Oh, Janet - you don't know how much this resonated with me:

"Sometimes I’ll put on an ensemble that recalls something I’ve seen on one of the style YTers, usually a simple tee and pants, and think yeah, minimalist and modern, baby! And then I look in the mirror and think I look shapeless and matronly. I don’t have the 30 year old, narrow-hipped, boobless build that seems to make these things look cool and intentional,"

It really doesn't help that I work with university students, who are truly amazing in every way. I feel extremely lucky to be exposed to their energy, enthusiasm, vitality, curiosity but also it reminds me that youth is moving away from me a little bit with every cohort. It is a challenge to look effortlessly chic.

Bella, you get me!

It’s getting harder to find the sweet spot where effortless doesn’t look sloppy and thoughtless, and applying a little more effort and detail doesn’t look overly-styled.

Lisa, I love your inspiration pics too! But I feel like I can dress like that in the cooler months! Cool jacket, denim, tee, etc. it’s when the weather warms up I personally feel less confident. Denim and jackets no longer fly once our heat and humidity emerge. So I find myself needing to try other strategies to feel like myself. A few years ago, skirts with casual tees and chunky sandals seemed to be my solution. But increasingly my skirts are going unworn and I’m pivoting to (currently trending) wide-leg pants in light breezy fabrications. I’m also feeling fortunate that cropped length tops are trending, as long as they are just slightly cropped and not midriff baring. Of course, this makes me wonder what will happen once these things look “dated” in a few years and I’ll still want to be wearing them. LOL

I think this style struggle is more pronounced with big seasonal changes, when our comfort zone lies in layering to convey personality. I kinda wish I lived in a climate with 50-70 temps all year long!

Well, ”the 30 year old, narrow-hipped, boobless build that seems to make these things look cool and intentional” comment will stay with me for a while.

https://youtube.com/shorts/1_y.....jKw6WXtkFS

I watched this a couple of days ago and went back this morning to watch it again. It’s nothing new, and nothing Angie has not said to us, but it’s worth hearing again and from a different perspective

Have I mentioned how many times people at my mother’s retirement home have asked me if I’m new there? I just laugh. I am old enough to live there, after all.

Been there on all counts.

Nothing to add but empathy, because there are so many good comments already. I do see the pattern some others see, that you want a whole sea change all at once and that makes you dissatisfied with everything. But I so relate to this too, if you remember my post on buying the same things on repeat. I want to break out of this rut because I'm less satisfied with the things I used to love, but in that place is a total blank space. I have no idea how I want to look! At least you have inspo ideas.

I think what I should do is find some time (yeah, right) for in store shopping with no goals to buy, just an exercise in trying things on and seeing what I might possibly like. I haven't shopped in person since BC19 though and so much has changed with the malls around here. I have to idea where to go, and I also don't have that kind of free time. At least I can browse online at 9 PM.

But your thoughts on shopping without a plan...maybe not so bad. Where the only goal is to look, try on, and not buy. Give ourselves time to observe and think, but with the brakes on so as to cut down on the mistakes and waste.

I'm also considering color analysis for the first time in my life. I always thought it was ridiculous, like why wouldn't I know what colors look better on me? I'm not even visual in the least and I still knew that. But since I'm letting the grey come in and my hair color is not so dark, but not yet noticeably grey either, I'm now not sure at all! Plus a friend did it and said it was amazing...and she's an artist. So if an artist could benefit maybe I should give it a chance.

Also, are you sure this is really about clothing or are you craving some other kind of change and style is just the easier target? (Well, for me it's always the harder target!) That's a bit of an ouch statement but may be worth mulling over. If you want.

I really like Angie’s idea of thinking of your work and weekend wardrobes as part of a continuous thread. I can see some of that in your inspiration images (which are FABULOUS, very you, and I think very doable with what I know of your wardrobe). Both images contain a black piece (sweater in 1 and jacket in 2) that I could see being part of an all-black work outfit during the week, remixed with lighter/softer neutrals on the weekend.

Actually, as I’m typing I wonder if the idea of mixed neutrals might be a helpful idea to focus on. The neutral element lends the sophistication you crave, but the mixture (vs a tonal or column of neutral ensemble) gives the dynamism you also seem to need, especially in warmer seasons.

I also wonder, in the spirit of the continuous thread, if you could bring some of this to your weekday wardrobe with elements that you would take off once you get to work. That beige trench in inspo image #1 could be tossed over your all-black work outfit, you could carry a taupe bag, and maybe look for a scarf with olive and tan and a teeny bit of black to tie in with required black footwear….and the coat and bag and scarf would be items that could then be remixed in other ways on the weekend.

You all, or y'all as you Americans say (lol) are fantastic sources of support, ideas, and constructive ideas.

I'm back on my computer so can reply properly:

SarahD8 - yep, I agree that looking at a wardrobe as an entity makes sense. I have resisted because I want to separate my work and non-work lives as much as possible. I guess that's unrealistic.

Peri- you're not wrong about it being more than just about clothing. When my self-confidence in my appearance wavers, everything is on the table, and clothing is one thing I can control (or at least make changes faster/easier etc). I don't have time to shop in store either , and haven't entered a fitting room in years. When I do get to shop in person, I buy , bring it home, and then deal with it. I HATE trying clothes on. Nothing makes me feel worse about myself so quickly.

Kyle - I've actually thought about using a stylist, but in my mid-size city, I have no idea where to start. Also, who am I that I "deserve/need" a stylist? There is a store nearby that sells stuff that looks so cool and interesting, and if I had an unlimited budget I'd head there first and ask the female stylists there to *fix* me. But I can't afford Ganni, etc. Brands are way above my pay grade :). How did you go about finding someone? Are you in a major urban centre? And how did the session/s go? I want to hear all about it !

kkards - thanks for the link - I'll watch it later today :).

Angie - I wanted to delve more into your suggestions and thank you for those. I so appreciate the time you take to provide thoughtful and constructive ideas. I hesitate to blend my work and personal wardrobes because I have a chip on my shoulder about having to wear what I do to work , hahaha. Those clothes don't carry positive vibes, if you know what I mean. And I'm sick of them as I wear them over and over and over again. However........that's what a wardrobe is all about and I need to change my bad attitude

Irina - your comment about edgier footwear has stuck with me. I've totally moved away from that look in the last few years and have nothing other than my red Ganni knock-off that would be considered fashion forward and edgy. I'm so boring , I'm boring myself. I've defaulted to sneakers, Birks and flats and it all starts looking very retirement home :).
Must investigate more interesting footwear .

Sally - I hear you about matching sets and pricing for the good pieces. Our dollar isn't any better than yours, and prices here are getting crazy. I have two sets I enjoy wearing and one is from Costco and the other from Old Navy. Talk about being basic . And more importantly, I'm sorry to hear your sisters are having a hard time right now. They are lucky to have you for support.

Ket - you bet I've investigated thyroid issues, and have recently visited an aesthetician to discuss a skin care regimen. I've also booked some laser therapy for my pigmentation . I'm all over that kind of stuff !

Indigoprint - thanks for the tip re: uselessdk. Followed! The floral shirt is now in the donate bag ;).

Lisa, all the comments already given have been fantastic. I find myself nodding along. Seems we have all experienced these types of feelings in one way or the other. So I won't add more of what has already been said, but I just had a small thought about the flowered blouse. I have one that is almost identical. It is linen, purchased from Boden, impeccable quality, and only worn once. Just like you I felt frumpy and unfashionable in it. I finally had a lightbulb moment and realized it is the length that is the problem. I have lately been hemming up most of my blouses and tops to shorter lengths and it has been a game changer for short waisted me. When I saw your photo (in which you look fab btw) I noticed the length of the blouse and wondered if that is the reason it feels "retirement center wear" to you. Just an idea! Beyond that I wish I was as stylish as you! I always love your posts.

Ok I hear what you are saying about not wanting to mix your work/non-work lives (and wardrobes). Don't let me talk you out of that or make you think that was a dumb idea.

Focusing just on your non-work style then, if the idea of mixed neutrals appeals (and that IS what I see in your inspo images), then I think it's a question of:
-Will mixing light and medium-toned neutrals satisfy you, enabling you to cordon off black as just for work? (Answer is more likely to be yes in the summer, I imagine)
-When you do want a hit of a dark neutral in an outfit, could you get the effect from chocolate brown or navy (again enabling you to avoid black outside of work)?
-If you really do need black to create the contrast & edge that you crave, would you rather identify a few black pieces that you're NOT going to wear to work and just keep for yourself, as it were -- or would you rather identify a few black pieces that can go back and forth?

I don't think you need to totally give up on the idea of separating your wardrobes if that feels important to you -- maybe it's just about making a little compromise at the margins.

Agree with the idea of focusing on footwear. When I saw your inspo image with the red flats I thought immediately of those cool red pointy flats that you have.

So many lovely replies here I really don’t have much to add. I also agree that florals are hard because they can trend twee very easily. I have a few florals in black-and-white that I love. I’ve always thought you were very stylish Lisa! And that’s not meant to take away from the doldrums you find yourself in

Great thread!

On your worst day you look 10x cooler and more chic than I. Something to think about.

Which beans, I dint have any good advice but I get it. I will put together ann outfit that I think is pretty good and go somewhere and see myself a window reflection or something and go, whaaat?

I won’t get much sympathy but have somehow picked up 5 # that completely sizes me out of some existing clothing and a lot of my style, because I like some more tailored pants & things, belts, and have not been able to shed.

I have donated SO many prints ( tops mostly). I’m drawn to lovely color combos in prints but then…. I can’t say I’m cured but I can see the value and versatility of solids and not just any— I don’t find that “ all neutrals go together”— but I know I feel much more put- together and, maybe not “ elegant” but polished, even for casual or sporty wear.

I can’t seem to find items that I think work for my style in the fits & fabrics I want. I think because maybe they are out there but takes so much internet browsing/ ordering/ returning. Retailers I don’t know how fit, need to try multiple sizes, when I figure the size, it ir ggd color is sold out, yada yada. Many frogs to kiss.

I do risk trying to shop my way out of these wardrobe/body dissatisfactions, as well as unrelated things I know I need to do but find more challenging— anything from disappointments in how some aspects of retirement are going to home repairs & maintenance.

So no help here, but take heart.

So many good comments here. Yes, I also appreciate your candidness, LJP. I can relate to many of your struggles!

I would say if you put on a shirt and start to hate wearing it, ditch it, however lovely the fabric or cut. AND however lovely you look in it. You didn't feel fab in the outfits, however much others might weigh in. I think you have to trust that. Your inspo photos are an elegant yet relaxed and simple style. I say follow that! (They remind me of many classic Italian recipes that only have like three ingredients) And if you can still wear great footwear (unfortunately that's something that has changed for me with age!) then go for it.

Here's what I was referring to:

Oh yay! I'm excited to hear how your aesthetician recs and laser sessions go for you. Would love laser; peels are just what my budget can afford right now. A bit painful and the skin shedding isn't as fun (lasers don't do that if I remember right), but I'm getting good results so far.

So many caring observations and suggestions, you are definitely not alone in your feelings.
One thing I have learned here is that if you don't try, you don't know. The floral print that is currently on everyone's must have list, tried, big mistake, not me. Casual wide leg soft pants to "relax" the weekend wear, also tried, felt like I was dressed for something but didn't know what. It doesn't seem to stop no matter how old we are; when we care about how we look, there will always be mistakes.
For the first time ever, jeans that were rarely worn have become the foundation of my weekend wear making everything so much easier. By adding a t-shirt, sweater or sweatshirt that easily fits under a jacket when cold or wet, I don't need a new set of weekend clothes. The best part is for the first time I feel authentic; not old (which I am), out of date or trendy, just me!
As everyone mentioned, Lisa, you've got this. You have lots of knowledge and a great wardrobe. No one is looking at you and thinking you are not a well groomed woman; don't give the reflection in the mirror so much credit. Good days, bad days we all have them, thank goodness, better than no days.

Also, I love what Janet said about getting harder to hit the right balance between going more casual than I’d like vs looking too “ styled”. A lot is that my environmental norm is so casual/ poor fit. Sure, the going thing is to say, just dress as dressy or polished as you want and don’t care. But, I WANT to be not TOO dressy, it’s just hard to hit the target.

This is such an awesome thread and space! I can relate to everything here. I think between seasons is especially hard for some reason. Or maybe it is just a spring thing.

Aging is tough for sure. I still feel the same inside but look in the mirror and it can give me a shock. And for me now in my 60's the aging seems to have accelerated. For fashion, I used to have a pretty good idea of what I loved and didn't, but now I am more self conscious and doubt my old instincts. It just all seems like a struggle. But I do know I am lucky to be relatively healthy, even if not as slim as I would like (if I ever was!).

I quite like both of your outfits. The jacket is current and a great color, and my 33 year old daughter wears only birks so I think you're good there.

Lynette makes a good point about the length of the floral shirt maybe being the problem. That is often true for me but I am shorter than you.

I love the jeans but know what you are saying about crop lengths not feeling quite right any more. For that matter, full length feels awkward too.

Sorry, no solutions from me. But I feel a lot of the same things and find that does help a little bit to not feel like I am the only one.

I can so relate to the florals issue - and I've learned through trial and error that I'm just not really into patterns overall unless they are very specific colors and very low contrast. I don't do stripes or dots or ruffles much (if at all) either. I can do subtle plaid . I think I own maybe 6 patterned tops - mostly low contrast plaids. I don't work outside the house so I don't have "work" clothes. I did that for years. Khakis and polos mostly, which now I simply cannot tolerate on me. Not even dressy polos -lol. It's a weird thing once you convince yourself something isn't right for you.

I so relate to this dilemma! I struggle with whether I look too old for certain styles, if I look too messy or frumpy if I go for casual insouciance, or too over-styled for my local environment if I make an effort. It’s tough!

My approach to style, and what I think works best for me is to add a little slouch or toughness. I don’t feel great or like myself if I’m too put together or smart-looking, never have. There needs to be a bit of swagger. I do wear prints and florals often - usually fairly muted because I have “summer” coloring (and yet I love wearing black, oh well) - but I’ll try to edge up the look in some way with faded black jeans, chucks, silver jewelry, a western belt, anything to reduce the grandmotherly softness that you can accidentally create. (And I say this as a new grandmother! Lol).

So. I think the floral outfit looks good on you and not too “retirement home” but it doesn’t look like YOU, if that makes sense. Your sense of style is pretty sharp and sophisticated, and this is too soft for you, in my view. I also think that particular print is pretty but maybe a tad bright for the kind of look you like. I vote move on.

LJP After quite a bit of pondering I think that there is not really a problem with the blouse or the jeans. I just think they don't belong together. I think the proportions are a little off. I would try these crops first with a considerably shorter top, and then maybe an oversized one, something like SUZ showed us today with her white cropped jeans. I am wary of florals myself but I think this blouse may work with full length light weight pants, in olive or cream would be fab if you have, but many colours to tie to in the top actually, loose or tucked, not sure on that. Try before you donate it.

Because my style is not heavily trend driven I don't get that lost feeling. I wear what I love and feel comfortable and reasonably good most of the time. I have made peace with the wrinkles and the body shape, what else can one do. I'm not a person who does any fillers or the like. I try and look the best I can and accept that there are limits to this. I never check out much younger influencers. I think I could start feeling a bit inadequate if I did.

Thank you again for the comments here - I'm on my phone so can't see everything at once and reply in any order. The floral shirt was a metaphor, if that makes sense, and I've moved on. Into the donate bag. I don't waste much time moving forward , doing some work, and figuring out my plan of attack. I'll post about that soon

Looking forward to hearing about your plan of attack :).

Late to this, just wanted to say, I love the first outfit, and the other things (esp. the taupe sneackers in the second outfit). I salute you ditched out the floral shirt. It simply isn't a vibe that feels authentic for you. And I feel the same lately- I seldom wear printed tops. They can quickly overwhelm my no contrast face and beeing...:-). That been said, I generally wear my prints especially on my summer midi skirts (and some dresses) and....a quilted ikat print Zara cotton jacket from last year (almost simmilar to yours here)-which I still love.

I love the shirt. I think the jeans need to be longer and possibly the shirt shorter to reach the golden triangle of fit (1/3, 2/3). With the short pants you are cut in half and it isn’t as flattering.