How important are clothes, really? - YouLookFab Forum

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How important are clothes, really?

Aziraphale

Veteran

I've been to a number of Christmas parties this year, several of which involved being in a room with a whole lot of people I had never met before. You know what? I did not notice what anyone was wearing. I couldn't tell you a single specific thing about anyone's attire, although I did get the impression that certain people I met looked....I don't know. Hip? Cool? Something like that. Anyway, considering how much I enjoy fashion, this seems weird. I can think of three possible explanations:

1. I was riveted by the conversation, or else just really working hard at thinking of things to ask people so as to get them to talk about themselves.

2. I was paying close attention to new faces, so that I might have a hope of remembering them later on (my cerebral facial recognition software is defective, I can't help it).

3. Clothes matter less than I think.

What I did notice (other than whether or not anything interesting came out of a person's mouth): eyes, teeth, lips, haircut. Angie talks about how the right glasses and a good haircut are so important to looking stylish. My Christmas party realization -- that the bulk of my assessment of a person's physical appearance is centered on the face -- seems to bear this out. Clothes must contribute to the impression, because they help convey a sense of stylishness which I was certainly picking up, but since I can't remember any of the sartorial details, I wonder if it's just that I'm unobservant, or if it's that they are less important than the stuff going on from the neck up.

Dressing

43 replies

Latest reply was from Echo

RoseandJoan

Veteran

They are great observations Elisabeth. I think for even the extroverts amongst us a party with strangers takes a lot of evaluation and heightened levels of awareness from the ol' grey matter. Although I would find this situation enjoyable my adrenaline would also be coursing which could account for the change in focus i.e.when the brain is decoding so much new information there is less time to take in the details.

Yesterday I attended a casual house party with friends, I knew the house and was very comfortable with the people. In this instance I noticed the details from most outfits and was particularly struck by the return of the denim mini.

However, I am also from the camp that believes fashion and style to be hugely enjoyable but in the scheme of things not greatly important (Angie, you know when I say this I mean no disrespect to your profession).

Deborah

Veteran

I'm not sure how to reply except to say that we all respond to different things in different situations. I tend to be very visual and I would say I always notice people's clothing. I think in social situations like a party of strangers it is kind of how I might "get my bearings". I might also use it as a way to start a conversation with someone I have just met, ie compliment someone's outfit, shoes etc which hopefully leads to other topics of conversation. Once I am in conversation though, like you I would say the focus is on the face, speech, expressions, hair etc.

jenanded

Veteran

Elisabeth, this is a really interesting insight. I loved that comment Bill Cunningham made as well that our clothes are the armour we put on to go into our day so guess there is the personal element of clothes of how WE feel

Anonymous

I personally think they are very important. They are the visual communicator of who you tell the world you are.

Anonymous

Elisabeth, I've had the same experience. And when I left I thought maybe I shouldn't stress out so much about what I wear or if I wore the same thing the last time I saw that group of people. If I don't notice what they're wearing, perhaps they don't pay my outfit any attention either.

For some reason, I'm much more likely to scope out other people's outfits when I'm out at the grocery store, sitting in a coffee shop or standing in a long line somewhere. Maybe the difference is that I'm not engaging directly with strangers, so I peruse their outfits instead.

Anonymous

I would burn everything I own right now Elizabeth, for reasons I don't even want to go into right now. Let's say I have been proclaimed a wasteful individual, in spite of being a very mindful and careful shopper and financially savvy... not cool at all....
So yes, if you ask me today, clothes are not important, at all.

Mochi

Veteran

Good points, Claire. When you know someone or even briefly interact with them, their appearance is mitigated by these other values. Their clothes don't matter as much. Their shoes don't matter as much. Their haircuts don't matter as much. Or at least are tempered by the richer levels of knowledge of that person.

It's kind of weird because for many years I fought with myself against the concept that dressing well was in any way better. I mean, I thought of it as a waste, snobby, etc. And part of me is still capable of connecting to that. And I know amazing people who don't put effort into their outward looks.

Jewell

Veteran

Interesting observations! It's puzzling because I can recall situations like the one you described, after which I remembered hardly any details about what anyone wore- except maybe for dramatic pieces worn by friends or relatives. Still, I know that clothes are important because I can name the ten best and worst dressed people at my workplace off the top of my head. This can only be possible if I've been paying some amount of attention (subconsciously perhaps) to what my coworkers wear. Maybe it's not the individual pieces that I notice but the overall image they present (sloppy, frumpy, polished, elegant, etc).

Mamapicklejuice

Veteran

Well, how I dress affects my confidence level. So if I were dressed well for the occasion, I would be more outgoing, more engaging, more confident. You might not remember what I wore, but you'd remember my smiles and laughter.

So yes, I think clothes do matter, even if you don't consciously remember them.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Great observations, Elisabeth! OF COURSE, in the big scheme of things, it's what's inside that counts

As Jules said, fashion and style is about fun - and covering your body - and keeping it warm. There is a practical side to all of this :).

As someone who does NOT think that aesthetics are trivial, how things are presented, and that includes the way we dress, is of great importance. I feel that way about everything in life - the way a package is presented, the way a house is decorated, the way food is served on a plate, the way a restaurant is lit, the way a garden is trimmed, the way I have organized my desk, the ornaments on the table, the books in the bookshelf. My enjoyment in life is increased when I am surrounded by aesthetically pleasing presentations. I am wired that way - so presentation makes a great difference to me.

For example: We went to a fancy restaurant a few years ago and our table was well turned out. Many of the other guests were wearing sneakers and polar fleece. It absolutely took away from my experience of the evening because I do not find gear aesthetically inspiring.

That said, I am enormously captivated by a person's smile and that includes "smiling eyes". THAT influences me greatly in a positive manner and becomes part of the aesthetic.

I also eat, sleep, drink, the fashion industry - I have been in it for 20 years. I have a huge appreciation for how all its wheels turn. That in itself is a hobby and fascination.

And there's the whole psychology behind how clothes make the wearer feel, which in turns effects the way they behave.....

Amy

(website)

Veteran

I think we all focus on different things at different times depending upon circumstances. Like you said, you were more focused on getting to know and remember new people and enjoying conversation. That's wonderful.

For me, how I look is more important to me than how other people might think I look. When I feel good about my appearance, I can charge into a group of strangers and interact with them confidently and enjoy my time there. Alternatively, when my clothes are uncomfortable or I feel blue about my appearance, I'm more likely to hang back in that sort of situation and tend to not enjoy my time there.

Jules

Veteran

I agree with Mamapicklejuice - I need decent clothes to feel confident. I feel that people react to me differently when I am poorly dressed and this does affect my daily interaction with the world and therefore my mood. I feel that I *need* to present myself well to get along in the world without being miserable, and enjoying fashion and style actually came after.
But, I have noticed that some people don't need the boost style can provide. Through force of personality or confidence, I'm not sure, but they can dress dumpy without *being* dumpy. So I don't think clothes matter for everyone. It was actually a tough process for me to admit/realize that they matter for *me*, as I age and can rely less on youth, beauty and rebellion, I guess.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I relate to what Angie said -- clothes matter because they are functional...we NEED them to protect us from the elements! And they matter because they are fun. And most of all, they matter because beauty matters. A world in which no one made efforts to create aesthetic pleasure would be a very barren world, to me.

In a busy room of strangers I might be a bit too overwhelmed to take in all the details of each person's outfit, but at the same time, like Deb I would probably notice something in at least one person's outfit, and like her I often start conversations with strangers or friends by complimenting something I like in an outfit.

ETA: Having said all that, I don't judge those who feel differently and who don't put emphasis on their attire. Like Angie, I feel sad and disappointed if I go to a fancy place and everyone is dressed super-casually -- but at the same time, if I started talking with one of those people and liked him or her, I wouldn't think twice about the clothing. People's priorities differ. And even among those who put value on the aesthetic, people's sense of what is beautiful or fashionable differs -- and that is okay.

Ginkgo

Veteran

I'm with MPJ that our clothes affect our own confidence and ease. At the first party I attended after joining YLF, I was so relieved (and happy) to see that I was dressed appropriately in regards to the other guests. I am an introvert and I don't need to be stressing quietly to myself that I look like a fool! Here I'm remembering the party that I thought was a picnic/hiking group in the county park that turned out to be in the posh building at the county park with chamber music quartet and catered...

True that in situations like exercise class or book clubs I don't really remember what anyone else wore so do not worry that they're taking notes on my appearance.

Gaylene

Veteran

I don't think "fashion" plays a very big role in my perceptions of others. I will notice if people look badly groomed or are inappropriately dressed for the setting. Occasionally the aesthetic beauty of an item, or outfit, might grab my eye, or I might notice how something the person is wearing really suits them, but I can't remember ever thinking "oh, she is a wearing such and such a piece from this designer".

To be totally honest, many of the outfits on fashion blogs inspire a negative, rather than positive, reaction in me. Instead thinking the person looks interesting, to my eye, it seems like the person disappears by letting her clothes do all the "talking". I'm also a bit dubious when I see someone who "overdresses" for her surroundings. I'm more likely to take a tolerant view of someone who is underdressed because I know that not everyone takes an interest in what they are wearing--for some people clothing is just something to cover their bodies. People who overdress, however, have usually made a conscious decision to do so--a political statement, of sorts. Depending on the context, I find that attitude can be admirable in some situations, but ill-mannered, and, occasionally laughable, in other situations.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Gaylene, if fashion blog outfits often inspire you negatively - why do you browse through them? Or do you not browse through them and I have the wrong impression. I'm curious :). And FWIW, overdressing is merely another form of self expression - as is underdressing. It seems fair to judge them equally. No?

High five, Suz! I echo your thoughts. Some of my very favourite people in the world dress less than stylishly. It's just not their thing *at all* - and we all live in peace and love each other. No judgements either way. It's as important not to judge someone who loves fashion and style if it's their thing. Life is about enjoyment, and if being fashionable and stylish makes you or them happy. Why not!

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I think grooming is at the top of the list - but clothing is still important. Especially fit, function and color. It doesn't have to be expensive or trendy but I think it needs to meet the needs of the person wearing it. And some of us just seem to "need" more style than others to feel good.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Aaaaa! I think I gave the wrong impression with the title of this post. My apologies. I wrote this late last night.

I did not intend to criticize anyone for their interest in fashion. I love fashion myself! And I derive great pleasure from aesthetics, too -- I'm talking clothing fashions as well as architecture, home decor and beauty in the natural world.

So. The reason I wrote this post was that I was struck by the fact that, when in a social situation that demanded mental effort, I actually noticed very little about anybody from the neck down. The reason it struck me as odd was that in general I do like to look at, talk about, and experiment with clothing. I mean, you'd think I'd at least NOTICE a few items of clothing on others. But I didn't.

What I did notice was the overall effect, though. I was aware that some people looked more stylish than others, and you can pick that up without remembering any specifics. Clothes help contribute to the vibe a person gives.

You know when I DO pay attention to what people are wearing? When I'm doing nothing else. The other day I was fifteen minutes early and while I waited at the skytrain station for my husband, I watched passengers go in and out through the turnstiles. I had all kinds of fun observing their attire, and guessing where they were going to/coming from.

I guess all this says more about my inability to multitask than anything, lol.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I have to run, but really wanted to chime in to say that you are a cutie, Elisabeth. I like your musings. They are forthright but always respectiful - not easy to accomplish

JuneBug

Veteran

I am of the view that what one wears is as important as the impression they want the world to have of them. When you are introduced to a new person, the clothes they wear leave as much of an impression on you of them- speak to you about the person, so to say, as much as the person would or wouldn't say about themselves. While remembering each and every piece worn would be farfetched in a room full of people, you could get a fairly decent idea of a person by the way they dress.

Jules

Veteran

I think your meaning was clear Elisabeth, no worries
Total aside: I hate it when I judge someone's clothes, but sometimes I do, making myself cringe. It's almost always because they look like I might have were I not making more effort. Most recently a mom at a kids' birthday party, wearing a sweater I owned but purged some time ago, and other ill-fitting clothes, long hair with no style to it, etc... It just hit WAY too close too home and made me uncomfortable! All my problem and all in my head of course! I felt awful.

Gaylene

Veteran

Actually, Angie, yours is the only fashion blog that I read, probably because I admire your style so much. You also have a knack for explaining your thought processes so well that you completely changed my mind about fashion blogging. It's probably my age, but most other fashion blogs, even those aimed at the older woman, just don't hold any appeal. That's probably why my family are so amused at my participation in this site.

My objection to overdressing is that it is, to my mind, the same as underdressing. Both are situationally at odds with their surroundings. To me, appropriate dressing is a melding of personal expression with a recognition of the situation--the people, place, and occasion. Ignoring the situational aspect, when done deliberately, sends a powerful message that makes wonder about the person's attitude and feelings towards the event and the people who are there.

And, Elizabeth, sorry for the highjack, but I wanted to answer Angie's questions. And to get back to your original intent, I, too, can't remember what people wore if I'm engaged in the event. It's only when I'm an observer on the sidelines, or if I'm feeling ill at ease myself, that I notice what others are wearing.

morethanbeige

Veteran

Great thoughts. I also love beauty in my life in general. And I find that the more I focus on it, the richer my life becomes. (Something about what you focus on grows?)

I was also at a party where I knew few people. My husband had "obligations" to speak with colleagues and they even discussed some business. So, when he was doing this, I had the chance to "people-watch" and I found the fashion so fascinating. When I was "engaged" I had the experience much like you in that I was more focused on the face.

Fashion, for me, like others have mentioned, has so much to do with my sense of self, my confidence, my willingness to put myself out there, and to be me. And it has changed my life in so many ways, that it is so much more than fashion.

My hubs is not in to fashion for himself. He loves it that I am. And often we show up at a place dressed very differently. I love that we can each do our thing.

Diana

Veteran

This is an interesting observation, as I would say that I'm the opposite. I always notice what people are wearing, to the point where sometimes it distracts from actually tremembering faces or personal details. It probably has something to do with my general social awkwardness.

Clothes are also important for me in these situations because they lend me social confidence that I don't normally have.

Isabel

Veteran

I find that being someplace where I have to interact with people to not be as conducive for "people" watching.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Junebug, I agree with what you say -- I've always thought clothes gives us important clues about a person -- but I was still surprised to realize, in retrospect, that I couldn't remember what anyone was wearing at those parties. I did remember hairstyles, glasses and faces, though, and whether or not a person looked hip (for lack of a better word). Just no below-the-neck details. So clothes obviously matter to some degree, just perhaps not as much as I thought. I think, in a situation where I'm engaged socially, a person would have to be wearing something really LOUD, or else just plain inappropriate, for me to notice. For example, I'm sure I'd have remembered if someone had showed up in their pajamas.

Actually, one guy was wearing a Santa Claus hat. I did remember that.

Gaylene, no worries, it wasn't really a hijack anyway. Interesting that you say you notice other people's clothing when you're feeling ill at ease with yourself. Perhaps we are more judgmental when we're feeling a little underconfident? And more magnanimous when we're feeling on top of the world?

Diana, More than beige, MPJ, feeling good in my clothes gives me extra confidence, too.

Jules, I totally judge other people more harshly on flaws that remind me of my own! I try not to, but it's true. What you say resonated with me.

Angie, aw thanks, what a sweet thing to say.

Jewell, it's true, we ARE aware of how people dress, and I think we do judge them on it. But for me at least, it's perhaps not as focused as I thought. I get the general picture, but don't really notice the details, unless I'm literally doing nothing else but people watching. But for the person getting dressed, the details must be important, because you can't generate a general aura of stylishness without getting the details right.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Thanks for chiming in again, Gaylene. I am truly humbled at a very unexpected response! I am smiling at your family's amusement while giving you a virtual hug :). THANK YOU. I like your take on over and under dressing - the appropriate and inappropriateness of both given the context. I wish people who overdress weren't judged as harshly though. You don't seem to get a wrap over the knuckles when you under dress - at least not in the US.

Elisabeth, like Diana, I notice people's styles as much as what they are saying. The two are intertwined and part of the same presentation. Life is a stage

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Actually Gaylene to borrow an analogy from modern art. Do you prefer Malevich's White on White?

http://www.moma.org/collection.....t_id=80385

To the exuberant Kadinsky's Small Pleasures?

http://www.guggenheim.org/new-.....#038;cr=12

Because frankly I think life would be boring if everyone dressed as a Malevich. Because like art I think there is room for all styles.
Back to Elizabeth's point I do notice what people are wearing.

Niefern

I have read that research in behavioral science has found that first impressions are quite strong, may last for 5 years and they take place on a subconscious level. So even if you were not aware of details of peoples' clothing, you probably got a good general idea of the group and of the individual people, even if you can't recall any specifics.

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