I wonder if my wardrobe does spark happiness - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Dressing

About: Wardrobe Items That Lift My Spirits

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

I wonder if my wardrobe does spark happiness

Anonymous

As I was getting dressed this morning for work, I slipped into a pair of charcoal colored ponte pants and bright white oversized linen shirt (very different from yesterday, but same exact color scheme).

It suddenly occurred to me that my outfit did not spark happiness. It was more of a shield against calling too much attention myself. I've often referred to my outfits as "uniforms," but I wondered if it felt more like "armor." I certainly feel very safe in my choice. I also feel capable. Being perceived as capable in the work place is important to me so perhaps I have struck upon the correct formula.

But I did take a moment to wonder about that happiness factor. When I come home this evening, I am going to peruse my closet to see what pieces I have spark happiness. From my position on the bed, I am thinking it is probably less than five.

I have had items that sparked happiness in the past because, although I can't remember the specific exact items, I do remember the feelings.

Dressing

49 replies

Latest reply was from Suz

Penny

Veteran

Interesting observations, which make a lot of sense, since clothing that serves important professional purposes, as it sounds like yours does, may not also spark happiness. It sounds like your closet assessment could help you isolate and eventually add in more happy items, and in the meantime, could you add jewelry, shoes, handbags, etc. to basic work ensembles to up the happiness factor?

anchie

Veteran

Is your wardrobe maybe too heavy on the essentials?

Sisi

Veteran

This is a topic that I "feel" very much. I could write a novel about my reflections on happiness factor in clothes.

I wish I had an "all happy" closet but of course it is not so. Sometimes you just have to buy what you find, happy or not. Sometimes you have to wear a certain outfit that is adequate for the situation but that does not make you happy But I think it is ok to have some happy pieces and some "just right " pieces. If you have items that make you feel "capable", that's already an achievement!

That said, sometimes I immediately detect a happy item as soon as I see it. Some other times, an item surprises you turning out unexpectedly happy. Clothes are unpredicatable ....

Style Fan

Veteran

Interesting post Sterling for many reasons. I like what Anchie asked about essentials.

Brooklyn

Veteran

I think that's understandable for work clothes. But what about the clothes that you wear socially? Don't you have some "going out" clothes that spark happiness? It's where we have the most freedom of expression.

Summer

Veteran

I think Anchie has hit the nail on the head: your work clothes are entirely appropriate, and they make you feel confident and capable, but maybe they are - of necessity - made up of essentials rather than more exciting items. Is there scope to add more colour, or an accessory or two that would elevate the happiness scale for you?

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Sterling maybe you find your happiness away from your work clothing like i do.

approprio

(website)

Veteran

Sterling, I could go on at length about this, because this is so very close to my heart, but I'll try to keep it short and focus on the objective here.

First, what your clothes are doing for you sounds amazingly fulfilling, if not directly pleasing. For instance, you say that when you put on your uniform you immediately feel "capable". You describe it as "armour" which makes you feel "safe". It protects you. All these qualities are boosting your confidence as you go about your day.

Second, why not try thanking your clothes for their protection, and the confidence they give you? A Buddhist friend once told me that one of the most powerful things we can do to give resonance and meaning to our relationship with the outside world is to consciously express gratitude. His reasoning was - why crave what we don't have when we can be so very thankful for what we've already got? It's one of the most useful pieces of advice I've ever heard from anybody. I know it sounds like woo, but I can tell you it works.

Third, I have no doubt the charcoal grey pants and linen shirt have been chosen for certain aesthetic qualities which align with your personal values. A bright white linen shirt can be a beautiful thing. If you like the way the pants fit, enjoy them for that.

They are only clothes. Please don't purge anything until you've tried to take pleasure in them based on what they do for you and appreciate them for that. Gratitude and satisfaction may not lead to happiness, but contentment can be the next best thing.

And taking my own advice, thank you for giving me something to think about while I eat my lunch, and maybe allowing me to help you.

Liz

Veteran

Sterling, I remember noting at one point how much you enjoyed color and sparkle. You posted a luscious pink twirly skirt, I think, and you seem to take great pleasure in pink colors, in sparkly items, in pretty florals. I wondered then how that could be, since you expressed such solid appreciation for your black and white uniform. But I wonder: do you have an inner magpie who loves pink and sparkles and flowers, who is needing a chance to get out and play?

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I also tend to go for "safe" choices. Could you infuse some happiness by just changing out one thing - like adding a bright or shiny necklace (I love having at least one piece of jewelry on and usually it's not a statement piece, but one I really enjoy). I own like 6 pendant necklaces in gold and silver and wear them OFTEN to add just a touch of sparkle that makes me smile.

And maybe search for the next piece in a bright color but in a style you are certain you love just to make sure you are not settling for ease.

Sara L.

Veteran

Although your clothes may not immediately spark happiness, do the feelings they do inspire - capable, safe - make you feel happy? In other words, do you feel happy to feel capable and safe? I think there might be degrees of happiness in this case. For instance, I'm not happy when I look at the black trousers in my closet that I wear to work. However, I AM happy that they allow me to create professional outfits that make me feel capable and competent.

RobinF

Veteran

This post struck very close to home for me. When I read Angie's post about her clothes bringing her joy I had to think about if any of mine do that. I have things that make me feel like you describe, capable, safe. But not really happy. Maybe that is good for work but I feel a strong lack in my fun clothes.

I love the way you all force me to think!

Bijou

Veteran

I think you may need to add some wildcard emotional purchases to the mix. Why not start small - with a handbag or shoes that makes you happy. The great thing with a handbag, is you can use repeatedly for the happiness factor.

Anonymous

Liz -- I am embarrassed to say I gained weight and I could not comfortably zip that skirt. I ended up donating it. My friends told me I was crazy and that I would lose the weight. I thought not. I ended up losing the weight. The skirt is still gone.

At one time in my life, my wardrobe was filled with gorgeous fuchsias. I'm not sure when or why they were purged. They just are not currently present in my wardrobe. When I work with my color wheel, it is dramatically different than it was just a year ago.

What happened?

Sara L. -- I feel pretty damn happy in today's ensemble. It meets every one of my objectives and I love wearing white with dark bottoms. I just don't seem to get excited about the individual pieces. I am not exactly sure what I am trying to get at here.

Anchie -- I think you are exactly right. My wardrobe is heavy, very heavy, into basics and essentials.

I'll be back later to comment in more depth.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

We touched on this yesterday in the blog. You are far less visual than I am - and a lot more tactile. It's worth soul searching about this. It sounds like you need some "Sterling Statement Pieces".

Anonymous

Sterling, I had the very same response to the post yesterday. My clothes do not spark happiness. Or not that I recognize. I am admittedly uncomfortable in my own skin, and that probably shows through in what I wear and how it makes me feel. I love LOOKING at colour , but most of the time it's not how I dress. A gorgeous piece of clothing can make me happy looking at it - but that feeling never carries over once I try it on. I guess it is what it is, to use that expression . But I hear ya.

Anonymous

I wonder if your new lovely silk pants are a move in the right direction for you at this time? Have you worn them yet, or are they not yet seasonably appropriate? I am also remembering the tops you shared here that you might want to wear with them. There was at least one pretty fushia top in that set - in fact my memory is that all of those pieces were a bit more feminine than your description of your outfit today.
I guess what I am getting at is that maybe you are tiring of your winter "uniform" and the longer hours of sunlight are activating your desire for some color. As time and budget allow, perhaps you could continue to work on that warm weather capsule and see if that scratches this itch?

JAileen

Veteran

Not to be snarky, but maybe the problem is you associate these clothes with work.

catseye

Veteran

I think it is the Ponte pants. They don't scream Spring to me and do seem to be mostly utilitarian. You can maintain the same color scheme but maybe with more luxurious fabrics?

Anonymous

Forgive me if this is imprudent enabling, but that BR fuschia pullover you liked is on sale.

Anonymous

Ryce -- BOUGHT the BR fuchsia pullover already. YAY.

Also, I have worn my silk pants twice now!! I adore them. But they are just another dark bottom in my sea of blacks and charcoals and navys.

Joy

Veteran

Sterling this thread and Ledonna's are reminders that the way we may need to portray ourselves for work may complicate our wardrobes. When I first graduated college and started teaching, I desperately needed a whole wardrobe. But, my teaching clothes had to exude authority, which was really difficult for a young-looking-for-my-age petite 21 year old. My first rule was not to buy anything that my 6th grade girls would wear ( age 11-13 years) although those things fit the best. I was young, single and wanted fun things but had a very small income. Sometimes there is just no joy in work clothes.

Anonymous

Could it be that none of these pieces are new?
For me, things that are older don't spark joy, but more a feeling of appreciation.

That is interesting that Angie mentions tactile vs. visual. I'll need to think about that for myself too.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

When I have more time I'm going to read what everyone wrote on the blog.

I like what aaproprio said about using gratitude to up appreciation and happiness. I think my natural level of happiness is a bit lower than average, and that I set the bar higher than others. When I hear the word "joy" I imagine bursting happiness, skipping like a five year old in a tv ad, etc. I imagine if every item of clothing did that for me, they would all clash, all be vivid focal items, etc.

I remember a friend gave me a taste of something she made. She raved about how delicious it was, etc. I remember thinking, it's fine, but no better than what I make regularly. Which I would never rave or rate anywhere near where she was rating hers. Which made me think a lot.

In her later book, Marie Kondo stepped back a bit from her idea that everything had to spark joy. She spoke about being joyful that something served a purpose for you, even if it didn't spark joy directly.

I do imagine a world where every basic and essential sparked joy, had that one special detail that made it stand out, etc. But honestly, I rarely find that in my size, and then it's not in my budget.

I do think there is something to be said for looking in the mirror and being content or happy with the outfit.

I do like the idea of adding a little something to spice up a look, even if it is a new lipstick. Toward the end of winter I added a white bangle. It added a little cheer to my darker outfits.

Anonymous

I am going to come back and read/reply later today.

It occurs to me that it sounds like I am complaining. I am not. I am supremely happy with my wardrobe. I'm not even sure why I wrote this post now.

Thank you to everyone that so graciously took the time to explore this issue on my behalf. I repeat, the wisdom on this Forum runs deep.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I'm glad that you wrote this post as it is helping me clarify my thinking.

I just read someone on a blog who categorized clothes into Love and meh. I think there is a lot of room in between, at least for me.

And reading what others wrote here has given me some ideas.

Gaylene

Veteran

Interesting question and responses. We do expect a lot from our clothes these days, don't we?

I'm a bit dubious about the whole concept of material objects sparking joy--despite what the market place keeps trying to tell me. That notion reminds me too much of those old 50s commercials featuring housewives going into spasms of joy and ecstasy because of a new refrigerator or washing machine. Refrigeration and automated laundry no doubt made household chores easier and faster, but, as a feminist, I've always thought those pink stoves just left more time for women to ponder why they too couldn't be doctors or executives.

I'm afraid clothing falls in much the same category for me. My closet makes me happy when it allows me to get ready in a way which pleases me so I can do the things which DO spark joy in my life. I suppose if I put more value in clothing as my major means of self-expression, or had a career which required me to dress in a way which showcased my knowledge of current trends, I might feel differently.

I VALUE my closet--just like I value my refrigerator and washing machine--because they work for me, but I don't look to them to spark joy in my life.

Emily K

(website)

Veteran

This is something I touched upon in Angie's blog post yesterday. For me, there's a psychological comfort that my clothing provides that is not "joy". I do know joyful clothing when I see it, but I think my self confidence and pocketbook are not sufficient for the buying and wearing of it. My aspirational style would be to have perfectly fitting, luxurious, understated clothing that would be unremarkable to all but a ticket to respect among those who know. Not much joy there, although there could be deep satisfaction.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Great thread. I'm off to work soon, at a later date may need to write a thread about feminism and our appearance! It has certainly upped my happiness in life to be able to have my work clothing feel like "me". I hardly need to use it as armour, only occasionally where there might be difficult meetings with the hierarchy of the Health Board, and I tend to put on stompy boots which make me feel strong! Age and experience has helped my confidence. But in everyday work, having some bright colours or interesting textures or shoes really sparks joy for me.

12