I don't need it... - YouLookFab Forum

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I don't need it...

Carol

(website)

Veteran

Over Labor Day weekend, I did a lot of online shopping--unplanned. It was serendipitous that it was that weekend, so there were so many sales.

One store I stopped by, that I haven't been to in forever, was Express. They've got your basics, with a twist. A bit on the younger side, but appropriate for everyone, if you find the right thing.

They had about a million dresses, and I did end up getting a couple, intuiting that they would be useful, with no specific plan as of yet. I am very pleased with both--an eggplant number combining a drop waist and boatneck--two features I am wild about. And a sultry bodycon dress that I very correctly predicted would have the right material and construction to work on a curvy, not-perfect body.

I also sort of desperately wanted this white mini-dress, but could not justify needing it. But I fell in love with it. The cut-outs, the blazer style--so simple, yet such a strong concept. It seems like a throwback vibe to the 80s/Christie Brinkley era, but also very fresh. They also have it in pink.

What do you do when you "don't need but love" something? Any clothes you have come across lately that you have felt this way about?

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Shopping

22 replies

Latest reply was from Carol

LJP

Veteran

All the time. But I usually walk away :). I only buy now if I’ve planned for it . Who needs more stuff in their life ?

Sal

Veteran

I can relate - and I think the key is walking away. If you keep thinking about it for two weeks then maybe it’s more than a passing fancy.

I also think about when I would wear the dress - instead of choosing the black one or the purple one.

I too like it - I had a couple of similar ones in the 1990s - a black one that got lots of wear -and a green one that did not.

Kate

Veteran

Sure. Just did it recently with a brown dress from Zara that was beautiful, well made, and ticked a lot of boxes. I really wanted it. But I had to be honest with myself, and I kept coming back to the pesky question of how often I would actually wear the dress. Back it went. But I kept it for about 3 weeks while I hemmed and hawed.

Knowing when to walk away is a skill I am still cultivating.

Sloper

Veteran

Well, I can most definitely talk myself into buying anything that I fall in love with. After many decades of life and shopping, and with 20/20 hindsight, I’d say that such splurges are about 70% fails (never worn wardrobe orphans). (By “splurge” I mean not only financial but emotional.)

And there have been more than a few things that may not have been worn so much, yet I love them just the same!

But to each their own!

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I think I mostly stopped doing this after I had overloaded my wardrobe between 2007-2016 (ages 46-55) due to weight gain and a desperate search to feel better in my clothes and find who I was again. The Recovering Shopaholic website helped me first and I learned about YouLookFab from there. Then Angie and the forum and particularly Angie’s PPP mantra (patient, picky and practical I think it is!) helped me on an ongoing basis since. My tracking of wears is still invaluable to me, although some people dislike doing that.
So I know for sure that I will not wear a lot of clothes (that attract me) very much, due to experience, and so I use the “Art Gallery” method- I can enjoy looking at whatever it is but I don’t have to own it.
Sometimes after weeks of thought I might still buy the item, intending to keep and wear a very long time (years). If I miss out, I miss out.
I did choose to buy the red sparkly sandals recently due to falling in love with them. It is not warm enough here to wear sandals yet.

Runcarla

Veteran

This year I’ve walked away from a number of things - even after trying them on, by asking myself how many times I might wear the item, IF I actually bring it/them home with me. Often, the answer is that it will split wears with another item. I might buy a new sweater that gives an oft worn sweater a break, and prolongs its life by putting an equally appealing new garment in rotation. However, I’ll walk away from an item that splits wears with something I’m already not wearing enough.

Like Jenni, I continue to ‘count wears’. It reveals items I should invest in (like flannel shirts and lightweight sweaters) and things I should not (dresses and skirts).

I will confess to buying a white cotton and lace Badgley Mischka skirt ($25CAD - thrifted) because it was so beautiful AND beautifully made. French seams ON THE LINING, etc. With our really hot weather over, I’ll not wear it until next year most likely. No regrets, though. There’s joy from owning such a beautifully made garment, and seeing it hanging in my closet makes me happy.

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Star (Lise)

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Like CARLA I can fall for things that are beautifully made (which I come across thrifting). I went through a phase like JENNI many years ago buying whatever caught my fancy. It did not make me happy in the long run having an overstocked closet. The eggplant dress has potential, looks like it could be versatile, accessorised in different ways, dressed up or down. Only you can know if it will be worn a lot. The white one is probably more like the art gallery scenario as JENNI described.

Sisi

Veteran

All the three dresses are lovely. I think I am an exception here. I am super picky and have difficulties in finding what I like/need. So, when I find something that:
1- I like
2- fits me well
3- is an essential or anyway something that I know I usually wear, I buy it, even if I do not need it at the moment. I know that sooner or later it will come handy.

Star (Lise)

Veteran

Sisi your third point rings true for me too.

Sisi

Veteran

Lise -

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

If it makes you happy and you can afford it (financially, storage wise, spiritually, whatever) why not?
(Admittedly I do not believe I need any particular thing clothing wise, so that is not ever a part of my equation.)

Star (Lise)

Veteran

JAIME me too. If am to purchase any clothes because I actually need them I will not be buying anything again in this lifetime probably.

Dee

Veteran

LISE- Haha, I could say the same.

However, if I'm trying to figure out about something I think I really love but not sure about, I give myself a bit of time to get over the emotional impulse. It seems CAROL, that your giving yourself the space to ask some pertinent questions on whether its worth the purchase or not, which is a great idea. I always feel that little hesitation is always a valid consideration. Afterall, its not fun buying something only to have it sit unworn because it didn't realistically suit your lifestyle or your expectations in the end.

Carol

(website)

Veteran

LJP--a good rule. I tend to do well buying spontaneously, but within limits.
Sal--that is a good rule, 2 weeks. I am still thinking about it! I don't buy a lot of things without a plan, but I have a wedding coming up, and the black...I don't think I have an LBD right now.
Kate--good reminder that discipline takes time! We cultivate it.
Sloper--yes, I probably have less clothes than most people, so it is more likely these random pieces will get used.
JenniNZ--maybe it was you who was talking about FOMO on my other post, about the green jeans. I also am aware of that! A wanted item can fade from memory, and it's not so tragic.

Carol

(website)

Veteran

Runcarla--I enjoy thrifting for the same reason. Sometimes, I will buy an item that is so specific it seems like you can't wear it. But you can! I had a multicolored sequin top I used to wear all the time that I thrifted.
Lise--that eggplant dress is great, but I admire its sharpness, so I will probably try more for events. The white one SEEMS very specific and fussy, but it would be great in a city with irreverent style. In Los Angeles, you could wear that to a brunch outing. Here, you could go to a concert or brewery.
Sisi--maybe that is why I am not too worried when I purchase that way. I have less clothes than most people, and tend to find a use for everything.
Jaime--you win the wisdom prize! I probably can afford it, but needed to put the brakes on spending for a while after Labor Day.
Dee--another good point, about the "hesitation" feeling. On a successful shopping spree, at a certain point an inner voice says "stop." We can still purchase something later, we just need to listen to the hesitation first.

Bijou

Veteran

When I am facing this type of dilemma, I try to think about how much use I will get out of the item. For example, I bought this faux leather and fur jacket at the beginning of winter. It has proved to be very useful. Whilst I didn't need it, I really have enjoyed having this jacket and don't regret buying it. I like that the new jacket has been able to give older items in my wardrobe a bit of a refresh.

I don't try to look super fashionable or current, but I also don't want to look dated. Having a few new items added into the mix each season helps me get the balance right. As I prefer to buy from local retailers, I don't plan my purchases and hope the right items will find me.

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Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Carol, the white dress has a bit of a Sharon Stone "Basic Instinct" vibe too! If you keep thinking of it - at least try it on. Glad you got the other more practical dresses, and look forward to seeing them in action!

Apart from replacing most of my loungewear recently - (MUCH needed and workhorses) - I am past needing for anything for my wardrobe! It functions perfectly as is - (unless I need a ball gown......although I could probably wing that in an hour too).

I enjoy a seasonal refresh, nonetheless! It keeps things fun, I'm in the industry, and I love remixing new items with old ones. Love to shop too! (I am at peace with the amount of churn in my wardrobe). My style, dressing each day and taking a keen interest in fashion is one of life's pleasures, and I take advantage of it. Especially at this point when much of the world is insane. When I love something, can afford it, store it, manage it, and keep thinking about it, I at least try it on. I trust my judgement afterwards as to whether I should keep it because I am innately practical, live within in my means, and stick to a specific wardrobe size. No clutter or holding zones. Also, to Jenni's point - I do not suffer from FOMO. If I miss out, I miss out. There will be something else! Despite my enormously emotional nature, I am controlled and uninfluenced.

Sooooo, long story short - what Jaime said

Bijou, LOVE that jacket!

Like Sisi's third point too!

Carol

(website)

Veteran

Bijou--I love that. "hope the right items find me." it takes a lot of self-knowledge and intuition to shop that way.
Angie--Basic Instinct is right! I am glad you are on team "try it on." In fact, I am going to Express with a return the next few days, so maybe they have it in store.

"When I love something, can afford it, store it, manage it, and keep thinking about it, I at least try it on." I love that thought, because so many of us feel overwhelmed by the idea of too much. My wardrobe is, in fact, pretty trim, and I have room!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Carol, hope you find the dress in stores so you can try it on!

Your wardrobe does trim. Have fun with it

Helena

Veteran

Well I am wearing a sweater right now that I didn't need but I really liked, so there's that answer. Granted I don't go shopping often; if I was browsing frequently I might be stricter, and I am wiser about the things that I might like but will definitely never wear. But if you love it and you think you'll wear it, and it's in your budget, then it is okay to live and little and just enjoy imo

Lisa

Veteran

I have a large wardrobe and rarely "need" anything! There's certainly plenty of clothes to keep me dressed everyday for a long time without buying anything new.

But I enjoy fashion, variety, and seasonal dressing. This means my outfits change often, even if it's the same outfit formula I will switch up the colors based on the seasons. I track CPW for my clothes and it can take a while for the CPW to go down. I'm okay with that taking time.

I am also okay with a higher churn rate for my wardrobe. I swap with my sister and friends, I do consignment, I donate, all of these helps to keep me from becoming burdened with too many clothes because I do enjoy shopping. I've accepted that I will pass on items that are in good condition. It makes me happy to have the variety and it also makes me happy when I see items I've enjoyed being loved by others. My sister will send photos of what I've swapped with her and that brings me greater joy than when I owned the item myself!

I've accepted that when I buy something I am paying for the experience. That may be only owning something for a short amount of time, it may be owning something for many years. The item may have a high CPW when I pass it on, it may have a low CPW. All of this is okay! It's all about personal preference.

Going back to your original question, I often see things I love. Sometimes I buy it, sometimes I pass on it. It depends on my finances at the time, and if I have something I will be okay editing out of my wardrobe to make room for the new addition.

Carol

(website)

Veteran

Helena--I am thinking of buying it today! Sometimes we do "need" the things we like.
Lisa--I like your strategy. I like the idea of clothing as an experience, like visiting the country of "sweaters" or "satin skirts."