OK, I'm back. Sorry about the post-and-run!
Deb -- Lol. I forgot about the grandkids! I think you're right. My in-laws help us out a LOT with the kids. They seem happy to do it, but being involved with their grandchildren certainly contributes to making them busy!
Joy -- I know what you mean about needing a certain amount of silence. I don't think I'm a classic introvert, but I do need some "quiet" time.
Una -- me too. Family is my top priority. But there really is stuff that is out of my control at the moment. Sure, I could drop my daughter from violin and taekwondo, but what a waste that would be, since she enjoys them and has been doing them for a number of years. So I keep her in it. We all try to do what we think is best for our children, right? It also won't change the fact that my parents need more help these days, or that I have my own ambitions which unfortunately consume a lot of my time! But I would rather have too little time now and have a career once my kids are older. I'm not cut out for the stay-at-home-mom gig. I guess I just wanted reassurance that life will calm down a bit eventually.
Adelfa -- I agree, cooking is not free time! To me, dog walking isn't either, even though I enjoy it (or used to, before our dog passed away). If it MUST be done, it's not free time!
MsMary, you are my role model! I'm aiming for a life like yours.
Donna, I'm sorry about your mom. It's hard, I know. People who have not been caregivers don't understand. My own mother is so far gone now that she cannot even communicate, but I have never been her primary caregiver. My dad is a saint. One day, though, I will probably be caring for him -- but at least he will know how hard it is.
Gaylene: "Being busy and involved becomes almost a badge of honour." You're preaching to the choir, gal. I feel like when people talk about how busy they are, it's almost like they're bragging. I don't think they realize that's what it sounds like. But it's not something I'm proud of. I've never wanted to be busy. Perhaps I'm a bit lazy. I remember a colleague of my husband's (who also has four kids) saying, upon being asked how he was doing, "Not great. I'm busy and bored". What he meant was that he had next to no free time, and everything felt like a chore (he disliked his job at that point). That's how I used to feel as a SAHM. Now I'm just plain busy -- too busy -- but at least I'm not bored!
rachylou -- Ah yes. Traffic. I spend nearly two hours a day in it. What a waste. (And I slack off, too -- like I am right now, because I'm on a two-week break between semesters, and the kids are at school!).
Anne, an hour on the bus wouldn't count as "real" free time for me -- more like quasi-free time. When I say free time, I mean time where I literally don't have anything I MUST do. There are things I must do every day but that I also enjoy, like reading to my children before bed, or going to a class I like. There are things I must do that I don't enjoy, like making dinner and cleaning the bathrooms. But there is very little truly free time. I think I spoiled myself by having my first child at 31 -- I'd spent all of my 20s -- a whole decade! -- with no real responsibilities, other than work. It was wonderful.
LisaP, my heart goes out to you with respect to your mom. It must be so difficult and worrisome. You have a good attitude about it.
Lara, if I was a SAHM, I would have a ton of free time right now! I was a SAHM for ten years, and while my children are delightful, it wasn't enough. Sometimes I look at the SAHMs I know and envy their free time...but I would rather work my butt off now and have a career I enjoy later. One day the nest will be empty.
Betty Crocker -- I try not to overschedule my kids. Up until this year, everything was fine. But this year I felt compelled to put both kids in Kumon, and that's tipping us over the edge as far as activities because it's seven days a week.
Anna, Oh no! I thought it would be easier for you. Goes to show, perhaps we mothers whine too much. I've read that career women without kids often feel like parents don't respect their free time.
cjh, thanks for the well-wishes. I agree that life will always have busy periods. That is totally fine. In fact, it's nice to have short periods where you're really busy, because then you enjoy the down times more. Like this week, where I actually have a bit of extra time for the first time in months! I hope to have a life a bit like yours. It's nice to hear that things calm down in the early university years.
Gail -- "I have plenty of free time now but wish that I had some kind of career that I could perhaps go back to part time." That's exactly why I'm going back to school now! I'm hoping that more craziness now = more life satisfaction later.