I need to borrow a good shopper's attitude! Got one to lend? - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

I need to borrow a good shopper's attitude! Got one to lend?

Peri

Veteran

I am shopping a lot. Like four days this week which is more than all of last month. After a big purge, I'm trying to build up a better warm weather wardrobe. I've gotten several cute tops that I think I will like, but I'm afraid of being too random. Can I list the issues and get some wisdom?

1) I don't know how specific a plan should be. I really need hot weather tops with good happiness factor. Is this enough of a plan? When I try to find something specific...white knit top that is flattering, cool and yet not sheer...I never find it. If I go for "cute tops I like" I find more...is that too random?

2) I always seem to have this problem. I'll buy something I like pretty well..like 8 points out of 10... But then worry that later I will find that 10 and not like the 8 anymore. It's not really a matter of running out of budget, more just fear that I'll end up back in the same place I started...a closet full of clothes I like okay but don't love.

3) I feel a sense of urgency based on retail cycles. I'm afraid by the time we are seriously into hot weather the summer things will be picked over and everyone will be thinking Fall. I think this is changing, not exactly the case anymore, but I still feel the push. Some wise fabber told me wardrobes aren't built in a day, but it feels like mine is never built!

I think that's it. If you love to shop, I'd love your guidance!

General

18 replies

Latest reply was from Elizabeth P

Anonymous

Oh Peri, I have been there! Sometimes I am still there. First of all, if you want a cool, white, non sheer top, please step to the back of the line. What is it with those? They are like an endangered species. I have found one that is almost opaque, but not quite, and now I'm a bit nervous to wear it without a cami underneath, and that was the whole idea-- being able to skip the cami. Ugh.

I am also famous for doing a huge cull and then having that desperate feeling as we come into a new season. Quick! Find cute tops. In quantity! I know that panicky feeling all too well. What to do when none of the tops are really striking my fancy? Where are all of the 'normal' tops if you don't like the trendy ones? Every season I would end up with items that were just okay,

Eek! I have to go drop off my daughter's tennis bag at school...I'll be back to finish this....

Kim

Veteran

I think I'd be a bit more specific, but simply because I tend to buy things that aren't really functional in the season and climate that I'm shopping for. For example I love the look of short sleeved cardigans, but my arms run cold. If it's cold enough for a cardi layer I need the sleeves! LOL

So for cute tops in the summer they need to be interesting in their own right as it gets too hot here to layer and I don't layer with sleeveless tops in the fall or winter (see above cold arms...) So I need short sleeve or sleeveless stand alone opaque modest washable tops for summer. (I run a home childcare so we get messy.)

Once I get that part sorted then I'm good to shop and buy things that will actually work! LOL

Anonymous

Whew, okay I'm back now.

Anyway, I think the mental breakthrough for me came when I started reading about the 10-item wardrobe and other minimalist wardrobes. While I don't see the need to be stringent about a super-ridiculously-small wardrobe, I began to think, "If Madame Chic only had three or four silk blouses and a few cashmere sweaters for fall/winter, why do I feel the need to find 12 or 13 perfect (and different)summer tops?" Somehow the assignment to find good tops seemed so much easier if I didn't need a baker's dozen of them. And I knew from experience that I wear my favorites over and over, while neglecting the ones that were 'meh'.

Angie has some great posts about small work wardrobes capsules that got me thinking as well. I was able to relax and be pickier and make sure I really liked each top (9 out of 10 anyway) and make sure they would go with all my bottoms, etc. Right now, heading into my dominant summer season, I have two short sleeved button-fronts, two sleeveless sweaters, two sleeveless blouses, and a capped sleeve popover blouse. Oh, and that see-through tank, which I haven't even worn yet, and will probably pass on. That's seven that I love, and I didn't find them all in a day, a week or even a month.

So hang in there, it does take time. You won't reach closet Nirvana in a season, but if you love each purchase a little better than the ones you made last year, you're making progress! It takes awhile to find out what your 'elements of love' are. I think it IS a good idea to shop early in the season. Leave the tags on for as long as possible to make sure you don't find something else you like better, but at least your size won't run out in an item you need. If all else fails, thrift stores often have things you can't find anywhere else. Good luck, and I can't wait to see what you come up with!

cinnamon fern

Veteran

Make a list of all your hot-weather bottoms, and then you can make sure you have tops that go with all of them.

Make a list of all your hot-weather occasions, and then you can make sure you have tops for all of them.

Two pieces of YLF advice that sounded simplistic when I first heard them and turned out to be really useful.

Aida

Veteran

I'm with you on the "what if I find a 10 later on and I've already bought an 8??" That seems to be a hard one for me to break. Good advice here already, but would like to add that if you are building from scratch and NEED a certain type of clothing it is alright to buy a few of those 8s, because, well, you do still need to be wearing something! Keep the number lower so that upgrades aren't such a painful expense, and jot down what makes those items 8s instead of 10s so you know what to look for. I think your list is probably not specific enough if your wardrobe is being rebuilt. It will be quite helpful to determine a few key pieces that you need for the season and build around that; it's no good to buy 5 pairs of shorts only to realize your weather doesn't get hot enough for them so they go primarily unworn (ask me how I learned this ).

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Great advice here from everyone. In my experience, & I have a lot of it:) shopping in a panic doesn't work often enough to be worthwhile.

I'd work out the absolute minimum tops you need (by occasion & number of times you wash per week). When you have this number stop & plan where you will go from there:)

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I am by no means an expert shopper and I cannot say I love shopping, either. But almost two years on YLF have taught me a thing or two about how to focus my searching a bit. And you're right -- some kind of focus helps. What seems to work is a mid-way place between looking for that specific (elusive) item and just generally going for stuff you like.

I would try to figure out first, how you actually spend your time. That will determine what type of tops you need. Do you work in an office? Then you probably need silk or silky shells to go under a jacket. Do you work in a daycare, like Kim? Then you need washable clothes. What are your summer temps and do you have air conditioning? That will determine the weight you need, and the fabrication. How many outfits do you actually need?

Cinnamon Fern is smart to suggest that you consider your bottoms. You're aiming for no closet orphans. Angie has a great blog post on item/ outfit/ capsule. This is really useful.

Another important element is to consider your style goals. Maybe come up with one of those style statements for yourself. What are your aims? How do you want to look?

If you're anything like me, you probably "like" a whole pile of random stuff and think it's cute. But it doesn't necessarily work on your body type, for your actual life, and for your style goals. So once you've narrowed down how you want to appear or better, how you want to feel in your clothes, you'll be able to weed out a lot of those 8s.

Glory

Veteran

Peri thanks for writing this for us! I have also shopped 4 times this week. At first I said no more shopping until I return all of the items that I had stored up but alas, I am in a mess again. I shopped like a mad woman and have even more returns. Maybe you could zoom over and we could shop some together?
I like the advice of listing the bottoms and tops as outfits. Also determining what events you might need things for. I am going to try that also.
Also the advice from Caro on what number you need and stopping.
Also I am at the top of the line if anyone finds that elusive white top that is perfectly perfect.
A couple of questions to try and get more specific and then we can propose some options.
Are you looking for work or home or both? Do you have a certain style you are after? Do you like tshirts, knits or more blouses? Do you like shorts, pants? Do you have a certain colour palette in mind?

Elizabeth P

Veteran

Oh man, can I relate! I've spent so long not really having a whole lot of time to shop, and not knowing WHERE to shop, so I've tended to do spurts, try on a bunch of things, buy whatever fits that I like (that in itself is limiting) then I'm done for the season. So I have a closet full of orphans. Some I love, some with tags on a year later :(.

Now that I've regained an interest in clothes and finding a style for "me", I'm shopping like I used to, but weekly, not once per season. I can't do this!!

So very intrested to follow where this thread goes. And I HAVE to follow some of the excellent advice aleady given. Thanks for asking the question!

Peri

Veteran

Wow...wisdom awards for everyone. Thanks for the suggestions. This seems to be the summary:

Make my plan more about function and usefulness like Kim's list, rather than being specific about the items, like the white top example. And from that perspective I do have a plan...I already have strong feelings about colors and what flatters me, so I don't make as many mistakes in those areas. The mistakes I make tend to be more about falling for something that isn't functional or useful...so this idea needs to be strong in my mind. (Like a jacket I love that I need to return.)

I posted a few days ago that my style goal is Casual Arty Classic. I don't need to separate work from home because my job is casual. So that narrows me to stay away from things that are too dressed up.

Keep the tags on while I'm doing all the looking so I can make final decisions later in the game...takes some of the current pressure off.

And calm down!

Thank you all!

rholmes27

I can absolutely relate. My summer wardrobe was sad - not great fitting & a lot of pieces starting to look worn. Last year we moved to a place where this is now my dominant season. Also, I like the idea of a "moderate minimalist" wardrobe. So after lots of research here & on other blogs, I came up with a plan.

First I determined what I actually need/want to wear. I don't work outside the home, I no longer have children at home, I am very involved in my church, etc. I researched my body type & what colors look good on me, & also considered the parts of my body I wanted to highlight & the parts not so much.

Then I chose 2 neutral colors & 3 complimentary colors, using one of the color wheels that are all over the Internet. I decided how often I want to rotate my bottoms (this includes dresses for me). Rotate my bottom? Just realize how funny that sounds. And then made myself a plan, such as, I want 2 casual skirts in my neutrals, 3 pair shorts in my complementary colors, etc.If you want my specific plan, just message me & I'm happy to send it to you. It may not work exactly for you but it could give you a jumping off point.

Now the tricky part for me. I can get a little OCD about plans, rules, etc. So hopefully, to relieve some of that, I decided:
I would keep the number of colors small so I don't feel overwhelmed when shopping. Also, if I see something that is not in my determined colors, & I absolutely love it & the fit is good, within my price point, etc, it's mine. This is not life or death, I keep reminding myself.
If I love something that's an 8 & I later find a 10, same thing-purchase. I do not have an unlimited budget, but just giving myself permission to do this keeps me from ruminating about a purchase until I freak myself out, & end up with nothing.
The majority of my purchases must fall within my plan. This means that it may take some time to do this, but I'd rather it take a while to find what I love rather than purchase a lot of items that I don't.

This may be TMI, but I am a logical & organized thinker & it is what I needed to be able to shop without having an anxiety attack.

Peri

Veteran

Thats helpful too. Good point about the 8s and 10s...I could dither til winter if I try to be completely perfect.

Liz A.

Veteran

I'm going through a bit of this myself. You have gotten a lot of really valuable advice here, and the one thing I would like to add is to examine your closet orphans. What do they have in common, or how do they differ from your workhorse items? If you still have your purged items, it may even help to take pictures. I took a bunch of pictures of my wardrobe, like a picture of all my dresses, a picture of all my skirts, etc. And to be honest the ones I don't wear stuck out like sore thumbs, whether it was color, style, or what have you. So I was able to pinpoint what I do like to wear and what to avoid because I probably won't.

Anonymous

You have gotten lots of great advice. About buying 8's and then worrying about finding a 10 later. I am guilty of this but I give myself more leeway with summer clothes because they usually need to be replaced faster because of being laundered more often, fading, etc. if I later find the 10 I buy it and wear both 8 and 10 since I won't be having a long term relationship with either one. Not the perfect solution and I still strive to be picky.
Concerning that elusive opaque white summer top, I recommend a heavy woven white linen. I have an Eileen Fisher linen pull over sleeveless woven l
top that needs no cami and is breezy on the hottest day. It was one of the few things I had altered to fit with weight loss because I can't imagine a summer without it.

Peri

Veteran

Wow, I wonder if they still make that top? Thanks for the suggestion...lots of us wanted something like that.

Also, thanks for the perspective on short vs long term relationships. I've figured out that I have such a hard time purging, and wear things that look dated, because I approach all my clothes as long term relationships. I don't know where that comes from...probably need therapy...but now that I've realized it I can work on it. In therapy.

Anonymous

That type of top does sound perfect!

Lol about your long term relationships with clothes....I think your items should be on "probation" in your closet. If they don't prove themselves to be valuable to you, out they go....just like a bad boyfriend.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I used to look on all my clothes as long-term relationships, too. But it increases the pressure so much. Since joining YLF I am much more able to see my closet as fluid. Things coming in, things moving out. Some things lasting for years, others just a quick seasonal fling.

Elizabeth P

Veteran

I also tend to think of clothes as long term things, and have a hard time getting rid of things. And I do need to be better. HOWEVER... I also HATE this disposable attitude that society has. The volume of clothes that end up in landfills is absolutely staggaring. So I think there's something to be said for buying for longevity.