How to ignore a cat? - YouLookFab Forum

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How to ignore a cat?

minimalist

Veteran

I'm supposed to ignore bf's cat when I arrive at his place during the day. Whatever I'd been doing was apparently a factor in budding separation anxiety.

She's extremely gregarious; the more people, the better. If there's a party, she couldn't be happier. If people are coming and going, she keeps track and greets new arrivals. When I arrive alone, she seems to expect play and attention; I didn't realize I was setting up a cycle of increasing demands then distress. Pfft, who knew feline behavior was so complicated?

Just now, I've stayed on YLF on phone since arriving, and she's finally calmed down. But what about times when I need to unpack groceries or otherwise be productive? She only play-nipped my ankle once. But if I'm a moving target, it's impossible to expect her not to pounce and hard for me not to react to that.

What's your arrival/departure routine, if you have cats?

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15 replies

Latest reply was from minimalist

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I giggled under my breath at this title, which incited the cat to start meowing at me. Ha!
Ours will trot to the door like a dog. I see this when BF comes home from my position on the couch, and when we both were working in Tahoe, he'd be there down on the bottom floor from the 3rd when he heard the garage door open.
I think you can teach kitty to treat you one way and he can play with kitty another. BF and I definitely play differing 'parenting' roles if you will. They are trainable, contrary to popular belief.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

both the BF and the cat, that is

Tanya

Veteran

I am afraid I do not have any useful input to give, as all of the various cats my parents had behaved very differently, they wanted solitude and we wanted them to play and be cuddly.

However, your title caught my attention because it reminded me of something, and I just couldn't remember what of for a bit. Then it hit me that it was this episode of Monty Python on how to confuse a cat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2Je1CEPkUM
( I had a very unorthodox English teacher in high school, English being a foreign language for me, and we had to treat the script for this episode as a novel and write an assay which analyzed the author's message or something like that. The whole class of 15 year-olds giggled for weeks). I am still laughing now, and I don't mean to hijack your thread or anything. Just thank you for all the good and funny times it reminded me of.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Well...my first thought was WHY ignore a cat?

So I am not sure I really understand the problem.

rae

(website)

Veteran

I am with Suz. This makes absolute zero sense to me.

Cats ask to play because they need to play. They have evolved to want to hunt and kill. And since we have domesticated them, it's our job to provide hunt-kill stimuli.

I don't think this is an issue of "separation anxiety," sadly. When a cat gets used to being ignored and not played with, they give up asking to play, thinking there is no point and that the human will never get it. But! When new people come over (e.g. you) and show them attention, hope is renewed! They start bugging these new people to play, because maybe these humans are interested in having fun together...

The best way to quiet a cat is not to ignore him into hopelessness - it's to play him into exhaustion. Watch a couple episodes of My Cat from Hell; it's a very common solution to many cat "problems."

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Yeah...I was going to add...our cat comes to the door when we come in and we make a fuss over him. He then follows us into whatever room we go to and hangs out. Sometimes he wants to play and sometimes he wants to investigate the groceries or whatever. That's his fun. Then he spends the bulk of his day with me in the room where I work, either sleeping, looking out the window, playing with me, or standing in front of (or on) my computer. I look on this as a message about taking frequent breaks.

Admittedly, when he is really bored he can be a pain. But can't we all? True, there are times when I really don't want him to stand on my keyboard. But he's just asking for a bit of company. Or something to eat.

By the way, Rae and I both have Siamese, among the most sociable cats going. You really can't ignore a Siamese, or you do it at your peril (because they will take revenge on you.) So you see, our guys have really trained us well....

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Suz, the best medicine to cure a bored cat is to get another one! Believe me, even a notion of boredom will be impossible.
I think a cat which want to interact with his/her human is a wonderful thing and isn't it a reason we are keeping them in the first place? It is true you can train them and they know pretty fast how to behave with who.
And Suz, I am challenging that "the most sociable cats " title in favor of my feral kittens which are the sweetest and most sociable cats! When my hubby goes to the bathroom both of them sit in a row at the door and wait for him to come out. When it is time to go to bed the girl comes to him, touches him with her paw to indicate he should go to bed so she can climb on him and curl on his chest while he is reading...(I guess they trained us well too )

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Awww. so sweet, Sveta. And I have met your cats so I know they are so smart and friendly.

What you say is true...they are all a lot more social than people believe. And they need affection and attention.

catgirl

Veteran

I just read an article about how cats, unlike dogs, were never domesticated. And therefore they can revert from tame to wild easily. My cat would survive in the wild whereas the dog would perish if she didn't find humans.

That said, a pet cat is social and needs company and attention. Ignoring will not help with a cat as it may with a dog, nor is it fair to the pet. Maybe another cat is the solution. Teaching an animal to accept being lonely is not the same as curing separation anxiety (which Kona did have and had to be slowly trained out of).

minimalist

Veteran

Oh! FWIW, this cat isn't left alone for long. Today bf left around 9:30 and I arrived a little before 3; that was the longest she's been alone for a while. (Probably not the day to try ignoring her, though.) She gets several play sessions per day (Da Bird gets lots of air time!) and several outings a week.

She'd started trying to dash out the door with me when I left; that's where bf's guess of separation anxiety came in. I'm pretty sure bf was quoting Jackson Galaxy when he suggested that I ignore her for ten minutes when I arrive. It was somewhere else that I'd read to say goodbye to a cat.

I probably overdid my first attempt; now bf says just not to focus on her until she calms down. That makes more sense than flat out ignoring her does. I usually check/scoop her litter boxes when I arrive and set out a meal if it's that time, and pick her up and growl into her neck, not necessarily in that order.

She's adorable in her insistence on things being a certain way, at a certain time. If bf has gone to bed and I still have some work to do, she trills at me and circles until I'm on the sofa with a throw on my lap, then looks at me until I lift it for her to slide under so she can curl up against me and doze. Definitely I don't want to cause her any further undue distress.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Ah, I think we just watched an episode where the cat was dashing out the door the other night. JG had them put a perch near the door so the cat could supervise without actually leaving the door, and I think told he them not to enter/exit with anxiety about her getting out... maybe that is what the BF means by ignoring her?

Jeanie

Veteran

It sounds like she has found her new play toy in you. It's good that she likes you. Whenever I come in the door, both my cats are waiting by the food bin making a fuss whether it's time to eat or not. If it's not time to eat I try to ignore them because I am trying to teach them they don't get food every time I come home. However, if I stay in the kitchen they have reasoned they might still get feed if they stand by. If I go sit down in another room they will calm until I head near the kitchen. So maybe you can have 5 minutes of quiet greeting time and then some play time. I work with cats and dogs and I now believe that they need a job just like we do. It is hard for them to stay home alone for long periods. Most cats and dogs need much more stimulation. Another cat, if matched, well, could be helpful.

Anonymous

I recommend getting one of those feathers-on-a-stick toy and playing with the kitty, around 15 minutes, or until she is panting or breathing fast, whenever you go over. The ankle-nipping is her biological need to pounce and hunt.

Anonymous

Oh, I like Una's suggestion. Get her a kitten!

minimalist

Veteran

Alicat, that feather dangling from wand thing is what I meant by "Da Bird' - she loves it. That used to be part of my arrival routine. I'll add it to my pre-departure list, thanks for that nudge!

She's not getting a kitten, I don't think. Love the idea, but she's brutal to most other cats.

Jeanie, you're so right about stimulation. Often, when I thought she was hungry, really what she wanted was play. I'm still adapting my old ideas about cats being living art in windows. Also, if she didn't like me, something would be wrong with me bc she likes almost everybody.

Rae, I'll look up that episode. Bf has a bizarro built-in coat-closet-swerving- up to light- fixture installation right by the door but maybe we can figure something out. She doesn't try to run out when I arrive, but definitely crowds the door, which is dangerous when I'm juggling bike and bags and wearing clogs and she's black on a black hardwood floor.

Never thought I'd be so fond of a little cat. Thanks for all your input and constructive criticism!