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I am moving out AND away

Irene

Veteran

I'm sorry I've been more of a lurker than a poster lately, but my mind has been busy with my job and the fact that I am leaving my family home in three weeks. And I am flying to another country. On my own, with no job waiting ahead, and not even actual accommodation (I have something settled for the first week, but I didn't want to commit to anything until I saw the rooms IRL). I do have my own savings, thank God, so I can allow myself a few months of living without a job if that were necessary. I don't know anyone there except for a nice girl I met at my old workplace (also Spanish), but she counts as a kind, nice acquaintance, not someone I want to rely on. Oh, I didn't mention it. I'm going to London

This has been my dream for years (well, the dream was New York, but give me some time lol), so nobody is forcing me to do this. Still, it's making me anxious and I am a bit worried. I try to stay optimistic because I know there's no point in leaving for something else if you don't believe it's going to be worth it, but I'm not much of an optimist, so it's hard! I think because I'm still working from 8 to 15 and too tired to think afterwards, I have yet to focus and process what's going on, but once I'm done with work, it's going to be really 'wow, I'm leaving'.

I'm asking anyone who has ever lived abroad on their own (and/or moved across countries) for advice, so I would be grateful for any wisdom you can provide me with, from what to take there to what to look for in a new house, how to deal with flatmates, and a long, long, long etcetera! (I had an erasmus stay in the UK, but everything was already provided so it was pretty easy).

For any Londoners, yes, it will be one more Spanish girl there, but I am a really nice one! (and please, oh please, enlighten me as to which parts of London are best suited for living on a tight budget, since I come from almost rural Barcelona and your city is HUGE)

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25 replies

Latest reply was from Mander

adorkable

Veteran

I've never been to London, but lots of advice for living abroad on your own:

1. Technology is the best. There's no shame in keeping in touch with folks back home who you miss.

2. Related: making friends is tough. There's no shame in making friends with other expats, who will often be easier to get to know than people who are more rooted in that place.

3. Expect stupid bureaucratic stuff to take forever. Dealing with your bills, for instance, will require a totally different process than you're used to, and you will rage and curse and feel like a complete idiot. Don't beat yourself up about it.

4. You will discover how many things you don't know the name for. This is true even if the native language is the same, and it will make for some very funny stories that you will relish later on.

5. Enjoy it! You will be so happy you did this, even if it's tough to get settled.

kkards

Veteran

wow. what a big step, and how scary, but so, so exciting for you! i've moved 3 times by myself to cities where i knew no one, but at least they were all still in the states. its hard, but you learn some much about your self.
remember, your family is never more than call, text, or skype away.
best of luck, and please remember to pop in when you can and let us know how you are doing!

DeclawedJaguar

Veteran

I moved to the States from another continent for college having no family or friends here. Of course, my situation was slightly different because I was living on campus with other students, but it still was quite an adjustment. There were times when I was terribly homesick, but there were many more times when I was happy to be in the world by myself, making new friends, discovering new things about myself, and learning so, so much.

No one can ever predict if something will be "worth it", as you say, but I am a firm believer in exploring all possible options; good for you for trying something new! My only advice is to be open to new experiences and new people in your life. I've seen so many people move to a new place but never really form new attachments, instead continuing to live their old life, which is so easy to do with today's technology.

Have fun and best of luck! We'll be here if you need us.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I have not lived abroad on my own but I did do some long-term travel (including London) when I was about your age. It was scary, but exhilarating, and I am very glad I did it then when I was able to. I have no sage advice on where to live...I know it's a super expensive city, but so is Barcelona, so perhaps not so different. And it will be greyer, and colder, and damper than you are used to. But so exciting, such a learning opportunity. I admire you for giving it a go and wish you luck!

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

Irene, good luck with the move. You will never regret it. It is a life experience which will enrich you so much.

I have moved countries 5 times and it was always challenging and hard at times, but so worth it.

I may have to think back about all the steps we did when we moved to the UK, I still keep the notebook I had then with all the lists, so I'll get back to you. One thing I do remember was that you can find so much information on-line and be so prepared in advance.

I strongly advise checking some properties (http://www.rightmove.co.uk/) in advance to get an idea what to expect - in terms of prices, quality, safety of the areas. Pay a bit more to live in a better accommodation (safety, closer to transport system).

Also, try to prepare for the bank account opening in advance. You might check which banks exist in both countries (Santander, HSBC,...?) and what can you do now so that you can open the bank account easily once you do move.

I would say you will be pleasantly surprised with the efficiency and kindness. Yes, red tape takes time everywhere, but in my experience in almost all areas it is very good and people get things done. As a customer you matter. You may be driven nuts by the interactive phone systems which are becoming more popular lately, because it takes ages to get through endless menus and options and speak to an actual person, but once you're through you'll be dealt with efficiently.

I no longer remember what registering with the Tax Office involved, but you can get a lot of info on-line.

People in the UK and London especially are used to diversity, cultures, languages - you will not feel like stranger and will make friends as easily as you'd anywhere.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

And if you miss home - go to McDonalds. I did this all the time in HK when all I wanted was an ice coffee and fries. Nom nom nom.

I second all that "bills stuff" which drove me bonkers, but is important to give yourself time to do that.

Also, find out what your health coverage is, and if possible, get a full physical before you leave your current doctor and ask for a copy of important tests and consultations. You may have to pay a small administration fee for this, but they should be able to provide these for you! And if you're on meds, don't forget to take a bit of extra in case you can't find a doctor as quickly at your new destination.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'm so impressed, Irene. Exciting and nerve wracking. My family lives in London, and we know it quite well. Love London. VERY expensive.

I have lived in 4 continents and it's the best education in the world. You grow up fast and become very independent. I highly recommend it. The hardest thing about moving is leaving behind your friends. Then there's the culture shock and getting sorted from a practical point of view. You ARE moving to a city where you speak the language so that's brilliant. It's very very very hard moving to a county where you don't speak the language.

If you plan on working, you must find out how to get a work permit. That is where this entire process should start. The US is the hardest county to get work in when you do not hold a US passport, so great that you're staying in the EU as an EU national. xo

froggiebecky

Veteran

Hi!
I moved from the US to Australia and the UK (I commute)…and I'm just sending hugs your way. It's so stressful! But it will be OK. I'm happy to share my phone number (I'm in Scotland, but it's not int'l rates), if you need someone to commiserate with or ask questions of.

I remember I planned a LOT for Australia, and very little for the UK (it was 2nd). I bought a lonely planet guide book the week before, and had a hostel, bus route #, and stop # on a piece of paper. That was it. I can't say I'd recommend that to others…

It's a bit of a horrible cycle sometimes: You can't get a bank account without a permanent address (rental agreement), and some places won't accept you as a renter without a bank account. You also can't register for the NHS without a rental agreement. You'll want a lot of cash available to you to get you through the first couple of months. Setting up house is expensive.

You can get yourself a pay-as-you-go SIM card for your phone, until you decide on what your needs are there. I'd do this first, because when you start applying for places to live, they're a lot more likely to respond if you have a local phone number. When I go somewhere new, this is the thing I do on the first day.

Some days, when I'm hit by the wall of red tape, I have to remind myself that the British invented red tape, that's why they're so good at it.

Also, try not to overwhelm yourself. Limit yourself to looking at 2-3 flats/day (or doing 2-3 tasks), then go do something else. Something fun. Get to know your new city a little. Along those lines, I set myself a New Year's resolution to do at least one tourist thing a month. I'd recommend you try it--it forces you to get out and try things. (so far I've been to a castle, a football game, and done some scottish dancing. Ghost tours and more castles are coming up next month)

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

Stream of consciousness type of adding stuff, I hope that's ok...

You'll most likely need some reference when you move in the rented accommodation, so if you're renting right now get that from the current landlord. If you're living at home, ring in advance and ask the rental agencies what can you provide instead of the letter - they will need some sort of guarantee letter.

Ask what exactly the rental agency's duties to you are (response times when they're fixing something) as those can be vague.

Bring any relevant medical history with you.

In England all medical care goes through GP first - he then writes recommendations for other specialists if you need them. This may take time to get the slot and usually does unless it's urgency.

So, I'd advise you to get all big checkups before you leave, so you have all that covered.

Practical stuff - if you ever need a lot of prescription in a month, there's a scheme by which you don't need to pay individual ones (may end up very expensive). Ask if you ever need that.

Cultural shocks - you may find the climate challenging (coming from Spain especially), but you're moving at the right time of the year. More daylight and sun will make difference. Our best friends from the times when we lived in Ireland were South African couple - they simply could not accept the grey skies and had moved back to their home country.

You're EU citizen so you don't need to worry about work permit And you speak the language - big, big advantage.

...

froggiebecky

Veteran

Yeah, I got to Scotland in November (from Australia)…the grey skies were hard. I started in on Vitamin D supplements right away, and was still depressed.

deb

Veteran

I lived in Korea for a while and although it was stressful at first once I decided to treat it like a two year working vacation the stress left and I just explored everything I could. You never know when you will leave nor where your next stop will be. Enjoy and soak up everything you can.

Jeanie

Veteran

Irene, how brave you are to make this big move! I moved across country in the U.S. for college and I remember missing my family and friends. I would just advise you to create a network of friends in your new city to help you. Talk to everyone you can to get advice. Ask lots of questions. I guess you are already asking the questions. Best of luck in your new adventure.

patsymaloo

Hi Irene, well here's a genuine "corblimey" Londoner making herself known! I've only ever lived in the UK so can't say what you have to do before arriving here from Spain ............ but if there's anything you want to ask, feel free and I'll do my best to come up with an answer for you.

As for where to live, as you can imagine, a lot of London is horrendously expensive although if you're going for a flat share you would probably have more choice for your budget. The general areas which are better value are in the east/north east boroughs (possibly because there is less of an underground service to much of this area, although the overground into central London is only about 25 minutes into the City) - the only downside with these areas is that you're not in the centre of things.

I do hope you enjoy London and that you get to spend time further afield as well - we have an awful lot to offer in such a small space!

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Oh wow. Huge step!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I'm totally boring and have lived in the same state all my life,* so I have no useful words for you, but I just wanted to say YOU GO, GIRL! What a fab adventure. Enjoy and keep us posted.

* Yes, I do try to compensate by visiting crazy places like the Antarctic when I can!

anne

Veteran

Irene, this all sounds very exciting!! Lots of Australians move to London every year (though I didn't; I went to Japan), and being willing to share a bedroom seems to be one way to deal with the living expenses. So fun!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Everyone has given you wonderful advice. I picked up and moved to Israel when I was 31 and the one thing that made it possible was the internet. I did all the research on line before I left and then had email to stay in touch. Otherwise I would have had a much harder time. I have found that when I am mentally prepared for culture shock it is much easier to cope with the odd little (and big) differences. It is important to stand outside yourself and remember that what seems so very wrong to you does not seem wrong to people from another culture and vice versa!

Dee

Veteran

This sounds so exciting! I've not moved anywhere so exciting as many here (only US to Canada), but I did move 3000 miles by myself to a city where I didn't know anyone.

The red tape will probably be annoying and time-consuming, but keep organized and eventually you'll work your way though it.

In terms of finding a place to live, definitely the internet. Ask a local if there is a specific website that is often used. I second getting a local SIM/number ASAP. Almost no one calls you back for anything if it's long distance/international.

For housing, always check what utilities (if any) are included and what the average prices per month tend to be. The one thing I always forget to check when looking at apartments sis: Is there an outlet in the bathroom? I realized too late in my current place that the answer is no, so now I blow dry my hair in the bedroom sans mirror. This is minor and not a dealbreaker, obviously, but it was annoying until I got used to it. Mostly think about what's important to you and prioritize accoridngly.

I'd recommend trying to meet people quickly. They'll help you get over your loneliness of living in a new place and also be people you can ask the dumb questions about small cultural differences that trip you up (for me it was cell phone plans). If you're not working and meeting colleagues, the internet is usually a good place to start. Keeping in touch with friends from home is obviously important (video chat is awesome!), but I found that if I isolated myself at first, it was harder to break out of that to meet new people once I had settled in.

Good luck and have fun!

Alassë

Veteran

Congratulations; I think you'll really enjoy it! One step closer to your dream.

viva

Veteran

So exciting! My only addition to all the great practical advice here is this: don't expect to acclimate overnight, or even in a couple of months. It might take a bit of time, and that's okay. I've moved only within the US, but every time I moved homes, even into a home I absolutely loved, it took me a full year to feel "at home."
We have friends in London now, a young, just-married couple who moved from the US because of his job, and it took her 8 or 9 months to find her footing. She loves it now, but she had to find her own rhythm there.
I'm envious and excited for you -- I love London and am sure you will too.

Irene

Veteran

adorkable:

Thank you!
I hope I won't have that many problems making new friends. I also don't want to
rely too much on my family/friends back home. It makes it all the harder. Never
had to deal with bills before, so that will feel new to me no matter what

kkards:
THREE times? wow, that requires a lot of effort and braveness. Good for you!
Thanks for chiming in

DeclawedJaguar:
You're soooo right! It's hard for me to get out of my comfort zone, but I know
I'll have to try really hard to go the extra mile to make new friends and live
happily. I think I'm ready for that.

Suz: while
Barcelona is expensive, I think London is much, much more expensive. Rent is
just crazy. I can aspire to have a room for 400 pounds a month (minimum) and in
zone 3 or 4. Thanks for chiming in and for the support

Ornella:
I'll just copy down your list, print it and stick it on my new notebook. I'm
serious. Thanks for so much advice, I knew I could expect that from someone who
has moved FIVE times! Also, living in Germany without knowing that much German,
that's being brave. I've been told to do that but don't have the guts to do it.

Lynn*:
chuckling at the MacDo's line. I guess I could visit Zara twice a week just to
remember my own country I'm visiting the docs right before leaving (already
have the appointments), getting a blood test, etc!

Angie:
thanks for the advice, I think I have a working permit because (for now) we
belong to the EU. Anyways, growing up
and maturing is the main reason I'm leaving. It's not common for Spanish
youngsters to leave your family home unless you are moving out with your
partner/on your own. Moving in with strangers is something you do when you
really cannot stay at your parent's for whatever reason, or when you move
abroad. So it would feel silly to live with strangers in my own city when I
have an amazing room at my parent's a couple of miles away.

froggiebecky:
wait, you commute from Australia to the UK? lol I know how hard it is to open a
bank account, I might try to open one in a Spanish bank there. I have to ask if
it will be any easier. I have saved quite a lot of money so I think I'll be
fine. I could be fine for six months, really, but I'm not sure I can stay that
long without working, that's just not me. Have you heard of GiffGaff? Someone
recommended it to me. I'm interested in having internet on the phone both for
watsapp AND GPS maps. I already have a smartphone ready to use. Btw, I did the Edinburgh
night trip where they took you to cemeteries and darkish things, it was fun!
You could add that one to your list (and I'll take you up on the telephone
number offer if you are still ok with that :))

deb: Korea
must have been so different to what you were used to. Hard but also very
interesting!

Jeanie:
Thank you for your kind words!

patsymaloo:
hello, Londoner! hehe I would actually prefer to live in the outskirts, but
I suspect my future workplace will be in the city center. You say outskirts are
just 25min away for the city center? Are Zone 3+ fees worth the extra cost?

annagybe:
yeah!

Janet: would
love to be as boring as you are. Those photos of the Antarctica, mesmerizing!

anne: I
would rather not have to share a room! But thanks for the advice anyways.
Japan, ah? Now there's a culture gap!

shevia: these
forums are full of brave women. Moving to Israel? And I thought I was daring
going to the UK. Did you stay or you went back home after a while?

Dee: I
would have NEVER thought about the outlet thing. You would think it's a given,
right? You can always get a mirror and place it along the wall (you know,
resting on the wall). I have a super long list of sites where I can search for
rentals, but the more sites I find about, the more confused I get, so I'm not
so sure it's helping lol

Alassë:
Yes! You're right about that

viva: I
have accepted the fact that I will be sad, and that I'll cry a lot, and that
it's completely normal to cry and be sad. And that everyone has been through
similar stuff, or will be, or is currently dealing with it. And that I'm not a
weirdo for suffering like a baby. I know I'll have to remind myself of all
that, otherwise I might plunge into chronic sadness. Thanks for the support!

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

Irene, you're most welcome. You are brave and so, so smart - everything you ever wrote in various off topics threads show amazing level of maturity, independence and common sense. All these will of course work in your favour when you make the move.

I don't know if you've been to London before. One thing I'd say is being somewhere as tourist is not the same as living there - it is not so 'romantic' and post-card-y, it's at times just about mundane things and sorting out daily life issues. Which is OK too. That is life. In fact, when you live somewhere you get to love the place for what it really is outside of the tourist books - the everyday things, streets, and of course people and their ways. Time will give you perspective and only later you will see the value in many things you've been through.

I've been through my list and the only things I did not mention in my earlier posts are related to buying car and getting car insurance, but my guess is that will not be your immediate concern.

But I would stress out the importance of opening the bank account. If you could talk to the bank in Spain, which would then contact their branch in London, it will save you time and spare you a lot of stress.

Also, once in England and with the bank account, you will get debit card. Once you want to apply for the credit card though, make sure you have all criteria filled, as you don't want to be turned down.

One thing worth checking is which bank's debit card you can use abroad with no extra charges. (You can open the account there once you have another account and credit history). E.g. when you travel back to Spain you'll maybe want to withdraw the money from your English account, but without paying transaction fees. I think Nationwide (but not sure) was one of those.

When phoning abroad you can us many schemes which allow cheap calls.

A lot of good advice about that on the website: http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/.

And yes, try to go there with a list of possible accommodations in case the one you have a mind one does not work out.

Once you are ready to sign the letting agreement for a place, your best option would be 6 months (rather than 12) minimum stay. Also, once that initial period expires, ask that your agreement allows you to continue living there on a month-by-month basis, i.e. you don't have to commit to new fixed period of 6m then 6m then 6m, but simply to keep renting until further notice. That way you are more flexible once if you decide to move out.

Ask what notice period the landlord must give you - the longer the better.

Also, it would be good to know if the property is landlord's investment and therefore less likely to be suddenly sold for some other purpose (e.g. he wants to live there).

Have a place where you can always go and relax. I did not live in London, but I always visited one place when I was there - National Portrait Gallery (free entrance). As a photographer, I'm guessing you'll find it inspiring.

Expect that at times it will be tough and frustrating, that's normal. One of my new friends here told me something that really raised my spirits several months ago when I was overwhelmed with things: You grow with your task.
Simple truth, but the one that can easily be overlooked. Now I use it to make myself go through tough periods.

Once more, all the best. I'm happy and excited for you.

If I remember anything else that might be of use I'll chime in.

patsymaloo

Hi Irene, I think all of the outskirts will be cheaper than central London. You'd have to check on travel times when you decide where you want to live, but where I am, right on the London/Essex border its a 25 minute overground train journey to Liverpool Street which is in the City. The West End probably takes 35/40 minutes by combination of over/underground.

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

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Mander

(website)

Veteran

We're looking at moving to London soon, too, and it's horribly expensive. I've visited many times but have never wanted to live there so it's a bit of a mental adjustment! Spanish food is becoming more popular here, though, and I think a lot of young Spanish people are moving here due to the job situation in Spain so I think that you will be able to find plenty of comfort food. I even saw proper turrón in Marks and Spencer at Christmas!

I moved from the US to the UK without doing much research at all. I just sort of arrived and started studying. I didn't know anyone, didn't know the city I moved to, and didn't know what to expect. But I adjusted. And you will, too!