your interest will return when you aren't so busy getting used to the new reality, no need to force it.

Carla

Veteran

I actually think that you are on the right track with your 'wearing the heck' out of the great stuff in your closet.

DH's parents died within 3 years of each other, and much too young in my opinion. DH got his mother's second set of china ( the first set went to SIL, of course.) my reaction to receiving this austerely elegant set, when I had hardly used my own? I purged my kitchen cupboards of all the ordinary 'ware, and installed my china and MIL china. I fed the babies with pablum stirred up in the beautiful fruit nappies!

25 years later, we still use the china, and have only chipped one fruit nappie and cracked one salad plate!

I have gotten over the sadness of loosing DH's parents, but honour them and remember them each time we use their beautiful stuff.

You will overcome this hard time in your life, but in the mean time...use the good china, and wear your great clothes!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

So sorry to hear about your mother, Elisabeth. And i think your feelings are perfectly natural. Your interest will return in time, and meanwhile it's great that you are able to wear your clothes and feel good in them.

Anonymous

Hugs!! You are probably in a bit of shock from your mother's diagnosis and that holds your thoughts and energy.
Sometime down the line your closet may be an important distraction and part of life you can have some control over. Be gentle with yourself.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Elisabeth - I'm so sorry about your Mother's recent diagnosis. My MIL lives with us and she suffers from Alzheimer's. It is indeed a cruel disease and you will have some difficult times ahead. But you will also have wonderful, meaningful moments of clarity and fabulous conversations that bring you much joy. Hold on to those.

Glad to hear you're wearing the heck out of the clothes you have and like and pop in and peruse the site when the mood strikes you. It can be a pleasant diversion

Gaylene

Veteran

My mum was also diagnosed with Alzheimer's about five years ago, although she obviously had been having some problems before the diagnosis, so I understand a bit of what you're going through, Elisabeth. She was such a strong, intelligent, and independent person that the news hit everyone like a ton of bricks.

All I can say is that, in time, you do start to accept the changes and go on with your life. In the meantime, caring about your appearance is not to be taken lightly; at times like these, I think clothing becomes a kind of armor that helps us, and those around us, cope with what we must face. I'm sure that, if my mum was still able to communicate, her advice would be to weep a little in private, then put on a good dress and some lipstick, and do what has to be done with a smile on my face.

Difficult times can wear us down until it becomes harder and harder to cope. Taking the time to be a bit lighthearted, and even frivolous, isn't a crime, it's a way of lightening the burden for a few minutes so you can take it up again with a bit more strength. You and your family will be in this for a while, so you need to find a way to be happy, yet a bit sad, simultaneously.
*with a virtual hug around your shoulders*

Thistle

Veteran

((Hugs)). My thoughts and prayers are with you.

catgirl

Veteran

Adding another hug. I've been feeling the same way, between stress, transition and just over-scheduling. The good thing is having a wardrobe you trust to carry you through and make you feel good about presenting yourself to the encroaching world, instead of giving you yet another reason to feel down. To me, trends are like dessert - I enjoy them when I can but can live without them in spare times.

I think you know I'm an elder law attorney and deal with Alzheimer's and dementia-related issues all day. Plus my MIL has Alzheimer's. It's devastating for families and friends as well as the patient. Do know that you're not alone, though. I just read this in the NY Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04.....&_r=0

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

I am so sorry about your mother, Elisabeth. You are right, things like this put everything else in prospective for sure. Hold on there! <<HUGS>>
Give yourself some time, it will come back to you!

BroadEarthQueen

(website)

As a newbie, I'm not sure it's my right, and I've been hesitant to jump right in. But when I saw your post....I felt the strangest and strongest need to throw in my two cents. It may not be relevant to a similar extent because I was a kid when this happened, but I feel I should.

Through most of my childhood, I wore brightly colored over sized clothes with little embroidered flowers all over the jeans (this was the 90's, you could find those practically everywhere. At least where my mom shooped.) Then my mom got diabetes when I went into 4th grade. Then 9/11. Then she got diagnosed with congestive heart failure six months later. Then in 5th grade my father ran away to Florida. Through all of this I was bullied extensively. Then halfway through the summer, my mom dragged my father back to Massachusetts. In August, the month before school started, my father commited suicide. I was 10. Suddenly, on our next shopping trip, I drifted into Hot Topic. I compulsively started picking up the tightest, darkest clothing i could find. Skulls on everything. I had developed early, but I still hadn't gained the weight, so I fit into Hot Topic's clothes the way they had initially been marketed. I didn't come back into bright, colorful clothing until high school (Even though suddenly it was six sizes bigger rather than about two). I completely understand what you are going through. The change in mood toward clothing passes, trust me. I still have gothy pieces in my wardrobe, but they are combined in at least moderation. You just stay true to you.

As a little sidebit, one quote that I've found true in my life. "Throughout every stage in a woman's life, her wardrobe changes accordingly. Because she is never the same woman she was at the previous stage."

Aziraphale

Veteran

Thanks for your words of support, everyone. I am trying to regain my equilibrium, and intend to participate more threads than I have been for the past month. (I stopped checking in at all for a few weeks there). It's not like my life has stopped, and it's true, it's nice to have a few diversions. It's just that I'm having a hard time -- for the first time ever -- with enthusiasm, y'know?

Runcarla -- great analogy about the "good" china.

Shannon -- interesting that you mention the "moments of clarity", because I've certainly noticed that my mom seems pretty lucid sometimes, and alarmingly out-to-lunch at others. It helps to think of her mind as becoming more childlike, especially when she has moments of intense (and understandable) frustration, and takes it out on me or my dad.

Gaylene, thanks for the sweet advice. I assure you that it's not that I don't care about my appearance; if that were the case, I would be in sweats. I've been wearing my proper street clothes, and I'm mostly reaching for the ones that make me feel fab yet safe. Interestingly, this never seems to involve skirts. Much as I think they look great, I don't think I've worn a skirt in a month! It's all tailored shirts, sweaters, blazers and jeans. Sometimes I think I was born into the wrong body, haha. I would've done well as a man. I'm emotionally reserved and everything.

Una, as it happens, I did not know you were an elder law attorney. Well, I did know you were an attorney. Thank you for that article. I read it and, well, holy sh*t. Those are scary (yet, sadly, believable) statistics. I've been in touch with the Alzheimer's society, as it happens, and they were very helpful.

BEQ, please do not be hesitant to jump in! This is a very welcoming forum. (In fact, Welcome!). It's true what you say; we keep evolving as people, so why should our wardrobes remain static?

Echo

Veteran

Elizabeth, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. An unexpected or devastating health diagnosis - either in oneself or a family member - understandably pushes less important things to the side. It is hard to think about things as trivial as clothing when someone we love is in a bad situation. My heart goes out to you. As it stands, I think you have exactly the right attitude toward fashion and clothing in wearing your things NOW instead of saving them for the day that may or may not come and just watching. Your desire to purchase and become involved will come back, but it is on the back burner for now, which is exactly where it should be.

MsMary

Veteran

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles, A! I am feeling kind of the same way lately -- I am I the throes of a major life crisis myself and don't have nearly as much heart for fun and fashion as usual. But as I posted a few days ago, I am ridiculously grateful for my beautiful, hard-working wardrobe that is helping to carry me through the crisis feeling at least, as a lovely YLFer put it, "together on the outside." Bug hugs to you, and don't forget to take good care of yourself as you care for your dear mother!

Adelfa

Veteran

Everybody has said a lot of great things. All I can add is that my thoughts and prayers are with you too.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Oh, MaryK, I'm sorry to hear that you have a crisis going on too. I've been mostly absent lately, so I apologize if there have been posts I missed. I hope it's not a health crisis. Sending you hugs right back!

Lyn D.

Veteran

It IS such sad and stressful news, Elisabeth, and I am sorry for you!
As Gaylene said, there is a point where life settles into a more accepting mode, where we can celebrate the fact that it 'is what it is'.
For what it is worth, my Grandmother seemed to be O.K. with life as it was when she was in the thick of Dementia, and still hale and hearty physically.
We loved her as she was, and were blessed to have at least part of her with us for a little longer...

Beth Ann

Veteran

Blessings on you and your family! Your mother has a great gift in you, even in the midst of a devastating illness.

We'll enjoy your presence whenever you have a moment for a healthy, light diversion. YLF is just one way, along with spending time with friends, good food, rest and exercise, of taking care of the caretaker!

Banoffi

Veteran

I am sorry to hear about your mother. My father had Alzheimer's, and it is truly a cruel disease. I do know what you mean by the moments of clarity. My dad would have these every once in while, and then suddenly lapse into confusion. There were times when I know he was aware that he suddenly wasn't making sense and I could see the fear in his eyes. My thoughts are with you.

As for wearing your "best" clothes--- hats off to you. I need to follow this myself. Too many times I've bought things to be worn on special occasions, and they've gone out of fashion or my taste before I've gotten the chance to wear them. Big waste.

AJ

Veteran

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. It was very difficult to watch my MIL go through it and see the toll it took on FIL, yet he complained very little and just took it day by day.

I'm glad that your wardrobe is serving you well during this difficult time. Don't worry about your enthusiasm waning. As you said, you still care enough to get nicely dressed each day. Lack of shopping thrills doesn't mean lack of living.

"I'm assuming my interest in fashion will return in due course, but in the meantime, any advice or suggestions?"

Shop your closet for new combinations.

Collect images on Pinterest

Keep reading Angie's blog posts
Someone linked to this blog and I find the color combos most inspiring: http://www.brandigirlblog.com/

More hugs and prayers to you. We're here when you need us.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Just wanted to add my support. We cared for my FIL & then MIL who both had dementia & it wasn't easy. Take care of yourself & as TS says enjoy the good times.

Anonymous

'A' I'm not sure I can add much more than has already been said by all the other ladies, so I just wanted to say hang in there and just keep reaching for FFBO's You have had a lot of stress and emotional turmoil thrown at you lately and it takes time to adjust. Sending you a virtual ((hug))

Mander

(website)

Veteran

I think that with all the stress and shock, you should avoid feeling guilty for temporarily losing interest in your hobbies! But it is good that you have been wearing new purchases and not saving them. A lesson I could incorporate myself...

Hugs to you and your family.

krishnidoux

Veteran

Hugs to you! I am so sorry about your mother.

Like others have said, your reaction is completely normal. It resonates with me b/c when I went through tough times I too lost interest in my clothes. It was temporary.

Wearing your recent purchases through this is a testimony of your skills: you had bought what you would have needed now, good clothes to rely on while going through this phase. When it passes, you may find you can't see these clothes again, and that's fine. That's when you'll need to hit the stores again to change looks and turn the page. Not completely on what is going on, but I mean to another stage. So my advice to you now is to put money aside for when this happens.

When I came around from my own time out, I needed to buy new clothes, not just for my body but for my soul. Then spending more than usual (because I needed to replace more items), I felt extremely guilty, which wasn't pleasant. I had to put some of it on my credit, which, if can be avoided is best not so much for the money, but for the peace of mind while rebuilding your wardrobe. Looking back now I am more understanding of myself, and realize it was actually part of my getting better, and that I needed it, so I am at peace with it.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

You need to give yourself a pass to do as you please right now (so long as it is not hurting anyone), this is self preservation.

I like to think of fasion as a game I choose to play when I have the time.

Isabel

Veteran

Oh, I am so incredibly sorry and sad. I agree that you need to do whatever you need to do to get by and let the dust settle. I have been in your shoes a couple of times : When my mom was diagnosed with heart failure this last October and two years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer. Seeing all those women with advanced cancer at the Oncology Center ( and my friend's husband was dying from Esophogeal cancer ) made me feel as if clothing just didn't matter. At. all. I started to snap out of it when my oncology nurse said they watch us very carefully for how we put ourselves together in order to keep a check on depression. We had a very interesting talk about it. When things are tough, getting dressed maybe the only respite you get all day. It is also a small gesture in taking care of yourself and reminding yourself how unbelievable strong you are.

XOXOXOXOXOXO