How is it that a look can be "so you" that even strangers can tell? - YouLookFab Forum

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How is it that a look can be "so you" that even strangers can tell?

Janet

(website)

Veteran

In Una's thread about oversized fits, one of her responses jumped out at me:

Honestly, I wonder how differently this would come across if you didn't all "know" me...When something is so "you", does it show to others?

I think we've touched on this topic before, but I wondered if you all have any thoughts or observations. It seems to me that when we wear certain items or outfits that make us feel great, we inhabit them so seamlessly and effortlessly that our comfort (physical but mostly emotional) just shines through. It's no coincidence that we usually hear the most compliments on a day when we're wearing something that makes us feel fab.

I find it remarkable that even people who don't know us well can pick up on how something can be so "you." Last spring, I had met a woman at a photography workshop literally 24 hours before she proclaimed that my cobalt blue leather moto jacket was so "me." And darn if she isn't absolutely right. If someone told me to go to my closet and pull out five garments that are so "me" that would be one of them.

It seems to me that this magical "so you" trait usually lies in a combination of factors. In the case of Una's oversized shirtdress, conventional flattery isn't really at play, but it's probably a piece of the puzzle in my jacket (very good color on me, plus the fitted nature and shoulder emphasis bring out the best in my shape). Personality surely plays a part, and the way a garment or shape complements the wearer's shape is also important (which doesn't necessarily mean that it *shows* the wearer's shape).

Over to you. Has any stranger (or near-stranger) ever correctly assessed something as "so you"? How do you think they could tell? Is this idea of a look being "so you" important to you?

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27 replies

Latest reply was from trendin1234

juliamay

I agree that I get the most compliments when I am wearing something that makes me feel fab. Perhaps it is that extra confidence that comes through as you move through your day.

To say an outfit is "you" might just mean that your the energy you are putting out is completely in line with what you are wearing. (That makes me sound kind of goofy, I know.) Have you seen someone wearing something that just didn't jive with their mojo? It's the opposite of that.

Julia in Woodinville

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Hi Julia!

No, that doesn't sound goofy at all. I know what you mean. We carry ourselves differently when we're wearing something that fights with our natural energy. I feel uncomfortable in head-to-toe bright color, so if I were to wear a red top with turquoise pants, I would be so ill-at-ease that I'd probably carry myself in a way that would look like I'm trying to hide. Meanwhile, someone like MsMary would wear that with panache and total comfort!

So, yes, I can point to outfits I've worn that just didn't mesh with my vibe somehow. I'm getting better at figuring out how to make individual pieces that may not seem "me" at first glance work in the context of an outfit that IS "me."

Peri

Veteran

I had an experience like that, with the dress (skirt and tunic) I posted about a few weeks ago. I was asking if it was dated, the consensus was yes, a little.

When it was new I had it on when I stopped at a cosmetics counter. Within about 3 minutes the SA said "I bet you do something in the arts field". She said the dress was so perfect for me and that I looked like an artist. Well, musician, close enough.

So, was that the dress being "so me" that a stranger could tell, or was that the dress making a statement and a stranger making an assumption about me based on the dress? Wearing the dress in a confident, authentic kind of way meant she assumed I was just like the dress. So yes, I guess that if it hadn't been an authentic style for me...if there was any hint that it felt like a costume...she probably wouldn't have jumped to that conclusion.

Aziraphale

Veteran

I don't have a fully-fleshed answer to your question, but I think it has something to do with the fact that you, Janet, have a definite style -- you know, a type of look that you keep coming back to, which, when combined with your face, body and personality, people come to associate with you. So when you wear an item that sort of epitomizes or condenses that style, people see it as "you". And even near-strangers can tell, because it doesn't take long to pick up on a person's unique flavour -- if they have one, because I think a lot of people don't. It's not just how you dress, but how you look and act, that gives you a flavour. I also think there's an element of feeling completely at ease in a garment that is "so you", that perhaps people pick up on. You probably feel totally comfortable in your cobalt jacket, and on top of that, it looks great on you, so that particular item is representative of your total style.

I'm a little fuzzy-headed this morning, so I don't know if that makes sense.

ElleH

Veteran

Janet a moto jacket often comes across as rock n roll & you are a rock chick right? I wonder if that has something to do with it.

Diana

Veteran

Hm, the last thing that I've gotten that comment about has been my British Wedding hat. It *is* very me but I'm not sure how strangers (or very casual acquaintances) would know that. Curious to see what you all think!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I've never had a stranger declare anything is so 'me'. That takes a certain kind of bold stranger for starters lol!
But I do believe the way we hold ourselves and the vibe we give off tells others information about us or how we are feeling.

christy

Veteran

I think it comes down to confidence and attitude. When we are wearing something that feels authentic to who we are I think that comes across in our "energy" for lack of a better word. How we hold ourselves, how we move, how we interact with others that day. For me, when I'm feeling comfortable in the way I look and what I'm wearing that day, I feel like my appearance is something I can forget about. It's not taking up my thoughts so I can focus my attention on the other things/people around me without having a nagging thought in the back of my head that says "do I look ridiculous in this?".

rabbit

Veteran

I've gotten that compliment once or twice from someone who didn't know me when trying on clothes, and given it to others in the same situation. Usually it's because people can read hints as to personality and taste from their hair, makeup, and what they are already wearing, so trying on a new piece that meshes instantly with that is noticeable.

rachylou

Veteran

Hmm. One of my goals is "message consistency," because people are not very good at seeing the *real me.* But you know, I'm a gemini...

I must say, Diana, your British Wedding hat is very you. Or you wear it with panache and easily.

And on that note... I *am* a hat wearer and that's one thing that people accurately identify as a natural for me.

Very interesting!

Gaylene

Veteran

I think Rachylou nailed it with "message consistency". The way you move, speak, and look all seems to have a congruency that others pick up on and use to get a sense of who you are. It's when some things don't fit with others--like a very shy demeanor with a bombshell dress, or a take-charge personality in a little girl dress--that we get confused as to which message we ought to give priority to as we try to figure out our response.

cciele

Veteran

Hm, definitely food for thought. There's something to be said about the energy you project when you wear things that feel like you.

I've never gotten that comment from strangers. Strangers do compliment me on individual pieces of clothing/footwear, but that's because they are unique in some way, and I don't think it has that much to do with the wearer.

I'm very much a dressing for the occasion kind of girl, so I can feel just as comfortable in a retro bombshell dress as in my typical RATE rocker wear. In one case, it's like putting on a costume and acting the part. I believe strangers wouldn't know the difference, but people who do know me would experience cognitive dissonance -- I could be wrong though! Wonder how to test this out...

kkards

Veteran

Interesting topic. I've had people compliment me,but honestly the only time I remember a stranger saying something as so me was when I was wearing something that I didn't really think was me. I think that maybe like rachylou, people aren't really good at seeing the real me or maybe I'm not really good at letting people see the real me.
In the end, I do think it's about consistent messaging,but I also think it's about people's preconceived notions about us

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I've been thinking about this a lot lately so excuse the rambling

I agree with rachylou & Gaylene. It is coherence/consistency that people notice & respond to - what it's made up of is complicated imo. Colours, fit, cut are all part of it; but not all of it. It is a blending or meshing of the personality, body, clothes, hair & accessories in an almost zen way. Even people who don't know you feel they "get" you on some deeper level because you are truly expressing yourself

I've had a few things over the years that have elicited that response - a cream pants suit, a coat that was made for me by a designer & a velvet evening coat. It's funny writing this because they were/are all "my" colours. Currently my SE snakeskin booties get those sorts of comments & people are right they are me.

Great topic & responses - thanks Janet.

fuzzylogic

Veteran

Oh, my- you ladies are so eloquent. I agree, I think there is a palpable harmony that occurs when personality and appearance are coherent. Even more so when there is consistency throughout a wardrobe; not necessarily wearing similar clothes or a set formula all the time but wearing clothes with a recurring theme or nuance (edge, soft, bombshell etc), the implication being that the person knows themself and is comfortable (broad statement and not always true, of course).

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I am sorry to be late to this discussion -- I've been offline most of the weekend but just had to pop in.

I love what Rachy and Julia and Gaylene and Caro said about "message consistency" and coherence with the wearer's being and overall energy. Yet it still remains a mystery how a stranger can sometimes pick up on that!

I'm trying to remember the last time a stranger (other than a new "Fabber") said this to me.

I do remember one time because it struck me so powerfully -- it was when I tried on my Vince Camuto mixed media colourblock military coat at Winners a couple of years ago.

I wasn't in search of a coat. I just happened to see it on the rack and pop it on. I didn't even make it over to the mirror before 2 strangers literally stopped in their tracks to tell me how amazing it looked on me. And while I was at the mirror, two more strangers approached to say the same thing.

That's not quite the same as saying, "It's so you," but the intent was clearly the same. The look on their faces was different from the normal, "Oh, that looks nice," look that people in stores will sometimes give you. And I had to agree with them. They were right. So even though I wasn't in the market for this coat, so to speak -- I bought it. And have truly enjoyed wearing it. It really DOES feel "like me."

In trying to analyze why, it's largely due to the line. It's a very vertical, clean lined coat with sharp tailoring and detail. And it has a high collar. It's not just that this is conventionally flattering on me -- it's that it somehow feels consistent with my own angles. So it's coherent with me.

Lisa

Veteran

This is a great post, I don't have much to add here, but I've often wondered why some items get compliments from strangers while other pieces never do!

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I don't think I have enough of a "style" yet for people to really notice if something is "Me" or not. But I do feel that many here on YLF do have a style that is inherently "them." I guess I'm just not working very hard on a specific style? I mean natural, classic, casual is not exactly a "style" that can be easily discerned is it?

I will say I had a complete stranger compliment me on the top here I wore this weekend. I do really like the top - color, style, comfort - all around. And several other people seemed to take notice of it as I walked down a busy tourist street (that doesn't happen to me all that often but it was obvious they were looking this time). The top is really cute IRL, esp. when semi-tucked worn with my favorite DIY denim shorts, tan belt and tan sandals.

I wore a different outfit not long ago that another stranger complimented me on - it was a digital python print tee worn with the same shorts, a white belt and my white UGG slip ons and off white handbag. But that outfit wasn't one that felt "me" as the python print is actually a bit out of my usual comfort zone and I don't wear it often.

So I guess I'm still working on *my* style...but at least it's improved enough to get a few random compliments ;-).

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bibliotex

I think it's a combination of: (1) fit - perfect fit makes it look "tailor made" for you, (2) flattering colors, and (3) not something so trendy that it seems like you (and everyone else) picked it up last week.

catgirl

Veteran

I find this fascinating because I often dress to match who I am but also to counter what people assume. The incongruity of the physical me and my RATE personality is the ultimate style tension, and I play it up as much as I can. I love that paradox.

Strangers want to dress me in sheath dresses and delicate jewelry, or pretty, fitted tops and skirts. My mom does too!

Thus, people need to know ME as a person to know what is "so me". And somehow you all do.... You can tell me when something is too pretty or delicate or whatever. How do you do that? And i feel the same about so many members here. So, do we feel like if we all met our personalities would be just as we expected?

As I posted on Janet's other thread, I wonder if as little as one element of an item is enough to make it "so you". For me, let's say - Floral sheath dress? Not so much. Leather sheath dress? Yeah...

Thanks for the topic, Janet!

Diana

Veteran

Ha, Una, strangers want to dress me up in bombshell dresses, nipped waists, and things that "play up [my] incredible curves". That's actually a verbatim quote from someone I had just met - I think she thought my Vera Wang dress was not bombshell enough. Ugh.
Perhaps it's telling that the only thing that strangers have told me is "so me" recently is a hat. Haha, so I guess I am incongruous from the neck down only.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Una, maybe people who love fashion see things a little differently? I don't know for sure but I do know that most of the people I know aren't into fashion at all and I've heard that same thing from other YLF members. They (those who aren't into it) often want to give advice on what looks "good" but I find that it's rarely what I want to wear or what I think looks good. My MIL had a spouse at one time who had a great eye for fashion and he actually would choose items for her to gift some of us family members for birthdays or whatever. He was always spot on to me. He was into fashion himself and always dressed very nice.

Anonymous

Hi Janet, I saw this thread when you first posted it, and it has prompted a lot of soul searching over the weekend. First off, I have never had a stranger, other than an SA (puh-lease!) tell me that something is "so you"! But I do agree with most people who think it has something to do with the self-confidence you have when you feel perfectly aligned with the clothes you're wearing.

This brings to mind the recent thread about being psychologically comfortable in our clothes. I have tried to push my fashion boundaries a few times in the last year, and while it was fun to get a K rating from Angie on something, after a few wears I really felt like it was either 1) not me, 2) not my style, or 3) not right for my real life activities. I really loved my black moto jeans with the pleather knees and of course my cheetah Okalas, but in the past year, neither seemed right for the dressy occasions that presented themselves to me: a wedding, a funeral, jury duty, a Christmas party at a nursing home, Easter Sunday or various other church related or civic events. I even felt out of place at the movie premiere that I originally bought them for. The other times I wore them, I felt really daring and a little ill at ease. Perhaps they weren't "so me".

Don't get me wrong, it was really fun going out and buying them. I had all this pent up shopping desire from being sick so long with shingles that I went a little nuts. But now I feel the need to get back on track with a more practical style for Real Life that i can actually wear and feel comfortable in.

Anonymous

This is really interesting - oh my gosh this is worse than Facebook ever was for me! I am having so much fun finally getting to chat about this kind of stuff with others who appreciate it! If could be so bold in saying so - it's pieces like a cobalt blue leather moto, not a plain black run-of-the-mill leather moto, that inspire these kinds of comments. Because the piece is so unique, and you wear it so well and love it yourself, a really strong positive vibe almost challenges someone you may not know to comment. And that can be a good thing! Isn't it fun when that happens? I don't remember anyone ever commenting on a black skirt or white t as being "so you". It's a great reminder to keep a few of those type of pieces in one's wardrobe . You've inspired me to add some colour to my leather jacket collection.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Claire, the "real life" test is the ultimate one, isn't it? If it doesn't pass, then what's the use?

I have had it happen too, that even Angie-approved items don't ultimately pass my test of "will I wear this, and WHERE will I wear this?" A white dress, a metallic & black blazer... Really nice items, but when it came down to it, something about them was not entirely emotionally comfortable to me, so they hung with tags in my closet until I admitted my error and returned them.

Other things I only figured out were mistakes after wearing. Oh well. And some used to feel just fine but now no longer pass muster. Those are some of the kind of items I'm purging now. They fit, they may even flatter, but they don't feel like me, who I am now. It's a little funny to scroll through the photos on my phone -- is that the same woman in the pinstripe blazer and the Phillip Lim vest??

unfrumped

Veteran

What bibliotex said. Fit and ease of movement is important, I think--the classic you're wearing it and it's not wearing you. Effortless regardless of whether is formal or casual--looks effortless on the person who's wearing it, so all kinds of factors come into play, as have been mentioned. And maybe not all shiny new stuff, either, if we're talking about an outfit and not just one item.

trendin1234

I didnt have any experience yet..!!! but by reading these comments i will take care if any of the situation occurs..!!!