I don't know how to shop for a dress. - YouLookFab Forum

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I don't know how to shop for a dress.

Peri

Veteran

I really don't know how to look for one. I don't know what styles would work for me and what would feel like "me" and I don't even really know what I like. The ones I see in stores feel sort of "meh" and the ones I see online I don't know how to narrow down enough to order. With tops, accessories, even pants, I know what I'm looking for. Even if not everything I buy ends up working, at least I know where to start.

I think the problem is twofold. First issue is I hardly ever wear them. I need one about 2 or 3 times a year. So I'm just not knowledgable about my dress style. The second issue is when I shop for one I know I won't be shopping for 6 of them, or even 3. So I have this feeling I need one dress to be the perfect one, and yet not be memorable enough to be noticed when I repeat it, and be able to last for at least 5 years without looking dated because that would probably amount to 8 wears at the most! So then talk about cost per wear...I guess I shouldn't spend too much on it! Aghhh!!

Any advice for getting over this hurdle? I really do want a new dress for a semi dressed up occasion coming at the end of April, I just don't know how to find it.

General

22 replies

Latest reply was from catgirl

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I find there are 2 main criteria - silhouette and fabrication/dressiness. So first would be sheath, a-line, shirtdress, wrap, surplice, bubble hem, etc. Second would be day dress, sundress, evening wear, cocktail, etc. Fabrication largely helps make the delineation of dressiness level. Cotton, vs satin, for instance, in a sheath would make one a day dress and the other cocktail attire.
Maybe start with just 2 dresses - one for daytime, or even day-to-night, and another for dressier, evening wear occasions.

Gennifyr

For starters don't overthink it. Once you've figured out what you like then can think about the logistics of how it works in your wardrobe. Then try everything on. You won't know what works if you don't try things on. Even if you look at one and the think "I don't think this will work on me" just try it on anyway and go from there.

rabbit

Veteran

One idea I have, which might or might not appeal, is to consider an exploratory dress trying on venture. Think of it not as 'finding the holy grail dress' but as 'playing dress up'.

So I would go somewhere which has a LOT of variety stylistically (for me this is currently Ross with their spring dress event, but the Rack, T J Maxx any store that aggregates from many different designers/retail stores is useful). I usually look for a place I can be left alone to get on with it if I wish, and have options both inside and outside my comfort zone.

The idea isn't to worry about cost or quality particularly, but to get an idea of the colors, silhouettes, pitfalls (sometimes badly made dresses can teach you what to look for in well made ones), pattern size, materials that seem to be working best.

With dresses I find that because they are the only garment being worn when you try them on, you immediately can tell whether it's great or awful, or would be good except for X. This might help you narrow down to either what you are looking for specifically for a more focused online or BM search, or you might get lucky and just find something.

I tend to buy marked down dresses that fit and look flattering, because they don't get worn and therefore washed as much, so fabric quality over time or need to dry clean isn't as big of an issue. For me they are kind of like a fun accessory. If it was going to be a 'daily' dress, I wouldn't necessarily use this approach though.

Classically Casual

Veteran

Your dilemma is my dilemma. Lately, I've only needed a nice dress for 2 college reunions. Both times I threw myself on the mercy of Nordy stylists with very good results. They successfully interpreted the casual, but nice vibe I was looking for, produced appropriate shoes, and one even arranged for an inpromtu bra fitting. And there was no upselling. Best of all, was an informed second opinion. I went to both events feeling good about how I looked.

Secondly, as I've mentioned here before, I've become a casual dress devotee for warm summer weather. Maybe you remember Clearly Claire's posting on trying to find the perfect summer dress also? Perhaps after you find your special event dress, you'll be a dress convert too for summer.

Janne

I think the main deciding factors are body shape and versatility. I would consider a dark neutral, black or navy blue (midnight is even better as it goes well with black), avoid patterns, and look for perhaps a wrap or shirt style. Three quarter sleeves provide some coverage. Both styles can be worn open, like a long cardigan, for versatility in a capsule wardrobe.

EveningMood

I can see your problem! I would probably go with a solid color, jewel tones would my pick but I guess dark would work, and I would choose a classic style with a lot of potential for versatility, like a fit and flare with a V neckline you can belt, wear with scarves, a cropped blazer, a variety of necklaces, statement bracelets, boots, sandals and pumps. Now I have about 60 dresses and not one like what I just described, but I guess I prefer to diversify

rabbit

Veteran

One thing just to add. This is harder if you are buying for a special event that you have little time to devote to the search, but if you are an 'opportunistic' dress shopper, i.e. try stuff on just to see, or can wait a few weeks before finding something, it can definitely be doable to get a nice dress for the price of a knit top.

Currently I have three dresses that I can dress up or down for casual through semi-formal. Calvin Klein, Jonathan Martin, and Adrianna Papell. They were all bought new at off-price retailers and all cost me less than 15$ each after the markdowns. Dresses are one of those things that gets deeply discounted fairly often. For me dresses are like jeans, the key is trying anything and everything on at a BM store because individualized fit is so important.

Nicole D

Veteran

You've gotten lots of great advice here! I think occasion is number one, then silhouette, then colour. Dresses can be hard because they have to fit your top and your bottom at the same time!

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I agree with Rabbit - go try a bunch on in a store, and see what silhouettes look best on you. Then you can get more particular about fabric, colors, dressiness etc.

What does semi dressy mean to you? I bet if you post more about what events you want to be able to wear the dress to, we could make some specific suggestions.

DonnaF

Veteran

I wear dresses almost as often as you, so I know the feeling! I will probably wear the dress I bought for DD's HS graduation again at her college graduation. I find dresses hard to fit so I generally opt for separates. If it were me and I had a nice shoulder line and nice legs (I don't), I think I would want a shift dress for comfort's sake. As luck would have it, sheaths and fit'n'flares look best on an hourglass/pear.

Anonymous

I agree with Rabbit too. Trying on a bunch in different styles and fits to get a sense of what works is a great idea.

It's interesting. I always find dresses to be one of the easiest things to find for myself, but I think that's probably because they're the thing I always want to look at first when I'm shopping, so I've gotten good at figuring out what might work. Now, pants, on the other hand….

Also, I wonder whether giving yourself "permission" to buy more than one dress if you find some you really like might make it easier, since it would free you up to focus less on finding the one dress that can be all things. And, who knows, if you wind up with a dress or two you really like in your closet, you may be more encouraged to find ways to wear them for work/casual occasions/whatever, which would make it easier to visualize how other dresses might work in your wardrobe. The slippery dress slope can be a very dangerous thing, as I well know!

Marmee

Veteran

I really like the idea of going to Nordstrom, if you have one near you, or Neiman Marcus, and getting help from a SA. I've had great luck at both places. I had especially good luck at NM, where the SA had vision, and found me a great dress on the sale rack, which we then had alterations tailor to fit me. It looked totally different after being fitted - we changed the sleeves, and the shape of the body of the dress.

My favorite dress is plain and black. I have worn it everywhere. I can change the look of it with jewelry or a scarf.

Lucy

Veteran

Like Aubergine, I find dresses almost the only thing I can buy easily with no fuss! And I have quite a large collection, probably because of this! I tend to stick to three basic styles, but they do look quite different as they are in a arrange of fabrics and weights.
If you can, I like the idea of going on a shopping mission, just for this - until you know what looks best, it would be harder to buy online.
I have had a black jersey wrap dress ( which I wear with a cami underneath) that I have had for about nine years! It still gets worn regularly, just with updated accessories each year. I wonder if something like this would work or perhaps as others have commented, midnight blue would be lovely. I also have a dark purple light weight knit which is surprisingly versatile, and it looks good with a black coat for winter.
I look forward to seeing what you find!

Emily

Veteran

You've gotten some good advice here already! And I like Nicole's Occasion -> Silhouette -> Colour strategy.

For dressier dresses I let CPW slide a bit. I have a great dress in my closet that I've worn twice (to weddings) that comes nowhere near my target CPW for everyday items. That's fine, though, because I feel totally fab in it whenever I put it on.

If you really do want to choose a dress you can wear often, what about a classic fitted sheath style, in a dressier fabric and whatever colour is a slam-dunk for you? It can look completely different when you change your topper, jewellery and shoes. Extrapetite just did a post on styling a sheath dress many ways: http://www.extrapetite.com/201......html#more

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

I'll need to come back to this thread later to read all the answers and learn from them.

However, my €0.02 for now is to get the black dress. You look amazing in black and the right LBD is the ultimate one dress to rule them all sort of thing.

The next question is if you like layering? If so, then, sleeveless might be an option and probably easier to find, otherwise get something with sleeves.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I agree with Emily; CPW for formal wear is hard to get down to equivalent of regular clothes, unless you luck into something secondhand.

I personally have never had luck with the LBD approach, maybe because I'm not a big accessories or jewelry person. I prefer to have a dress that has a bit more of a statement to it, and then it's all I need to wear (and some shoes, presumably).

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Rabbit said it all Just try on heaps & heaps.

Peri

Veteran

Thanks, I think these are really good ideas. It does make perfect sense that if I don't even know what I like and look okay in, I need to go to a real store for a try on spree. Some kind of department store rather than someplace like Ann Taylor, which I have tried and failed in. I hadn't thought of that but it does seem a good place to start.

Now to find the time....

Susie

Veteran

Knowing what silhouette works best for you is a good place to start so I agree that a dept store to try some different styles is the best first step. I posted a WIW the other day with a dress that I had ordered online. I knew it had a good chance of fitting because I know that shift dresses seem to work best. But that was after trying on dozens that didn't work!

I agree with Laura. What I like about dresses is how easy they are. Add shoes, bag and done! For me, I wouldn't be focused on how it would work with jackets or cardigans because I prefer a dress that stands on its own.

Anonymous

I have a 'thing' for dresses. I think I need several when in fact I wear one about the same amount as you.

I have a couple formal ones left over from DH last job which required several formal events a year.

But the rest of the time, I have 2 sheath dresses, grey and black that I dress up and down. I also have a navy cotton modal with a criss cross front and bit of a A line skirt. Add cardi, jacket, scarf, heel , flat whatever suits the occasion and these have worked for me for the past 5 yrs.

ginabarnes

Member

This is also my dilemma. Since I do not want to spend money for dress which I will be wearing once or twice then it will be on my closet for years. Wanted to wear it again but it seems that the dress does not fit in any occassion. Well what I did is to borrow dress from my friends if you will be needing it already. From there you can choose from a friends closet what fits you best. If you think that dress is for you, you may purchase one for self with the same look. Given the idea, you dont have to waste money over a dress which in the end you dont like. I hope im making sense here. lol! anyway, good luck.

catgirl

Veteran

I hate dress shopping. All my good finds have been random. You gotta start by trying on several silhouettes to determine what looks good and what you enjoy wearing. I do not like structured or fitted dresses. My current favorite is the James Perse dress I found a couple of weeks ago, but my best shape is a shift (not a sheath) with a lower neckline - nearly impossible to find.

Good luck!