I need a little bit of consolation/encouragement - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

I need a little bit of consolation/encouragement

Stephanie

Veteran

Still working on a closet clean-out, and I'm a little overwhelmed by the number of things that I have that either (1) I never really loved, (2) I loved once but love no longer, or (3) don't fit me very well and aren't worth the investment to fix. I understand that the ship has been sailed, the money has already been spent, etc., and I know that there are things I can do (e-bay, consignment, donation, etc.)... all of this I get. But (especially since I'm just at the beginning of my career and really shouldn't be so frivolous) I just feel really guilty and sad looking at all of these clothes piled up on my bed, and I'm hoping you'll just chime in and tell me you've been there too. Thanks.

General

22 replies

Latest reply was from Sihaya

Claudia

Veteran

Stephanie, I am almost fifty and I have been making these mistakes my whole life. I could have written what you wrote -- just with different details. Since reading YLF and realizing what colors look good on me, what proper fit means, style and age appropriateness, I have been purging my clothes. I also had the terrible habit of buying what was on sale and being thrilled by what I "saved," not the TRUE value for me of what I had bought. Ugh.

I hate wasting money and I have felt the guilt and sadness of getting rid of clothes, some never even worn or only worn a few times. So good you are so young learning all this.

MsMary

Veteran

Been there, done that!

I do find that actually getting the mistakes and past-their-primes out of the house does wonders to lift my spirits. The process of weeding out and getting rid of can feel awful, but the result of only having things in the house that work for you and that you love is just awesome! So hang in there and keep your eyes on the prize!!

puffenstuff

(website)

Veteran

Oh most definately have been there and going there again very soon. Here is my previous post about it and I even took some photos to show how much I had to toss.

http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....oset-purge

I've learnt that it is an ongoing process, I thought after one closet purge I would be done but not so. I am still learning what styles to wear, what to avoid and how to perfect my shopping experience so to minimize any future closet purge angst.

Take comfort in the fact that you are definately not alone

Beth

Veteran

Been there and received the Girl Scout badge for it:)

You just have to grit your teeth, acknowledge it for the learning experience it is, and look forward to better things. It'll feel better once you're done, I promise!

tarzy

Veteran

Oh, me too. I've definitely been there, feeling sick at all the money I've wasted on things that I don't love and don't wear. I have tried to beak that cycle more than once, and gone back to my "old ways" without even realizing it. It's hard.

I've always thought "full price" was a bad word, so I've ended up with "bargains" that I didn't really love. The wrong color, the wrong style, the wrong fit - but the right price. This summer I really started to change that. I realized that one fabulous shirt at full price that I love and wear will actually cost less than three "sale" shirts that end up in the donate bag.

That's my own problem - you will figure out what yours is. Don't expect to change your habits overnight! It's not that easy. But you can do it!

Also - I think it's natural for our tastes to change over the years. Even over one year! Don't beat yourself over things you bought in the past. Try to learn from them, and move on. Now's the time to be honest, to be open, and to be kind to yourself. The fact that you WANT to do it is a huge step forward! It's a good journey - give yourself some credit for taking that step!

PS - I actually have clothes in my closet right now that I love. I have things to wear! It can be done! And you will do it!

kellygirl

Veteran

Agree with Beth. I've been there too--many times.

Auburn

Veteran

Oh Stephanie. Right there with you. This weekend I bagged up about 5 trash bags of stuff for Goodwill but, in the process of doing so, and I recommend this if you're in the US, was itemizing each thing for tax deduction purposes. Spent a few minutes on turbotax.com this morning entering everything in (so that it's in there next year when I go to do my 2010 tax return) and for used clothing/accessories/household items, the program automatically assigns a value, though obviously a heavily discounted value. My total came to almost $2000!!! Which is just a FRACTION of what I'm sure I originally spent acquiring all that stuff. The frivolity felt overwhelming. Until I focused on how that deduction will be a big help when my tax return comes along, how happy some lucky Goodwill shoppers will be to find my stuff and how regardless of the monetary investment, I have no business keeping things that I don't use/won't wear.
Don't beat yourself up over it! I promise that part of the catharsis of purging is feeling good about yourself--you'll get there!

catgirl

Veteran

I hear you! I am SO there now too. I am taking three huge bags to consignment and donating what they don't take. Sometimes I'll get all regretful for the wrong reasons and hang on to stuff... that has just made me feel worse. You are not alone!

bj1111

Veteran

been there! so familiar with the mix of guilt and anger and frustration! it's a constant battle because we have our own ingrained thought processes, tara's aversion to full price (which i share) for example, that work against having a fully functioning wardrobe that we love.

BUT you've taken a huge step. so congrats on getting your journey started. don't forget the pictures.

MNsara

Veteran

I think purging a closet is a lot like peeling layers off an onion. You can't just do it and be done. You get rid of one layer and that exposes the next layer.

Sometimes I need some time between layers to see that life went on just fine without that last batch of clothes, etc. so its okay to let go of more.

What I found interesting is that I am already not pleased with a number of early YLF purchases and am getting rid of them (in less than a year!). But that is part of my own style journey and the time it is taking me to better know what I like and what likes me

The guilt should be saved for helping you purchase future items VERY carefully!!

Lisa

Veteran

I'm in the middle of this too. I have already donated 5 garbage bags of clothes and see recent purchases that I now realize are items I don't love. And I haven't gone a season with some of these things. It makes my stomach churn. It is very hard to make a purchase then realize it wasn't a good choice for you. But we are all here to learn and part of the process is making mistakes, purging items that don't work and continuing to improve. Eventually I hope to get there, and you will too.

Stephanie

Veteran

Thank you, all, for your encouragement/consolation--I feel better already! You're very kind.

I do think some of my problem is the sale-shopping problem that you mention. Another problem is that many stores that carry clothes that I like don't necessarily carry them in sizes that will fit me; I don't consider myself all that small, so I rationalize that the smallest size MUST fit me. But it doesn't.

Anyway, if anyone has any tips for beating the bargain-shopping or size quandaries, please chip in. I'm thinking about carrying a tape measure with me. If my ideal blazer is 33'' in the chest, I shouldn't buy anything over 34''. Period. What do you think about that strategy?

Kyle

Veteran

A couple of tips that may be helpful, which I need to follow, too:

1. Don't buy it unless you LOVE it.
2. If you buy it and are not sure, save the receipt, and post a photo on YLF before removing tags.
3. Ask yourself why you are buying said piece. Answer honestly. It may be enlightening.

Someone once told me something that always stayed with me: Guilt is a wasted emotion.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Would setting up a budget help with the guilt thing? You could decide that you have $x per month (or week or quarter or whatever) that you can spend on clothing. You can spend that on one big item or many small ones.

I tend to buy things on sale too, although I try to be good about only buying things I'd buy anyway. The thing that gets me is that when I really add it up, the amount I spent could have gone for one or two more expensive items. Sometimes that's what I want, sometimes it's not, but it's something to be aware of.

Or making a list of the main things you really need each season, filling in those blanks and then letting yourself do whatever with the remaining money.

After all, as long as you're not putting your family into bankruptcy with your buying habits, it's not the end of the world if there are a few items you buy and don't wear much. It's hard to tell what will end up being a workhorse for you, as you say in your other thread. We all do a little bit of trial and error, and make mistakes.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

I absolutely agree that you should not buy something just because it is on sale (been there, done that too!) Now I am wiser and buy only what I love and what works with my wardrobe and style.
However sometimes it is almost impossible to find an item which fits you everywhere - especially if you are curvy. If you have hard time finding clothing which fits well try to find a good seamstress! I have wide shoulders and hips but smaller bust/waist so finding a sheath dress which fits everywhere is impossible. If I find a dress I love which fits my shoulders and hips/thighs but too big in the chest I buy it and take it to be altered in underarm/bust/waist area for a perfect fit.

Mae

Oh, heaven's yes. This might be a closet editing rite of passage, Stephanie. I was horrified after my first post-YLF closet edit. It was SO depressing to find out that the clothes I had been wearing were not fitting properly and needed to be retired. It was even more depressing to retire them with no replacements in sight.

But, you just get up, dust yourself off, and forgive the errors of your past. Focus on just a few key pieces that fit beautifully and work with your style. It's not about MORE, just BETTER. And that means shopping smartly and filling holes step by step and strategically.

Believe me, it was so hard for me to let go of some of the pieces they remained in a box on my closet floor for an entire YEAR. I was thinking they *might* be salvageable. Nope. Sometimes it's just time to say goodbye.

There's almost an element of grief in this process. (In the sense that you are letting go of so many things, but also realizing that what you had wasn't working and you didn't even realize it.)

Give it some time. Forgive yourself. Dust off. Start afresh. If there are some items in the "maybe" pile, stick around and post pics of the item(s) styled in different ways. That's extremely helpful.

Hang in there! I think we've all been there. Virtual YLF hugs!

taylor

Veteran

Oh, have no fear, I have been there too.

If I had all the money back that I spent on foolish, cheap, ill fitting clothes that never flattered me, wrong color awful fabric...I could buy a whole new wardrobe!!

And I could kick myself for getting rid of some fabulous things along the way too.

Feel grateful that you have found Angie's blog.:)

Mae

Ditto, Taylor. Angie is truly an angel.

Refugee

Veteran

Oh yes, I'm there. One of the really helpful things I am doing in my current purge is writing down a few things that I am learning from it. From that, I am working on a strategy before I go and buy anything else.

lpr200

Veteran

A friend and I recently traded purses- I gave her one and some jewelry while cleaning out my closet. She loved it. I love her old purse. And funnily enough, while the clothes that were being donated were waiting for pick up, our dogwalker took some- and she was so happy! So when you let it go, it's like sending out a little blessing to someone else who will really enjoy what doesn't work for you.
Thinking of that has really allowed me to let things go instead of hanging on to them with guilt.

CarlyQuinn

I think that 99.9 percent of people have been exactly where you are! I too, have had a hard time with sale shopping. One sign I watch for is trying to talk myself INTO something because it's on sale. Generally, if I have to do that, it's probably not something I love or will get a lot of use out of. (Unless the reason I'm trying to convince myself to buy it is because I do love it but it's a bit above my price range)
I trade clothes with my sisters when I am done with them, whether it's a size change, style change, or whatever that makes me no longer like/need/want them. It is really hard for me to get rid of things though, it's always "oh, I MIGHT wear that one! Even though I haven't worn it in several years and forgot I had it!"
Just keep telling yourself you are making room for things you will love, that will look great on you, and will get worn often. You are learning, you are growing, and there will probably always be some mistakes cause that's just the way people work. Don't feel guilty, especially when considering the items that you really did like. Your taste changes, and will most likely continue to change. Styles will change, so there will most likely always be a few pieces that you use for a season and then will never wear again. The trick to that is limiting the 'trendy' things you buy so that you don't have to buy a completely new wardrobe every season. And me, personally? If I love something, I don't care if it's not in style. If I like it, and it suits me, it's getting worn.

Sihaya

Veteran

Stephanie - so been there. That first clean out is usually the most painful. Get rid of them fast and then move on. Now, I never buy unless I think the piece is a total killer outfit and I'll wear it multiple times.