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How to sparkle from within.....

jussie

Veteran

Hi guys....
Just piggybacking off annagybes post about being in the doldrums regarding personal style and feeling frumpy.
Angie had a great response, something along the lines of “you sparkle from within”. Annagybe sparkles very much externally and internally....
but just as a general discussion point, how do we go about “sparkling from within”. How can we put our preoccupations with appearance aside, especially if they are making us feel unhappy? Hmmm
Thanks for any responses!

General

35 replies

Latest reply was from em

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

Fun topic- I am interested to hear the responses.

I have learned many ways to feel deep joy within. But if I need to “sparkle” for some reason— need to be confident while giving a public speech, need to turn on the charisma and energy for a party— I rely on music. Loud, sing-along, dance in the bathroom kind of music.

How about you, Jussie?

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

Thought of something else: If feeling grumpy about my own appearance, or just sick of the whole “beauty” thing, I paradoxically take those appearance thoughts out into the street and apply them to everyone. Look at that woman who has chosen a bright hat for her baby to wear in the cold. Look at that old man who has gone to the effort of buttoning his shirt collar and cuffs, even though it’s probably hard on his hands. This exercise reminds me how beautiful it is, the many ways people dress for each other, for society, for themselves— the public spirit of the gesture, if you will. Also just reminds me to enjoy having the eyesight to be able to see all these people, see all these colors etc. This puts things right for me on a bad day, completely.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Huh, I don’t know if I ever “sparkle from within” but I find the most happiness comes when I am focused not on myself or my appearance at all, but when I am engaged and present with the world, with other people, nature, animals, etc. A healthy sense of awe and delight in the world around me helps take me out of my own head.

ChrisM

Veteran

The pursuit of perfection in an insecure “me” throws my perception of myself into a tailspin. Spending too much time browsing online, in search of that one thing that makes me feel “right” is the result.

I understand how you feel, annagybe. When things feel off it’s tough.

Jessikams is on point with both her comments.

I find it most helpful to get outside to someplace quiet and enjoy the beauty of nature. The way the trees shimmer in the wind, the little brown birds that are always with us...

A change in focus from self to a larger beautiful world is what helps...maybe.

Best wishes.

ChrisM

Veteran

Jussie, glad you started this thread! Am interested to read what others think - we all go down that rabbit hole every so often, right?

Bijou

Veteran

Jussie, I don't really have any real wisdom on this because it can be hard to feel great when bad stuff happens or our lives just don't work out quite like how we planned.

I really like a line from a John Lennon song "Life is what happens to you whilst you are busy making other plans".

In my life there have been highs and lows, I guess you don't get to middle age without scars. I do believe in kindness and forgiveness, most especially to oneself. Self-doubt is an insidious thing. Paradoxically, the more we take on often the less accomplished we feel because the sense of being overwhelmed and not measuring up happens more.

Life is full of wonderful people and adventures and for me that is the essence of sparkling. Enjoy and seizing the moment and opportunity. It is being brave and having a go.

When my Aunty (an amazing spirit) turned 80 I found a great card that said "Adventure Awaits" I love the idea that even at 80 there are still adventures to be had and of course great fashion to be worn.

My daily routine of exercising, dressing and wearing make-up is something that gives me comfort. If I know I have a very tough day ahead, then I will be more particular with my appearance because at least that is one thing that I can control in this rather uncontrollable world.

Anonymous

Agreeing with music (dancing too) and spending time outside, though thats much less pleasant in cold weather! This time of year i rely on magpieing a lot-which could take the form of taking up some new craft or decorating the house too

Cardiff girl

Veteran

How to sparkle from with in-edible glitter?
Seriously though l think that comes when we forget ourselves and are truly present in the moment then the inner self shines through.Normally we are putting on our social face ,thinking about what to say ,how to look ,what others think etc..it’s only when we are elevated beyond this that we can sparkle.

taylor

Veteran

I’m agreeing with Bijou and Janet here . Those things work for me as well.

I have a few chosen favorite outfits that I will go to for just that reason . If I’m not feeling great I turn to those. I will pay special attention to my hair and makeup, it gives me confidence if I’m not feeling great about myself.

I also like to help others . It’s when I am helping the elderly woman across the street bring in her groceries, or help our 84 yr. old neighbor paint the front of his house ....or being what I call a “cheerleader “ for my (adult) children as they navigate this often cruel and harsh life. Offering what I can to others often soothes my inner turmoil.

Peri

Veteran

Just to add something not mentioned yet, because I love all these suggestions. Spend time around people who build you up. As much as possible avoid people who tear you down. If you have to be around one of those, immediately call or text one of your build you up people for an antidote. Even tell them why. It's good to help others...it's also good to allow them to help you. We don't have to go it alone.

cindysmith

Veteran

I know that, before I got clean (sober), I was a master chameleon. I could be miserable inside yet make my eyes seem to smile. People never knew how I really felt because I covered it up so well.

These days, I don't know if I sparkle from within or not. I do know that 12-step recovery has helped me find some measure of comfort inside my own skin. If I'm feeling crappy, I can just be okay with that or roll with it or whatever. I've reached an age (and state of health) where I just don't have the energy to expend on trying to conform to what mass media wants me to conform to; I just wear what I like and that makes me happy inside.

kkards

Veteran

Like Janet, I don’t think I’ve ever sparked..I aim for contentment...and like Peri I try to spend time with those who built themselves & me up. That’s what I find so lovely about this forum..it’s all about finding and encouraging the positive.
In more direct fashion/style way, I try to wear colors, textures and fabrics that make me happy.
And I wear a fabulous pair of shoes! Because for me, shoes are the icing on the cake- it’s not the whole dessert but it’s an important layer and it can go along way to making a dry cake better and makes a good cake just so much better.

Katerina

Veteran

I agree with what you guys say. Just want to add another aspect I am trying to work with myself. How I feel about my appearance is often influenced by other things in my life. It is impossible to sparkle when something else makes you low. But we don’t have to sparkle all the time. Sometimes we just don’t and that’s fine. The important thing is to know that the sparkle will come again, that this too shall pass.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Jussie, personally, when I meet people who sparkle from within, they are:

engaged, confident, humble, good listeners, positive, self aware, make excellent eye contact, are smiley and warm. It helps when they have a good sense of humour because the shortest distance between two people is laughter. They don't necessarily need to be exuberant or extraverted people. I know a slew of introverts who sparkle from within.

Alicewonderland

Veteran

On a more concrete note-regular exercise (preferably outdoors), eating healthy, and otherwise taking care of your health will go a long way. It’s not easy or quick to do, but will make you feel much better mentally and physically. It will help you appreciate all the things your body can do. I really need to remember to do these things more.

Sal

Veteran

For me the most important things I can do are
- get decent amounts of sleep
- not eat too much sugar (some is fine, but extra is not good for me emotionally or physically)
- spend time with people who energise me
- make progress in my life (work or personal)

People tend to complement me on how I look when
- I wear the right colours (spring tones in particular like coral or turquoise or tomato red)
- wear fitted or tailored clothing rather than oversized
- I am relaxed and feeling confident

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Reading threads like these. And yoga .

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Jussie, I haven't read all the responses yet. But before I do, I just have to say that starting this thread is an example of your own special sparkle. You are beautiful inside and out.

Now going back to read and comment.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Oh wow. Loving what Jessikams said, and Janet's comments about being outdoors, and what others have said about exercise, and Katerina's note that sometimes we just can't sparkle, and that's ok.

I don't think I have anything especially useful to add...except that for me, age has been an incredible gift in this regard. In my 20s and early 30s I think I was always trying to measure up to some ridiculous ideal and always falling short (despite being blonde, relatively slim, etc, i.e. easily fulfilling some of those artificial ideals). For whatever reason I was focussed on how I was falling short.

I just don't feel that way any more. Fashion is a place of fun and refining my style feels like an absorbing hobby, and I suspect that the pleasure I take in figuring out my own style probably translates to confidence that expresses itself in interest in others and the world -- which in turn translates to "sparkle."

Having said that, a good night's sleep is also crucial!

Anonymous

How to sparkle from within? A girl that is engaged has that sparkle knowing that she is loved and desired. It is a combination of happiness and confidence. If you are doing something well and passionate about something you get that inner glow. It might be being a great mom or fighting global warming. Being in good health is important too as it allows you to get out of yourself.

rachylou

Veteran

Hmm. Interesting question. Sparkle, I’m thinking, comes from being Comfortable. Which is not the same as being in ‘comfort clothes.’

Also this: I’m reminded that style and fashion aren’t synonyms. Style can set the fashion, but the reverse isn’t true.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Rachy, I hear you. Although I certainly have seen people who “sparkle” even when they are in comfort clothes. I’ve seen it in people who wear no makeup and only get their hair cut twice a year, who wear gear all the time, etc. It’s got nothing to do with what we wear but how confident and comfortable-in-their-own-skin someone is.

Even from childhood, I’ve never been the most “comfortable in my own skin” type of person. I’ve always been self-conscious (mainly about matters of appearance) to some degree or another, but it’s slowly dissipating as I get older. I’m venturing a guess that I probably come closest to “sparkling” (a term I have great difficulty ascribing to myself!) when I’m simply happy and in my zone of creativity or activity or intimacy, and am not thinking of my appearance at all.

rachylou

Veteran

Yes. So true Janet. Sparkle has a lot to do with ‘forgetting’ yourself.

Am also reminded: Presence, as in stage presence, is yet another animal. You don’t have to be very comfortable or confident to have it.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, agreed! Some of the people I know who have the most “stage presence” (unsurprisingly many actual performers) are deeply insecure and lack self-confidence. Many people are quite adept at putting on the “happy” or “having it all together” facade.

The Cat

Veteran

Usually, being in love helps a lot ...

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

NICE, The Cat

Mainelady

Veteran

Jussie, yours is a great question. I have enjoyed reading the responses. I’ve been nodding my head in agreement to so much of what had alread been said. Sparkle may be identified in different ways. When I think of sparkle, what I notice first is a bright smile and shining eyes. I think of Kindness, warm and genuine interactions, laughter, a general sense of appreciation for the moment and as others have said, getting the feeling that the sparkler is truly present.
A well put together outfit, pretty clothes, attention to grooming can all add to a sparkle factor, of course. I do think happiness is a huge sparkle factor. Each of us has our share of riding life’s highs and lows. Sometimes happiness does not come easily. When happiness is harder to find, there is always gratitude. Taking time to appreciate the blessings we have generates sparkle, too.
I am not an expert. Not a guru. Not a life coach. What I am is a product of some pretty significant life struggles and a learner of what worked and works for me. For myself, I have learned that happiness is often a mindset. It is a choice I practice every day, along with gratitude. As with most things, the more practice we get, the more skilled we become. I am generally a happy and cheerful person. That does not mean that bad or sad things don’t happen. What it means is that I remind myself that whatever struggles land at my feet, they are temporary. They are not my forever. Knowing I have the strength to step forward and move through challenges goes a long way towards helping me through the rough spots. The sun is always shining somewhere and I will find it. When I do, I think I may find my sparkle.

The Cat

Veteran

Beautifully said, Mainelady.

jussie

Veteran

Hi all,
Thank you so much guys for your enlightening responses! It gave me a lot to think about....

Jessikams: I totally agree that music can be very powerful, I like to listen to music while I work on the computer or paint... it helps me to stay relaxed. I don't know if I would have achieved the things I have over the last couple of years without Nahko and Medicine for the People's "Manifesto"! Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtE10YN1kDU
I also love your idea of noticing other people more; what are they wearing, why did they choose that? Their facial expressions etc. Just admiring the beauty around us... what a sweet idea, I must try this.

Janet: I'm pretty sure you do sparkle ;). I completely agree.... NOT focusing on oneself is probably the best way... just let ourselves be actually swept up in the moment and live life rather than thinking about it. Except maybe for meditation or yoga which is totally self focussed, but in a healthy way. I am not meditating at the moment but when was doing it regularly I think I had some sparkle...

ChrisM: Thank you for your excellent points. NATURE! Why don't I get out into nature more often?? There's something vey soothing about getting away from it all for a little while... and so many beautiful spots to do it. Just a matter of getting organised....

Bijou: What a beautiful soul you are. Your words are so wise and comforting. YES... almost impossible to get to middle age without some "battle scars" lol. It's a matter of making a choice to live the hell out of every day regardless that gives a person that spark of determination and deliberate joyfulness.
It's about saying.... not everything is how I want it to be.... but darn i'm gonna enjoy what IS good right now.....

Suntiger: Hooray for Magpie-ing! I absolutely love making art, and sewing... they do give me a sparkle... when they are going well lol. When they are going badly I get stressed! Something I need to work on. Just letting go and enjoying the journey.
I think most of us on ylf are natural Magpies.... so we need to Magpie to keep our sparkle right?

I plan to reply to each person, so I will do that later when I gat a moment. Thanks fabbers!

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