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How do you stay youthful?

Kiwichik

Veteran

In a recent thread Thistle asked me what my style goals were and I said that one of them was to appear youthful & current. Not in a mutton dressed as lamb way. However that made me wonder exactly what I meant by youthful. I guess what I really meant was not looking out of date although I'm not particularly fashion forward - trend setting is definitely not me. And I guess from a vanity perspective keeping people guessing about my age - I'm 49 but would kind of like to be seen as 40 something (forever) but keep people guessing about which end of the 40 scale applies.

I try to achieve this by focusing on what I hope are flattering shapes and colours, bright lips and constantly coloured hair.

What is your definition of youthful and how do you try to embody it?

General

41 replies

Latest reply was from Jenava

Deborah

Veteran

My goodness Kiwichik, this is such a good question! I have been thinking this over a bit myself recently. Im 47 and for some reason very aware of age at the moment and trying to work out what does it mean, if anything, in terms of fashion and style. Like you I try to focus on flattering shapes and colors, make up colors that soften and I am neurotic about keeping my hair looking good and healthy.

I am secretly pleased when people assume I am in my late 30's, but then I ask myself what's wrong with looking my age, but then what does 47 look like? A lot of the time I still 'feel' like Im in my 20's.

I do like to be up with current looks but at my age I feel it's ok to look sophisticated and like a grown woman. I don't want to go down the road of mutton dressed as lamb but I also don't want to go down the frumpy, stereotypical middle aged woman fashion road.

In short, I don't have an answer, just more questions.

Lyn D.

Veteran

I used to think that looking 'youthful' was the be-all and end-all, especially when I was in my early forties. Something changed at around 50 when my D.Dad only had a short time left with terminal cancer. Dressing well became super important, to reflect that I was in charge of my life on the outside, and this somehow translated to inner strength and something much more profound! Since then I have been much kinder to myself and others about 'looking their age' .I realised that I really didn't care about wrinkles and such and just saw people as people that I loved or admired or whatever.
I have continued to dress as well as I can, to be true to myself. I love fashion, so I guess that means I enjoy the challenge of finding ways to wear the trends that I like in an 'age appropriate' way.
I agree that keeping hair well-cut and conditioned, and wearing make-up are both ways to look our best. As is being as healthy and fit as possible and eating well are important too.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I associate youth with energy and optimism and good health. So I try to maintain my health and energy levels by eating well and exercising regularly.

When it comes to fashion, I aim to wear flattering colours and current styles. All my life I've tended first to choose practical essentials that can come across as boring or even dowdy, so in an effort to mitigate this, I try to mix up my classics with more current pieces. YLF has helped me a lot with this.

kkards

Veteran

kiwichik, your post summarized my fashion/style goals exactly. i too, and 49 and aiming to appear youthful, without appearing like i'm trying to cling to my youth. since i am the oldest women in the group that i work with, (the majority of the women that i work with are under the age of 30), i feel that it is important that i look current. one thing that i do, is to try to interpret what the younger women i work with are wearing, but with slightly more forgiving fabrics or shapes.
i try to keep my hair colored and up to date, and i keep my makeup simple, and every couple of years i go to sephora for a complete make over so that i'm sure that what i'm wearing is changing as my skin and coloring is changing.
but i guess the biggest thing that i do to keep myself youthful, is to keep an open mind, stay current on music and technology, and interested in the changing world around me

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I am 42 and a half (who's counting ha ha!) and have begun to feel the age question a little. I work with younger people, too, when bartending in a tourist town. For the longest time, folks assumed I was in my 20's, even here on this board! I think this last year I have settled a little more into my age, and that's fine.
I think low stress really contributes to a youthful vibe. Also continuing to be as active as possible. I am contemplating the more 'done' hair as of late, but not sure that's due to age or just a need for a style shift.
As for clothing, I think keeping abreast of current trends, not necessarily being trendy, but being aware of when skirt hems are changing or fits are getting looser, that kind of thing, can keep you looking more current.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I agree with all of the above! Health and fitness, stress management, staying current fashion wise as well as in music, art, technology, etc., all play a part for me. I have a small shock when I look in the mirror sometimes because I really truly do not feel 47. I feel better than I did at 27 for the most part. To me, "youthful" feels more like a mindset than an appearance. Being engaged with the world makes me feel young. Traveling, my work (again, art and music focused), my family, my hobbies...all of these things make my age feel irrelevant.

Fashion-wise, I agree that flattering cuts in clothing, keeping trends current but not overdone, light makeup, good skincare, sunscreen, and getting my hair cut and colored help. And I believe a lot of "youthful" appearance can be helped by updating hairstyles every so often. I think a lot of women fall into a hair rut as they age without realizing it.

I confess, I'm getting worse at evaluating age as I get older. I don't even know if I look my age. Some people seem to express surprise when they learn my age, but I'm pretty sure certain indicators -- my hands, my neck -- are starting to give it away. * shrug* Not much I can do about that, so I just do what I can to take care of me as a whole, and be grateful to continue advancing in years.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Such fascinating responses! They were fun to read

Here's a bit of a curve ball. I don't exercise, although I lead an urban life and walk a lot. This feels youthful to me.

I think a youthful look starts with an attitude - an attitude that conveys a sense of now in ALL aspects of life. An eagerness to learn and keep up with a changing world. Without it, you can't look youthful because style starts from within.

As far as physical appearances go, which comes after the attitude - I vote shiny skin (no powder), good teeth, just enough make-up to look polished, the best haircut, far fewer black clothes, and modern classics mixed with trendy pieces.

rachylou

Veteran

An interesting question. My first thought: I've traveled a fair amount. A California 36 is a 20 in a lot of other countries... And some states in the US.

My second thought: When I think 'old' what I'm really thinking of is power and command. Which is a good thing. Youth to me is befuddlement and obnoxious ideas about what a finished job is.

Third thought: 'Youth' kinda grosses me out. Befuddled, obnoxious, AND also underdone. Dough vs baked bread.

Soo... Youth as a positive, to me, is being in the present, still learning and growing, still looking to what adventure the future can bring. Still open to suggestion. Still curious. Still excitable.

Anyways, I suppose my answer is I don't try to look youthful. I just try not to be dead.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I use Retin-A micro, mostly for adult acne, but has a side benefit of reducing wrinkles.

MsMary

Veteran

Heh. Funny you should ask...

For the outer me:

Weight loss surgery.
Facelift.
Orthodontia in my 40s.
Quarterly periodontist visits.
Hair color every three weeks.
The gym five times a week.
Watch my diet like a hawk.
You know I try to keep up with fasion.

For the inner me:

I have close friends who are much younger than I am, with whom I spend time regularly.
I try to stay engaged in the world around me and avoid the "you kids get off my lawn!" attitude. And yes -- stay curious!!
I have a great therapist!

For both:

Tap dancing!!

And yes, rachylou, in my real non-YLF life I hold a position of power and command, in which youthfulness would not generally be appropriate or valuable. So I do kind of turn it off when I hit the office. (Although I definitely do my best not to check my empathy at the door.)

Oh, and Janet, on the topic of looking one's age, I am a proponent of Gloria Steinem's famous rejoinder when asked about the topic: "This is what 40 (or 50 or 54) looks like!"

cciele

Veteran

Great question! Like many of you, I don't know what the 40s and above are supposed to look like. I'm 47 and people always think I'm in my 30s (or even late 20s). Partly it's genetics, but mostly for me it's what Suz, Janet and Angie have said - a combo of attitude, health (diet, exercise), energy, and staying current - plus red hair dye ;)The way I dress is reflective of my attitude. I'm not trying to dress young but trying to give an outward sense of who I am.

Then again, in California, especially in San Francisco, you can basically wear anything (or nothing at all) and most people wouldn't even blink.

Gaylene

Veteran

My first response to this question would have been similar to Suz, Angie, and Janet, but Rachylou's and Lyn's comments made me stop and rethink.

If "youth" is associated with an "eagerness to keep up with the world" (Angie), "energy and optimism" (Suz), "staying current fashion-wise, as well as music, art, technology" (Janet), then what do we associate with the label "old" --lack of interest in the world, tiredness and pessimism, being stuck in the past, wrinkles, dowdiness, poor health... No wonder we recoil at the thought of becoming "old" and see maintaining "youthfulness" as the holy grail.

Rachylou's comment about associating "youth" with "befuddled, obnoxious, AND also underdone" and "old" with power and command, and, I am going to add, self-knowledge, humility, empathy, and inner strength makes me want to stand up and tell the world that I don't want to be "youthful". Now, I'll agree that these labels are stereotypes and that not all young people are obnoxious and not all old people are empathetic, but really, how did we get to the point where youth gets all the good adjectives and age is left with all the negative ones?

So, at 60+, I'm hereby pledging to do my best to avoid "youthfulness" as I spend my remaining days trying to achieve that state of empathy, humility, strength, and self-knowledge that I associate with age. I'll dress to reflect my pleasure in knowing who I am but also realizing that other causes and interests may take precedent at times and what I wear may not be as important as what I do. I'll take care of my appearance because I recognize that, by doing so, I'm showing respect to those who see me on a daily basis. I'll keep trying to improve and learn and understand the world I inhabit so I can be wiser and more understanding of myself and others. Finally, I'll leave "youthfulness" in attitude, dress, and deportment to the young so that they can enjoy it and then be ready to move on when it's their time to become "old".

cciele

Veteran

Gaylene, I think there's a different between youthful and young. I think one can be youthful at all ages and embrace the energy and attitude that entails. One can be old and youthful at the same time, but striving to be young when you are old is something different. For me, this attitude is similar to the Buddhist goal of being childlike.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Gaylene, I was just going to respond because it's like you mixed up being young with being youthful - and then Cathy took the words out of my mouth. (Thanks, Cathy!)

You can be youthful as you age, and fully embrace the energy, humility, power, empathy, wisdom, and strength that goes along with it.. One can be old and youthful at the same time! It's like having the best of both worlds. I hope that makes sense.

Too Rachy's point - being young is overrated.

Mochi

Veteran

For me, intentionally being silly keeps me youthful, or at least childish.

Also I feel like I'm focused on what I like, so that encompasses things that are trendy and popular with all age groups as well as stuff from way way back. Could be Big Band music. Could be an Emily Bronte novel. I'm totally willing to give something current a shot, too.

And I've always had friends of wildly varying ages. People seem to get on with me because I am very egalitarian like that, and don't patronize (or get overawed by people, either).

I don't know if that's answering your question at all.

Gaylene

Veteran

Cciele, I understand the POV that says we ought to keep a "youthful" attitude as we age, and, until I started thinking about it, I would have agreed. I realized, though, I DON"T want to have the same attitude towards life and people that I had in my 20s, 30s, and 40s. To be honest, I think that I was often flighty, dismissive, easily swayed by my own interests, and rather self-absorbed. I thought that "old" people ought to keep up with what was going on in my world and I didn't particularly care for being around people who were not in good health or didn't keep up with current music, art, technology, etc.

My point is that a "youthful attitude" is a mixed bag--some good traits and some bad traits. The same goes for an "old attitude". And I guess I resent the assumption that I ought to "be youthful at any age and embrace the energy and attitude it entails".

Just a cranky old lady?

MsMary

Veteran

But, but... Gaylene, aren't you equally dismissive now, but just dismissive of different things? Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that. Nobody can keep up with every. single. thing. for one's whole life, I don't think.

cciele

Veteran

Gaylene, I'm not saying that you personally should embrace youthfulness! That's a totally individual choice. I was trying to make a distinction between being youthful and being young. I respect your POV and like you I don't want to have the same attitude I did when I was younger. But I also strive toward a child-like fresh view. Perhaps that's veering a bit too much toward religion or philosophy though

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Gaylene, that's why I said that being older allows you to be the best of both worlds. It's like you can only be young when you are young, but youthful when you are grown up. I so DON"T want the same attitude that I had when I was 20 years younger either. But as you get older, you can take the fab of young and mix it up with the fab of old - which results in a melting pot of THE BEST.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Interesting discussion. I'm not particularly interested in being youthful right now, I'm interested in getting deeper into what I care about rather than keeping up with other people. Not that I want to live in a cave and be unaware of my surroundings (actually, that's a lie, I'd love it, but I know it's not good for me psychologically or as a creative person).

I'm 36 and there seems to be a moment for a lot of folks in our late 30s early 40s where we realize we can't pull off young anymore, in a lot of ways, and we start thinking about how we want to appear to others (clothes-wise but also in appearance and priorities). I think once you're in your 50s or 60s you can embrace being youthful and current in a whole different way, because it's like you're not trying to fool anyone about being 25 anymore whereas in your 30s people might think you are.

Gaylene

Veteran

MaryK, you caught me on that one--that tolerance thing is something I keep needing to work on. LOL But, in my defense, I wasn't trying to dismiss "youthfulness" as much as just not accepting its appropriateness when attached to my current age. And, truthfully, I am, in hindsight, rather appalled by much of my "youthful attitude" although it seemed to be shared by most of my peers. But then, we knew that we would never grow old...

Angie, Cathy, Mochi (and probably a bunch of others)-- I'm not saying that "youthful attitude" is a bad thing--it's just that it is so associated with being "young". Being involved with the world and people around you, living zestfully and fully, having fun, and enjoying life are not age-specific qualities so why do we persist in calling them "youthful"? I'm all for what's IN the category, just not the term we are using to describe it. But I'm game for growing old with a "life affirming" attitude if that could be arranged?

Being a bit more serious, though, I do question the pressure put on older women to keep "young at heart" or to maintain a "youthful spirit" (and appearance?). It seems as though agreeing to have an "old spirit" or an "old attitude" is something to be avoided at all costs. Aging is an interesting process and we all approach it differently. But I'm not sure that buying into the well-meaning assumption that maintaining a foot in the youth camp is always the right message to send in a society that reveres the young and dismisses the aged. I know that many of my ideas about being old are changing now that I'm at the point where I can collect a pension cheque.

By the way, thanks for a lively discussion. This cranky old lady is smiling as she writes this.

Nadya

Veteran

Leaf stomping helps. This is me Wednesday night.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?s.....26sns%3Dem

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I have to say my body, at 42, is much creakier and talks more than my BF's at 52. I never wish to *be* younger but I do wish to physically feel it some days

Kiwichik

Veteran

I posted this last night and have only just had an opportunity to read everyone's comments. I have to say when I originally posted I was thinking of youthful In a purely aesthetic sense but reading the comments has made me refine my meaning a little more. Yes I would like to look youthful and ageless but not young(because that would be recreating the past & the future is so very evciting) and I agree that looking youthful can be partially achieved by keeping your body healthy and well dressed. However youthfulness is very much a state of mind and a reflection of spirit rather than the physical. My 94 year old grandfather was youthful. He was always interested in the world and what was going on and had a wry and self deprecating sense of humour. My maternal grandmother was a beautiful woman in her eighties and that was partially due to good genes but mostly due to her love of life and adventure. I don't want to be younger I like the confidence that comes with getting older but I certainly always want to retain a youthful spirit and as I age look the best I can for me and that look will change as I age - for now I can look 40 sonething as I enter my fifties I will look fifty something - but you won't know which end of the 50 scale and when I'm sixty and so forth.

Mona

Veteran

What a lively and youthful discussion! Thanks for posting this question, kiwichik. I have thoroughly enjoyed all the responses. Youthfulness is surely an attitude.

JR

Veteran

I agree that it's an attitude more than what's on the outside. I have cheerfully, and deliberately, left my hair uncoloured because I don't see anything there to be ashamed of. (Of course, I lucked out in that I greyed rather nicely. I might have a different attitude if it had gone all mousey on me.) And Gaylene's points are well taken. I do not want to go back to the younger me. I am rather embarrassed by a lot of my former attitudes and very happy to have outgrown them, even if the process was often painful.

On the other hand, I definitely do not want to give in to the mental hardening of the arteries that can be the negative part of aging. You know the "back in the good old days" kind of attitude. I cringe every time I hear the phrase, "Young people nowadays...". Yikes. Not that I approve of everything young people do. Neither do I automatically disapprove. But I want to maintain a sense of wonder and enthusiasm, a willingness to learn, that is often associated with youth, but which I think is an important part of a good attitude toward life in general.

How this translates on the outside? Well, I have silver hair, but I wear cobalt skinnies. I will stay true to who I am and to my own tastes, but I will also stay aware of what's happening out there, and embrace any "new" fashion that is true to who I am and that will work with the body I have. And I completely ignore the ones I don't like. But then, I did that when I was young too.

Other than that, I have gotten very aggressive in improving my health through better eating, some exercising, and researching what works for chronic fatigue. I am making slow, but real progress there.

And moisturizers... LOL! Mustn't forget the moisturizers.

JR

Veteran

On a humorous note, here is how NOT to try to stay youthful:

http://www.jumbojoke.com/dress.....omers.html

Kiwichik

Veteran

Haha - note to self avoid at all costs.

Echo

Veteran

I do take Gaylene's point that it seems most of the "good" adjectives are used on the young, and we seem to assume that older people are supposed to be cranky, tired, set in their ways, luddites, etc. Why is energy and enthusiasm or being open to new ideas "youthful" characteristic? I know some very closed and small minded, cynical and negative young people, which leads me to believe that these are attitudes that are inherent to SOME people and not to others. They have less to do with age than with temperment. And I can see the irritation in assuming that those attitudes are "youthful".

It is important to me to remain positive and energetic, regardless of age, and it always has been. That's just the kind of person I am, and I don't find it any harder at 40 than I did at 20 because it is who I am. Again, there are plenty of young people who, by many of the standards listed here, are not youthful.

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