I get so tired of dressing around my bust - YouLookFab Forum

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I get so tired of dressing around my bust

Aziraphale

Veteran

It's not even that big, but it's not in proportion to the rest of me. I'm short and slim and yet my bra size is 32D. And the oversized and fluid tops that are so popular right now (and which I love) are so challenging for me to wear. So many things hang off my bust and make my torso look like a solid block. I can make it work if the top is very fluid and collapses against my body, but even then it's not ideal. If you've got a rack, tailored always looks better.

I don't normally indulge in body bashing, but I've got a bunch of serious and heartbreaking things happening in my life right now, so today I'm going to take a moment to whine about something stupid and superficial because I'm angry and it will distract me from other, important things that are out of my control. Anyone else struggling with fluid/oversize fits (even though you really want them to work)?

Dressing

42 replies

Latest reply was from Michelle

catgirl

Veteran

I have spent a lot of time frustrated with this body issue (woven button downs and blazers, also swimsuits, sheath dresses, coats, and just about everything else that is expected to fit all over). I'm about a size bigger than you, I believe.

But I completely disagree that you can't wear fluid fit and that tailored always looks better. In fact, tailored top fits are my nemesis. For me fluid and oversized has been the best trend ever, in that I don't have to worry about gappage, or clinging, or puckering. Maybe you don't like the looks but I guarantee you could wear them, and wear them well.

Sometimes when life sucks you do need to lash out somewhere... I get that. Hugs to you.

Jeanie

Veteran

I'm with you. I love all the oversized sweaters but they just look like a giant ball stuck on top of 2 legs. I wish I could alter sweaters. I tried on so many sweaters the last 2 weeks and then sighed and started looking for V-necks. I'm currently eyeing this Anthro top. I just love the modern cut but it's just wishful thinking...sigh. Hope things cheer up for you soon.

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Aziraphale

Veteran

Thanks for the kind words, Una. And it's true, I can wear some fluid fits...but tailored does look better on me (to my eye, anyway). I see your WIW pics and you always look fab, and yes, the draped tops definitely work for you. I have come to the conclusion that although we have some figure similarities, there must be some crucial differences. One thing I will say is that now that I've discovered petite sizes, I have no trouble fitting blazers and shirts and the like.

It's funny, but with my clothes off, I'm happy with my figure. It's by no means flawless, but hey, I am a 42-year-old mother of two. I'm not self-conscious in a bathing suit. But sometimes, when I try to dress it, I run into trouble. I can't be the only one with this silly but frustrating problem.

Thanks also, Jeanie. I agree, v-necks are definitely my friend.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Aww, Aziraphale, I'm sorry things have been so punk (as my grandmother would have said). I understand how you feel about the bust thing. I don't think mine is out of proportion, since I'm a fairly substantial person in general build and a D cup, but I know how annoying it is to find something that's super-cute but gapes at the bust, or when you have to size up just to fit your boobs. Have you, by any chance, tried those InStyle shirts that are supposed to be sized by bust size? I've seen some pretty decent reviews on blogs.

Jeanie, I too would look like a ball on legs wearing that sweater. V-necks and lower scoops it is for me, but man it gets boring sometimes.

Elly

Veteran

I have a mixed issue being busty and broad shouldered--- I never look as good as Kelly and Una in oversized fits because I have a bust they hang up on and I look doubly big, but often can't fit a fitted woven shirt or jacket because my shoulders won't fit in it.

catgirl

Veteran

Here's a case in point: this Garnet Hill sweater. Basically a box. I threw it on over my sweats just to demonstrate. Is this conventionally flattering? Probably not. But it's better than pic 2, which I'm going to take down shortly. In fact, I couldn't even find a tailored item in my closet - the closest I have is this Equipment shirt, which does look good but is straight up and down on me.

Would love to see you try some different looks and show us - in your copious spare time, no doubt. Feel free to vent any time! I may be doing that soon about a situation I'm trying to handle...

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abc

Veteran

Hugs to you. Kudos for recognizing the real source of your angst. Xoxo

Anonymous

I know what you mean, even though I'm not quite as busty as you. I wear a 34B bra, which doesn't seem like much, but it is on my 5'2" frame. Family members describe me as busty, and I do get tired of trying to find tops to accommodate my bust and not be too loose in the waist. Whenever I'm shopping for a fluid blouse, I go down a size. This almost always works, as these tops are so large. If I'm buying something rather form fitting, many times I go up a size. Hope this helps.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I BET you look killer in fluid fits with a lower neckline and welt.

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time, Elisabeth. Let us know if we can be of support Off Topic. Much love. xo

ma342

I'm busty and short, so I drown in most oversized fits, and can only sometimes get away with fluid. I guess I'm lucky in that I'm naturally drawn to more tailored fits anyway.

I do find that I can wear oversized cardigans over more tailored underlayers. It also gives me a nostalgic flashback to the early 2000s when duster cardigans were all the rage at my college.

I sometimes ignore the usual advice to stick to v and scoop necks, but even if you want to--there are lots of ways to have fun experimenting with color and texture. They don't have to be plain basics.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Elisabeth, so sorry you are going through a difficult time. You've had a lot of family stress and a lot of changes in the past few years and it wears on a person. It definitely helps to focus on something smaller and (maybe?) solvable.

My bust problem is basically the opposite of yours, I know. And I don't really have to dress around my bust...but I do find that some looks that "should" in theory work on me, just plain don't work, because of specific body modifiers. Like tunic tops, for example. Or leggings. (Awful on me, I am convinced.)

I think the right necklines and the right sweaters will work for you. But they won't be the same ones that Una can wear. I think maybe her very broad shoulder line allows her to wear oversized much better than most people in this height range.

But your versions are out there. We just have to help you find them.

bj1111

Veteran

not being in control sucks. good for you focusing on something you can control--like looking fabulous.

i totally understand the "hanging from the boob preggers" look. am 32c. i would prefer to be flatter because i love modern architectural clothes that hang from the shoulder. while we are complaining about boobage, can i toss in narrow sloping shoulders that can't support the architectural line of the clothes that i like? #wah

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh Elisabeth, I understand. I am largish of bust (32DDDish) but somehow am an easier fit in tops than one might expect. However, I understand the dilemma of "dressing around" part of your body, because my difficult zone is my hips and thighs. I have to be feeling really good to go jeans shopping, and the process will definitely test that good mood!

I also find myself feeling more self-critical during emotionally vulnerable times, so I 100% understand how that happens. I hope you're feeling better soon!

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Vent away I think they may be harder to find, but when you do find the right fluid tops you will never look back. I have a large bust too & I love asymmetrical knits - the hem somehow draws attention away from the bustline

Anonymous

I completely understand the urge for therapeutic whining. Thinking good thoughts for you about the actual difficult stuff, whatever it may be.

I know what you mean about being short with a big bust, too. Honestly, the more I think about my figure, the more I get frustrated by the feeling that it's nothing more than a giant collection of obstacles to "dress around." Which can push me too far into the opposite "I'll wear whatever's comfortable and catches my eye. So what if it's flattering or not?" direction. For you, I wonder if being slim might at least make it easier to balance out more fluid tops with something more fitted on the bottom.

Anonymous

Yep, you're preaching to the choir here. I'm a 34D or sometimes 32DD on a slim upper body, and a small frame in general, and truth be told, I hate it. I have exactly the same issues with the fluid tops, and what I love on the rack in a store I've learned doesn't work. It is indeed frustrating. And, although I don't know you well, yet, I will add that I am going through what sounds like some very similar upsetting and disheartening issues myself right now, and it's made me ashamed of my body and mad at my self just as some sort of distraction from life at large.

I immediately connected with what you posted, and thought those words must have come right off of my keyboard. Know that there are others here who totally get it, and all I can say is, hang in there, and hopefully things will resolve themselves. Try to focus on the important stuff, and recognize your body frustrations for what they are. From one solid block to another....xo.

catgirl

Veteran

Just to share, I am coming from the POV of having had a reduction for medical reasons seven years ago. So I actually could not believe what I could wear once that happened. And it's frustrating to still have some of the same problems post surgery, since I am still a size that is considered busty (32DD). But I've also experienced the physical pain and incapacitating results of being outsized in the chest on a small frame, and more often than not I'm just happy to be able to stand up straight.

Meow

Veteran

I am totally in agreement with you. I think I joined this forum partly to get away from all the crap-o-la of life. It's sooooo much easier to focus on body problems, clothing problems, hair problems.... and cute solutions.
As far as the oversize top trend - I have been struggling too - although I struggle with every new trend - it takes me awhile to adjust. I have a body that doesn't really fit neatly into a category - broadish shoulders, smaller upper body and larger thighs. I feel my upper body is one of my better features so this whole oversized thing just covers it up! Then the skinny jeans (uggggg- when will this trend be OVER) don't get me started!
ok - should we talk hair now?!?

SandyG

Veteran

Vent away, I understand. Between petite and about your bust size, it means too many tops look 'unfashionable' and they veer into a body conscious, sexy look when I just want to wear a simple tee shirt. It makes everyday dressing a hassle and when Life becomes difficult, your dissatisfaction becomes an easy target for grumping.

Necklines are crucial and make or break every top. Unfortunately, that's a lot of energy expended in shopping and trying on ... do it when you're fresh or it's just an exercise in frustration. You only need a few! Good luck and sending serenity to you. I hope you find clothing that makes your eyes sparkle

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Agree that venting about things like this is a very relatable coping strategy. I am pretty much in Una's camp about fluid fits - nothing worse than gaping buttons for me.

Jem

Veteran

I don't know if this helps or would be your style, but I find that wearing a long necklace with a fluid top make me feel like it has more shape. Maybe because the necklace kindly holds down the top in front, against the body, instead of falling straight down from the bust--if that makes sense at all.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

I'm sorry you're not feeling great about things. I remember once you posted an illustration of yourself, I thought you had the perfect boobs…
Remember, it's not you, it's the clothes. Look for open necklines as others have suggested.

Aziraphale

Veteran

I can't reply in depth right now, but thank you for all your kind and supportive comments! I will get back to this thread tonight. xo

Alassë

Veteran

I'm sorry, Aziraphale. I hope that life will slowly get better, and meanwhile that you can find one of Angie's suggested tops to try on.

Irene

Veteran

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time! (you're not alone, I assure you)

I'm 5.4" and 116 pounds. I wear a 30G. It's all about how you dress yourself, and how you wear your clothes. No one believes me when I tell them my size, not even SA at Special Lingerie Shops. Wearing the right bra helps wonders. Oversized doesn't look that good on me either, especially sweatshirts. So I just don't wear them.

And it is true that long necklaces help A LOT!

Greyscale

Veteran

I really do sympathize. I'm approximately a 32D these days, and yes, a lot of draped tops just don't hang right on me. It's totally ok for you to be frustrated, even while you know you have a perfectly lovely body.

I've found a few things that work for me. The keys for me are lighter fabrics, a good bra, and being very discerning about what I buy. (I prefer non-padded, non-lined bras for a more natural look but I do need more support these days than when I was younger.) This is hard to describe, but shirts that sort of drape into the valley between my breasts work better than shirts that make a uniboob effect. Bias cuts, loose knits, and silk are good for this.

[Edited to add - Oh, I see you described this perfectly in your original post, "fluid and collapses against my body." Exactly what I meant, but said more clearly!]

I just bought a lovely boxy J Crew sweater but between the boob issue and its high crew neck, I think it just won't work on me.

A few years ago I was ill and lost more weight than was healthy and became a 30B or so, and it was strange to realize I could wear any top I wanted (but honestly I missed my chest!).

Aziraphale

Veteran

Thanks for the therapy and suggestions, everyone. Sorry I'm so long getting back to this thread. I should know better than to start one the day before my hectic day.

Laura, thanks for the practical suggestion, but it's not that I have trouble with things gaping at the bust -- I usually don't. 32D is not actually that big. Rather, it's that my bust is just big enough that it makes boxy and fluid tops look unflattering, because the rest of me is lean and boyish.

Elly -- at least you're tall, so you can carry off a fuller bust!

Betty Crocker, your bust measurement is probably the same as mine, even though you wear a different bra size. So the net effect is the same. If I measure around the fullest part of my bust, it's 33.5". My ribcage just below measures 28". (How the heck that adds up to 32D is a mystery to me, but I am definitely wearing the correct size). 34B is pretty close to 32D as far as the actual chest circumference. Anyway, my problem isn't that I can't get tailored tops to fit (I can), it's that I want the ones that are loose all over to look good, and they don't!

Thanks for the support, Angie. But no, I don't look "killer" in any loose tops -- merely passable. (A lower neckline makes a world of difference, though).

ma342, I like duster cardigans too. I look back fondly on the 90s.

Suz, maybe you're right -- the "right" sweaters might be out there. But I don't have a lot of time to shop and I feel like I have to try on a million tops to find one good one!

bj1111, "hanging from the boob preggers" hahahahaaaa yes exactly. Actually I found that when I was pregnant, clingy tops looked way better than loose muumuus. The loose ones made me look like a battleship. If you've got womanly "bumps" of any kind, it's more flattering to define them than to try to conceal them under a tent! Mind you, nowadays a top that actually clings to my belly is decidedly NOT flattering...

Janet, I think you're right. We are probably all more self-critical when we're vulnerable.

Caro -- maybe I'll have to give asymmetric knits a go.

Aubergine, I do tend to wear more fitted bottoms with a looser top to add structure. I just wish the tops looked better.

LisaP, sounds like we have the same figure "problem"! Don't hate your body, though. I don't hate mine -- I just wish these damn boobs were easier to dress.

Una, I didn't know you had a reduction! Thanks for putting things in perspective. (Sometimes I do remind myself that I should appreciate the fact that I haven't had breast cancer -- touch wood!)

Sarah, I feel like my body doesn't fit neatly into a category, either. I feel like I have characteristics of the rectangle shape, but also the IT shape and even the hourglass shape. I mean, I have straight lean limbs and hips, but I have very square shoulders ( like an IT) and can fill out a wrap dress like nobody's business. Slim rectangles are supposed to have tiny boobs! *wah*

SandyG, yeah, exactly. Lots of trying on of the tops. I hate shopping for tops. I'd much rather shop for bottoms!

shevia, gaping buttons are annoying, to be sure!

Jem, thanks for the suggestion. Long necklaces do indeed create a nice vertical line, but I do not care for them. I think it's more of a feel thing than a look thing. I don't like stuff hanging down between my boobs. I'm not a scarf-wearer, either.

Cocolion, you're sweet. I don't know about "perfect" boobs, but they are in truth not bad for a middle-aged woman who has breastfed two children. I feel that my body looks way more "balanced" naked than clothed, however. How weird is that? And annoying.

Alasse and abc, thanks for the kind words.

Irene, 30G sounds busty but I know it's not as big as people think! Sounds like you know how to dress it.

Greyscale, how I'd love to be a 30B! But I don't want to be ill to get there. It's a case of "be careful what you wish for", lol.

gardenchick

Veteran

So relate! Actually I think YLF has helped me to figure out how to deal with dressing around my bust, after 40+ years of not getting it right!
Between narrow shoulders and a large bust, 99.5% of shirts and dresses don't fit right. Crew necks are out. Big neck ruffles are out. Button up shirts are questionable. A million cool looks do nothing for me. Super annoying!
Sorry you are going through a hard time, and hope you are taking care of yourself...and hopefully wearing a few things with a high happiness factor

Gaylene

Veteran

Vent away! I'm still laughing at your comment that you like your body better without clothes--and here I thought I was totally weird for thinking that same thought when I see myself in the mirror.

Seriously, though, I figured out that Angie's genius lies in the concept of "just flattering enough". At my age, I've figured out what is conventionally flattering but that leads to a zillion pairs of slim, black pants and fluid, welted knits worn with a sleek 2" heeled boot--also in black! Good for a fast, fallback outfit but BORING when that's all that is in my closet.

Why not cut yourself some slack and look for a fluid top that is just flattering enough? If you shudder every time you see your reflection, then get rid of it, chalking it up to a bit of experimenting. That is more or less how I broke free of the stranglehold of those slim black pants. Slouchy isn't my best look, but, with a bit of tweaking, I can achieve just flattering enough--and have a bit of fun with something that breaks the rut.

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