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I finally give up

ironkurtin

Veteran

This morning I was transferring my kid's closet from winterish to summerish (already in the 80s here... sigh...) and I was doing my usual folding and tucking and then I snapped.

She never folds. She rams things willy-nilly into her drawers and hangs her nice things up as if they were dead chickens.

My husband never folds and never buttons. Because of this, he can never find things. I redid his entire closet so it would smell nice (because, well, it didn't) and so we could stop the endless "HONEEEEEY, WHERE IS MY SUPER SUIT?!" conversations, but he persists in slinging worn items on hooks on the side, where they funk up all the clean things; mixing his seasons all together to tshirts get hidden by flannel; and stuffing folded stuff on top of other stuff without seeing if the new stuff will mash the old stuff.

So that's it. I quit. I am not going in after them any more. They want to treat their clothes this way? Bless them and enjoy. I will hand them clean and folded items and after that ON THEIR HEAD BE IT.

I am going to go look at my clean, orderly, sweet-scented closet now and enjoy a respite from the madness.

Dressing

24 replies

Latest reply was from Jjsloane

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

*VERY BIG CHUCKLE*

MsMary

Veteran

Good plan, IK! One of the best things I ever did for myself was give up responsibility and control over anybody's laundry/clothing/closet but my own, way back when my son was about 11 or so. I just told them all "the Laundry Fairy has left the building," and I never looked back!

So if you're still washing and folding, you're a better woman than I!

Louise

Veteran

Good on you IK x

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Aww, you poor thing!!!

I dunno what advice I can give, except for some empathy. My mom had to go through this phase too, because I used to be one of those kids who just used to stuff clothes into a cubby and run off to play. I grew out of that phase though, because my clothes have to be a particular way now - I think part of that came with my YLF rebirth Maybe I took more pride and ownership?

My dad is the same way as your husband; he funks up everything. My mom made him move out of the walk in closet and into the basement closet. It is very funky down there and he just does his own thing. Recently he found an old couch in a dumpster and dragged it into his man cave and/or closet combination on which he "airs" his more funky things. LOL.

Tanya

Veteran

Urgh, I feel for you! I think two things might happen now: they will either finally pick up doing things properly themselves or you will get sick of waiting for that to happen and then go back and help them anyway. In the meantime, enjoy focusing on your closet only.

Tina.b

Veteran

LOL, I can relate! My boys, I try not to even think about their clothes. They have so many options yet, they seem to wear the same thing everyday. And my five year old daughter, it doesn't matter how many times I neatly fold and organize the clothes. She will pull them all out in a matter of five minutes trying to create the perfect outfit. Ugh!

lyn67

Veteran

My sympathy!:) Good to know I'm not alone in my challenge to fold and tuck everybody's clothes...I'm still willing to do it, but may also feel one of my turns comming on... (sooner or later...:-))!

jayne

Veteran

Let us know if you weaken and we will prop you up! It really is the right thing to do, but don't think I am righteous, just lazy enough to dump that job on my kids many years back. I however always am going around picking up the 100's of hair thingies my youngest leaves laying around everywhere and putting them away. Too lazy here to force her to do it. She is blind.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I am pretty lucky in this regard. My husband just the other day apologized to me for the state of his half of the closet. It is getting out of control, because when he gets in a rush, he pulls stuff out all over and then stuffs things back when he doesn't wear them. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your viewpoint as the doer-of-all-laundry), he throws everything in the hamper after wearing it, even if he's only had a sweater on over a tee for two hours.

I bet that when I get back from my trip in a couple of weeks, his side of the closet will contain about 50% of what it does now, all neatly folded and hung, and there will be some big bags to donate to Goodwill. He is a brutal purger, once he gets motivated to clean it out. He's also a quite neat, clean person by habit. He says the Navy is responsible for that.

Now, my stepson is a whole other story. I have now absolved myself of any responsibility whatsoever for the state of his wardrobe. He's a smoker too, so everything smells nasty -- even the clean stuff because he just tosses it on a chair or the floor all jumbled up with the dirty stuff. I give up on that one. He will take care of his clothes when he decides to, or not.

Sara L.

Veteran

Good luck and stay strong! I wash everyone's clothes but I don't fold my husband's. As soon as my kids get a little bit older, I'll make them fold their's too. That's what my mom did when I was a kid and I think making everyone responsible for their own clothes is a good thing.

Adelfa

Veteran

Good job! I quit doing laundry for others when my girls were in elementary school, because I had carpal tunnel and my hands couldn't take it. When one of my daughters was in high school, this was her system: clean clothes in the hamper in the middle of her bedroom floor (straight from the dryer), and dirty clothes on the floor. I decided simply to be grateful that she wore clean clothes!

Glory

Veteran

I hear you on this one. I also quit a couple of years ago. I still do laundry for my girls but not much longer for DD1 as she is entering grade 9 soon and that is my cut off. I recently purchased a clothing item for one of my children and found it on the floor, tags on. I returned it to the store the very next day! Sigh.

jenanded

Veteran

i support you all the way... occassionally I lapse on one child... if it never mates it will never leave home lol!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Hey, we have the same daughter!!!

At least I can't complain about my husband. Our shared closet is a mess, but that's because it's towering with his return boxes. He orders more online stuff than I do.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

Great job, take care of you!
Anyone in my home that is 12 or older was made fully responsible for their own laundry... As they are now older they have confessed that they dreaded that b'day!

Scarlet

Veteran

Sounds smart. That would drive me crazy too. Thank goodness you have your own closet!

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Sympathy:)

Thistle

Veteran

Good for you! Stay strong on this!

Ingunn

(website)

Veteran

I know how it feels! My husband must be related to yours

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

My girls regularly overturn all their clothes in search of the right thing and they never (looking for a chance to use the B) put them back. It is an uphill battle. My son, at least, has far less clothes to mess up.

Gaylene

Veteran

Oh, does this bring back some not-so-fond memories. As the mother of two sons, I was the only female in a house full of males. Once I realized that I was not going to win that war against funky smelling sports gear and carelessly tossed clothes, I just decided to pick my battles.

My rule was, if you wanted it washed, it had to go into the main laundry basket in the laundry room. After washing and drying, I folded the items into separate baskets where the designated person could choose to pick up his laundry--or not--according to their own timetable. I did get alarmed at one stage when my youngest son didn't leave or pick up clothes for a couple of months, but, hey, his girlfriend must have finally complained because eventually he did seem to understand that personal hygiene can make or break relationships. I regularly collected towels and sheets for laundering, but refused to make their beds or to restock towels in the boys' bathroom. I also took the time to introduce them to the alien concept of doing their own laundry as they got older.

There were a few funny incidents (like hearing a teenage male swearing under his breath because he had to dry off with a face towel or listening to #1 Son tease his younger brother for having pink T-shirts because #2 Son had been in too much of a hurry to sort before washing) but eventually things did get sorted out. I'm proud to say both boys turned out quite well and now do much of the laundry for their own families.

Hil

(website)

Veteran

Oh I hear you! Especially with regard to the kids (DH is actually a little neater than I am!) Life is just too short to stress about stuff that is out of your control!

Anonymous

Especially with kids you are doing them a big favor teaching them to do laundry. DS1 was so glad that he knew what to do when he went to college. His first roommate had no clue and piled wet things on a chair when finally forced to do laundry. Then they all got ruined by mildew. Stay strong.

Jjsloane

Veteran

Been there. Done that.
I installed (yes me personally) Elfa shelving in all the closets of our house. I gave DH a closet that worked for his clothes (hanging sections on both sides, shelving down the middle, 2 long shelves up top (1 for sweaters, 1 for shoes - in clear shoe boxes no less). He also has a chest of drawers for his tshirts, underwear and socks and an armoire for his polo/golf shirts. I arranged it initially so everything had a place (like items with like items) and thought I had given him the tools to continue this. Nahh. He tosses everything in a pile on a chair and I don't know what his system is for what he puts where anymore other than the 3 drawers for socks, undershirts and boxers. These are the only things I put away for him (I do all the laundry by choice) He then has a laundry basket full of clean and folded items that he's supposed to put away, but ends up doing only when I see the stack get precariously high and complain about it. I think I did a full overhaul on his closet twice before I realized I was wasting my time. I just ignore it now. It's kind of freeing, but still niggles me a bit that it's like that.