I forgot my (wedding gift) etiquette

doubleh

It has been a while since I've had weddings to attend and even longer since I got hitched and I have just plain forgotten all the rules. My bro and sis in law are getting married in September with a wedding shower in a few weeks. I know that a shower gift is in addition to a wedding gift. But, is there any further rules- like is one gift the more important/special gift? Should they be equal? Does it matter?
I would like for the "shower gift" to be the big one but could sit on it and come up with something else if I would be creating a faux pas.
Thanks for your insight!

11 years ago

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7 replies

Latest reply was from chadya

MsMary

Veteran

Traditionally, I think, the shower gift is "smaller" than the actual wedding gift. But as long as both gifts are from your heart I don't think it would be a faux pas to give the "big gift" at the shower so you could enjoy seeing the bride open it.

11 years ago

Diana

Veteran

Personally, I think the shower gift should be something smaller, maybe more fun or personal. A lot of people choose a gift that is more for the bride than for the couple. (Something like a spa gift certificate is nice!). You could also do a smaller item from the registry.

Also, shower gift is generally brought in person if you are attending the shower, while wedding gift should be sent to the couple's home (unless it's cash, although honestly it's STILL better to send a check to them rather than trying to expect them to keep track of cash at the wedding.)

ETA: If the "big" gift is more for the bride then by all means give it at the shower! I don't think anyone will fault you for that.

11 years ago

doubleh

Veteran

Thanks Diana and Mary. Yes, I guess I kinda knew shower is a bit smaller. And both gifts are for "them", but really "her". DH will be getting the "his" version for bachelor gift. But thinking about it, I guess monetarily the gifts are about the same. One is an actual gift that I think they could use at their "after-after party"- when did weddings become 4/5-day long affairs?- and it's a monogram thingy (we love ourselves some initials down here.) The second gift -what I'm thinking the wedding gift- is more along the lines of a gift card to a specialty shop. Since those aren't much fun to open, I figure it's something they can get excited about post-wedding. I am probably overthinking it...:).

11 years ago

Diana

Veteran

Oh, yes, then definitely the fun gift for the shower! I think something to be used for the wedding or related festivities is a great idea for the shower gift.

11 years ago

Jules

Veteran

Do what you want, especially since this is your brother. Your ideas sound thoughtful and well-considered so why not? You can explain ahead of time if you wish: "I'm really excited about these gifts and they are most appropriate/useful up front. The wedding gift is a little less personal and you can use it any time".

11 years ago

Kristin L

Veteran

I'd go with the fun one as well!

11 years ago

chadya

Veteran

I would take a look at the registery if there is one and go from there. Pick some thing small for the shower, bigger for the wedding gift. You take the shower gift to the shower and have the wedding gift sent to the couple

11 years ago

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