How Much Do You "Suffer" To Look Good? - YouLookFab Forum

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How Much Do You "Suffer" To Look Good?

tarzy

Veteran

I look best in jeans when I wear a heel. I recently bought some shoes that Angie recommended, and I love them. They're the Aerosoles Cover Charge in Pewter. (I loved the look of the shoes so much I also bought them in the dark red.)They have a 2 1/2" heel. I wore them today for the first time, and they definitely make my thighs look good in my jeans. However, after just one hour of walking around the mall my feet were killing me! I guess I can't wear a 2 1/2" heel. I usually wear around 2" without much problem, but these shoes just killed me. I'm wondering if I should take the red ones back and search for something similar that's just a little lower?

I guess I'll have to stick to 2" for daily shoes and maybe save these for going out to dinner. There must be a specific height that will still make my legs look longer, but not kill my feet. I need to find those shoes!

How much are you willing to suffer to look good?

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23 replies

Latest reply was from Munequita

Tanya

Veteran

I am honestly not willing to suffer at all. I like to feel comfortable in my clothes. I have fussy feet, so shoes can be an issue. In general I try to break my shoes in slowly, use gel inserts and such, but it if it is still uncomfortable I either won't wear it all or only wear it for 1-2 hours ( e.g. car-dinner-car) when i won't have to be on my feet.

Becky

Veteran

Ditto what Tanya said. Also, "suffering" sometimes indicates the potential to damage your body if it continues, so that's a red flag we should all pay attention to.

Anonymous

I think the older a person gets the less we are willing to be uncomfortable for the sake of looking good. Actually it is better to look good while you are COMFORTABLE. I think that is stylish.
I'm not saying that I have achieved this. I'm still a sucker for a cute pair of shoes, but I am getting to where I don't buy them anymore and just enjoy the style through other wearers.

Maya

Veteran

I think people who suffer to any degree at all in order to look good have to be very insecure. I don't mean to sound judgmental, but I can't help but suspect that. For example, I have a friend who can't bear to wear flats. She has the most atrocious looking feet after years of being battered by her stilettos and pointy toes, but she just can't concede. I have known her since high school, and in all tha time, I have only ever seen her in a pair of flat boots once because she broke her toe, and the entire time she felt miserable.

Then there are some people who can't bear to leave the house without makeup. I know that's not really "suffering", but it's certainly an inconvenience.

I am not willing to suffer at all. My max heel height is 1.75". I tried to go up to 2", but it just didn't work. I can't stand being conscious of wearing a heel. So I stick to flats or short heels.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I have a pair of yellow snakeskin patent leather flats that are pretty much pure pain, yet I'm loathe to give them up. So sometimes it's not even the heel height that does you in.

shiny

Veteran

Maya, in defense of your friend, if you are a habitual heel wearer, it shortens your calf muscles and it can actually be painful to wear flats. So it may not be an insecurity issue. But I agree - not physically healthy to wear heels all the time!

As for wearing makeup, I wear sunscreen and foundation every single day and have for years. Only exception is when I'm exercising (and then I still wear sunscreen). I believe that the combo helps 1) protect against sun damage 2) protect against environmental pollutants from car exhaust, etc. I have few wrinkles, so I must be doing something right! That, plus mascara for my blonde eyelashes, and a slick of lipstick and I'm good to go. I do not think this makes me insecure at all.

Tarzy - I draw the line when discomfort makes me self-conscious and I stop feeling confident. Nobody looks good if they are fussing or wincing or tugging at spanx etc. But yes, I will "suffer" a little for sake of fashion - as long as I'm still feeling confident. Does that makes sense?

Maybe I need to give examples:

1) 2-1/2 high heels that aren't comfortable to walk in.... I have the aerosoles myself - and it's the vamp that is the issue, not the height - throws all the weight on to the ball of my foot - ouch!

a) wearing them out to dinner when all I will be doing is walking from car to restaurant, sitting for a few hours, then walking from restaurant to car: WORTH the "suffering"

b) wearing them to walk around the city and go dancing : totally NOT worth the suffering!!! I will be limping, slouching, wincing by end of night, and that's just not fashionable!

2) Control garments: I do wear camis and underwear with stretch - to smooth over lumps and bumps. But I can't stand spanx because I know I'm wearing them at all times, and can't help thinking everyone else knows I'm wearing them!!!

3) Jeans: I have grown slowly used to the feel of jeans that are form-fitting. I still won't wear super-tight waistbands but a quality jean I can wear - even if a pair of dress slacks would feel more like sweat pants or jammies.

Make sense?

Dani

Veteran

I'm not willing to suffer at all for daily fashion. I will, like Shiny, make the occasional exception but it is very rare. I always try to find items that are fashionable and comfortable. It takes a little more effort but I feel it's worth it for me.

tarzy

Veteran

Shiny - it absolutely makes sense! I think I'm similar to you. I'll suffer a bit - especially if it makes my thighs look thinner! But limping around? Not so attractive, no matter how cute the shoes are.

Amanda

After having severe foot pain from walking a lot in unsupportive shoes a couple of years ago and having to go through physical therapy for tendonitis in my feet, I absolutely will not suffer in shoes. I'd rather wear shoes that look a bit frumpy but are good for me feet. I do have a few shoes that I know aren't good for walking but they don't hurt my feet if I wear them for a few hours. If a shoe actually hurt my feet during limited wear, they'd be out the door quickly. I don't even wear 2" heels any more.

Violet

The only part of my wardrobe where I may suffer is with my shoes. There are some shoes that I can wear all day and others that are good only for short distances.

I commute to work by car walk a very short distance to my building and have a desk job, so I can wear shoes that aren't super comfortable b/c I don't walk much during the day.

I cannot do super high heels and stilettos even for short walks. I can do a max 3 to 3.5 inch heel with wedges.

Clothing wise, I always try to be comfortable and I have found there are a lot of options for dressing stylishly while not having to suffer.

Munequita

I'm still in my 20's and I will not suffer for shoes! I think it boils down to knowing what kind of shoe to wear for the day depending on what you will be doing. I can wear heels if it is only for a party and such, but NOT for walking around all day. So, I mostly wear flats because my lifestyle is so active.

Marcia22

The thing is, when you are suffering, you may think you look good, but you don't.

You look good when you are smiling and relaxed.

You don't look good when you are frowning from pain and can't move around comfortably.

That doesn't mean that you can't wear heels, but if you wear shoes that are uncomfortable it will show in your face.

Although, to be honest there isn't much difference between 2 and 2 1/2 inch heels. I think the problem probably has more to do with the style and width of the shoe than the height of the heel.

Also, you don't have to choose between being uncomfortable and looking good. You can buy clothing that fits well and still looks good on you. There's a happy medium between baggy sweatpants and trainers and tight corsets with 6 inch stillettos.

shiny

Veteran

Just adding, as AJ mentions, many of us older people on YLF have learned the hard way that wearing heels too often can trash your feet, posture, spine, etc.

In my 20s it was the time of power suits and women wore heels, hose and skirt suits with shoulder-padded jackets. That was the daily, expected work uniform. There were many women that would wear sneakers to commute to work, then switch to heels once they arrived. There were many men and women who thought that this commuting look - while highly practical and quite smart - looked tacky. I was one of them. And now I regret it.

Flash forward 20 years later, and those days of daily high-heel wear (pointy-toed heels) really did a number on me. I have suffered back problems on and off for years, and I have dealt with bunions on my foot from squishing into pointy-toe heels. I.e., daily wear of such shoes leads to physical deformity of your feet, and shortens your calf muscles, which leads to lower back issues.

I have been in and out of PT to address these issues, and it's been mentally, emotionally hard for me over the years to face up to the idea I have to sacrifice a certain level of fashion for my health. I had no problem switching to 1 to 1-1/2 inch heels - but giving them up entirely, and resigning myself to only orthopedic-type shoes... no! Call me vain or whatever, I just had a really hard time with that!

My DH made it much easier for me about 5 years ago: he suggested that every time I buy a pair of heels, I *also* buy a cute pair of flats!!!

This was a great strategy, and now I own an equal number of flats to heels. I have learned through the last 5 years that I can still wear the heels, I just have to be very judicious about when, and for how long, and alternate.

I have found that rotating shoes - no matter whether they are "comfort" or orthopedic brands or fashionable back-killing brands - is very important to overall health.

What's been working for me is to reserve the heels for those occasions I'm not walking all that much. Get a big purse and keep the heels in them, and wear fashionable but comfortable and practical flats to walk to wherever you're going. Then switch into the heels for a few hours. The next day, wear flats all day to even things out.

I would say I wear flats 80% of the time, and heels 20% of the time. And interestingly, I've learned that for flats I need to size up 1/2 size, to accomodate foot spread as the day wears on.

Also, I need to keep up with yoga - when I am consistent with the yoga, my bunions actually reduce in size. I know i'm wearing heels too much if my bunions start to enlarge and bother me.

I would like to be able to wear heels - On occasion - well into my later years. My mother is 68 and cannot wear heels at all anymore. She can only wear a certain orthopedic style shoe, her feet are that fussy.

Lesson for the younger YLF'ers: baby your feet now, if you want a long life of fashionable footwear in your future!

susan

Shiny-Great Advice. I also went rhrough a painful bout of plantar fas...tis, and I thought I would never be able to wear "regular" shoes again. Thankfully, I can now, but I still need more comfy shoes to wear most days. I need a new pair of casual "go-to" really supportive shoes right now, as a matter of fact. I have worn Echoes and Mephistos. Do you have any other suggestions?

shiny

Veteran

I think everyone's feet are different - mine happen to be wide at the ball area, and short (like the rest of me). With average arches. I am between a regular and a wide width - I tend to need the wide width for the ball area, and a regular width for the heel area.

So with that said:

1) I am loving the Privo's and intend to add more. The one pair I have are slingbacks, and that presents a problem because they rub. But in a different style, I think these will prove to be 14-hour shoes. I am on the lookout.

2) Me-Too ballet flats, in certain styles, work very well for me - provided I go up 1/2 size. These are 14-hour shoes for me. If you have arch issues, they may not be your best bet.

However, I find that wearing flats with no or little arch support is actually healthy - it mimics walking bare foot, and stretches calves out after high heel wear. Your mileage may vary! Also the Me-Too flats I own are very accomodating in the ball area, where my foot tends to expand as the day wears on. I would think that the Me-Too flats would quite easily accomodate an orthopedic insert or lift, if you need one.

3) Aerosoles. I do find this brand very comfortable in general - even their heels. Especially those that are wide width. Except for the heels that are over 2 inches in height. Those put too much pressure on the ball of the foot. But the spectators I have are just so darn cute - I am still wearing them on occasions I am sitting a lot!

4) Cole Haan with Nike Air technology. Hit or miss for me - depends on the style. These may work better for those with more narrow feet. But when I can find a pair that is wide enough for my feet, my feet really thank me for the Nike Air technology!

susan

Thanks so much, Shiny! I also love Aerosoles and am going to look for some Me Too's today. I do have arch issues, so I guess I'll have to see if they will work. I appreciate you taking the time to give me so much information.

tarzy

Veteran

It's funny. I'm 51 and I have never worn fashionable shoes. I didn't have a clue for most of my life. (I've been guilty of pants with big white sneakers in my dark past.) It's only in the last year or so I've discovered the joy of cute shoes and heels. Since I have short legs and large calves heels definitely make a difference. I haven't worn dresses for most of my life because I'm embarrassed about my large calves, but now I've learned that a pump or a slingback with the right heel can make my legs look better. I actually bought my first dress in probably 20 years!

But I generally don't wear anything over 2". I don't know why I had such a meltdown over the jeans and heels. I do realize a 2" heel is fine with jeans, and I have a few pairs of Naturalizers that are around that height or even a bit lower. I just really fell in love with this particular shoe, which was such a pretty pewter color. I'm going to re-read all the posts about shoes and I'm sure I'll find some that aren't going to kill me. Thanks to all for the great input!

Munequita

I hear you, Tarzy, on the wearing a bit of a heel gives you a leaner look thing BUT your comfort should always come first I think. It is hard to pass up a cute shoe though! I am guilty of that!

Oh yeah, so my husband is 6'4" and I'm 5'2" (we look SO cute together, hehehe)...and at the begining of our relationship I felt like I needed to always wear heels when I went out with him...now that didn't last very long! I LIVE in flats now (especially with my active lifestyle) and I actually just got a whole bunch of my pants shortened so that I can wear my comfy shoes because I hardly wear heels.

Chickey

(website)

This is an interesting thread! My 2c -- I have slightly fussy feet (giant bunions, plantar fasciitis that tends to flare) and I like wearing flats most of the time. However, for the occasions that heels or otherwise uncomfy shoes are called for, I'll suck it up (and pack flip-flops for later!).

I'd say it's worth a sacrifice sometimes...but like Becky says, if it's causing real health problems it's time to re-evaluate the uncomfortable factor.

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

I used to wear only loafer-type flats, never any heels, and I ended up with plantar fasciitis and back pain. Then I discovered fashion and shoes, and now I rotate heel heights. Amazingly, my feet are in better shape than they ever were.

Some of my tricks:
-buy GOOD shoes for flats and heels. I've tried a few flats from Targets and such, but my feet ended hurting worse than if I'd worn 4" stilettos.
-It's not the heels, it's the vamp. If I feel like I'm walking on my tip-toes, they aren't the right cut of shoe for me.
-They're incredibly dorky, but I really love my Yoga Toes. Sometimes after a day of snug shoes, these stretch my feet out comfortably.
http://www.yogapro.com/ts/toes.....agod1RGbyA
-My favorite brands are Naturalizer, Aerosoles, and Franco Sarto. Comfort and cuteness abound!

Nicole

Veteran

I think we tend to get used to certain pains. Like tweezing your eye brows. Remember the first time you tweezed your eyebrows?

Shoe pain does not necessarily have anything to do with heel height. I've had sneakers that were uncomfortable and heels that I could wear forever and a day.

Also, pain is relative. Wearing shoes that are less than comfy when you know you're not going to do a lot of walking is not such a big deal. But if you know you're going to be on your feet all day, then hopefully, you are wearing all day comfortable shoes.

And how about exercising? How hard are you willing to workout to look good? I used to be a regular gym rat. Now I get my exercise by walking. I enjoy it so much more than killing myself at the gym--and the results are pretty much the same.

tarzy

Veteran

Great point about flats sometimes being as uncomfortable as heels.

I tried on a pair of flats today at the mall. They were so pretty. But I was concerned about where they hit my bunions. Even though they were flat I was afraid they would not be comfortable. And some of the ballet flats I tried on seemed to provide no support at all. I am just starting the search for flats now. I hope I can find some that work!

Munequita

So true about heel height having nothing to do with comfort at times. I love squishy footbeds! That is what I look for in my flats. I add insoles to boots and heels all the time now because most of those never have soft footbeds.

Interesting about the vamp of the shoe being the problem! You guys just made me realize that! I was like duh!!! Why didn't I notice that?? I will pay more attention to that now when I'm shopping for shoes.