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Individuality

Nicole

Veteran

I have a very difficult time buying something that someone else owns. And I get annoyed when I own something kind of unique and a friend goes out and buys something very similar. If a friend has something that I really like, I might ask her about it, but would not feel comfortable going out and buying that same item. I think this is why I like to shop at Marshalls--the racks are not filled with 20 of the same thing. And when I go to department stores, like Macy's, and I see a rack full of the same item, I tend to pass over it.

Does anyone else have these same feelings? How do you deal with a coworker or friend buying something that you own? Does it bug you? Or are you flattered?

General

23 replies

Latest reply was from Amanda

Tanya

Veteran

Ha Nicole, what an interesting question! I have been thinking about something very similar these days anyway.

First I'd like to say that I don't mind at all and am actually flattered when a YLF online friend wants to but something I have posted a photo of

With people you actually know in reality, it's a bit different. I am sort of in the middle and I'd say it depends on the context and situation. I'll give two examples.

First, in college, one of my good friends was basically being my copycat. Almost anything I would buy, she would go out and buy the same or extremely similar thing. Or we would browse stores together, and I'd point out something I liked, and later she would go and buy it for herself. This was annoying me to death. I figured it was because of her own insecurities, but still. We had very small wardrobes in those days and could buy on average one item every second month, so we had very similar wardrobes. Quite a few times we would show up at places dressed almost the same ( without having coordinated it). Or I was saving to buy something and she would snatch the last item right in front of mu nose. And then she would tell friends that my style was 'out there' while hers was very simple, timeless and modern classic. Needless to say, I absolutely hated the situation.

My best friend here is doing a big wardrobe transition and I am her own 'stylist', we go to malls together and I'd help her pick out stuff, recommend things to try, express my opinions and so on. She values my opinion a lot but of course gives the final say which I like. So here and there we would get some same items, sometimes while shopping together, and sometimes separately, so I don't mind it a single bit - I am very flattered in fact, especially since she is 8 years my senior. We work at different places and see each other 1-2 times a month, so chances of wearing the same thing in the same situation are almost non-existent.

I have to admit that, in reverse, I have few female friends./coworkers, and most are pretty bad dressers so I rarely want to get something they have. On the other hand, I get attracted to quite a lot of things YLFers post here. But I would only get something if it actually works for me, not just because someone else has it/looks good on them and I don't have a better idea myself.

Taffy

I have to say I've never had this problem...could be the fact that I have no friends even remotely near my size, but I've never run across it! I do back you up on your idea though. I'm so happy not to share a name with anyone, I'm pretty sure I'd feel similarly with my clothes

Edit: It really comes down to personal style too, I suppose. Let's say someone like Antje and I have the same piece. We would put them together very differently, and come up with quite different looks, I believe.

shiny

Veteran

I only mind when they look better in it than I do.

Joking aside, yes, sometimes I want something nobody else owns. Which is why I went on the mission in Paris to get the jacket I did (which is at the tailor's right now).

But, being petite.... my options are limited so I take what I can get. Fit is far more important to me. Then you just style the "everyone has it" item differently than everyone else who has it. That's my goal, at least!

'Course, mostly what happens with me is that I really want something someone else rocks... but it's completely the wrong shape for me. Like clothes a pretty pear could wear. Just can't do it. Sigh...

But I will say that my very fashionable best friend had a gorgeous black velvet jacket that I coveted... it was the wrong style for me, but I did eventually find one that worked well for my shape. She doesn't mind that we both have black velvet jackets. They are different enough, and we'd style it differently, and she's 6'0" to my 5'0" and 10 years younger... nobody would notice! So yes... we have gone out both sporting our velvet jackets on occasion. (Actually we do the girly-girl thing: "what are you wearing?" and coordinate... i.e., is it a jeans night or a skirt night or are we in the mood for dresses).

I do really hate it when you walk into a room and someone is wearing the exact same formal dress. That's happened once or twice to me. With formal dresses, there are very few ways to style: it's just shoes, jewelry, purse.

College memories: roomies and I would often swap/borrow/share clothes. So Tanya your friend's copy cat approach was the wrong one! You two could have had double the wardrobe!!!!!

Eva

Well, I shop at Macy's, Ann Taylor, the Loft and Banana Republic where you will see a lot of the same items so you are bound to meet someone on the street that has the outfit. I try to stay away from those items where EVERYONE has it and you can spot it a mile away, like the animal print cardigan from AT a while ago.

I have a friend who has purchased several of the exact same Loft items I have. Sometimes she asks me if she can buy the same thing. For the most part I'm okay with it. It is odd because she is very tall and lanky rectangle while I am a petite pear. We have to make sure that we aren't wearing the same thing on the same day, or heaven forbid go on a business trip with the same suit!

Antje

Veteran

This is a VERY interesting question, Nicole, and I already look forward to perusing the responses.

I'm on the fence on this one. I've had a couple occasions where at a bigger function (say at work or at a party) someone else was wearing the same item as me, and I wasn't exactly thrilled. It just feels odd to look at your own dress across the room. But of course that's quite likely to happen occasionally if you buy at chain stores like Express etc., which I frequently do. Usually I try to create "uniqueness" through combinations rather than by going out of my way to purchase items that I won't see on others in Seattle... (This goes to the point Taffy made above; I think many forum ladies here have some of the same items, but we all have such different styles that we still all look very much like individuals and not like fashion slaves.)

I've also had the fun experience of going shopping with a friend or even my mom and buying the same thing together. It's kind of a nice bonding experience. However, I would not like showing up somewhere in the same outfit; it would make me feel too much like "twins". So buying the same item works better with friends whom I don't see too regularly.
I have one very good friend who bought the same casual winter jacket in the same color after seeing it on me. That one actually bugged me a bit (and still sometimes bugs me) because we socialize a lot and so we have sported the same jacket quite a number of times. She knows it bugs me a bit but thinks I should get over it, so I try to

Oh, and what a coincidence - just half an hour ago I found out that today I bought the same skirt at Express (black stretchy pencil skirt with vertical ruffle in the front) that Angie bought recently. Now that one feels weird. I'm flattered that we share the same taste for sure, but I sure as hell hope not to be seen in the same skirt together, as this is not a comparison I'd ever want to invite!

Sihaya

Veteran

This doesn't bug me but I do worry that when we teach classes, both instructors will show up in identical clothing! It will be a bit embarrassing but probably also memorable and funny. I too have gone shopping with friends and enjoyed picking up similar pieces - it actually creates more of a bonding experience than anything else for me.

anne

Veteran

I am not too keen on wearing exactly the same thing if it was distinctive. ie Jeans wouldn't bother me. It's actually quite likely to happen to me because I live in a small town with a small Target where almost everyone does at least some of their shopping! I have a quite distinctive looking top which is owned by 2 other people I know (once my daughter called one of them Mummy). I would not buy something if someone in town owned it. I have bought the same thing in other circumstances though. A few times I have wanted to copy the look of my sister in law, mostly becuse she is quicker to adapt to new styles and once I see clothes on her it makes me realise their potential. The fact that she is 4 inches taller, and very slim with long legs, means that I don't always actually them, however!

Basia

I hate to be part of the crowed! That is why I gave up shopping in some of my favorite shop since their high popularity (like Zara or Mango) the whole streets and offices looked the same. The real disaster was when I was invited to the wedding of my brother in law and all the girls (maybe except the bride:-)) had Zara dresses.
The best examples from this spring is Angie's idea of white watch. It took me time to get to it, but when I did I fall in love with the beautiful, chunky Tom Hilfinger watch.
Since it was expensive, and summer sale was just around the corner I decided to wait a bit.
In the meantime, to my horror, I started to noticed how popular they get and how many women, regardless whether it fits or doen's their style to wear it. The end of my white watch dream was when my mother in law came to visit me in Milan wearing..... awful, fake diamond/plastic white watch.
I also believe that part of the story of my attitude is a fact that my mother was a seamstress and her goal was alway to make something that is perfect for her, within current fashion limit ( if not next season) but stands out against anything else.....

susan

I think it is flattering to a point! My sisters-law and I try to go on an annual retreat-which always includes shopping-and 3 of us often end up with at least one item that is the same. We have a ball trying on things suggested by the others. This has been a great way for me to expand my fashion-thinking since it is helpful to get someone else's perspective and they both have great taste.

I do have a friend who use to make me angry when she used to copy from me. She ticked me off because she always found the same things at a cheaper price-and then told me. Urghhhh!

Munequita

All my close friends have different body types, weight and different ages so we do not clash that way, thank goodness. I do not think I would mind an item or two being copied from my wardrobe though, as long as it is not a statement piece like a coat or purse that I personally bought for it to stand out.

If I had a friend that was buying everything or almost everything I did, it would bug me to no end because then she would be copying my individual style! I would try to help her find her own in that case.

Sarah

(website)

Veteran

I am the middle child of three girls. We frequently would purchase the same thing - and not intentionally. But our individual style was so different that the clothing never looked identical.
I am fairly new to the area I live now and so far only have three friends/shopping friends. And Ana and Patience or two of them! My third friend balks at the idea of spending more than $20 for an item of clothing or shoes, so we very rarely ever own the same thing.
To answer your question though, I could see this bothering me. I do have a few of the same pieces as Ana, but we wear them differently and the items fit our own individual styles so it doesn't seem the same.
I think a way to avoid this for me is to not copy a catalog look but to be individually creative with each piece.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

These responses are very interesting. What a colourful bunch of women!

I’m 100% happy for someone else to purchase the same clothing, shoes and accessories as me. It’s flattering and reassuring for them, especially if it was a hard item to find like fab looking comfy shoes, or a cracked, perfectly red patent, urban-looking handbag! I wholeheartedly believe that we will wear our items differently because our looks and body types are different. I have thus far not found myself in an embarrassing situation. One’s style should be distinctive enough.

I’m fortunate in that I get to shop in more exclusive places around the world and a lot of what I have is fairly unique. I am also willing to pay more for something and just have fewer items. That strategy does not impact a budget and it keeps the exclusivity factor up too. But it’s hard to apply that strategy if you need a lot of new items and your resources are limited. I’m working from a fully functioning wardrobe already and adding exclusive cherries is easy.

I’m in disagreement with Basia about Zara, MNG and H&M. Their exclusivity factor is very high because their ranges are extremely shallow and wide. It’s a Euro chain store strategy. They bring in 4-10 of an item per store and that’s it. To the extent that you are wildly frustrated when you can’t find your size. It’s the exact opposite to BR, Gap, AT, the Loft and most other American chain stores. I have been shopping in Euro chain stores for years and have never run into anyone wearing the same item here or on my travels.

I do nor prefer wearing the same outfit as someone to an occasion or event. This is where I choose my outfit cautiously and make sure it’s unique. But other than that, I’m thrilled so many of the forum members have AT chunky pearls, FS booties, Converse and Swann flats!

Munequita

I think the problem here in the US, is that a lot of people seem to follow a trend down to the t without adding their own flair. Like for example, you see a lot of college girls dressing the same so they all look alike and what makes it worst is that they probably get the same pieces at the same stores. It is kind of funny but this is also problematic, but at that age I was probably doing the same thing. I had not developed my own personal style and flair to make me stand out from the crowd.

I think getting copied feels more problematic when you still have not found your signature look AND when you do not have enough exclusive pieces to pull it off (hard to do if you only shop in the US as Angie stated).

Patience

Veteran

Nicole, I can definitely identify with what you're feeling. I occasionally have these feelings too. I used to have them a lot more and not just with clothing, but at some point I started thinking-- "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" and somehow my whole perspective changed. As Tanya points out, it often depends on the person and how they are doing it, how often you see the person and how distinctive the item is. Distinctive items are often chosen for the uniqueness so it's kind of a big bummer if someone else has the same item. If someone else found something really unique that I liked, I would respect that and not buy the same thing if I saw them a lot. I too have no problem being inspired or inspiring others on this forum, especially since the only ones I will ever run into are Ana and Sarah. And with Ana and Sarah, as Sarah pointed out, our styles are our own and therefore, repeated items are not a big deal. What would really bug me is if someone I know just outright tried to copy me. I think I'd feel like they were entering my 2ft personal style space (does that analogy work?) and wonder why they couldn't work on their own style.

Debbie

Where I live there are VERY few opportunties to see great style so when I travel I find myself eyeing good style a lot. I am even known to write down a cute outfit in my journal when I see it in a cafe or wherever so that when I get home I can try to copy it.

To me, seeing street style that is good looking AND practical is so motivating and inspiring. Much better than magazines that primarily seem to show clothes that most of the population never have an opportunity to wear!

That is why Angie's blog and this forum have been life-changing for me. I feel like I have a good eye for what looks good but need a boost and this gives me the help I need. Seeing others outfits and getting ideas from them is invaluable. Thank you for letting me copy some of your classic and wonderful pieces too, Angie!:)

I know you cannot tell by the pics I have posted so far, but this forum has bumped up my style quotient by yards and yards. I also cannot tell you how much better I feel about myself when I look polished.

Thank you!

Basia

Angie, is it possible that you don't meet so much Zara dreesed people since they are not so popular yet in US as they are in Europe? They have 3900 stores and most of it in Europe. Even with limited number of pieces per store it's still a lot..

celia

Veteran

Hi everyone!

Basia, actually I can answer your question.

In Portugal we have Zara, H&M, Mango and the are very popular but we don't see people wearing the same things often.The only experience I had in this area was a button down shirt that I bought and I found that my sister in law bought the same and, imagine, she bought in in France where she lives.

Personally I like to take ideas from people I see on the street and sometimes I see things on friends that I like and ask where they bought it and if they don't mind me buying the same. But even with that sometimes I feel like I'm wearing someone else clothes.

Anonymous

I do have a fear of going to a party and find I am in the same dress as someone else. I think I would want to creep out of there fast.

I just want to say thanks to all of you who brought up people watching on the street for ideas for good comfortable street style. Some things we can copy just the 'idea of the outfit' and find similar things to make it work.

I personally would NOT intentionaly buy something that a friend I see often has. I think that would be stepping on toes. If she got it first, let her own it.
That does not include copying from the forum because we don't see each other often and we are here to share ideas and good buys.

Julia

Most of my friends shop at AT, the Loft, BR and those stores where I shop, however we don't get the exactly same pieces for some reason, maybe because they have new pieces frequently?

I totally agree that the same piece can look very different on different body types, and we can always wear them differently.

However if I see someone wearing the exact same outfit as me I would feel very uncomfortable but so far it hasn't happened yet.

Alecia

Veteran

I don't mind it too much. I have a couple friends and we're always unintentionally get the same stuff. I used to work with one of them in the same office and sometimes we would come to work almost looking like twins. I always thought it was hilarious. I think it shows how much we're on the same wavelength.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Happylife, this is music to my ears. I'm happy you live up to your forum name! Thank you for sharing your feelings and perceptions with us. It’s our pleasure

Basia, there are not nearly as many Zara’s, H&M’s and Mango’s in the US as there are in Europe. There is therefore more exclusivity here if you wear garments from those stores for sure (to your point). But when I lived in Europe – I still had the same impression. It’s interesting that Celia who lives in Portugal does too.

Shari

I don't mind people buying the same things as me. For one, I have a pretty unique body type so it's not going to look the same on them as it does on me. I also have a lot of unqiue accessories. I have been collecting scarves for over 20 years, and I have a lot of artisan jewerly. I have also starting making my own jewerly. Plus, I live in an area where people don't dress well. So it's just not an issue in my life.

If you like street style you must check out the Sartorialist's blog. Also Style and the City.

Shari

Amanda

I was in BR and JCrew today (making a return and checking out the sales) and thought of this thread. I think that I don't worry looking like other people I know or run into because I never buy an entire outfit from any one store. In fact, I rarely run into someone wearing the same piece of clothing which is strange since I do shop at chain stores mostly.

When I was in college in the 80s, I bought a teal dress with hot pink polka dots and a white peter pan collar (remember this was the 80s!). I loved that dress until I showed up at a party and someone was wearing the same dress. As you can guess from the description, this was a dress that stood out so it was very obvious that we were wearing the same thing -- even though we tried to stay as far apart as possible during the evening.