Lisa, first, I am so sorry. For you and your husband. Second, what Angie said a million percent. I'm willing bet G's wife doesn't know what she needs. Because in truth, what she NEEDS is her husband back. And that isn't going to happen. I also think people go around utterly stunned for a while. You have the added layer of a completely redefined relationship now. And she's trying to negotiate a life and future without her husband....and probably not the redefining of other relationships.

My husband lost a close childhood friend about 7 months ago. It happened fast. Cancer. Similar situation. After sometime, we found that she started responding to his friends and but not their wives so much. I think that she felt a connection to him that way. Which is great. It's what she needed. Some people retreat others work hard to socialize and keep busy to compartmentalize. You may have too many memories attached for her. And the British are known for keeping things to themselves.

Drop her a card or note every once in a while. Or have your husband do it. It's not a rejection of G's life.

Lisa, my mom died suddenly and in a traumatic way when I was a teenager, and I was there for the worst of it. I could not and would not talk about her or her death AT ALL for years, until I was in my very early 30s and went to therapy and finally processed everything and learned some healthy coping skills. After her death, I was so relieved to go away to college and distance myself from all the familiar people, places and memories. I was just very closed off and desperately wanted to shut the door on every aspect of my life before her death. I did that by moving out of state after I graduated from college and essentially cutting ties with everyone who knew me back home and back then. All of this is my way of reiterating and illustrating what others have said — everyone handles grief differently and we just don’t know what this woman is experiencing or why she is reacting in this way. It sounds like you have made such sincere and loving efforts to help, and her silence is saying she’s not ready for any kind of interaction right now. It’s quite possible that seeing and hearing from you is just too painful a reminder off all the good times before the unthinkable happened and her world changed forever. I think I would reach out with a call or personal note from time to time and try not to expect anything back. In the meantime, I wish you and your husband peace and healing as you work through this difficult situation while dealing with your own grief.

Thank you for sharing your own experience, Kyle. It's very generous of you, and I appreciate it . I cannot imagine...

There are two things that I would do...

Reach out via a text or send a card, simply saying, "I'm here for you, if you ever want to talk (or not talk), and simply want company. I'm here".

And then let it be. Maybe you hear from her, maybe you don't. In the end, it's her choice. She may be at a point where she just needs some space and some silence, away from all the sympathetic eyes reminding her of her loss.

You simply re-establish your willingness to be there for her, and then let her make the next move, if she chooses.

The second thing is, what about private celebration of life for this wonderful friend, with just your DH and DD? Bring it up, and then let DH choose if this is something he might like to do.

A celebration of life doesn't have to be a one-and-done, for that matter. For fifty years, there has been a Stephen C Smith Memorial Regatta in Shell Point, FL. It's a windsurfing regatta that raises money for the American Cancer Society. I volunteered in the mid-1990s when I was living in Tallahassee, and it was a ton of fun. ESPN covered in on television in the 1990s, not sure if they still do. It was something that started small, and has now become something of an institution to honor a man I never met, but who posthumously gave me some wonderful, lifelong friendships and incredible memories. I'm hoping to get back this year for the 50th anniversary celebration.

Maybe in a few years there might be an annual Pickleball Tournament in honor of your friend, that is a benefit for cancer research or something that was important to your friend.

So much great advice here LJP for dealing with such a difficult and painful situation. The only thing I can think of to add is that sometimes you will never know what's in the heart/mind of another person, even if you've known them for years. The only thing you can do is find a way to be at peace with today's reality while you also honor the past. Leaving the door open, the ball in their court etc is the best way to go when it's possible and it also will help you deal with it. I have badly broken relationships with a couple of my siblings, totally different from your situation ... I do my best to consider those doors closed "only for now" because who knows what the future might hold. It's the only thing I can do and helps keep me sane about it all.

Lisa, I also wanted to let you know how much things have changed for me over the years, because the same could happen for your friend in time. I now WANT to talk about and remember my mom, and have reconnected with some dear friends from that time in my life, which has been really lovely.

So sorry you and your husband lost such a very good friend.

"Is this how it goes when the friendship wasn't between us but between the men?" I agree with April, that the answer to this might be yes.

Also, not acknowledging texts or phone calls is a pretty clear message, at least for now. Maybe it just means she can't deal with it...not that you are doing anything wrong. It sounds like you have more than made the effort to be there for her. I also wonder if because her experience of you and your DH was as couples, that seeing you both painfully reminds her of her DH's absence more? He's missing. More than say other people she may have had singular friendships with. It might all just be too fresh.

I agree with others to make the extension that you are there if and when she ever wants to make contact, gentle reminders.

Lisa, I am late responding to this. We have been travelling for the last week. I think the feedback from the forum members is wonderful. I did want to add my personal experience.
After my first husband died, I was amazed at how kind and supportive everyone was. Neighbours I had never met came over and offered to help me with yard work. Some of my husband's work friends dropped by to see how I was. I probably came across as disinterested in their offers. I don't know for sure. I remember the kindness, and I hold those memories in my heart.
I was devastated. I don't know what G's wife is feeling or needing. I did appreciate everything people did for me, even if I didn't act like it.