I’m going to prison!!! - YouLookFab Forum

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I’m going to prison!!!

AmandaS

Member

Hi all!!!
My name is Amanda and i’ve been reading this forum daily for a while now!

Here’s the thing, i’m supposed to turn myself in in a few days for an offence I committed. Don’t worry no one was hurt, but i’m still looking at 5 years behind bars, so I had a few questions for women who’ve been in my situation.

First things first let me introduce myself! My name is Amanda, i’m 23 years old and i’m spanish-american (english isn’t my first language). I study history and i’m a part time model, and I suffer from anxiety, especially social.

In a few days i’m supposed to turn myself in, but i’m extremely scared and I definitely need some help, which is why i’m writing this post right now.

First my family and boyfriend insist on coming with me on the day that i’m turning myself in, but I don’t have the courage to tell them that I’ll be embarassed. During my trial I was already put in handcuffs around the hands and legs with chains in between (I don’t know how it’s called) and it was the most embarassing time of my life, and i’m scared it will happen again, is it possible?

Also, I have questions regarding which clothes to bring. I’ve obviously already got the basics, plus flip flops which are aparently very important. But for “chilling” clothes, i’m not sure. I wear a lot of turtleneck knits, but I don’t know if i’m allowed to bring any. During my court appearance I was wearing one, and I have this nasty habit of burrying my face in the collar when i’m stressed/anxious, which the court found impolite. Unfortunately I was planing on wearing one to turn myself in thinking I could just hide my face in it and try to ignore the fact that my family and boyfriend are watching me be handcuffed and taken to jail. I know it’s irrational but i’ve been doing that since i’m a teenager and I guess it helps sometimes. Do you think it’s a good idea?

Last I would like to know how life in jail would be for a girl people consider “pretty”. I never thought I would end up like this, but that’s life I guess. Also i’m not fully proficient in english (i’m much more comfortable in spanish), is it going to be a problem?

I’m really sorry for the long post, but you can’t imagine the level of stress i’m in. Reading this forum has always been one of my favorite pass-time , and I think all of you girls are amazing, which is why i’m asking for council here!

Love xx
Amanda

General

26 replies

Latest reply was from rachylou

Sal

Veteran

Hi Amanda

I can't offer any advice sorry but I wish you all the best for this very difficult time. I would have thought practical clothes in dark colours that wash easily would be the best choice. I can understand you still want to take care of yourself to the best of your ability so maybe skincare and manicure products (but I don't know what is allowed).

Good luck - and you write well in English!

Anonymous

Amanda, first I am sorry that this is happening to you. From the little I know, I doubt that you will be able to wear your own clothes in prison. I understand that they may be give back to you to wear when you are released. If you think you may be released in winter, you might reconsider the flip flops. A lady who works in the women's section of our county jail recently spoke at a meeting. She said that help from family and friend outside was important and rarer for women because they can send you things, basics you may need, like food and underwear. She recalled a girl who went into the prison in July who was wearing flip flops and summer clothes who was released at midnight I those clothes on a bitterly cold December night. She probably had to walk to a bus station.

rachylou

Veteran

I found this site: https://www.prisonerresource.c.....in-prison/

And:

https://www.xojane.com/it-happ.....on-journal

What Joy says make good sense. Wear something practical for leaving. I’ve heard a number of stories about people having to walk a long way at night in the cold on discharge. They give you clothes to wear while you’re there.

After that, I say make sure you’ve got a family member or friend to load up your card ASAP (and on a regular basis) for commissary purchases for necessities and stuff. Toothpaste, deodorant, feminine hygiene products. People always seem to be nice and will loan you stuff the first few days, but you’ll want to be able to buy your own stuff... well, you’ll have to buy your own stuff or go without.

My last thought is don’t try to trade on pretty looks. I suspect you won’t want to do deals with people who value that because they never actually value it that much.

My thoughts here are based on living 15 years in the ghetto and lots of interesting co-workers. Ok. Good luck, don’t worry.

rachylou

Veteran

Ok, lol. I have more thoughts on this because a tenderfoot like me doesn’t survive in the ghetto without some rules of conduct. I was just thinking since you’re a model you will know how to control this - when I say don’t trade on looks... I mean, don’t light up when someone compliments your looks. Keep the wattage off while you give your sincere thanks. Your knowledge of photography, hair, makeup, yogurt facials - those are good things to talk about. Your body, no. Russian labour camp, trade your body for a blanket in winter. American prison, don’t use your body.

cindysmith

Veteran

I've never revealed this here on this forum, but I've actually been there. I can't lie about it. It's going to suck; however, you will get through it. If this spoiled middle class girl can survive it, you can too.

If your turtleneck is white or grey, they might let you keep it. The place I was kept, my family could send things as long as they complied with the rules. Grey or white thermal tops & bottoms, socks, undergarments, and wire free bras. We were allowed to have pyjamas but they had to be predominantly white or grey. It's good that you have people going with you, they can ask if they're allowed to bring you a care package of that kind of stuff.

You will be issued a uniform (possibly two), and you'll have to wear that while you're there. You can wear your thermal bottoms & tops under it but not over it. You'll likely need the base layers.

If you've been a model, you'll be able to hide your inner feelings when needed, and it will be needed. You won't be the only "pretty" girl in there, but you are likely to be surrounded by women who are used to a harder life than you. Poverty, broken homes, women who survived child abuse or spousal abuse, addicts, alcoholics, and any number of other heartbreaking stories will abound.

I wish I knew whether you were going to a state prison or a federal prison, because there is a difference. State time is harder by far (federal prisons are more comfortable). However, if you're only going for a 5 year sentence (I know, 5 years is a long time, but it's not enough to get you sent to a hardcore facility where they house the most violent offenders), then you'll likely be housed in a facility with other people more like you: white collar offenders, non-violent offenders, and low level "drug dealers" (addicts who obtained some drugs for an undercover officer or like me, transporting drugs to support my habit). There will likely be some "violent" offenders, but their violence is going to be far more understandable/relatable than serial killers and other extreme violent offenders.

If you are on any medications, have your prescriptions with you, along with medical records showing why you need them. Like, if you're diabetic & need insulin, bring your records and your supplies & meds. Healthcare in prison is a complete sh!tshow, with inmates struggling to obtain needed medical care and prescription medications; you need to have that stuff with you so you don't miss any necessary meds. If you are on any mental health medication, have those records and meds too, because mental healthcare in prison is virtually nonexistent.

You will need the flip-flops. You do NOT want to shower in bare feet. More importantly, you will NEED sneakers. I don't know if you'll be allowed to wear your own or if you'll be issued a pair, but you will need them. Your flip-flops will wear out before you are released, so you'll need to have family send more (if allowed) or put money in your inmate account to buy some from commissary.

The shampoos, conditioners, soaps, and lotions available through commissary are generally the very cheapest stuff that won't properly care for your hair & skin if you have anything other than normal white girl hair and normal skin. You should try and get a doctor to prescribe special shampoo & conditioner if you want the good stuff (I have psoriasis so I was allowed Paul Mitchell Tea Tree shampoo & conditione, provided my family sent it to me).

Without knowing where you're going to serve your sentence, I don't know what else to tell you to help you prepare. Sending you so many hugs, because I've definitely been where you are about to go. You'll be ok, just use your model face to control your emotions until you settle in.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Listen to Cindysmith she has much wisdom to offer. l cannot offer you any advice re the practicalities of going to an American prison but I wish you much courage and the strength to know that no matter what is to come ,,all this will pass and one day you will emerge back into life hopefully a stronger and better person.Good luck.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

First of all, big virtual hugs to you. Someone close to me is in a similar situation, and it breaks my heart.

Cindysmith, thank you for your candor about this too. I don't think I can add any more constructive advice than what has already been given, except maybe this suggestion: Take with you the phone numbers or contact info for anyone you may want to reach out to, even if you feel estranged or are worried about burdening them (family members, friends, etc.). I would dearly love to help my loved one during her time being incarcerated, but she doesn't have my phone number with her, and I don't have a way to call or visit her (I live many states away).

You will be OK. Your family and boyfriend will understand your nervousness, so don't feel like you need to hide that from them. They are there for you.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

There is much wisdom and affection on this thread, and as always, I'm impressed with the level of engagement on our forum.

Amanda, I wish you the best of luck and hope that your loved ones will continue to support you as much as they can.

Thank you Cindy, for sharing your story bravely and with many practical tips. You are fabulous.

cindysmith

Veteran

Lo siento, se me olvidó el problema con su lenguaje primero. Usted debe estar "ok", es posible que hay alguien bilingüe en la cárcel, porque desgraciadamente las minorías estan encarceladas con más frecuencia que personas blancas.

You should be okay with English as your second language. If you don't understand something, they should have someone on staff who is fully bilingual, and if not then they should grant you access to an interpreter (although that's not guaranteed). there are likely to be other inmates who are also bilingual, because minorities are incarcerated at a much higher rate than whites; so you will probably have someone who can help you.

I was housed with a few Mexican-Americans and Columbian sisters, so I got to learn some of the different vocabulary & word usage in different Spanish speaking countries.

Amy Isabella

Veteran

I'm sorry I cannot add any advice, but I see Cindysmith has given you lots of practical tips. Janet's suggestion to take telephone numbers etc., of people you may want to reach out to for support is an excellent idea. Sending you lots of good luck.

Jane

Veteran

I wish you well in the coming days ahead. I hope that you find a pace and routine that you can settle into. I am sure that it all must feel very uncertain.

Cindysmith’s open and warm and very practical advice seems very sensible.

Very best wishes for this time ahead of you.

JAileen

Veteran

I’m sorry I don’t any clothing advice. I just wanted to mention that many people who are imprisoned use that time to take classes. You might be able to continue your studies. Good luck.

Style Fan

Veteran

There is lots of wisdom here. I wish you well.

Thank you, Cindy, for your openness and kindness. You are amazing.

Mainelady

Veteran

Amanda thank you for posting this and reaching out to this online community. I continue to be impressed by the members of this forum who so willingly share, give suggestions and advice. (CindySmith you are an incredible woman!) I am glad you found so much wisdom here and I hope it is helpful to you. I don’t really have anything to add, except this: no matter how hard a day might be, try to find something positive to hang onto. A positive attitude can be one of your greatest strengths when times are challenging. Every day you are incarcerated takes you one step closer to completing your sentence. Sending you strength and positive thoughts.

Anonymous

My radar is pinging.....as usual.

Gail

Veteran

I don't have any advice but I want to wish you the best. I am very happy that you reached out to this community , I think that you have received some very sound advice .

gryffin

Veteran

Amanda - I have no suggestions but wanted to wish you the best. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you but you will make it through and come out in a better place. Just focus on getting through one day at a time. For what it's worth you are in my prayers.

Cindy you are a strong, compassionate, extraordinary woman. Your kindness, candor and warmth are incredible. Wishing you everything good and happy. Hugs to you!!

delurked

Veteran

Lisap - you and I both have the same radar. Must be our black hearts.

Lynn

Veteran

Hum. I don't know what to think but like Lisa and Delurked I wondered.

If you are legit Amanda I honor you for reaching out. It would guess it was extremely difficult, so kudos to you. I wish you the best and hope that you will be safe and that this will be growth experience for you in the end.
If you are a troll- shame on you.

Most of all I want to thank Cindy for her openness and willingness to share. You are one incredible women. ((Hugs))

elpgal

Veteran

LisaP, I am on your team...

Suzanimal

I'm on team lisap, as well, and suspect "Amanda" has spent enough time watching prison chick movies to know what to expect.

On a more serious note, kudos to Cindy for sharing and coming out the other side. I've been arrested and only had to spend two nights in county jail but it was the longest two nights of my life. I can't imagine prison.

AmandaS

Member

Thank you all for your kind messages (especialmente tu, Cindy), you are all so wonderful! Rachylou, thank you for the articles, it made me feel a lot better about "self surrendering", I guess I didn't know how lucky I was to be able to do that.
There were so many things I was concerned with, but believe it or not my hairdresser has been to prison too, and she has been so supportive and has given me a lot of advices too. Unfortunately for her, she didn't have the chance to turn herself in so she couldn't answer all of my questions (thanks to Rachylou's article I realized that she probably had it way worse than me). The only few questions I had left you girls answered perfectly, and I can't thank you enough for that!
Cindy, you're and incredibly strong and supportive woman, and I can't begin to tell you how helpful and soothing your words were, they inspired me to take this as a chance to use those five years to improve myself as a person (also I was so moved when you took the time to write in Spanish, I usually hate emojis but here's a heart for you <3).

I understand that many Latinas are incarcerated here, but as someone from Spain my accent would sound very different to theirs (especially Mexicans), and I've met latino people who didn't like Spanish people (they believed I considered myself superior to them because I'm Spanish, which is completely wrong), and I also look white. And to answer your question, i'm going to a Federal Prison. About my turtleneck, it is grey but I don't know if it counts as a thermal top, does it mean I won't be able to take it? And will I be able to bring my own sneakers?
Also, I am good at hiding my emotions, I usually have neutral expressions but some people say I have a "resting bitch face", but I do breakdown sometimes and start crying like a baby (this has happened a lot over the last months).

Thank you all for your support!!! I love you all and wish you all the best! To the women thinking i'm a troll, i'm sorry if my writing is weird but english is not my first language, and although I can speak it fluently (although with a small accent) I'm still trying to perfect my writing!

Lynn

Veteran

I am glad you responded back Amanda. I hope everything goes well for you.

Windchime

Veteran

So glad you reached out to us, Amanda, and huge kudos to you for your intention to improve yourself during the next few years, difficult as they might be. At the other end of this, you will be in a unique position to empathize with and help other women going through similar situations. Will you be able to continue participating on YLF while you serve your time? I know we want to support you however we can. Take good care.

Style Fan

Veteran

I am so glad you reached out to us, Amanda. Take care.

I am in awe of the wisdom and support of the YLF forum members.

rachylou

Veteran

Indeed take good care Will keep all good thoughts for you while you’re there.