I always get crap for my look being too alt, are people right?

PhaedraRose

I always get told my hair and glasses need to go if I want to be attractive:(
I mean I love my hair but if it really is making me look worse I'd change it.
Honesty would be awesome:)
I have Turner syndrome so I know I might look a bit "odd"

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9 years ago

General

22 replies

Latest reply was from WB

jill58

Veteran

Editing my response--see below.

9 years ago

Active Member

Ignoring the pinup pictures, which is of course falls into the realm of editorial looks done for a specific reason in a specific setting, I am only going to address how you present yourself in real life.

First, I urge you to watch a few of Stacey London's old show, "Love, Lust, or Run." She had several people on it who had a pinup look similar to yours.

Second, the hair and glasses do not determine your attractiveness. They are perhaps not standard, but they are neat and well maintained.

Third, and basing my response on pics 1 & 3 (the only real life I see here)...well, yes...people do respond to appearances. If you do not like their response and want to be treated differently, you will need to alter your look. There are ways to do so without compromising your vintage appearance (see the show mentioned above). However, if your look is anything other than bland, you will need to "own" it, to a degree.

9 years ago

jill58

Veteran

I think #1 is you best look. I also think some of these photos were added after my original response which is why I'm editing. Em's observations were, I think, very much to the point.

9 years ago

Traci

Veteran

This is the kind of question that requires introspection more than the opinions of strangers.

First you have to decide what attractive means to you, who you are interested in attracting and what sort of attention you want to attract from them.

Then, are there other things you'd like to present about yourself in your appearance? What are those things?

Third, whose opinions of your looks matter to you? Why do they matter? Do they matter more than your own opinion? Are you looking for outside validation or inner contentment?

A year or so I read a fascinating study, done at OKCupid, of all places, that found that people tend to be most attracted to someone who some others find unattractive. https://blog.okcupid.com/index.....of-beauty/ Which brings me back to the introspection...who are you trying to attract, and why?

9 years ago

Elle

Veteran

I think Traci has said everything i would have said. You need to think about what (and who) matters to you. But your opinion is the one that matters most.

9 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

Hi Phaedra! Nice to see you again. Wear your look proudly. Had a whole discussion with a coworker whose sister was nabbed by one of those makeover shows...they made her all Stepford wife and it was awful. Don't let the life get sucked out of you(!)

9 years ago

Echo

Veteran

These are photo shoot pics, and I don't think there's a candid one in the bunch. So, yes, you look costumey because that's what these shoots are all about. These tend to be the only pictures you post here, which is fine, but they do make it impossible for anyone to give you an honest response.

As others have said, you have to be you, but if you dislike how others respond to you, it is within your power to change the way you present yourself. Only you can decide if that is worth the trade-off.

9 years ago

binkle

Veteran

Traci and Em speak well to this issue.

I would add that there will always be someone who has a comment about our appearance, no matter what we look like or how we dress. At some point, it may come after years of experience, you have that inner "Ef it" moment and walk freely.

If you are ALWAYS (by which I could define everyone you meet every day) getting crap, then another alternative is to change your environment - easier said than done of course.

Many of us also have several looks, modulating our style for work, weekend, family. It does not mean giving up one's identity, though there are some so steadfast to their vision and self-knowledge that they really "own it" no matter what and no matter what is said. I admire them!

I like to look at Leandra Medine (Man Repeller) and Sophistique Noir for inspiration. Leandra is a crazy high fashion magpie, Sophistique is goth/steampunk - and she modulates her look subtly for office to club.

You look happy in your pictures. Sometimes I think the best advice is "What would I do if no one was looking" and do that. Maybe I have reached the "Ef 'em" point?

9 years ago

VioletMyra

Active Member

It sounds to me that "they" have a problem, not you. A look is just that . . . a look. Yes we judge on first appearances but most of us take the time to get to know the person before we make a final decision.
Not much help I know but I'm incensed by how rude some people are.
Best wishes.

9 years ago

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Truthfully it's not about what I or anyone else things. To me you are a unique beauty. If yo want to change cause YOU want to then do so. Bump everyone else

9 years ago

Bonnie

Veteran

I think you look attractive and could carry off many looks. You do look adorable with red hair and glasses.

9 years ago

jill58

Veteran

Love photo #8 !

9 years ago

minimalist

Veteran

You do ...you! Like binkle said, maybe look at Leandra Medine. Her face might not be what midbrow talent agents would scan for, and you know what? that's not who she's dressing for! She dresses for herself.

Most of us have to accommodate some kind of restrictions on our clothing, styling choices, etc, in some parts of our lives. I spent a lot of my previous worklife in places where bright hair and bold glasses wouldn't have gone over too well. But even there, there was room for expression.

How would you feel about posting pictures of what you wear on any average day, like many people here do, as WIW threads? You might get a more useful range of feedback in those.

9 years ago

binkle

Veteran

You don't look "odd" - you look cute and friendly and approachable.

9 years ago

Momo

Veteran

I am happy to see you post again, I always enjoyed your outfits,
If you are happy with them then who cares what others think..although I personally like your look.

9 years ago

shaz

Active Member

I think you look great and beautiful smile,only change what you don't like yourself and not what others don't like I don't see anything wrong with your hair or glasses sure it will make you stand out from the crowd but nothing wrong with that. You look great as you are

9 years ago

cindysmith

Veteran

I've seen some good thoughts here from some great ladies. I won't touch on those points because they've been said very well. I'll just give you my personal opinion.

I think you are beautiful. Yes, your look is 'different' but I happen to believe that different is good. I think that if we all dressed the same, life would be pretty freaking boring.

If you really want to 'fit in' more, then there are ways to stay true to yourself while doing so. However, I think one of the most profound things I've ever heard is a line from the Wachowskis' newest project Sense8 (Netflix). One of the characters looks at another and says (paraphrasing here) that the greatest violence that we can do is the violence we do to ourselves when we don't allow ourselves to be exactly who we are.
It's not violence in the physical sense of the word when we suppress our inner selves to conform; however, it is a great psychic and emotional violence.

So I say that you are beautiful just as you are, and that you should absolutely do you.

Edit: fixed a typo that got autocorrected to something entirely irrelevant

9 years ago

Mochi

Veteran

If you lived where I do, your look would be extremely normal. Perhaps even unoriginal. I think the problem is the people who tell you these things. Are you asking them for their opinions, or are they giving you this unsolicited criticism? Are they people you need to be around? I think you look really cool, cute, pretty. Apart from there possibly being work dress-code (which you haven't mentioned), I am not convinced there's a strong reason for you to be so influenced by others' opinions.

9 years ago

cheryl

Veteran

I love your look. The important thing is whether you love your look.

9 years ago

shedev

Veteran

You look really pretty when you are smiling. I don't think there is anything odd about your appearance at all, due to Turner's or otherwise. I think that making unsolicited negative comments is very rude behavior, and I wouldn't pay them any attention. You do have a very bold hair color that will be out of some peoples comfort zones. In the pictures where you are wearing makeup, I get a better sense of the look. You look absolutely gorgeous in the last picture.

9 years ago

MomOfThree1980

Active Member

Personally I love your hair, glasses, and outfit style! I wish I could pull that off!

9 years ago

Active Member

The people you talk about sound mean and judgemental and not worthy of your time. I do not think you look odd at all. I look quite normal with natural hair, I rarely wear makeup, and I have no tattoos, which made me odd when I spent a lot of time with performers and other artists and occasionally I got unsolicited questions about why I looked so "normal", which is all very funny because I do not look "normal" in the suburbs, but for an entirely different reason. I am wondering if the criticism you experience is also a function of your environment. There are many places I can think of where you would be just another good looking woman who happens to have great taste in hair color and glasses. One place I can easily see you fitting in would be among a lot of creative types or a city where dressing up and looking good is the thing to do. Sometimes it's not you who are wrong, but the environment - whether it's a specific place, a social group, an overly critical family, or a workplace culture.

9 years ago

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