I used to be convinced I was an introvert. Never understood, for example, team sports and the joy of skits at summer camp. I don't like to perform. But I used to go to a party every week and dinners and so forth. It seemed to me that was just what one does. Then a friend commented that I had gone to a lot of social affairs in my life and that he had never had a social life. I didn't know what he was talking about - I met him at a party. He said it was the only one he'd ever gone to. Lol. Everything is relative.

I'm not social like that now in anycase. It got a bit boring. The 'scene' is dead. Ha!

Janet I hear you. I am quite outgoing and wouldn't say I was shy but I don't like large groups, prefer small gatherings and really struggle in a situation with a lot of people I don't know. I love my own company and that of my DH and DS and close friends but that's often enough for me.

My DH is pastor so often we are 'required' to attend things that I would so rather not. I tend to have to psych myself into it and mentally prepare before I go. I even go over potential conversation topics...sad hey lol

I'm struggling with this right now, Janet. I have a big occasion coming up and there's no getting out of it, so I have a big, black cloud over my head until the deed is done. As others have mentioned, I'm mostly fine once I'm out, but I truly don't understand why it's seen as a flaw to be anything other than a party animal.

Janet and Mochi, SNAP! INFP reporting for duty here--well, more hiding under the covers than reporting, and please, no duties that involve presentations. The person who did my Myers Briggs told me we are about 2 percent of the population. I've never 'met' another INFP before--and look, we are managing to meet without meeting

I usually go to things only when I've committed and I can't back out. But as I get older, and in-home entertainment gets better, I am worse about making plans. I also live in a quiet, rural area so there's not much going on after dark.

Where did you all get tested for this? I'm clueless as usual and would be interested to find out what I am.

Colette, there are a bunch of these tests you can take online for free. If you google Myers Briggs you'll come up with them. It's all ultimately based on Jungian theory, FWIW.

https://www.16personalities.co.....ality-test

http://www.truity.com/test/typ.....ch-edition

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

Thanks Suz.

ISTJ - I usually end up sitting with the dog at a party after getting my fill of talking to people. I especially hate going out after dark.

I find it interesting that so many introverts here feel they are seen as flawed or odd. I feel the opposite - it's extremely difficult for me to get a group to go out dancing, to a concert or even shopping because everyone would rather stay at home. Most of my friends are homebodies. It sometimes makes me feel like I'm some sort of weird needy creature, when really it's just that I truly enjoy these activities.

My compromise is to host dinners at my house and tempt people out with Indian food. I come from a large, very social family that can spend days together eating and talking - living in an individual-oriented environment, I miss that kind of contact and have a hard time replicating it. Fortunately my boys are also social, and often they are my outlet!

Ha! I can't get anyone to go to anything big anymore either, Una! Like a New Year's bash. I also miss having work friends who want to go to midnight sushi after our shift. My family is also big, but spread out now. In the old days, tho - didn't actually need friends with all my cousins. Lol.

Rachy, same here with the cousins. I'm also much more spontaneous and down with chaos than most people I know ("Hike/dinner/ movie in 15 minutes? Sure!") although when DS was younger it was harder to be that way.

ENFJ here - and I test strongly on Myers Biggs for the assessment. Over 90%.

People energize me. I LOVE to socialize and go out. I am very comfortable in large groups, but much prefer the intimacy of small groups. That way I can get to know a person better. I enjoy being alone too, and can keep very busy.

That said, I hate to drive - especially at night - so I won't go anywhere at night if I have to drive there on my own. Luckily, Greg drives a lot. I can Uber, and friends often offer to fetch me because they know that driving is not my thing. 

I also don't like surprises unless they are presents. The worse thing you could do is give me a surprise birthday party or arrange a surprise trip without allowing we to enjoy planning and prepping for it. 

I have a song for the video of my life now! (INTJ here, Angie).

alaskagirl, I agree with you. I find true extroverts fairly rare, and mild introversion so common that I think of that as the norm. That said, extroverts are over-represented in fields like politics, sales, entrepreneurship, etc. so I think we encounter them fairly frequently.

And I know what you mean about the "never alone" type of Indian family, though I didn't personally grow up in one myself.

I consider myself neither an introvert nor an extrovert...I thought of myself as more introverted in the past but that's changing. Sometimes I find very social days (especially if they're mostly spent with friends) very energizing.

Pointing out that we have had these conversations before, and the forum is full of introverts!

Marianna, great cartoon. Greg to tee.

Janet, Suz and Diana, you function very well at large YLF gatherings. I'd never have thought you were introverts.

JAileen, so glad you decided to come in July.

High five, Una.

Another shy introvert here!
Funny thing is that I can sing solo in front of a large audience, but put me with more than 1 person for conversation and I am uncomfortable.

I like groups of three or four or so. Small, but I don't have to carry the full weight of the conversational response.

I somehow trained myself to function well in large groups, and to speak in front of large groups (one of my minors in undergraduate school was speech). Working in broadcasting helped, but I am still a nervous wreck before public appearances of any kind (giving presentations, or even going on the air again after a lengthy absence).

People who knew me growing up would say "of course, Janet is an introvert!" To people who met me in the last 25 years or so, it's not nearly so obvious.

Just to throw this back into the conversation, if anyone is still reading.....Large groups and loud gatherings , busy activities and people around me...don't make me as uncomfortable or awkward as they do just simply drain me. I find being yakked at - especially in close range (like in a car) totally draining and mentally exhausting. I think that' more typical of your "average introvert" than feeling socially awkward or shy. A couple of times a year I spend a few hours in the car with one of my best friends who has the same job I do - and within the first hour I am ready to both kill her and get out of the car. I am so exhausted just listening to her- and she is your classic extrovert to the max. And admits it.

Anyways - as we've said on this topic before, it's important not to get shyness and introversion mixed up. It's not the same thing. I am the LEAST shy person around, but absolutely introverted. It's a fascinating subject indeed, and I think we've also commented on how on-line forums attract us introverts because we can interact on our own schedule - and via our own power. We can shut off the forum when not interested in mental input, and engage when we need it. It's a beautiful thing!

Lisa, you are making me wonder if my friends want to kill me!

Oh I so understand you Lisa. I'm really outgoing but hate chitchat and find it draining. I don't even like going for a walk with another person...it's my time! My son is the most extroverted person you could meet so I find that hard. My husband is extroverted but much shyer than me. He loves people around but doesn't instigate conversation as easily.

Interesting that so many people are introverts. I am an introvert too. INFJ. I like socialising in small groups but virtually all of my friends (except my DH) are extreme extroverts. Because they are extroverts they love large groups and it is a constant battle to achieve more intimate occasions. They always want to invite more people! Like Lisa I much prefer to entertain friends at my place, where I can control the environment and the guest list. Also, restaurants here are SO noisy. Is that just an Australian thing? Honestly, I struggle to think of one restaurant that is suitable for a quiet night out on a weekend. Noise is so draining. So, yes, sometimes I don't want to go out either!

Being an introvert is not the same as being shy. See "Quiet" by Susan Cain, about introverts.

Yes Brooklyn, restaurants are noisy here, and bars worse.
Reporting in here from my bedroom with 12 people playing card games still at my house at 10:05! ! I'm slipping off to bed.
Though actually I love games too but was putting my daughters to bed and missed the start . Also I doubt any if them have to get up as early as i do tomorrow.

Another introvert here, although I did the Briggs Meyers thing so long ago I can't remember what I was. Will have to look it up. The difference between extroverts and introverts that resonates best with me is that extroverts replenish their energy by being in social groups where introverts replenish only by being alone. I have learned over time that it's usually best to just suck it up and go to social things unless I really have a good reason not to, I almost always have a good time once I'm there, and if I don't go I feel kind of bad about it afterwards.

I do find gatherings of more than a few people to be daunting and sometimes exhausting but I've learned to float around from group to group if things get overwhelming. People may think I'm taking time to visit with everyone but my motive is actually to isolate myself just a tiny bit for a few minutes

Yeah noise is definitely draining and it gets worse as you get older and your hearing fades a little. My DH has permanent mild tintinitis in one ear and there are quite a few local restaurants he can't tolerate.

Another introvert here! I can be quite the hermit without my hubby around to drag me to social events. But I usually do enjoy them once there, and I find I need that type of interaction once in a while.

I loved the book Quiet. I am an INFP. I am as introverted as they come. DH is more of an extrovert. We both worked with people. I was/am a psychotherapist and I also teach at the university. I love my work. My profession is apparently a good one for INFPs. Thank goodness I got that one right.
I enjoy one on one and small groups of people. I will talk to people on the street and that often happens because of Sophie. I don't do well in really large groups.
I like to socialize about once a week and then recover. DH likes once a day.

High Five, Angie! I'm another ENFJ.

I'm not at all quiet but can enjoy quietude. I love to be in company and enjoy idle chit-chat but am veryyyy happy all by myself too. I'm usually the first one to initiate group conversations once I've gauged what conversation will become more stimulating within a particular group (sometimes it's about a recent event, sometimes a book or movie, or sometimes - it's to talk of some family member/friend the other person/people wil want to discuss). I entertain often (almost every week) in small settings where it's us & another couple friend or 2. My husband will go into a shell if there are more people infront of him!

Sadly, I work alone and have no human contact with anyone other than my husband on a daily basis. And he is introverted AND shy AND quiet :/ I get to talk to friends & family everyday and that helps. Mostly, what keeps me sane is my deep deep love for books & dogs, as I have more than enough to keep things interesting around here

Like Una, I'm the "weird" one harassing friends to go with me drinking/dancing/shopping.....anywhere OUT! Most of my friends are homebodies too, so I'm quite good at doing all of the above all by myself too Though it's getting less frequent, and I sometimes fear my 'personality' type might have to transition too! I think I REALLY need to find ways to make more friends IRL.

Oh, and to Janet's point....when I have to go out for something planned, I look forward to it all week

Pretty sure I am INFJ. So much of this thread resonates with me. I am definitely an introvert, love my own company, am more comfortable listening than talking (which is why I love my work so much -- I am a professional listener!).

Janet, I can so relate to your description of your husband and his boisterous family; sounds just like Michael's. We spend Thanksgiving with them, and at some point in the evening, I always slip away from the crowd and lie down alone in a dark bedroom to chill out. I just get overloaded by all the noise and static!

And Lisap, I can relate to your party-throwing, to a degree. We hold one big party a year in the fall, and it's usually a lot of fun, but right before people arrive, I wish I could cancel it. What I really enjoy is the planning and the prep, but the anticipation of arrival is almost crippling, and sometimes even in the midst of the fun party, inside I'm thinking, "Okay everyone, time for you to go so that I can have my house back."

I remember feeling incredible anxiety before the Boston YLF meetup, and then being amazed that I spent more than 10 hours with the group before heading back home. Sometimes group experiences are wonderful.

Extroverted introvert checking in! I'm not exactly shy and once I get to know you I'm wiiiide open, but small talk often feels excruciating to me and I tend to lose energy after a long time in big groups. I restore my energy and equilibrium by staying in and reading a book or watching a movie.

It's so interesting how many of you say that it's difficult to get out and get going but once you do, you're having fun. I've always felt this way and it became more prominent after we moved out to the country. Now when we go out, I have to change out of my barn clothes, shower, do all the gussying up and then drive 40 minutes into the city for dinner. So often I'd just rather snuggle with the goats and work in the barn. But when we do go out, I'm always glad.

Thought all of you introverts might like this: