Good for you MsMaven! I occasionally do that although not as often as I should. I know a lot of people don't want to get "scammed" by the panhandlers but the way I figure it is I am doing what I think is right, beyond that isn't my business. I like the article about Untied Way, might have to try that.

This is a great discussion. Thank you. I've had opportunity to have my kids with me when I've given to panhandlers and apparently homeless people, and we've talked about the possibility that someone may be "scamming" us-- the way I boiled it down for them was that there were four possibilities in this interaction:
1) the person doesn't need my help and I don't give anything,
2) the person doesn't need help and I do give something,
3) the person does need help and I don't give, or
4) the person does need help and I do give.
There's one scenario where I have been taken advantage of, but I'm not giving in a way that keeps us from paying rent, eating, or being clothed- and, given the alternate possibility that I may be failing to care for a fellow human who is in need, giving is the only risk-benefit analysis that works. Last year my son and I made some $20 backpacks (with some of his old backpacks so they would be less likely to be stolen from the recipient, we went to the dollar store and bought canned tuna, peanut butter, mandarin orange slices, and protein bars, and combined that with warm wool socks, gloves, and a hat, and a notepad and pens, and a few dollars) and kept them in the car to hand out if we saw a homeless person in need. I cannot tell you what it meant to my son to see first the disbelief ("you're giving this ...") and then gratitude of the folks who received the packs. We also give to charities like shelters, food pantries, and others, but I think it is important to be connected to the need as well, by giving directly to someone.

Finally, while this time of year is certainly one in which we feel our blessings daily, our food pantry and others tell us that the need is year round (and they frequently receive an increase in gifts during the holidays, which is welcome, but needs to be balanced by shortages other times of year), and we should celebrate our blessings year round by making sure to continue giving after the holiday season is over.
I truly believe that kindness and generosity beget kindness and caring and the way to stop ripples of negativity, cynicism, and hatred, is to act in ways that send out ripples of caring and inclusiveness. This thread is a tonic for anxious times. Thank you all.

Kat, I love everything you wrote.

Really enjoying this thread.

Ms. Maven, I like how you gave unconditionally. It acknowledges this person's dignity and concern not only for his bare life, but his livelihood, as well.

Thank you Kat, that's a great way to look at the possibilities. That was on my mind too but I like the way you broke it down. 2 vs. 3 really nails it. I also love the backpack idea.

Staysfit, my dad would agree with you. My father felt that if they had nothing left and wanted a drink, who was he to judge. : ) I used to agree. I don't so much anymore. But that is my boundary...and I cross it sometimes. I use to see the same man on a corner in Boston when I worked in the city. He and I eventually would gab every time that I was at a red light. I learned his name was Lee. He was AIDS positive and terminal. He liked a drink every once while. I would give him a couple of bucks several times a week. I didn't care if he spent it on hot chocolate or vodka. After a couple of years of this, I learned that he had died. I missed him greatly. : ( I hope that he enjoyed his whiskey and vodka. His memory will live on with me til the day I die. We laughed a lot together even as he slowly evaporated before me.

I also used to take a homeless man to lunch once a week...just pizza. He loved just sitting in the pizza parlor like a "normal" person. He had a drinking problem too...so I never gave him money but I bought him food. It really comes down to your judgement. No one else's. : )

I spent many years working a food pantry where are clients were homeless. I have also worked with gang members in the inner city. I learned ( was taught ) that dignity is very important. So just recognizing someone and looking them in the eye is a wonderful, dignified gift to them and us. It is the humanity and inclusiveness.

I rarely give on the streets anymore. I am pretty good at sizing people up as to whether they are really in need or not, because of all the years I spent volunteering. Many of those in need are people who are mentally ill. They may not have the where with all to look for the organizations that would provide them with food. Many WANT to be on the streets to live freely. It is a complex problem.

I love the idea of having protein bars in the car !!!!! I am going to start doing that. Maybe even some Dunkin Donut gift certificates for a couple of bucks for coffee or cocoa as the winter comes down on us. If you search your community, there are many places to give. Food pantries are particularly in tune with who needs what. Particularly for children's needs.

MS MAVEN...THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STARTING THIS THREAD !

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kat , FANTASTIC post !!! Thank you !

Thanks all- I appreciate the comments. Stays fit- yours has left me thinking a different way which is a good thing. My neighbours were robbed this week.

We all walk in different shoes - but it is so important to consider what others may be like.

Living downtown in city where homelessness and drug use is always visible has really altered my perceptions. I used to be much more skeptical and wary of handing over money to a stranger because I was always conscious of the thought I was being a "sucker" for buying into a story.

But, more and more, I just don't care about being conned. Maybe my instincts are better--or maybe not--but I'm selfish enough to just want to feel something towards another human being whose lifestyle is so far removed from mine. I keep change in my pocket, stop to buy a coffee and a sandwich for someone, contribute to groups who work with the homeless and disadvantaged, and try very hard to see a person instead of just a stereotype. More and more, I'm veering towards seeing drug and alcohol addictions as terrible, chronic illnesses instead of as crimes, and homelessness as an affliction which could happen to anyone who experiences a series of unfortunate events instead of as a personal weakness. Not helping someone who is ill, or who has lost a home and family, seems unconscionable to me these days. If that makes me a sucker, I'll wear the label proudly.

Perhaps disillusionment, alienation, and abdication of our part in the political process is the most dangerous fallout from the election. Thanks, everyone, for helping me feel a bit less alone.

Staysfit and Kat: I will definitely copycat your fine ideas! Add to the usual "extra sandwich and coffee" routine.

@Kat..."

it is important to be connected to the need as well, by giving directly to someone."

i love this quote. we are all connected. sometimes we need an upclose reminder.

Thanks, Ms Maven, J'Aileen, Mochi, and so many others--I share your sense that those of us who are distressed by the ugliness revealed during the election season must find SOMEthing positive to do. I'm making donations in place of gifts for family members this year, and preparing to write letters, march, and generally do whatever I can to help protect the most vulnerable among us. Charity without conditions is liberating for the giver and the recipient, I believe. Brook Gladstone's recent "On the Media" NPR series on poverty was a beautiful eye opener about the power of this sort of giving. I highly recommend it.

You know, I used to feel rude handing leftover food to people after lunch or dinner, but now I do it regularly - I roll down the window and politely ask "Would you like some Thai food?" and they always say yes. I make sure there are utensils as well.

"Chasing the Scream" by Johann Hari is a fascinating book about the war on drugs and the reality of how we treat addicts.

Lots of caring people on this thread!

As others have said, homelessness is a complex problem. And I'm also realizing that there is often a difference between a panhandler and a homeless person. Back when I worked downtown, I would sometimes be approached by someone who was clearly homeless--it was obvious from personal appearance and the way the person acted (often depressed or not "with it"). And I heard stories of one particular homeless man who lived between buildings on such-and-such a street, who was well known in that part of the city and even appreciated by the cops because he would keep an eye on things (he was a Vietnam vet and could not live in enclosed spaces). But in the area of the city where I am now, I am seeing the professional panhandlers: the ones who are clearly acting (as in the story I gave above about the tears stopping immediately when he saw I wasn't going to give him money). As some commenters have said, a great deal of whether some type of help is given out has to do with case-by-case discernment.

When my adult son was visiting us last year, he had me pull over and call over someone at the side of the road. Turns out, he stocks his wallet/pockets with McDonald's gift certificates and hands them out whenever he gets a chance. You should have seen the smile he got in return!

What a thoughtful thread. I remember my mom once saying, it is our responsibility to give, it is the recipients responsibility to use the gift for good purpose ... And if they don't meet their responsibility, that's not an excuse to not meet ours. I always think that's good advice She would applaud your choice!

Empathy is so important for the giver as much as the receiver, lots of wisdom in this thread. Thinking about it my own tendency is to give money to a panhandler when they are more elderly or look in pain or ill. I'll share food or buy food for younger folks, but have usually have been less likely to give money - I need to think about that tendency, especially since my city really has had a boom in the homeless population as rents have skyrocketed recently. My most vivid memory is buying clothes for a man who approached me at Goodwill needing interview clothes. We shopped together and I paid after he'd tried them them on to make sure they would work.

Recognizing my own usually subconscious biases are making evaluations, and how scattershot this approach is, I usually give to charities and non-profits because then that layer of unconscious selection is removed, and more people can be helped. I use Charity Navigator, GuideStar or Charity Watch to make sure they are highly rated in terms of most funds going to programs/end users. Also some of this I think comes because I was taught that giving should be done from the heart but with no expectation of acknowledgement, and therefore I've usually been more comfortable with anonymity. But lots of good
points about the folks that may not be reached by non profits and local services and how a friendly personal connection can lift spirits and be meaningful. Thanks for the food for thought.

Rabbit, I have the exact same MO for giving for the exact same reasons. I feel uncomfortable giving because I don't want to 'play God'. It is also force of habit because I grew up in India with SO many 'beggars' that it was impossible to feel the kind of engagement that others do. It is much easier for me to donate to an organization.

Because I live in a different environment from many others here (very rural, very poor, very conservative), I am faced with poverty on a much closer level everyday. We are a Title One school with more than 40% of our students living in poverty. I rarely see homeless people simply because the town we live in is too small and anyone who would be homeless is taken in by friends, relatives, churches, etc. That doesn't mean the need isn't just as great; it just isn't as visible.

Teachers contribute to funds to help provide gifts for the holidays to families who might otherwise not be able to afford gifts; we donate food for the local food pantries and for specific families; we make schedules to cook and provide meals for families in need (we make them and freeze them and then they are distributed). I pay out-of-pocket to make gift bags for my students for special occasions. But the one thing I know for certain is that there are more families in need than most people realize, and they usually are not in need because they are "lazy, irresponsible, stupid" (these were common things to hear in the wealthy town in which I grew up).

I won't comment politically except to say that I agree wholeheartedly with Isabel, Mochi and Catherine (and many others). The election has me very, VERY worried about all groups of people in need. Sometimes the view from the top makes it very, very difficult to see those still at the bottom, and so they are ignored or denied or blamed.

My teen son still talks about the memory of about two years ago when I saw a new face at my grocery store, a young girl and her dog. It was a hot Summer day and there was just something in her eyes that spoke to me. I did my shopping at a few stores in the area and then we walked home. I grabbed cash I had at home as I had nothing but my card when shopping. My son handed her the $20 as I stood at a distance and watched. A half an hour later we ran back to the store for something we forgot and saw the young girl with her purchases and we both almost cried as we saw her with a few jugs of water that she was now giving to her dog. That was a great day and the joy is still with us even now. So glad my son joined me in this moment and feels just as strongly about it.

Congratulations, for just paying attention to your gut and stepping forward, your gift is given without strings as all gifts should be.

Thank you all, and again, much wisdom in this thread. I feel differently about giving than I did not long ago.

Last June, after reading reviews, I bought the book White Trash: The 400-Year untold History of Class in America. Unfortunately, I didn't get around to reading it until after the election, and I do wish I'd read it in June. It is well-written and I recommend it. Next on my list is Arlie Russell Hochschild's Strangers in Their Own Land: Anger and Mourning on the American Right. I watched her participate on a panel discussion just before the election and was very impressed with her.

I've heard Hillbilly Elegy is good too.

I so appreciated reading the wisdom on this thread. Thank you everyone.

I'm sure your $20 was appreciated, Ms Maven.

I'm of course a loon. I walk a lot with Lilypup and at night too. I chat with a lot of local homeless and the can men and so forth. In my old hipster neighborhood, many had lived their whole lives there. Many had recently lost their homes in the onslaught of gentrification. A person can't just go elsewhere necessarily because their home has been sold out from under them. Even if they're bright and smart. A couple of people, they had a parent in the 'hood - but the situation was not that they could move in with them and neither could they go so far away from them.

Anyways, two comments: One, I did get tired of being hit up for money. So one day I started going around telling everyone I needed someone to give me money... and you know what? They all started trying to help me. People would try and give me a dollar here and there, free coffee coupons, etc. There's a community there and they'll help you too if you act like a person.

My second comment is, these are the folks who will really come to your aid. I could walk my dog at night, after work after midnight, because they kept an eye out for Lilypup and me. Not even in broad daylight, let me tell you, would the nice people ever come out of their million dollar shacks if you screamed. But don't be fooled - those people hit you up for money too. And it's a lot more. This one guy hit up the neighborhood for private patrol cars. Anybody got a spare $20K?

Bite me!! Mwahaha!

That was a kind gesture, MsMaven.
I am taking Torontogirl's comment to heart, too: that's a very loving and generous philosophy.