I am sorry for your troubles, Isabel, but this thread made me LOL. Glad you were able to solve it in a reasonable manner. I would have been way madder.

Wow. I'm glad you got it figured out and that his mom and GF were on your side. And I wish I was shocked that he's 26 (my brother's age) and acting like this, but it's not too surprising. Some people feel like they can say anything they want online because they don't know anyone personally and never have to answer for it. I'm super glad you got everything resolved and I hope that this incident put the fear of God in him.

Wait! He is 26! April has no need to apologize. Bobby is totally responsible.

Mocchi, yes...Greg told me that there were a few ( I think , I cannot remember exactly ) anonymous posts and he suspected that they were from my computer or internet connection. And Bobby admitted to "3 or 4 " posts with saying something to IK ( "the Russian" ). He didn't tell me exactly what he posted. But when I mentioned the losers and ingrate parts, he said it had been him. That is why he used my Evernote address. To create his own account. He wasn't looking for info on my account. He had no interest in my "stuff". I can't explain why at some point he gave up anonymous and used my actual YLF account. I didn't think to ask. My head hurts !!!!!! I have to ask IK if she got any messages from "me". So the long and short of it is, that I think he was anonymous too. And he swore up and down that the only thread he posted was the "hair" one. Were there other new names on ?

He said he tried to be "respectful' to the Russian woman but that he didn't agree with her . ( I wanted to laugh ) And then he said that other people started "going crazy" and that everyone was getting worked up...all over hair...that he just called everyone losers and "left". He couldn't believe that if someone complimented your hair, you couldn't just say thank you. He said that women are just sooooooo complicated. And men will never understand them. So according to him, he actually tried to be part of the conversation and then just got pissy about it.

Hmm, that is an interesting question regarding being able to post immediately upon creating an account. Apparently, he did. That is what my Evernote email was used for.

That makes sense now. I was PMing Mochi when we were trying to sort out who you "were" The Anonymous and "your" posts read very similarly so I was sure it was the same person but couldn't work out the connection.

Hi Ladies...like some of you, when I left his house I was chuckling. I was very relieved that it was not someone trying to wreak havoc with my life. It was a little fun watching him squirm and answer to three women. The thought that made me deeply saddened was that he was trying to use me in some way, because I really love him and he has always been such a good person, even as a young child. So I think that I was relieved. Then I thought, what a typical 20 something guy thing to do . Greg, Mochi, me, and Verizon spent a lot of time of this. Though that was not his intent. He "just" wanted us to know not to "be wound so tight". Hysterically, HE ended up getting "wound to tight" and left the forum in a huff. LOL

Those of you that made comments about being mean to people on the internet are right. That is why I am not on other sites. Things get ugly. But I think, now , that he tried to be part of the conversation and got frustrated and a little "too real" , like so many kids say today, " Keep it real. " . ( Women ! )

LOL about making him do a WIW as penance !

Anyway, this has been an interesting "situation". Thank you all for your concern, help, and support. I have to say that I had a little fun ( once I locked down my entire life with new passwords and alerts ). I learned A TON about computer safety and internet safety.

And for those of you who know that I suspected Bobby got into my iCloud account too, well, it was my son. He wanted to download music and accidentally wiped out our itunes library. But that was easily fixable today.

In the end, I have become quite the computer expert.

If you think "Bobby" is smart enough to handle it, you could explain the reason his comments were so offensive was because he had no understanding of the context--in other words, why the topic was even being discussed. To hide under the excuse "women are sooo complicated and men will never understand them" is just a way of re-framing the situation to avoid acknowledging responsibility for his ill-manners. The point is that barging in, uninvited, to an ongoing conversation without having any understanding of the people and issues involved is just plain rude--in real life and on the internet. And to do that sneakily by impersonating a friend is really nasty.

This whole situation has made me realize one of the reasons I like this forum is because we interact with each other in the same way as we behave towards our friends and acquaintances in real life. If "Bobby" had actually read some of the comments, he'd see that others were perfectly able to make their points without resorting to name-calling or boorish behaviour. Such a simple thing, really, but so very powerful.

Isabel, what happened was that he started namecalling and I asked him to stop. I think my comment is still up, actually. And he fired back that it wasn't namecalling and getting angry about compliments was stupid and blah blah. It was a single exchange because I didn't reply.

FWIW I think a few members had similar reactions to the initial post but phrased it much more constructively! As far as trolls go he was pretty tame.

The real issue here to me is not what he said and who he offended but identity theft. Does he not understand the concept of stealing a name? That posing as someone else is wrong?

I hate to say this, but it's unlikely that Bobby stopped with what he told you he did. He probably did much more. Maybe he's just goofy, but he also doesn't have boundaries. I think you changed all your passwords and ordered new cards? I'd change my wireless password too and rename my computers. Turn your computer off and disconnect when you're not on it.

Gaylene, he was shocked that I used the word "relationship" to describe how I felt about the site. So are right.

Thanks, IK. I read the thread after it was moved to OT and closed so it was hard to get a handle after the fact. Though I cannot for the life of me figure out why he had his own account and then switched to mine. But I am going to ask.

Rachy, yes, I changed everything. And shut down our credit card and I put an alert on and locked down our FICO reporting agency. ( In case someone tried to take out a loan in our names ). But I need to log off of sites that I am on. I tend to stay on and go back and forth all day. I cannot do that anymore. I didn't know that we could change our internet password. I will do that. Thank you !

The one thing I remember him saying as anonymous was "my aunt was wrong about you all" - that had me giggling in this new context.

I missed all the drama of that post. Love your poem Isabel, you're amazing to see the humor in all this. You must have been in turmoil when Greg said those messages were coming from your computer.

Oh, I'm so glad this is over and that you changed your passwords! I briefly had the thought, "Figures it was a guy!" but that is not fair to other guys.

Hi Hil. Ah. I did not know that. He calls me Aunt Isabel. A few of my friends' kids do.

Tracina I went from panic to being so sad. When Greg emailed me and told me the times I knew it was him. My heart sank. But I got some joy from watching him squirm

Rae I am afraid that I also thought to myself "what a guy move. "

Hil, yes I remember seeing that! Bobby, are you reading this thread?

Dear Bobby,

I am not one of those people who can come up with clever one-liner straight away to reflect what I think of certain situation, I let things brew for a while and then I scoop the thoughts that resurface as the most important ones to take form each new situation.

So, while I was mulling this whole situation over, many thoughts came to mind.

My privacy was once brutally violated when a person who would not dare to to the same thing to her own daughter stumbled across my diary and read it. I can't blame the initial curiosity, but I would expect a lot more self-control from an adult after a page or two. But I guess the moment just carries you when you're in that awkward zone of crossing the line of forbidden. She even assumed that just because what she had read seemed trivial or strange or hurtful to her view of the world, she had right to consider her way thinking superior or smarter than mine and completely brushed off my sentiments and emotions about that episode. I was way too young and too burdened with the ties my family has with that person to deal to the situation the way it should have been dealt with.

Years later, I was robbed on the train journey, someone was rummaging through my things while I was asleep. At the time defenceless, I later realised it was my blessing that I did not have the shock of facing the robber. And although I counted my blessings later (I was not hurt, only my first mobile phone, my CD player and my money were gone by my wallet was found with all the precious things thrown in the bin), that act left me with a bitter feeling of being a victim and dealing with questions "how could someone do that". I consider myself strong person, but it took time to get over it and I will always carry certain doubt in me.

Nowadays, I am a mother of a little boy whom I want to grow into an independent, respectful person. That little boy has his last day at the kindergarden today - how timely that this incident with you happened right now when I'm processing the changes in our lives. This, in a way, is a letter for him too. Soon, he'll start school, he'll be surrounded with more people who will influence him in all sorts of ways. While I know I will always take care of him and worry for him and go red-faced for him if needs be, I also want him to know that while I love HIM, I may not necessarily love what he may do and I expect him to deal with the consequences of his acts.

Therefore, for both 6-year-old and 26-year-old:

1. Never, ever assume that just because you have the opportunity to invade someone's space you should do that. Respect other people's integrity. Only that way you will learn where your own boundaries are and will have the right to expect those boundaries to be respected by others.
2. Never, ever assume that your view of things gives you the right, any right, to trivialise other people's conversations or interactions. Your view of other people's, especially strangers', context is always limited. Always. Remember - every stranger you pass on the street has a life of his own and lives in a moment of his own - joys, sadness, stress - just like you.
3. Never, ever crete victims around you. That will not make you more of a man, cooler or more ready for 'real life'. Create relationships of such kind that you and the other person(s) will know each other so well that when the odd things are said or written or done you will know it's not the real him or her behind it.
4. Yes, women and men are different. It's a fact of life. And blessing. Accept it. Invest in learning how to bridge those differences. With the right sort of person of the opposite sex, I'm not talking about partners only but all other women in your life - and your own commitment to those relationships - you can keep discovering so many aspects of life that you will never need artificial excitements and stimulations of arguing with what's for you just virtual characters.

You are very lucky Bobby. You have a loving mother who felt embarrassed for you because you displayed total lack of respect for the values she brought you up with. You have a girlfriend who will tolerate this incident - and that's fine, but you can both be better people and a couple for it. And you have very understanding family friend who took this with great humour. Let it sink a little bit and let your real apology, whenever it comes, be thorough and let it come from the men and not a boy who knows what he needs to do but still does not understand deeply what he actually did.

This was all good, very good. More people will learn to take care of their passwords thanks to you.

But most of all, you did this very special community of people who invest their time and energy in building and nurturing the relationships a great favour. You actually allowed us once again to show how a healthy body works - you see, when the disease attacks the healthy organism, that organism simply self-heals. As simple as that. And, Bobby, surround yourself with the right sort of people, in both on-line and off-line life. Those who are *worthy* of your time, those who will help you be the best version of yourself. I hope that you will remember this episode and it will be a rite of passage for you in becoming the person that all those women and men who care about you know you can be.

Respectfully,
Ornella

What a beautiful letter, Ornella. I was especially taken with #2. I may be speculating on others' thoughts here, but it seems to me that many of us aren't finding so much humor in this incident. I guess I would have if I had actually been there, and known the guy from the time he was little, and seen him get caught red-handed and flailing about....but it's hard to trivialize the violation. That made fun of women, on top of it! And caused a lot of inconvenience and unnecessary work to Greg, especially at this bad time. Anyway, I don't expect that he'll really get it (honestly, how many people just feel bad that they've been caught, but don't entirely "get it"?). Maybe that will happen at some point. I hope.

Ornella , that is beautiful. I am going to print it out and put in his real name and give it to him.

I don't want to get into a lot of specifics, but take my word for it, he gets it.

Mochi , I want you to know that though I got satisfaction over seeing him squirm, I do not find what he did trivial at all. It is not and he is not 10. It particularly galls me that he he made an effort to get my Evernote email address to use it.

I'm sure it is very complex when you have a longstanding, affectionate relationship with him. It's good to know that he is truly penitent.